The Story of Me

One of the things that an adoptive parent reads about in adoption books is about when your child comes to a certain point in school where assignments may be given such as family trees, family history or tracing the child's development from birth.  For many adoptive kids...it's not possible to fill in the same "brackets" due to lack of knowledge concerning their background.

Let me start by saying I'm so grateful that our first experience into this area is with a Lucas' teacher and our friend, Lynn.  Lynn has been with us every step of the journey, she advocated for the boys before we knew them. 

Lucas' class is participating in a speech contest.  Everyone does a 3-5 minute speech, subject this year is, "someone who has overcome obstacles."  After a lot of debate on the adult side of things, taking into consideration his language development and understanding of the process itself, he decided he would talk about his life as an orphan, adoptive son and a student learning a new culture and language.  Did I mention it's 3-5 minutes, I can't tell his story that fast.

So we are traveling down memory lane, reestablishing old knowledge and feelings, clarifying a lot from what his perception was to the facts.  The remarkable thing in talking with him is that he truly doesn't see what an overwhelming path he has traveled.  The bits and pieces of struggles, yes, but not the whole picture.  That not everyone has had to struggle as much and fought as hard as he has to be where he is now.  Things that you or I may view as difficult he just accepts as a normal part of his life.

I can't wait to see and hear the end product of this assignment.  We are all learning a lot, school doesn't always just educate the student but those that are touched by that student.

Our Newest Activist

Late last fall I wrote of an incident at a local Walmart where we had an "encounter" with a Walmart employee that had an issue with Lucas and Eli.  To bring you up to speed we initially thought it was because she saw 2 preteen boys, she quickly shed light that it wasn't just boys but racially different boys from her preferred customers.  It was ugly, we took care of it and received appropriate apologies.

It's one of those learning experiences that the boys ....and us really took to heart.  Yesterday after a trip into the city, where diversity is much more the norm, Lucas brought up the Walmart issue.  We rehashed it, talked about what to do, what not to do and safety.

At the end of the discussion, Eli decided to bestow his thoughts,  "Well I don't care.  It's not right! It's just not good and not right and it shouldn't be that way.  I don't treat them bad.  They are wrong! They should know that's wrong, I'll tell them."  I'm sure he will as the entire restaurant we were in now knows his stand on the subject.

Last Female Standing

Last night during the Super Bowl football game, as I sat in the upstairs living room, enjoying a mushy movie, by myself, I had the epiphany that I am the only female left in the house on a regular basis and the only sane person of either gender.

How did I come to this wonderful realization?  Let me tell you.  It was as I turned up the volume on my movie for the fifth time and realized it was over 1/2 way to the max.  No I'm not that deaf.  The volume of cheering, screaming, shouting and grunts coming from the family room which was taken over by the majority, male population of our house, was responsible for my shutting off my movie, grabbing a book and shutting myself in the bedroom.

I may be the only female left standing in our house right now but I'm also the only person not seriously depressed today because their team lost.

I Think They Missed Someone

This seems to be another one of those busy times of year (aren't they all).  Rachel and Sydney are in the final semester of college for this year, they are coming and going, sometimes they won't be home for 3 weeks at a time.  They'd probably prefer longer stretches but mom can't handle it.

I know a couple of other, less noticeable people who have a problem with not seeing their sisters, that would be the two Filipino brothers in the family.  It is an amazing phenomenon.  Neither group seems to pay too much attention to the other (that's just not cool) but as a parent if you stand back and watch you can catch all kinds of  "I've missed you but I won't let you or anyone else know", cues. 

From the spontaneous rough housing, to room invasions or the Star Wars saber fight that went on shortly before Sydney headed back to school this afternoon.  The boys hate trying to talk to people on the phone and they are just getting the hang of pestering their sisters by text and Face Time...Alison wisely hasn't purchased an IPhone so she is saved from this face to face brotherly invasion.

So in between visits Mike and I hear, Where is Rachel, what is Syd doing, is Alison at home, are they coming home, when, when, when.  Even if it is "uncool" to admit to your sisters that they miss them, Lucas and Eli sure drop a lot of clues.

My Heart Breaks

Kids have a way of turning your heart inside out and with no warning that this vital organ is about to be shredded.  I was texting with his teacher, who happens to be a friend, on a totally unrelated subject and she mentioned Lucas shut down on her at a school assembly for the Red Cross, she thought it odd as he would pretty much jump through hoops for her.

At supper, he talked about the Red Cross and all that it does for people.  I asked if there was something bothering him during the assembly and he nodded.  I asked if he was mad at someone or why was it he didn't want to talk to his teacher.  He said,  "I was scared."  Hmmm.

I was thinking noise, crowd, different space, what?  You know the million things that you think before you remember to ask.  He said he thought it was the bad people.  What?

A year or so ago we had to have a talk about Neo-Nazi's and swastikas.   It was in relationship to things happening somewhat close to us and we felt they needed to be aware of their surroundings.  At this particular assembly they didn't have the actual Red Cross symbol, just said they were members from the Red Cross.  Digging further into this with Lucas he said he was afraid they might be the "bad sign" people or they could be part of a group in the Philippines that the students were warned about that were driving a big truck with a red cross on it and grabbing kids.  They taught the kids how to fight back.  Urggh!

The poor kid combined all of that and had a panic attack.  So after a lot of talking, drawing the different symbols and his wanting us to call the teacher to let her know he wasn't mad at her, I think he's doing okay...my heart probably won't be the same.  It's easy to go from day to day here and let the past slide away....for us...for Lucas and Eli that past is still very much a piece of them, the good and the bad.  Makes a mom want to do serious damage to the (insert your choice of words, I have a lot) people who make a child's life scary and leave behind scars that no one should have to face.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Recently we learned that the wonderful teacher who has been utilized for the boys' ELL education will be retiring at the end of the school year.  Congratulations go out to a wonderful educator who could have road out her last couple years without taking on and surpassing the challenges of English Language Learners, especially two boys speaking a language that the school district had never heard about prior to Lucas and Eli entering school.

We were so fortunate to bring the boys into our school district with seasoned and willing professionals....who probably freaked at least a little when they learned the extent of our need.  I did.  But they did and never made us or the boys feel like it's been a chore.

Our principal is also retiring and the first teacher Lucas had in school and the second teacher Eli had.  OUCH!  I know this is wonderful for each of these teachers and administrator but did I mention....OUCH!  The boys are so attached and used to the support of these people who have offered the first acceptance, patience and skills that Luke and Eli have had in a school.  They've offered Mike and I the knowledge that we have people at school who are working hard to make it the best place for the boys to learn and the comfort to know they cared.  Theirs are the faces that have been consistent through these last 3 years.

