This was a tough question. How long did it take for Lucas and Eli to understand that our home was their home?
During the first year home I don't think they truly understood the permanence. Permanence had to be proven. They should have come with signs saying, "Prove It To Me!" They would go through phases, that we'd call "check in with the Philippines" where they'd ask if they decided to go back to the Philippines would that be ok with us, would we take them to visit (they were always careful to make sure we understood it was for the purpose of visiting only).
Later on it became talk of when they grew up that they want to take their children to see the Philippines. That's the phase we are at right now.
The other big event that helped to solidify home as theirs was when they each got their own room. For us, it was a necessity as they were going to kill one another if they stayed in the same room. Their initial tight bond loosened and they became their own individuals with definite likes, dislikes and (shall we say) levels of neatness. Lucas being the neater and Eli being "if it hits the doorway it is put away" type of kid. Separate rooms and their input into the room style gave them ownership and pride. It was a good move, a little hard on me and my sense of what looked good but hey they like it.
So ultimately I'd say they felt like this was home consistently after that first year. The pressing issues of the first year's adjustments had settled down and they were able to settle in. When we were in Florida on vacation this summer we'd only been gone from home for 3 hours when they started checking on when we'd be home again, who was taking care of home and how much they missed it. I think they've settled in for the long haul.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Thursday, August 29, 2013
My Way or The Highway?
This was part two of a question from a reader. Did we accept the practices and beliefs that Lucas and Eli arrived in our family already having established?
I would have to answer yes and no. There were some behaviors and practices that were learned institutional behaviors and were not acceptable outside of an institution and most especially as part of a family. Those were the black and white issues, that while not easy to redirect, reeducate and build new, they were easily identified early on.
The ones that were more of a personal nature such as religion, customs and mannerisms has taken a more thoughtful and discussion based consideration, both on our parts and the boys'.
An example would be that the boys learned to eat in a south east Asian style of dining and different from our Midwestern style. When they set at a table to eat, the difference in the styles were readily noticeable. Initially they were too engrossed in learning that food would be plentiful and they could have as much as they wanted. I would guess it was probably 8-10 months and random comments from people that led the boys to become aware of the difference.
Lucas, especially, wanted to know what was the "right" way of eating. We let him know that there wasn't a right and wrong in the style for eating as long as he remembered to apply manners which were pretty standard in either form. In the past 3 1/2 years both Lucas and Eli have adopted the Midwestern style they see everyone around them using. It was not a deliberate change but one that comes from daily exposure and the environment one lives in.
We have found that this has been the evolution of a lot of their beliefs and habits. They did not come into our family with a whole lot of entrenched beliefs but more of daily living habits, skills and customs that people generally don't even know why they do what they do.
The most noticeable exception would be the choice of what religion to practice. Lucas was taken to Catholic Mass once a week. Eli appears to have only attended on special days. Added to their Catholic knowledge were Islamic practices and a huge dose of superstition and super natural exposure.
We are not Catholic and attend a non denominational Christian Church. They were both actually very interested in God, church, beliefs, Bible stories and fairly knowledgeable about religion in an 8 and 9 year old way. We did talk about the differences in religion and what they knew about God and where they were comfortable learning more.
Overall and as I talked about in the previous post....we learn as we go. We talk, adjust and move forward as we meet each new situation, sometimes on a daily basis and some days it seems like many times a day. As they mature, Lucas and Eli will form more independent beliefs just as their sisters have....it's part of growing up. Mike and I are here as their guides, part of that is knowing when you've given them every tool you can and then stepping back and letting them chart their course.....ok it's not that easy to let them go but that's a whole other post.
I would have to answer yes and no. There were some behaviors and practices that were learned institutional behaviors and were not acceptable outside of an institution and most especially as part of a family. Those were the black and white issues, that while not easy to redirect, reeducate and build new, they were easily identified early on.
The ones that were more of a personal nature such as religion, customs and mannerisms has taken a more thoughtful and discussion based consideration, both on our parts and the boys'.
An example would be that the boys learned to eat in a south east Asian style of dining and different from our Midwestern style. When they set at a table to eat, the difference in the styles were readily noticeable. Initially they were too engrossed in learning that food would be plentiful and they could have as much as they wanted. I would guess it was probably 8-10 months and random comments from people that led the boys to become aware of the difference.
Lucas, especially, wanted to know what was the "right" way of eating. We let him know that there wasn't a right and wrong in the style for eating as long as he remembered to apply manners which were pretty standard in either form. In the past 3 1/2 years both Lucas and Eli have adopted the Midwestern style they see everyone around them using. It was not a deliberate change but one that comes from daily exposure and the environment one lives in.
