Kids have a way of turning your heart inside out and with no warning that this vital organ is about to be shredded. I was texting with his teacher, who happens to be a friend, on a totally unrelated subject and she mentioned Lucas shut down on her at a school assembly for the Red Cross, she thought it odd as he would pretty much jump through hoops for her.
At supper, he talked about the Red Cross and all that it does for people. I asked if there was something bothering him during the assembly and he nodded. I asked if he was mad at someone or why was it he didn't want to talk to his teacher. He said, "I was scared." Hmmm.
I was thinking noise, crowd, different space, what? You know the million things that you think before you remember to ask. He said he thought it was the bad people. What?
A year or so ago we had to have a talk about Neo-Nazi's and swastikas. It was in relationship to things happening somewhat close to us and we felt they needed to be aware of their surroundings. At this particular assembly they didn't have the actual Red Cross symbol, just said they were members from the Red Cross. Digging further into this with Lucas he said he was afraid they might be the "bad sign" people or they could be part of a group in the Philippines that the students were warned about that were driving a big truck with a red cross on it and grabbing kids. They taught the kids how to fight back. Urggh!
The poor kid combined all of that and had a panic attack. So after a lot of talking, drawing the different symbols and his wanting us to call the teacher to let her know he wasn't mad at her, I think he's doing okay...my heart probably won't be the same. It's easy to go from day to day here and let the past slide away....for us...for Lucas and Eli that past is still very much a piece of them, the good and the bad. Makes a mom want to do serious damage to the (insert your choice of words, I have a lot) people who make a child's life scary and leave behind scars that no one should have to face.
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