There are many still in place at school, who have provided and continue to lead the boys into new worlds in education.  It's sad to see part of the team that's been in place from the start go their separate ways.  We wish them well and send them off with our indescribable gratitude and a sincere desire for them to know that while they made a difference to hundreds over the years, there are two boys that will remember them and their devotion and are well on their way to reaching their potentials because of the hard work and dedication these individuals put into their lives.

To Leah, Irene and Jim we say thank you and enjoy that retirement.  You've been amazing!

We Survived The Festivities....Barely

The birthday party week-end has come to a close.  Outside of the friend that had to go home due to illness, I believe they all survived....the jury is out for Mike and I.  I must confess, Mike took today off from work so I was oh so gratefully able to go to sleep by midnight while he contained the sugared up, ravenous crowd in the family room.

I think you can see from the pics that they were having fun...these were pre-sugar load.  Two trips in to the gymnasium of our church for a couple games of basketball helped run it off. 

My one surprise that I probably was not expecting?  I went into the family room to get a movie started and sleeping bags put out.  I walked in to the movie already on and the lights out (it's oh so much more scary that way :)  The only light source beside the tv?  A remote control car with light up wheels dangling from the ceiling beam of the family room.  Maybe that was their concession to not really wanting it quite so dark.

This last shot is his last gift opened.  He was so convinced he wasn't going to receive an IPod.  I've never seen him so thrilled.



We Lost One

Even though this is Sunday night, our kids don't have school tomorrow due to teacher in service meetings.  I do have school because I work in a different district.  For some reason (insanity) I thought sure let's have Lucas' birthday sleep over tonight....I mentioned the insanity right?

He invited 6 friends then with Eli and him that made and even 8...until one of the friends got sick 30 minutes after arriving.  Poor kid, I felt so bad for him.  He'd only been here one time before and really doesn't know me all that well.  I turned around and there he stood, definitely not looking well.  He was a trooper and held it together until his dad arrived.

As a kid I still remember this happening to me.  You so badly want to stay and not be the "one" that left but man are you ever glad to see your mom or dad.  Hope he's better in the morning...hope we don't lose any more.  From the sounds of play in the basement they are going strong.

Son. I Just Trashed Your New IPod

Yep.  I did that.  Approximately 12 hours after he received his much requested birthday present.  His lesson?  Never let mom touch anything electronic.  My lesson?  Understand what something means BEFORE pressing update. 

I'm even more appreciative of Lucas' patience, he didn't scream, pout or get mad.  Unfortunately it was worse.  He looked at me shook his head, patted my shoulder and said, "It's ok Mom you just don't know."  Ouch! 

No I didn't know much about the IPod Touch....I do now...2 hours later, reading how to reset and reloading everything I won't be making the same mistake again and Lucas won't make the mistake of letting me touch the thing.  Overall it was a great learning moment for both of us.

Celebrating A Son's Milestone and Thanking His Birth Family

I told you that I was having a little trouble posting about this particular milestone in Lucas' life....his 13th birthday!  No one could anticipate, plan or celebrate a birthday more than he does.  Finally becoming a teenager...a goal that he's had since we met him at 9 years old....it's a big deal.  Really BIG!

As we all celebrate with him, I also am reminded that he has had an entire Filipino family who has not been able to celebrate the last decade of his life.  To track Lucas (and Eli's) life from it's start on a small island off Mindanao, to the orphanage in Zamboanga, to a Manila foster home to their home here with us, to our adoption agency staff, to our friends and community, it absolutely blows my mind to realize all that had to happen for us to become their parents.  How many people struggled, agonized, worked and loved these two guys in order to give them a different life, they  are forever a part of our lives.  Some we know, some we will never be able to name, all have touched their lives immeasurably.

I'm especially drawn to thoughts of the boys' biological mother.  Most adoptive parents wonder...a lot...I think.  Does she remember the date, does she remember the 3 year old that is turning 13 today?  I think about their uncle who may have tried but was unable to care for them, the workers at RSCC-Zamboanga who documented their arrival and were the ones to give us the earliest record of their experiences.  I wonder if the care givers at RSCC who saw the boys celebrate 5 years of milestones ever remember.  I wonder if the social worker who helped them transition to the Manila foster home remembers or their foster lola...they remember her always.  I wonder.  A lot.

Realistically I know that not all of these people remember.  So we will choose to remember and honor them for whatever part they played in bringing the boys home to us.    I will choose to say a thank you to their mother who chose to make an impossible decision.  I will say a prayer that her heart is comforted especially on tough days when she remembers.

Although the pictures and scenarios we've pieced together may not always be the most accurate, I do know for sure that on this day...his 13th birthday....we have a son who is compassionate, opinionated, funny, handsome, smart, and aggravating at times.  We have a son we love and wish he experiences the most wonderful things in life.  We celebrate not only his 13th Birthday but all those struggles, love and work that allow us to do so.

Still Pondering a Post

Can you tell I've been procrastinating writing a post?  If I skip a day it's usually one of two things...I've run out of time during the day or I'm contemplating, writing, erasing and pondering a post that's important to me.  I want to say something but I need to say it the best way I can.

That's what I'm doing this evening.  I've almost got it worked out in my head and know that I will post tomorrow.  It's a big day tomorrow.  Bigger to our family here and over there then maybe some of you out there.  I just never know who may pick this blog out of cyberspace and possibly pass a word along to special people a world away.

So until tomorrow and all the right words (or as near as I have them) are in place please stop back and be a part of a wonderful life that brings a lot of people joy.....and a bit of frustration at times.

From the Archives

Today I was fishing around through old articles, documents and posts.  I stumbled across this article from the Holt Blog on the Philippines that I wrote a little over a year ago (2011) as an update on Lucas and Eli.  I don't think I put the article on the blog but as I print this out in book form every year for the boys to keep I thought it was worth the post.  The pictures aren't the same ones from the article but as those are archived on a different computer I put a few substitutes in.

Lucas (Lowie) and Eli's (Towie) referral photo

First featured in Holt International magazine: Winter Issue, 2009

Names Today: Lucas and Eli

Two years ago this month, our family started a journey with Holt to bring our sons home from the Philippines. Our boys actually joined the Holt family months earlier when they were featured in the Waiting Child section of Holt International magazine.

As we look back at that first picture of two little guys holding on to one another, it is amazing to see our growing sons who have grafted into our family so strongly. The physical changes as well as the emotional growth have been monumental.

Anticipating and preparing for older child adoption was a crash course in examining our parenting skills and views on many fronts — discipline, cultural education, family concerns, and even our ages. We have three biological daughters — Alison, 26, Rachel, 21, and Sydney 18 — so the decision to adopt two older boys was definitely a family decision.