We have found that this has been the evolution of a lot of their beliefs and habits. They did not come into our family with a whole lot of entrenched beliefs but more of daily living habits, skills and customs that people generally don't even know why they do what they do.
The most noticeable exception would be the choice of what religion to practice. Lucas was taken to Catholic Mass once a week. Eli appears to have only attended on special days. Added to their Catholic knowledge were Islamic practices and a huge dose of superstition and super natural exposure.
We are not Catholic and attend a non denominational Christian Church. They were both actually very interested in God, church, beliefs, Bible stories and fairly knowledgeable about religion in an 8 and 9 year old way. We did talk about the differences in religion and what they knew about God and where they were comfortable learning more.
Overall and as I talked about in the previous post....we learn as we go. We talk, adjust and move forward as we meet each new situation, sometimes on a daily basis and some days it seems like many times a day. As they mature, Lucas and Eli will form more independent beliefs just as their sisters have....it's part of growing up. Mike and I are here as their guides, part of that is knowing when you've given them every tool you can and then stepping back and letting them chart their course.....ok it's not that easy to let them go but that's a whole other post.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
They Arrived As A Whole Package of Themselves
This post is in response to a wide encompassing question from a reader in the Philippines, asking about how we've handled the fact that the boys were older when they came home and therefore had their own set of established personalities, practices and beliefs. I'm going to cover this question over a couple of posts. I learned my lesson with another article.....too much info for such a short frame work.
One of the big things that we spoke with our agency about before and after the boys arrived home was what their cultural and religious differences might be from our own and how we would deal with those differences.
One of the blog readers who is also from the Philippines, wrote to ask the question about how we've dealt with those differences. I must say in all the talks we had and all the books we've read, an adoptive parent could receive a hundred different responses in how to incorporate, honor and perpetuate those beliefs and customs. Unfortunately, as with a lot of advice, we've found we've had to adapt those wonderful ideas to our situation and have found that the advice really didn't meet our situation.
I really thought that with the boys being older they would have some idea of their culture, traditions, food, celebrations and history of the country. In our situation, I was really wrong. Lucas and Eli knew very little of customs, traditions even the types of food that we'd thought were staples of the Philippines. Those were not part of their lives in the orphanage.
The brief time we were in Manila, we wanted to make sure that they got to see and learn about the cultural and historical things the city offered. We did cover a lot of ground in 3 days of touring but it was more than a little difficult to explain a history and the significance when we didn't speak the same language. Our guide was wonderful. She interpreted and told all of us so much. We took a million pictures and documented everything and those items are pulled out and talked over when the boys have questions.
We have taken most of our ques from the boys in regards to what they are interested in about the culture and their birth country at any given time. At first I wasn't sure if this was the "ok" thing to do....we were always afraid we were not doing things right....all the pre-adoption educational stuff tends to make you doubt yourself. Over time we have shed that feeling and learned to trust our instincts.
We do have a wonderful parent in the school where I work that is from the Philippines and moved here in her late 20's. She really relates to the boys adjustments and is a wonderful source for information. There are certain times throughout the year; holidays, birthdays, Christmas and such that Lucas especially will ask, "what did we do in the Philippines for (whatever we are doing)" that is when we start digging for information if it is something we don't already have the answer to.
I think that the life they led within the orphanage encompassed so little physical area and extremely limited outside involvement with their culture that they did not have opportunity to learn about that aspect of themselves. Basically they are having to learn about two cultures simultaneously, American and Filipino.
I really believe as we see them getting older, they are asking more questions and with greater frequency about the Philippines. Their questions are more involved and the answers are better understood than if we had tried to force the issue with them. Everything we do is at their speed. Everything, that is what has worked best for us.
They know we value the Philippines and the people there who helped to bring our family together. They know that there is no question that they can't ask us, whether it's about the Philippines, the orphanage, their foster family in Manila or their biological family.
As far as answering the question of, have we tried to change any of their beliefs or practices. I'd say we have introduced them to how we do things within our family. Some things they have chosen to adopt for themselves, some things they continue to do as they were taught in the Philippines.
I'll close part one of this answer with, Lucas and Eli have probably taught ourselves and our extended families as much about how things are done in another part of the world as we teach them. I think of it as a blending, a mixing, a sharing of ideas that make for a recipe of a new type of family that happens to be made of American and Philippine cultures.
One of the big things that we spoke with our agency about before and after the boys arrived home was what their cultural and religious differences might be from our own and how we would deal with those differences.