When preparing for adoption, one of the many things an adoptive parent learns is that the story of your adoptive child is theirs to share when they are ready. In the case of our sons, Lucas and Eli, they chose early on to embrace their lives in the Philippines and share almost everything with those who were interested. They also gave us permission to share about our experience with prospective adoptive families.
Eli and Lucas were 8 and 9 years old when we traveled to Manila to bring them home, having spent five years in an orphanage on Mindanao in the Philippines. They spoke a few words of English, but primarily spoke in Visayan and Tagalog. Within six to eight weeks, they had a very practical grasp of English. As English Language Learning (ELL) students, they continue to delve deeper into more complex words and sentence structures. Academic language comes at a slower rate for most ELL students, but Lucas and Eli are gaining in this area as well.



My boys are now in 3rd and 4th grade. They love playing on the school basketball team and also play summer baseball, Lucas as pitcher and Eli in centerfield.

Learning to be a part of a family is an ever-changing process. Suddenly, Lucas was no longer the oldest, and Eli remains the youngest – much to his dismay. They have both learned what it means to have older sisters. Barring the usual sibling issues, all five of our kids have cemented a relationship with one another that is as fun to watch as it is amazing.

From meeting two fragile and scared orphaned brothers on a hot day in Manila to raising two increasingly independent and confident sons, we are so very grateful for the opportunity to love and live life with our family.

We asked the boys: If you could tell people something about adoption what would you say?

Lucas wants people to know that he still remembers the Philippines and the people he knows there. He also wants people to know that he likes living with his family and his new friends…oh, and baseball is great! Eli, who has turned into our philosopher, says: “I just know that I have a family that I never had, and you take care of me. I like my friends and school. I am smart and I am happy. I have a home.”

Lowie and Towie with their family



Things You Won't Believe

We are traveling down memory lane with Lucas.  A lot of discussion centering around the Philippines.  He very much wants to look for a friend of his that was adopted into an American family so we have had several days of talking about their time together.

Some people ask if we think their memories are accurate.  For the most part I believe so, they are consistent over time, they don't vary and both boys share the same stories at different times. 

To our American sensibilities and standards a lot of the situations they relate are slightly shocking.  We have learned that we need to broaden our horizons...we try...until we have to explain that a particular activity is not safe or how we deal with things here....in a family....in America and then try and bridge the gap of why it was ok, or not, in the Philippines and why we believe as parents they should do something differently now.  It's a delicate line of not pointing fingers or making generalizations about situations we are piecing together.  Not an exact science by any means.

After a whole meal of stories about walking to church, home from school, playing with friends, guards, guns and theft, Mike said to Lucas, "Wow, I'm always shocked at the things you remember and talk about."  Lucas' reply?  "Dad.  If you ever go back to the Philippines with me sometime I could show you things that would really shock you."   I just bet he could.

Pop Tart Conspiracy

Lucas spent a good deal of Sunday morning and early afternoon trying to solve a conspiracy....of the missing pop tart.   Lucas does not usually eat breakfast during the week.  Week-ends are another matter.  I broke down during my grocery shopping on Saturday and bought the guys the cardboard flavored, dry as dirt, much beloved poptarts.  You would have thought I'd brought a puppy home.

Lucas is not to take food to his room, he's a pack rat and still occasionally stock piles food in his room.  This time he wasn't as stealthy or as watchful as normal.  First mistake, I saw him head downstairs with the poptart.  Second mistake, laying the prized food item down in his room, third judgemental error....he couldn't find it later, although he wasn't too concerned until I intercepted his second attempt to get a replacement from the kitchen.  Thus began the hunt.  It began with having to admit he did take the first one to his room and then tried to take a second....ouch.

Finally, after searching off and on for quite some time, he finds the wrapper (in his room).  Freaked him out because he knew he hadn't ate it.  Eli doesn't like them so he couldn't even accuse him.  Luke even questioned whether Sydney ate it.  In the end he found the culprite....his dad...no sign of remorse was seen from good old dad.  Simply stated, you leave food in places it doesn't belong, it's going to find a new home.....I think Mike may have to learn to like Pop Tarts better or at least tell me what flavor to buy because I'm pretty sure the conspiracy will continue.

Personalized Birthday Shopping By Eli

Birthday shopping for Lucas took precedence this week-end. Eli hates shopping of any kind.  I asked him if he had any ideas of a gift he'd like me to pick up for him to give Lucas....not stupid on my part, much easier than dragging him through the stores.

As he shoveled his 2nd breakfast down (for some reason the week-end requires 2 servings of breakfast) he stopped mid bite and said, "Well you can buy him (insert particular video game - as Lucas reads this I'm not giving him any breaks)."  This particular gift idea was not really original as it is the game Eli has been asking for this past month. 

When I called him on it, his smiley face said, "I KNOW RIGHT?  This way he gets a gift and I get to play it and then we both have something."  His method of personalized giving is so warped but well thought out.  Guess what item was not purchased?

How Did You Live Before Us?

As a kid, life is all about you.  Nothing happened before you arrived on Earth and everything has revolved around you since your arrival.  It's basic KID Mentality 101.  Lucas and Eli are firm subscribers to this philosophy and do everything within their abilities to ensure it lives on.

This morning, Eli was "taking care of me".  He was instructing me on his schedule, his doctor appointment, what time to arrive to pick him up from school for the doctor's appointment, his practice schedule, what time I needed to leave the house to ensure he is on time and then we moved on to Valentine's party, class achievement celebration and what he needs to bring to each.

Apparently, around the 40th item on his list of things to boss me about, I must have developed a certain "mom look" that either said you've crossed a line or a dazed expression communicating my total lack of understanding.  He stopped mid-sentence and said, "How did you EVER know what to do before I got here?"  I don't know perhaps your older sisters told me or here's a thought......I'm an adult, an organized, slightly OCD parent who is totally functional on day to day matters.  

Let Us Talk War

It's always interesting to hear what the boys tell us about their school day.  The standard question of "what happened at school today?"  can result in a multitude of answers, from a multitude of areas, from "nothing" to the more complex, fast paced description that requires repetition to understand it all.

Occupying most of Lucas school information for the past few days, has been war.  Somewhere amongst the questions and descriptions I thought he was talking about the American Civil War.  I'm sure he mentioned slavery and Abraham Lincoln but last night I received info from his teacher that they were actually talking about the Revolutionary War.

This morning I asked whether he had more information about the war.  His response, "I don't get it.  America has too many big words in their wars!  Mom.  It's a fight, you fight not talk!"  Ouch.  Maybe that is some politician's views too.