One of the blog readers who is also from the Philippines, wrote to ask the question about how we've dealt with those differences. I must say in all the talks we had and all the books we've read, an adoptive parent could receive a hundred different responses in how to incorporate, honor and perpetuate those beliefs and customs. Unfortunately, as with a lot of advice, we've found we've had to adapt those wonderful ideas to our situation and have found that the advice really didn't meet our situation.
I really thought that with the boys being older they would have some idea of their culture, traditions, food, celebrations and history of the country. In our situation, I was really wrong. Lucas and Eli knew very little of customs, traditions even the types of food that we'd thought were staples of the Philippines. Those were not part of their lives in the orphanage.
The brief time we were in Manila, we wanted to make sure that they got to see and learn about the cultural and historical things the city offered. We did cover a lot of ground in 3 days of touring but it was more than a little difficult to explain a history and the significance when we didn't speak the same language. Our guide was wonderful. She interpreted and told all of us so much. We took a million pictures and documented everything and those items are pulled out and talked over when the boys have questions.
We have taken most of our ques from the boys in regards to what they are interested in about the culture and their birth country at any given time. At first I wasn't sure if this was the "ok" thing to do....we were always afraid we were not doing things right....all the pre-adoption educational stuff tends to make you doubt yourself. Over time we have shed that feeling and learned to trust our instincts.
We do have a wonderful parent in the school where I work that is from the Philippines and moved here in her late 20's. She really relates to the boys adjustments and is a wonderful source for information. There are certain times throughout the year; holidays, birthdays, Christmas and such that Lucas especially will ask, "what did we do in the Philippines for (whatever we are doing)" that is when we start digging for information if it is something we don't already have the answer to.
I think that the life they led within the orphanage encompassed so little physical area and extremely limited outside involvement with their culture that they did not have opportunity to learn about that aspect of themselves. Basically they are having to learn about two cultures simultaneously, American and Filipino.
I really believe as we see them getting older, they are asking more questions and with greater frequency about the Philippines. Their questions are more involved and the answers are better understood than if we had tried to force the issue with them. Everything we do is at their speed. Everything, that is what has worked best for us.
They know we value the Philippines and the people there who helped to bring our family together. They know that there is no question that they can't ask us, whether it's about the Philippines, the orphanage, their foster family in Manila or their biological family.
As far as answering the question of, have we tried to change any of their beliefs or practices. I'd say we have introduced them to how we do things within our family. Some things they have chosen to adopt for themselves, some things they continue to do as they were taught in the Philippines.
I'll close part one of this answer with, Lucas and Eli have probably taught ourselves and our extended families as much about how things are done in another part of the world as we teach them. I think of it as a blending, a mixing, a sharing of ideas that make for a recipe of a new type of family that happens to be made of American and Philippine cultures.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Dealing With Jealousy
One of the questions I've been asked here on the blog is whether or not our daughters are or have been jealous of the boys and how we deal with it.
I had to think about this one for a little bit. Our daughters are older than Lucas and Eli, the closest in age is Sydney and she is 7-8 years older. Initially we were concerned about their reactions to adoption and to having brothers in general.
We try, more successfully at times than others, to keep the status even with all five kids. Whether it is time, attention or one on one time. Usually this involves Mike and I dividing and conquering the needs. Let's face it we are not always able to cover all the bases, there are two of us and five of them. It's worked out well to have that wide age span, understanding your parents need to spend time or assets on a sibling is a whole lot easier as an adult than if they were closer in age.
I think the girls were pretty used to having to take turns, if you would, sometimes time, money and opportunity would favor one over the other. By the time the boys came on the scene those type of choices haven't really played too big a part for our family.
If I were to pinpoint one area that can rub the girls the wrong way, it would be that we are not as strict or impatient with the boys as they perceive us to have been with them. Let's face it, we are older parents. The things that were stressers or a big deal to us as young parents aren't as big a deal to us now. That's not to say we let the boys run amok, we just deal with issues differently. Similar to the difference between a new parent hauling everything but the kitchen sink on an outing to the grandparents house and a parent with multiple children being lucky to make sure the kids are all wearing shoes...priorities shift.
How do we deal with this subject when the girls mention it? We generally let them talk it out. With girls there is always a lot of talking....especially ours. They have known from the time we walked off the plane (Sydney knew in Manila as she traveled with us) with the boys, that meeting Lucas and Eli's needs were going to have to be handled differently.
The girls also have the advantage of having 2 sisters in the same boat. They talk a lot to one another. Not in an effort to gang up on the boys but to get the other sisters' perspective on things.