What Were You Thinking

After Rachel's photo and video discovery from the last posting, I think the boys have watched and studied the video and pictures a dozen times.  As I said last time, Eli is convinced I had Lucas in a headlock and Lucas (and us) are amazed at how tiny they were.  At the time we registered all this but seeing it with time and distance really is an eye opener.

Mike asked Lucas this morning what were you thinking when we were walking in the airport to meet everyone.  He stopped for a second (thought he'd say scared, worried) his answer?  "Man was I tired!"  And they were.

At the time we were aware of the stress, trauma and anxiety we were all under, not to the degree that the boys were experiencing.  At the time I thought we were doing well, looking at these pictures...not so much.  Time and distance allow for a whole new level of clarity.

Now as a side note...I thought I looked remarkably alert...I was not.  The prevailing thought running through my head after 3 plane rides and 18+hours of travel?  I had to stay awake until I made it to the car, I needed to make sure to put one foot in front of the other.   I'm not sure I strung 3 coherent words together.  So grateful for the welcome home crowd and our friend who drove us home as I'm not sure we would have found our way.

Stressed and Exhausted

Growing Up Way Too Fast

                                         

Lost Treasures

This afternoon I had a wonderful surprise via Facebook from our daughter, Rachel.  In the midst of her "oh no I start back to classes tomorrow" cleaning extravaganza she uncovered her old camera.  She hasn't been able to use this camera for several years due to a missing cord...the cord which was unearthed today. 

After charging she discovered a wonderful treasure from 3 years ago.  It was many pictures and a video of our arrival back in Omaha from the Philippines with Lucas and Eli.  The video is a little shaky but amazing to see...just what everyone wants to view someone's home movie.  I have to confess I've watched it a dozen times tonight.  The feelings, sounds and people that made that walk so absolutely amazing and continue to share that journey are never forgotten.

After watching it tonight, one of Eli's comments?  "Mom, why are you choking Lucas?"  I wasn't he was just very overwhelmed and meeting new people took place from behind my back or with an arm around him.  I have to say it does look like I've got him in a choke hold.  So enjoy our "welcome home treasure."





Ice It

While this hasn't been the most relaxing of week-ends it has been productive.  We've finally packed up all the Christmas decorations except for that elusive Christmas stocking that is still MIA.  The Christmas tree was a learning experience for Lucas and Eli.  They had their sisters here to decorate it and oh what fun that was, loading it down with every ornament in the boxes and putting the glittery icicles all over it....except now the sisters are at college and work and that left Lucas and Eli with the honor of taking all of it off the tree by themselves. 

When I explained to them that the icicles had to come off too, Eli's observation..."You mean that we have to give the tree a haircut?"  Took a little while but it's a task accomplished and to be remembered for next year when they think loading down the tree is a good idea.

Sunday saw great cooperation (from everyone at one time no less).  Lucas and Mike undertook painting Lucas' room, Eli and I stayed upstairs cleaned and did the laundry.  I'm still waiting for someone to explain how boys accumulate more laundry than girls.

The only argument of the day?  It came about setting the table for lunch.  I had my back turned and I hear Lucas and Eli squabbling about who was setting what on the table.  Eli, being the louder therefore must be in the right, said, "I said ice it man, ice it!"  Huh?  Just his version of telling Lucas to put ice in the drinking glasses.  Everyone returned to their respective chores and we may actually be ready for the busy week ahead. 

Son...Snow Requires Shoes

Neither Lucas nor Eli see any reason for shoes....ever.  We count our blessings that they wear them to school.  A lot of times they don't wait to get in the door from school and take the offending shoes off in the car.....boys feet smell....that's a story for another day.

January in the Midwest, with snow and sub freezing temps should lend a sense of need to the boys that, if not boots at least shoes, are required outside.  At certain points a parent thinks,  okay this will be a learning experience and a teaching moment.  I thought this...not the case.

One of Lucas' chores is to take out the trash after school.  Coming in the door from school I reminded the boys of their chores and then proceeded to start supper.  By pure chance I met Lucas coming back inside and glanced down at his feet....his bare feet.   Really.  We live in the country, our trash dumpster is not close to our house, there is a lot of snow between the house and it.....again he had no shoes on.  Urgh!

Lucas!  Really!  His response..."Mom.  It is okay.  I'm tough, I'm almost 13, I'm not cold."  Well son.  You may be almost 13 but you definitely are going to be putting shoes on those feet and it won't matter if you are 85.  "but Mom, I didn't wear shoes in the Philippines!"  (He pulls out the Philippine card as if that will win the argument).  So what is a mature and experienced mom to do?

I opened the door, scooped up a handful of snow and proceeded to stuff it down the back of his shirt.  Yep.  Mature...not so much but it did effectively communicate that Iowa in January is not the Philippines at any time of year.  The shoes have been on his feet when exiting the house ever since.

Civil War

School is back in full swing after the holidays.  Back packs of homework, testing guides and report cards.  Eli is our school reporter of lunch menus, recess going ons and monitor of those who got in trouble.....once in awhile we get actual conversations about the school work. 

Lucas is another type of reporter.  He's more of the investigative reporter that takes weeks to gather his story and then he will dump the entire story on you at one time.  Tonight it was about the American Civil War, the topic that has caught his attention. 

It took us a little while to figure out what he was so excited about, he was talking 90 mph and non stop.  Finally, he turned to me and said, "You had a war here?  In America?  Right here?  I can't believe it!"  Then to top it ALL off he asks me, "Were you alive then, did you see it?"  Wow! No, no I was not, thanks son for the age reality check.  Think I will call his teacher and ask if maybe they could revisit the time line and establish a better understanding of how many years have passed since that particular war occurred.

Eye To Eye

A teacher that I work with at my school is also a parent of a boy in Lucas' class.  Today we were talking and she mentioned how much Lucas had grown since she had seen him last.  I know his clothes are too little and there is never enough meat on the table no matter how much is cooked.

Tonight we were teasing and rough housing with each other in the kitchen and we ended up face to face.  Oh my!  I was looking that boy right in the eye.  I was so shocked that he got the better of me and won the game.  I realize 13 is approaching in a couple of weeks but could he just have eased into a teenager than changing overnight?  I'm sad, I'm happy and I'm not quite ready for him to be at this point.

I know, doesn't make sense but then again it doesn't have to as I'm a mom and everyone knows we have that privilege.

Guess Where I Found Our Boys

Tonight I was on after school child care pick up for the boys.  We are fortunate that our school provides an on site before and after school kid care center even more blessed to have it staffed by wonderful ladies and support staff.