This is where I take advantage of being a proud parent. We are extremely blessed to have some wonderful kids. I wish I could capture the look on their faces when I posed the question to each of them about what they thought about having adopted brothers and what they thought of their sisters.....separately, every last one of them said, "they are just by sisters/brothers, I don't think about the adoption part". To some people that phrasing may seem dismissive of the journey we've traveled. I find it to be a testament to the relationships they've forged with one another and the equality they feel for each others' place within the family.
I had to think about this one for a little bit. Our daughters are older than Lucas and Eli, the closest in age is Sydney and she is 7-8 years older. Initially we were concerned about their reactions to adoption and to having brothers in general.
We try, more successfully at times than others, to keep the status even with all five kids. Whether it is time, attention or one on one time. Usually this involves Mike and I dividing and conquering the needs. Let's face it we are not always able to cover all the bases, there are two of us and five of them. It's worked out well to have that wide age span, understanding your parents need to spend time or assets on a sibling is a whole lot easier as an adult than if they were closer in age.
I think the girls were pretty used to having to take turns, if you would, sometimes time, money and opportunity would favor one over the other. By the time the boys came on the scene those type of choices haven't really played too big a part for our family.
If I were to pinpoint one area that can rub the girls the wrong way, it would be that we are not as strict or impatient with the boys as they perceive us to have been with them. Let's face it, we are older parents. The things that were stressers or a big deal to us as young parents aren't as big a deal to us now. That's not to say we let the boys run amok, we just deal with issues differently. Similar to the difference between a new parent hauling everything but the kitchen sink on an outing to the grandparents house and a parent with multiple children being lucky to make sure the kids are all wearing shoes...priorities shift.
How do we deal with this subject when the girls mention it? We generally let them talk it out. With girls there is always a lot of talking....especially ours. They have known from the time we walked off the plane (Sydney knew in Manila as she traveled with us) with the boys, that meeting Lucas and Eli's needs were going to have to be handled differently.
The girls also have the advantage of having 2 sisters in the same boat. They talk a lot to one another. Not in an effort to gang up on the boys but to get the other sisters' perspective on things.
This is where I take advantage of being a proud parent. We are extremely blessed to have some wonderful kids. I wish I could capture the look on their faces when I posed the question to each of them about what they thought about having adopted brothers and what they thought of their sisters.....separately, every last one of them said, "they are just by sisters/brothers, I don't think about the adoption part". To some people that phrasing may seem dismissive of the journey we've traveled. I find it to be a testament to the relationships they've forged with one another and the equality they feel for each others' place within the family.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Trending, What Is In The Air
I finally finished up the article for Holt Magazine and sent it out to the editor. Hope it will be what they were looking for. It is really hard to compress years worth of experiences into 1000 words. I was so frustrated trying to hit the right tone and information. I enjoy writing....I've proven and bored all of you for a long time, but sometimes it's hard to write....is that what they term "writer's block".
Generally, Lucas and Eli supply me with enough material to keep up a steady stream. Sometimes it has to take a back seat to life. Chores, errands, practices, games, family, school, homework. Sometimes I'm just tired....and apparently having a pity party!
I follow several internet friends' blogs, mainly on adoption and it's relevant issues. I think we all must be having a collective writer's block. I'm not the only one having trouble writing regularly. There is strength and encouragement in numbers, right? So for every time I open a friends' blog to read the latest update or article and find that life has overtaken them and they haven't posted lately, I will make an even more concerted effort to write regularly.
It's not as if life and especially the boys' lives are standing still....there is a lot to document, the good and the frustrating. Next post we will start on the questions that were asked by some of you out there in blog world. Thanks for being patient and continuing to check out the Pickle Patch!
Generally, Lucas and Eli supply me with enough material to keep up a steady stream. Sometimes it has to take a back seat to life. Chores, errands, practices, games, family, school, homework. Sometimes I'm just tired....and apparently having a pity party!
I follow several internet friends' blogs, mainly on adoption and it's relevant issues. I think we all must be having a collective writer's block. I'm not the only one having trouble writing regularly. There is strength and encouragement in numbers, right? So for every time I open a friends' blog to read the latest update or article and find that life has overtaken them and they haven't posted lately, I will make an even more concerted effort to write regularly.
It's not as if life and especially the boys' lives are standing still....there is a lot to document, the good and the frustrating. Next post we will start on the questions that were asked by some of you out there in blog world. Thanks for being patient and continuing to check out the Pickle Patch!
Sunday, August 18, 2013
I Haven't Forgotten the Questions
Thank you to all who replied to my post asking for your questions and comments concerning the boys' adoption and integration into our family. I posted some of the comments that you did not ask to keep private, the private ones I did not post but will answer those questions also.
Right now I'm finishing the article for the Holt magazine and when I've got that under my belt I will definitely answer your questions here and post a link to the article as well.
I just want to tell all of you out there, near and far, how much we appreciate your support and interest in the boys and their well being. They are always excited when there are comments or questions and love to see where in the world people are reading about their journey.
Lucas especially likes to know that the world though large can also be a very small place and that his birth country and the people there are a little bit closer through the internet. Eli, well if you've spent any time reading this blog, you will know his sense of humor and out look is pretty blunt. When Lucas is reading the post, Eli is saying, "Mom why would anyone want to read about us? We are kids, this is us, we do this stuff cause we are who we are."
Anyway from the Pickle Patch, we thank you for your continued support and interest. Hopefully you are able to touch a life of a child in need of a family, either personally, through monetary support of organizations or the power of prayer. It all matters and so do all of you. God Bless!
Right now I'm finishing the article for the Holt magazine and when I've got that under my belt I will definitely answer your questions here and post a link to the article as well.
I just want to tell all of you out there, near and far, how much we appreciate your support and interest in the boys and their well being. They are always excited when there are comments or questions and love to see where in the world people are reading about their journey.
Lucas especially likes to know that the world though large can also be a very small place and that his birth country and the people there are a little bit closer through the internet. Eli, well if you've spent any time reading this blog, you will know his sense of humor and out look is pretty blunt. When Lucas is reading the post, Eli is saying, "Mom why would anyone want to read about us? We are kids, this is us, we do this stuff cause we are who we are."
Anyway from the Pickle Patch, we thank you for your continued support and interest. Hopefully you are able to touch a life of a child in need of a family, either personally, through monetary support of organizations or the power of prayer. It all matters and so do all of you. God Bless!
Saturday, August 17, 2013
and there he goes!
Today was the much anticipated/dreaded first football game of the season. Eli was the excited, Lucas was the dejected. I have to say I'm proud of both of them. Eli for his performance and Lucas for standing on the sidelines cheering his team mates. One of those hard to watch moments.
The boys' team won the game 24-7 with Eli running 55 yards for a touch down. Thank goodness he listened because on the way to the game he was determined to do a back flip if he made a touchdown. I'm not sure if I was holding my breath watching him run because he was doing so well or because I was terrified the little stinker would do the flip. One broken son at a time is enough.
Lucas suited up and did his part from the side line. He's still holding out hope that the xray at the end of next week will show a miracle and he will somehow get to play some time this season. We will see.
I'm not quite sure what their oldest sister, Alison, thought she was going to see when she came out to watch today's game....she leaned over after watching the first quarter and said, "Mom. I think I could like watching them play this sport, it's not nearly as bad as I thought." What can I say, before Lucas and Eli showed up on the scene the Pickle's did not do sports....of any kind. It was music, drama and piano. There were no contact sports involved unless the three girls decided to have a sisterly argument.
I wonder if Alison knew she was standing and screaming as Eli ran down the field.....I'm thinking that she just may have out yelled me, "there he goes!"
The boys' team won the game 24-7 with Eli running 55 yards for a touch down. Thank goodness he listened because on the way to the game he was determined to do a back flip if he made a touchdown. I'm not sure if I was holding my breath watching him run because he was doing so well or because I was terrified the little stinker would do the flip. One broken son at a time is enough.
Lucas suited up and did his part from the side line. He's still holding out hope that the xray at the end of next week will show a miracle and he will somehow get to play some time this season. We will see.
I'm not quite sure what their oldest sister, Alison, thought she was going to see when she came out to watch today's game....she leaned over after watching the first quarter and said, "Mom. I think I could like watching them play this sport, it's not nearly as bad as I thought." What can I say, before Lucas and Eli showed up on the scene the Pickle's did not do sports....of any kind. It was music, drama and piano. There were no contact sports involved unless the three girls decided to have a sisterly argument.
I wonder if Alison knew she was standing and screaming as Eli ran down the field.....I'm thinking that she just may have out yelled me, "there he goes!"
Thursday, August 15, 2013
First Day of School Interrupted
I did manage to get a picture of Lucas and Eli's first day of school on Wednesday. It absolutely amazes me that when I say I want a picture, they both adopt the same poses that they grew up using for the pictures we have of them in the orphanage. I guess there are all different learned behaviors from an early age, even posing.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
I Thought We'd At Least Make One Game
I tried to be brave. I relinquished and let the boys go out for football. They (and I mean mainly me) survived nearly 3 weeks of practice with the first game slated for this coming Saturday.....
Then came a friends birthday party and of course what do a bunch of preteen, mainly football boys do? Play a friendly game......without equipment. They had fun, I'll say that, but unfortunately for Lucas it didn't end well. He fractured his ankle, thus the lovely air cast you see below.