Usually, if it is nice outside, they will turn the kids free on the playground (which parents appreciate as it runs off the cooped up all day energy), if it's nasty outside they go inside to play games, use the gym or watch a movie.  Well as I looked around the playground I didn't see either Lucas or Eli.  I was told they were inside grabbing their book bags and to just go in and let them know I was there.

Oh yes, our sons and a friend of theirs were in deed getting their book bags with the assistance of 5 girls.  Five giggly, smiling, blushing preteens.  Oh my!  What were the boys doing?  Totally enjoying every minute.  The only one who was even slightly mortified that they were caught talking (we'll call it that as it lets me live in denial a little longer) with girls?  The friend...who blushed bright red and mumbled a hello.

It is so weird being on the boy side of being a mom vs. the girl side.  I think the adoption books should cover this area in more detail.  They just don't do a mother's heart or blood pressure justice to seeing this phenomenon in action. 

Picking Out Colleges

Lucas will be turning 13 at the end of the month.  Here I was preparing to have another child become a "teenager" and the child was planning what?   Where he wants to go to college.  This is what he started talking about in the middle of planning his birthday party.

His idea for higher education?  A college close to home.  Why?  In his words...,"because it's close to home and I just got my home.  I don't want to leave it yet."  So what is this mother to do?  Go over to the computer to type this up and cover up the fact that he can bring me tears at any given moment with his insights.

Well we've got him for awhile yet and I'm sure by the time college actually gets here he will be looking at colleges all over the place.  Now I will return to the discussion Lucas and I were trying to have and plan a party for a son that is thoughtful beyond his years and still wants to be around the old folks.

You Know You Shouldn't Tell Your Kids To Hit.....

Yeah, yeah, I know a parent should take the high road and tell their child it's wrong to hit no matter what.  I should be one of those parents that don't encourage such things.  I should also be a parent that isn't allowed at sporting events where my kid is manhandled.  Yep I don't like it.

Thank goodness this basketball season is complete and tournaments are over.  It was getting a little bloody on the court.  I'm always surprised the restraint that Eli and Lucas show when it comes to getting roughed up during sports.  If I were them, I'd retaliate...probably also good I'm sports ability challenged.

Aggressive can be good and intimidating until an adult coach (not ours) encourages and bullies his players into inappropriate, unsportsmanship like  behavior...they are kids for crying out loud!  Well after yesterdays experiences during tournaments with Lucas, injuries included, I confess I unleashed Eli beforehand.  Not to go out and maim and injure anyone but if his games turned ugly to know that it was ok to protect himself from being hurt.  The kids just want to play a game...others win at all cost.   Yep I don't handle it well at all.

So needless to say, Eli didn't get shoved around, punched, knocked down or stomped on.  He gave the opponents several chances and then he chose to give it back.  He did not hurt anyone else (thank goodness) and it was one time and then the behavior lessened from the other side but he does unfortunately have a front row view of inappropriate court side behavior from teams, coaches and parents.  While we left the game with my blood pressure off the scale...Eli's view on it... "Huh.  They sure get mad.  Why do they think they play better like that?  It makes no sense."

So as I have failed yet once again in following good parenting 101 and encouraged my kid to be defensive, the kid in question continues to maintain a level head and makes us proud.



Military Life As Explained By Eli

From the time that Eli had learned enough English to get even his basic needs understood by us, he has made sure we knew what his dream was for his life.  He wants to serve in the military.  At the time and over the last 3 years we've talked about it some with him and given him just basic information about what serving in the military actually entails.  He's 11 but man is he determined.

His reasoning for wanting to go into the service goes way back to Zamboanga and the RSCC orphanage there.  This was not a prosperous, well supplied orphanage by the descriptions we have received.  They struggled for most things we think.  But one of Eli's (and Lucas') fondest, happy memories were supplied by visits from the U.S. Navy.  We believe that the Navy came in at some capacity to refurbish, supply and play with the kids.  It made a huge impression on both the boys.  Eli remembers them for the good they did, he wants to do that for others.

We've minimally tried to explain what other things the military does, from war zones to peace keeping missions.  He always floors me with his explanations of how he would handle these different areas.  He has the simplest explanations of an 11 year olds understanding and then the mature beyond his years insights.

The one that quieted the whole supper table this evening was, "Eli, you know you could get hurt and die being a soldier."  His reply,  "Yes but I could still be a soldier until Jesus came."  Well.  We will have to wait and see what the future brings in the way of Eli's career path but I'm positive we will be having this military discussion many times more before his final decisions are made.

Stalking With A Purpose

At least Lucas believes his stalking of Rachel has a purpose.  Rachel, I think goes from thinking it's hilarious to being annoyed.  Why is he stalking her?  He wants her doctor approved sunglasses.  Yep.  The kind of sunglasses you get from the eye surgeon after surgery.

Rachel had LASIK done on her eyes today.  Afterwards and for a couple hours she got to wear a nifty pair of sunglasses that Lucas has deemed ultra cool.  There is a flame on the side so I guess that makes all the difference.

To give Lucas credit he did profess concern that she was ok but some of the concern was negated when he forgot to wait for her answer before wanting to know if she was done with the sunglasses yet.  It's probably a good thing she still has some Valium in her as she laughs at him or is too dizzy to aim accurately to clobber him.

Too Tired To Move But Not Too Tired For Eating

Never in my wildest imaginings would I think to hear the words, "I'm too tired to move" come out of Eli's mouth.  Today was the first day back to school after the holiday break and the first day back to basketball practice.  It was a lot apparently.

He wasn't so tired that he couldn't eat.  We are definitely headed for another growth spurt.  I should just stop cooking anything but meat.  I looked over at his plate a couple nights ago, having fixed tacos for supper, did he have a taco shell, lettuce, cheese or tomatoes anywhere near his plate?  No.  It was one gigantic mound of hamburger.

What I found to be even more amazing was that his dad sat there, watched him load his plate and didn't think that possibly there could be some moderation involved.  But I shouldn't complain because, later, once again I turned my head, looked back and there was a second plate of hamburger.  I should have known by the shoveling involved with eating the first plate, a second would follow.

I guess we are lucky he hasn't developed an affinity for steak or we'd be having to start raising cattle.  I'm too tired for that.

And You Thought?

We've had a lot of count downs this past month.  Count down until Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years'  Eve and so on.  But in Lucas' world right now there is only one count down that is first and foremost.  Countdown until his birthday at the end of January. 

At least 4 times a day we hear how many days until his big day, any day now I expect it to be broken down into hours.  I have to say there is probably no kid (unless it's Eli) who looks forward to, anticipates and plans for their birthday more than Lucas.

We don't really hear all that much about what he wants (although there were a few suggestions) it's just about it being his birthday and celebrating with friends.  Remembering back to that first birthday (his 10th) that we celebrated 8 weeks after arriving home and his 13th birthday coming up it really makes me pause to think.  In the 4 birthdays that we will have celebrated with him, he has covered more growing, learning, independence and achievement than most people do in twice that time.

Having said that there are still so many hurdles in front of him.  While RSCC (the orphanage in Zamboanga) did what they could, it is still an institutional start that he works so hard to move past.  He does amazing and never frets (at least not as much as me) about those hurdles that are still in the path.  He moves forward, stumbles and moves on.  My birthday wish for him would be for him to never lose that drive to clear the next hurdle and to always be happy for that next birthdays' arrival as it is one year more that he has mastered, learned from and is looking toward a wonderful new year.

Reinforcement Has Arrived

Yesterday was the day of "let's torture, harass and generally annoy our sister."  Lucas and Eli excelled in this as usual and enjoyed way more than Sydney.  She survived, held her own but was a little weary by the end of the day of sisterly harassment.

Today was a new day.  More to the point this evening.  That is when Rachel arrived back home a day early, fully recovered from her previous Christmas endurance run with her brothers and ready to provide back up to Sydney.  As I also said in my previous post.....our daughters can hold their own.....the dynamic duo is periodically reminded of this.

How did the evening turn out you may ask?  Well both boys were in bed (voluntarily) and well on their way to sleep at 9:00 p.m.   It sure is a good thing that they all have a good sense of humor and that Mike and I are partially deaf.  It does bring up the question when they are all in their 70's and 80's what in the world will their teasing look like?

Buffalo Hair Do

God must have known our daughters were going to need senses of humor, thick skin, moderate (they are women after all) patience and an extra dose of humor.  Why?  God knew their brothers were coming along and they'd need those traits and a whole lot more.  He also granted our girls the complete and total understanding of retribution and it's implementation.

Sydney is currently outnumbered on the girl to boy ratio.  Rachel and Alison headed back to their places so she's a one sister target for the Filipino Fire that are Lucas and Eli.

This morning her ego took a direct hit as she was drying her hair and getting ready for the day.  First to take a swing at his sister was Eli with the statement of, "Wow, Syd your hair looks like an alien's head!"  Ouch.  Sydney having dealt with the deadly duo since day one, ignored and continued on. 

Then came brother two, Lucas, "Oh!  Man!  Syd!  Your hair it looks like a buffalo hair!"  Okay.  (In their defense, Sydney does have a lot of hair and during the drying process...well it's large.)  After that there was a whole lot of screeching and tattling.  Mainly from the boys.  I think the repercussions to their statements were justified and appropriate.....someday the Filipino Fire will learn it doesn't pay to mess with any member of their sister tribe.

Comparing Notes

You know those times as a parent where you know your child is doing something that they shouldn't, know that they shouldn't and have been told not to?  Yep.  Figured you all could relate either from the parent or the child point of view.

The boys received an XBox for Christmas.  They've been very excited but as with all video game related things we have to really put the restrictions on it.  The type of games (whoops, yes I did buy but not give an age inappropriate game).  The biggest restraint that rubs the boys is the time allotment.  Too much video equals crabby, fighting, argumentative kids.

Fortunately for us...not so much Lucas and Eli this isn't our first parent rodeo.  We know the tricks and games kids play to "sneak" by their parents....do kids actually think any of these ideas are original or that their parents didn't try ALL of them as kids?

We knew the boys were getting up to play in the middle of the night.  Usually for about 30 minutes.  Until last night when apparently they grew brave and by the looks of them this a.m. played for a looooong time.  We thought we'd give them long enough to make them good and tired before we let them know that their parents are not totally out of touch.  

Sitting at the lunch table they could hardly keep their eyes open.  I looked over at Mike, grinned and then said, "So Eli, what time did you get up and play the XBox last night?' 

Because he was in a self induced sleep deprived coma he answered me....truthfully.  He said from "3-11".  Then Lucas, never to be outdone said, "No, you got it backwards it was from 11-3."  Click. Click.  They both realized at the same time that they'd confessed.  Lesson learned?  Probably not.  XBox in lock down...you better believe it.

Tears For The Philippines

Last night brought something home to Mike and I that we "know, knew and became lax about".....the boys have a lot of unresolved feelings about their lives in the Philippines.  Lucas has a lot of memories that are good for and about his life there, Eli does not. 

This difference in their experiences was probably the first and only divisive thing they brought with them to their new lives....don't get me wrong, since coming home and learning that they can have separate opinions and experiences they disagree a lot....that's good.

We've watched several movies and tv shows that were set in or talked about the Philippines.  Some showing Manila and others the islands of the Philippines in general.  It always brings about conversation about them living there and memories.  Last night, we watched a movie where it was primarily set in Manila.  The boys lived in foster care there for 4 1/2 months while waiting out the final paperwork process for us to bring them home.  That transition time between orphanage, foster care and our home was valuable.  The two strongest memories the boys have talked about are the school they went to in Manila and their "Lola" there.

While watching this particular action movie usually we would hear a lot of sound effects and general mayhem out of Eli.  Suddenly it was too quiet, I looked over and he had tears.  Eli is not a kid to show emotion easily unless it's to be a total goof ball.  I asked if he was ok and I got the guy response of "ya, ya" and a wave off. 

After the movie he came into the kitchen and I asked what it was about the movie that bothered him.  He said he missed the Philippines sometimes.  Then he went on to clarify "not the busy part, the pretty part.  The Philippines were really pretty sometimes."

This got me to thinking about the conversations we've had and do have with Eli about the Philippines.  I would say it's safe to say that 80% of them are about the Philippines itself, not people but the actual land.  When he wasn't allowed or couldn't attach to the people who were caring for him he seems to have directed that need for connection to the land.

I wish his birth family could know this about him as they were farmers and fishermen.  People who also could probably understand that connection to the land.

"You Better"

Sometimes your kids can say or do things that embarrass you.  Sometimes....that can be reversed and your kids are the ones who are embarrassed by you.  I like to think of it an equalizing phenomenon. 

Yesterday (with 80% family approval - all the females) and something I've thought about for 5 years (procrastinator, planner or chicken that I am) was the day that I went to get a tattoo.  In Eli's words,  "Ya, I know right?"

It's nothing huge, inside wrist (under my watch band for work).  It says Blessed and has 5 bird silhouettes in flight, one for each of the kids.  When I left the house it was to Eli and Lucas shaking their heads.  Apparently, things of this nature are okay for them when they are older not mom.  I'm not sure a tattoo is in either of their futures as they would run or pass out at the sight of the process.