You wouldn't know it by the photo but he is one seriously depressed kid. He goes back in 10 days for another x-ray to see what, if anything they need to do. Hopefully it starts healing on its own.
Mike took him into the doctor and on the way home they stopped in at my work to talk. Luke was so disgusted, "Mom! The crack is only this long! I said, "Lucas, hold your fingers down by your ankle, that may not look like much in front of your face but on top of your ankle 2 1/2 inches is a long crack." I have to say that may have ranked right up there with one of the best visual lessons I've given him.
I will also note later in his life that I did not freak out (at least not where he saw) about football and the hazards of it.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Message to "the sister"
You ever have a moment (or a billion moments as the case may be) when one of your children openly admits that they really do like one or more of their siblings?
Sydney moved back to college on Monday. Starting on Sunday as we were loading the vehicles and continuing several times these past few days Eli has worried about her. Where is she (he knows), what is she doing? Who is she with? When is she coming home? What did she eat? and so on.....
I finally stopped him and asked him if he was worried about something in particular about Sydney. He said, "no but when she is home I know she's okay, brothers look out for sisters." There you have it, brother/sister relationship expectations according to Eli.
Sydney moved back to college on Monday. Starting on Sunday as we were loading the vehicles and continuing several times these past few days Eli has worried about her. Where is she (he knows), what is she doing? Who is she with? When is she coming home? What did she eat? and so on.....
I finally stopped him and asked him if he was worried about something in particular about Sydney. He said, "no but when she is home I know she's okay, brothers look out for sisters." There you have it, brother/sister relationship expectations according to Eli.
Monday, August 12, 2013
If You Could Ask A Question...
According to the status updates that I get on viewers to our blog, I know there are more than a few of you out there. I don't have a tracker on the blog to show me who is reading (not from lack of trying, I can't figure it out) I'd love to know who checks into the sight.
I do have a question for you all though. If you could ask a question or two of our family about older child adoption, what would it be?
I've been asked to write an article about the boys, their adoption and their perspective of things. This will be the third article like this and I'm trying to approach it from a different angle. At no point am I an expert on anything but I can relate our experiences and with Luke and Eli's permission and help tell things from their perspectives.
So if you have a question or two, if you are simply curious about something please feel free to leave your question in the comment section. Your information will not appear here or any where else (again still can't figure out that illusive live feed). Maybe together we could answer some readers of this future article's questions that would slip by.
If you go to the bottom of this article (or any) hit the word comment, it will allow you to place your question/comment and then hit word "publish". Nothing will publish until I review it. If you do not want your question/comment published please let me know within the context of your comment and I will honor that.
Thanks in advance for your help and for continuing to make our journey a part of your blog world.
I do have a question for you all though. If you could ask a question or two of our family about older child adoption, what would it be?
I've been asked to write an article about the boys, their adoption and their perspective of things. This will be the third article like this and I'm trying to approach it from a different angle. At no point am I an expert on anything but I can relate our experiences and with Luke and Eli's permission and help tell things from their perspectives.
So if you have a question or two, if you are simply curious about something please feel free to leave your question in the comment section. Your information will not appear here or any where else (again still can't figure out that illusive live feed). Maybe together we could answer some readers of this future article's questions that would slip by.
If you go to the bottom of this article (or any) hit the word comment, it will allow you to place your question/comment and then hit word "publish". Nothing will publish until I review it. If you do not want your question/comment published please let me know within the context of your comment and I will honor that.
Thanks in advance for your help and for continuing to make our journey a part of your blog world.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Sprained or Bruised Either Way....
It has been a busy week-end here at the Pickle Patch. Sydney's last week-end of work before heading back to college. Packing up her stuff and putting everything in vehicles for the move, Rachel has a meeting set with her student teaching advisor and classroom teacher, Luke went with friends overnight and participated in a 5K walk for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, then Eli and Lucas went to another overnight birthday party that left us with this view....
Playing football at the party, Lucas took a hit and now we have an ankle that equals 2 of his normal ones. You can't tell it here but it's a lovely shade of purple, black, blue and a color that's really a weird shade of green. I'm thinking his football coach will be less than pleased as the opener is this next Saturday. Oh well accidents happen, I just thought the football injury would be on the field and probably Eli. Shows what mom knows.
Here are a couple picks after he came home from the 5K Run prior to the friendly fire injury in football.
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Here are a couple picks after he came home from the 5K Run prior to the friendly fire injury in football.
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Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Mom Check Up
Going back to work in the fall for school employees is stressful, fun, hard work and more hard work. Not only for the employee but their families. Everyone's routine has to change and it's not always smooth going. Things that were "miraculously" handled (I can say that as I was the one handling them) are now left undone, postponed or left to others (who non miraculously don't understand the need until it's too late) to complete the task.