When I got back home Eli looked at me and said, "Well.  Do you like it?"  I told him that yes I do and I was really pleased with how it came out.  He took a look, looked up at me and said, "Well you better cause it's going to be there for ever and ever and it will NEVER EVER come off."   Hmmm.  Thanks son.

Nice Cooking Dress

Today...all day...saw more Christmas baking at our house.  Last year Lucas was interested in learning how to make certain things for the holiday, this year he's more into the eating so it was Eli's turn to create.

We made 3 different kinds of cookies, 2 candies, a cake and dipped pretzels.  Eli was in charge of the pretzels, he helped with other things but the pretzels were his domain.  He was quite nervous on getting just the right amount of dip on each pretzel stick.

The first two came out without incident...the third, he was so confident he forgot to pick up the pretzel and just stuck his fingers in the chocolate dip.  He was soooo not happy.  After being reassured that we had more chocolate he washed up and tried again.   Two boxes later I think we have enough dipped pretzels for quite sometime.

As he was finishing up (not necessarily cleaning up) he looks over at Rachel who is now on her 2nd recipe of cookies and gives this parting shout out,  "Hey Rach!  Nice cooking dress!"   Guess we forgot to introduce and explain the word "apron."

Sharing His Story, His Way

Last night Lucas and Eli had some friends over to spend the night, go sledding and pretty much see who could stay awake the longest....I did not win that contest.

This morning, Mike was on breakfast duty in the kitchen and while the boys were eating I took 10 minutes getting ready for the day...I swear it was no longer than 10 minutes.

I came back into the kitchen to hear Lucas telling their friends about aging out of the orphanage and what that meant.  His friends were having difficulty understanding or believing the whole idea.  Lucas spotted me (frozen in the doorway - just shocked as this is the first time I've actually heard him explaining it himself to peers) he says, "Mom.  You tell them, I wouldn't live where I used to anymore, I'm too old.  Eli and I wouldn't have been able to stay together."  At which point five sets of eyes (including my husband in this as he was clueless until this point :) for further explanation.

So......I pulled out the mini lesson on orphanages, the boys' life there, at which point Lucas stepped in and added more details.  Lucas and Eli have always asked we share their story, they wanted people to know but either didn't have the words or were too shy so they'd ask us to share.

I know they have talked with their friends about certain things about their lives in the Philippines, I've just never witnessed it.  Lucas did really well, only needing some back up to let his friends know he wasn't making it up.  It's hard to believe for adults let alone kids.  As for their friends?   I'm pretty glad these 2 young gentlemen were the ones he shared with.  At the end of the conversation, one of them slung his arm around Luke's shoulders and said,  "Well.  I'm glad your here now otherwise you wouldn't be my best friend."

What's a mom to do?  Invite them both back for sledding and a pizza party after Christmas and smile.

This Can't Be Happening

7:50 a.m., threw the kids in the Yukon (snow day for schools) and took them to do grocery shopping and last minute Christmas shopping.  All of those things could account for Eli screaming, 20 minutes into the ride..."This can't be happening!"

Nope.  It was the fact that he noticed the outside temperature on the read out.....4 degrees above zero. 

Christmas Baking or Should I Say Snacking?

Rachel decided to conquer a simple baking item with Eli's help.  Two minutes into the project I think the score was 3 on the baking pan, 2 in Eli's mouth......but the laughter was winning by a long shot.  Happy Holidays!



It's Finally Here!

What could possibly cause this to be exclaimed when I walked in from work?  Snow,  heavy, wet, accumulating SNOW!  Last winter was a very light year for snow, the boys did not approve, extreme sledding is their favorite. I say favorite even though they complain about the cold, the wet and aren't really good in the steering department.  They want snow boards....I think we should master the sled first....I'm not explaining another concussion.

I think Lucas and Eli thought it was a joke on them, the first year home we had a lot of snow, last year hardly any....they probably thought it was a gimmick to get them to like winter that first year home.

As we are in a blizzard warning for the next 18 hours pretty sure they may have to hold out that long at least before breaking out the sleds.   They don't think it's a problem to sled in a blizzard but once again their mom has other ideas.

Say The Words

This past week has seen a lot of tragedy for the United States and for people around the world.  The murder of innocent school children is unexplainable to a child that survived an early life in an area of the world that has more than its share of violence and death.  It's unexplainable to any child or adult.

A few posts back I wrote about Eli telling me how he liked school in America because it was safe.  I was so happy he felt that way about school and his new love of learning.   That was then.  Now, we are left trying to explain and make sense of an abhorrent act, to try and convince two boys who have seen first hand acts of evil and now realize they can happen even here in America....even a school.

Working in the office of an elementary school has left me with a lot of questions, anger and yes, fear.  As hard as I tried to work through all that before returning to work on Monday...I have to say I didn't succeed....nothing is as it was before....nor should it be...it's hard for everyone.

As I was literally opening the door to leave the house, Eli came up and said very quietly,  "I love you."  All that time I was trying to make him and Lucas feel okay about going to school and making sure they know we love them, those three words helped me head out to my school, face all those little faces and parents too.  Not only the children need to hear those words, all of us can benefit from the act of telling our loved ones that yes we matter, yes I know what you mean to me and yes I love you.

So to Eli I say thank you for sending me off with that knowledge and thank you for realizing I needed to hear it.  Most of all to all my kids I say, "I love you, you are precious, you are truly a blessing." 

Sing What?

Tonight was the 3rd Christmas concert for our kids, Sydney's college concert = 2 hours (survival of the die hards), Lucas' was tonight = slightly over 1 hour (5-8 grade...ummm we too survived) and then Eli's is on Thursday. 

Lots of new songs, fast and slow for Lucas and Eli to learn.  Christmas songs blow their collective minds.  They both came home complaining about how fast the words were and they didn't know them.  So their music teacher emailed us the words and being the ever independent (bull-headed) young males they are, decided they could read and learn them themselves.

Well on the way home tonight they were both singing the songs at the top of their lungs with words that I'm not sure what language it was in.  We knew the tune, they have that down but the words....not so much.  How could their parents and sister possibly know the correct words because they KNOW it ALL! 

Well I'm pretty sure their is no evergreen with changing leaves and their is no king in Frosty the Snowman.  But what do I know.  Band, now that went well.

Tails of the Hairy Nature

Sometimes I wish I could climb inside the mind of these two boys.....oh wait, I'm not that brave or crazy yet.  What possesses them to come up with certain conversations and thoughts is dumbfounding to me.

Sitting in a restaurant after a marathon day of Saturday basketball games, Lucas looks across the table at Mike and says,  "Dad, does it hurt to get your hair cut like that?  I want my hair cut like that."  Huh?  Mike usually wears his hair in a flat top and fairly short, so I'm looking at Mike thinking what on earth is Lucas talking about.