The past several days I've not been able to leave work on time and with errands and college supply shopping with Sydney, haven't gotten home until later in the evening. With football practice in full swing, I don't see the boys some evenings until 8:30-9:00. I don't like that, at all, and apparently neither does Eli or Lucas.
Last night after practice I found myself with two smelly boys on either side of me, patting my shoulder and asking how my day was and if I was tired. Hmmm. Ok. Boys. I've got the message, home earlier from work, you need that to happen and work will be there. Lucas and Eli, on the other hand, are growing up too fast and I won't miss out on that.
The past several days I've not been able to leave work on time and with errands and college supply shopping with Sydney, haven't gotten home until later in the evening. With football practice in full swing, I don't see the boys some evenings until 8:30-9:00. I don't like that, at all, and apparently neither does Eli or Lucas.
Last night after practice I found myself with two smelly boys on either side of me, patting my shoulder and asking how my day was and if I was tired. Hmmm. Ok. Boys. I've got the message, home earlier from work, you need that to happen and work will be there. Lucas and Eli, on the other hand, are growing up too fast and I won't miss out on that.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
The Project Is Planned
What else can the three males in the household dream up? A look out tower/tree house (without the tree). Why (you may ask) do they dream up huge projects a week before school starts in the middle of the starting weeks of football practice and my return to work? Because, I truly believe, they are trying to drive me nuts.
So far the project has accumulated 2 out of 4 telephone poles, post hole digger, miscellaneous board, tools and a whole lot of big ideas.....and it's all piled a short distance from the drive way. I promise if this "big idea" comes to completion I will take a picture...until then I'm choosing to ignore the mess and the idea and the planning meetings (I did nix the idea of it being constructed beside my nicely landscaped patio). I also believe the girls and I will be going shopping when and if the project is actually started.
So far the project has accumulated 2 out of 4 telephone poles, post hole digger, miscellaneous board, tools and a whole lot of big ideas.....and it's all piled a short distance from the drive way. I promise if this "big idea" comes to completion I will take a picture...until then I'm choosing to ignore the mess and the idea and the planning meetings (I did nix the idea of it being constructed beside my nicely landscaped patio). I also believe the girls and I will be going shopping when and if the project is actually started.
Pacific Rim
We decided to end the summer (or at least the last free week-end we have for the foreseeable future) by letting them pick a movie. Of course their choice had to be one that they believe is the best combination of Transformers, Battleship, 2012, Battlefield Los Angeles and Xmen.
They weren't disappointed with their choice but the fact that the movie theater has installed "amazing" recliners truly made their night. Overall they had a blast but Eli did note that the soda was "too big and nobody needed one that big"......where did that kid come from?
They weren't disappointed with their choice but the fact that the movie theater has installed "amazing" recliners truly made their night. Overall they had a blast but Eli did note that the soda was "too big and nobody needed one that big"......where did that kid come from?
Friday, August 2, 2013
August Arrival
It makes me a little sad when August arrives. August also makes me very tired. It seems like the month is totally dedicated to all things school. I work in an elementary office....I'll not bore you but just say yes people work before students arrive and it's long hours. Sydney is preparing to return to college for her sophomore year, Rachel begins her student teaching in preparation for college graduation in December, Lucas and Eli are ready to return to school one day and not the next...either way there is a whole lot of school shopping that has to happen.
This August we added another task to the list.....football....yes apparently the boys wore us (me) down to let them try football. In the four years that the boys have been home I have never, ever seen Eli tired. The third night into practice, he came home, cleaned up, flopped on the couch and sat there. I asked him if he was tired. His response, "Yes. Football does that to me."
I honestly think the kid has never truly experienced tired. He is just wired to go and go and go. Lucas is absolutely absorbing everything football. We had told their coach that their knowledge of football was limited and they'd have their work cut out for them trying to explain everything. We've been so lucky not only with this sport but most every one the boys are involved in, to have coaches who will go above and beyond trying to explain and figure out ways for the boys to understand the sport. It's one of those areas that most people don't realize that they weren't aware of until 4 years ago.
Either way I believe football has now been added to the August calendar and I think we have one day open that we might be able to squeeze that school shopping in.
I also got a huge grin out of these photos. For 4 years I've been telling the boys to smile for pictures. Here I told them not to and it just confused Eli (you can tell that) and Lucas just can not not smile in a photo.
This August we added another task to the list.....football....yes apparently the boys wore us (me) down to let them try football. In the four years that the boys have been home I have never, ever seen Eli tired. The third night into practice, he came home, cleaned up, flopped on the couch and sat there. I asked him if he was tired. His response, "Yes. Football does that to me."