Lucas went on to explain he wanted his hair to go back on the sides in the front like his dad's does but was concerned it would hurt to have his hair all "shaved" off......Mike's hair isn't shaved off...it's called a receding hair line...try explaining that and not laugh.

Hall Monitor?

This week Eli informed us that he was the "name writer" in the hall.  Huh?  After much explaining we think he was chosen for the hall monitor to write student names down that were talking as they passed through the school hall.  Huh?  Eli?  This child has not stopped talking for the past year....that's a good thing but hall monitor?  Really?

He was very dignified when explaining his duties and how and whose name he had to write.  Then he named a boy who is a friend of his.  I asked how he handled getting his friend in trouble.  Eli's kind of looked sideways and said,  "Mom.  I gave him the warning sign first.  He stopped talking so I was ok, I didn't have to write his name down, besides he has a hard name to write.  The quiet sign was better." I think I need to learn the quiet sign for home use.

Being a Grandma

Today's lesson from Eli...he could teach everyone a thing or two....when he came over to me as we were all cleaning up the supper dishes.  I figured I was in for some large epiphany when he cornered me in the kitchen and very seriously asked, "Mom.  When I have children....when I am a dad....will you be my kids grandma?"

Family relationships are a big deal to him.  Lucas knows the relationship tree (dad's brother is his uncle, aunts are his mom's sisters, cousins are aunt's & uncles' kids and so forth.  Lucas doesn't dwell on this area so much. Once he figures out the relationship he's good to go.

Eli....well he ponders on relationships a lot.  We take his need to define the pathways seriously.  He seems to have to identify everyones family membership then he has everyone in their family slot.  He has now moved to the point of realizing that the roles and labels we have within a family change as life goes on.  Yes we are mom and dad but we are also aunt and uncle, brother, sister and someday most likely grandparents.  Needless to say it warps his brain but also teaches him that relationships evolve and change and he is not always going to be able to label someone or something and have it never change.  Change is tough for him, he prefers status quo.

I thought that was the direction of this particular conversation.  It was for a part of it but as I told him,  "Yes I would be his childrens' grandma."  He started to turn away and then looked over his shoulder and said,  "Good.  I would like that."  I know his straight forwardness will not always be there, he will turn into a teenager who probably won't want his mom within 50 yards but for right now he's okay with telling me it's ok to be his kids' grandma....I'll be happy to wait awhile for that to happen but when it does I know that even if he doesn't happen to voice it,at one point in time the boy who didn't have a family to call his own for the first 8 years of his life has become aware of family and all the people in it.

Again, it's another one of those areas that a person takes for granted (I did) that family is family and for those of us raised in the same family from birth, we know early on who fills what slot in our family and what those roles are.  This is something Lucas and Eli are learning just like everything else they've learned and continue to learn over these last 3 years.  A lot of the time I can't help but marvel at all they have absorbed,then I will come up short and think have they learned as much as they've taught?

The Sisters

College exams are finishing up this week for Rachel and Sydney.  They will be coming home over break and let me tell you the boys are excited.  Not sure if it's good excited or "random, havoc will fall upon the heads of the homecoming sisters" kind of excited.

I only know that throughout our days for the past week we have answered the question, "When are the sisters coming home?"  They don't say Rachel and Sydney, just the "sisters".  I think we all may have contributed to this, me especially, as I often refer to Lucas and Eli as "the boys".

Either way, our house is about to become a whole lot busier and louder.  I'm not sure if that's good to realize your college aged kids are going to have to adjust to the louder volume than they deal with at school.  Happy Holidays and pass the ear plugs!

Is It Okay If I Forget?

In late November we celebrated Lucas and Eli being home for 3 years.  Wow!  Time flies and stands still at the same time....if that makes sense.

This morning Eli asked me how long have they been home.  I told him again.  He sat there and thought it over  then turned very serious eyes on me and asked,  "Mom, is it okay that I forget how long it is now?  I don't always remember is it okay?"

Oh.  How to answer?  I want to say it's okay, relax and let go.  Then I think no I should let him know that memories of the Philippines and his life there are important because he may have questions later.  Then I look at his too serious, worried eyes that he's forgetting things and time.  So I jumped off the adoptive parent ledge and went rogue and told him it was fine to let go.  That I would try to write as many of his stories and memories down so that he could read them and remember later.

It's probably not the most politically correct, adoptive parenting answer but it's a mom answer.

Do I Have An Accent?

The question of the night, posed to us by our youngest son?  "Do I have an accent?"  Hmmmm.  "To us, yes you have an accent."  His next question on his search for information, "How do you know?"

Well son.  I have tried for over a year (approximately how long he has understood what accent means) to answer his questions.  Today was the first time he actually thought that maybe he does have an accent...not something he got on his own he had a friend enlighten him at school.  

I've tried to give him examples of accents but when you live in the Midwest of the United States, our "accent" is pretty mundane.  We don't usually consider ourselves to have accents but I have friends from other parts of the country who describe our accent as flat or no accent.   That's how they know we are from the Midwest.

Eli went on to ask when he would be getting his English accent.  I think we have a ways to go on this subject.

Old School

As a parent I should know that if the thought of..."wow, it's really quiet"...as it regards to Lucas and Eli, I should know to not count on it lasting too long.  The trip to school this morning was one of those occasions.  

As we pulled into the parking lot, the errant thought of quiet passed through my brain just as Eli announces,  "Mom, you need to see our school in the Philippines.  It was huge.  A college, a high school and us little kids.  It had a big yard with a fence and a gate....and lots of guards."  Then we had 10 seconds of silence as he processed what he said.

He followed his thought up with,  "but we don't have guards here.  I like this better, I'm safe and it's good to come to school, I'm not afraid here."

Silence.  Sometimes it opens a door for a whole lot of meaning.  Puts a mom's whole day in perspective.

She'll Never Marry Me

I don't know where certain conversations begin with the boys.  Suddenly I will find myself embroiled in a soul searching, philosophical conversation for which I am totally unprepared for.  You just never know which road Lucas and Eli are going to travel.

Some where Lucas began talking about changing names and was my last name Pickle when Mike and I married and why did I choose Pickle instead of Mike taking my last name and so there began the social/cultural custom of names after marriage.

At the end of this whole conversation (which took a loooong time) he flops back in the chair with the most pitiful look on his face and says, "But it's not fair!  I will never get a girl to marry me cause she would have to be a Pickle and she won't want to do that!"  I said, "I changed my name when Dad asked me to marry him." He said,  "But your the mom you have to say yes."  No son.  I was not always a mom, I did have a choice, even in the dark ages when I got married and yes you will find someone that says yes.....just not for awhile.