I honestly think the kid has never truly experienced tired. He is just wired to go and go and go. Lucas is absolutely absorbing everything football. We had told their coach that their knowledge of football was limited and they'd have their work cut out for them trying to explain everything. We've been so lucky not only with this sport but most every one the boys are involved in, to have coaches who will go above and beyond trying to explain and figure out ways for the boys to understand the sport. It's one of those areas that most people don't realize that they weren't aware of until 4 years ago.
Either way I believe football has now been added to the August calendar and I think we have one day open that we might be able to squeeze that school shopping in.
I also got a huge grin out of these photos. For 4 years I've been telling the boys to smile for pictures. Here I told them not to and it just confused Eli (you can tell that) and Lucas just can not not smile in a photo.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
"Mom! I Skinned It!"
This past week-end we had a few bonfires (I'm not sure if it was for fun or for heat as it's unseasonably chilly in Iowa). The older as well as the younger kids wanted to roast marshmallows and make smores. Seems like a perfectly good waste of chocolate but I digress.
Eli has finally mastered the art of roasting the marshmallow without either burning it to charcoal or dropping it in the fire. Unfortunately for him he hasn't mastered the skill of removing the marshmallow from the stick.
I was enjoying the quiet, the fire and relaxing (interpret as not paying close enough attention) I hear him scream from the opposite side of the bonfire...."Mom, I skinned it!" I will be adding this to the book I am writing of 1001 things a mom does not want to hear come out of their childs' mouth.
He very disgustedly marched around the fire pit to show me that he'd peeled the outer part of the marshmallow off leaving the gooey center on the stick. You would have to meet Eli, the kid does not like food touching and likes it even less when food leaves him sticky. Needless to say he was done with the whole roasting/skinning experience.
Eli has finally mastered the art of roasting the marshmallow without either burning it to charcoal or dropping it in the fire. Unfortunately for him he hasn't mastered the skill of removing the marshmallow from the stick.
I was enjoying the quiet, the fire and relaxing (interpret as not paying close enough attention) I hear him scream from the opposite side of the bonfire...."Mom, I skinned it!" I will be adding this to the book I am writing of 1001 things a mom does not want to hear come out of their childs' mouth.
He very disgustedly marched around the fire pit to show me that he'd peeled the outer part of the marshmallow off leaving the gooey center on the stick. You would have to meet Eli, the kid does not like food touching and likes it even less when food leaves him sticky. Needless to say he was done with the whole roasting/skinning experience.
Monday, July 29, 2013
What Did They Say?
Accents. The boys are not used to hearing what they deem to be an accent outside of our Midwest accent. When we hit the border of Tennessee and stopped at a restaurant the waitress came to take our order. I knew by the open mouthed, bugged eyed looks the boys gave her that something, most likely uninhibited, was about to erupt from their mouths.
Luckily they held it together until we placed our order and she had left the table, then it was non stop questions. "Mom, what's wrong with her voice?" (nothing) "Mom, I couldn't understand her." (now they know why people sometimes ask them to repeat things) "Mom are we still in the United States?" (urghh!) "Mom, how did they get that sound?" (It's called an accent and I must have slept through my speech pathology classes that all adoptive parents had cause I basically winged that answer)
Needless to say accents have occupied a lot of our time these past two weeks. Every time Eli hears accented speech he wants to know where that person is from and what they are saying. My fear is that the next time we run into a person with an accent different from the boys' or ours that their curiosity will outweigh their manners and that person will become a specimen for their never ending quest to figure accents out.
Luckily they held it together until we placed our order and she had left the table, then it was non stop questions. "Mom, what's wrong with her voice?" (nothing) "Mom, I couldn't understand her." (now they know why people sometimes ask them to repeat things) "Mom are we still in the United States?" (urghh!) "Mom, how did they get that sound?" (It's called an accent and I must have slept through my speech pathology classes that all adoptive parents had cause I basically winged that answer)
Needless to say accents have occupied a lot of our time these past two weeks. Every time Eli hears accented speech he wants to know where that person is from and what they are saying. My fear is that the next time we run into a person with an accent different from the boys' or ours that their curiosity will outweigh their manners and that person will become a specimen for their never ending quest to figure accents out.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
What Did You Like Most?
Since we returned from Florida, Lucas and Eli are asked frequently what they liked most about the trip. Usually their standard answers are, "All of it." A person really has to push to get them to pick or talk about any one thing, I think there was just so much they literally can't choose.
One of Lucas' "memorable" if not favorite thing to happen was totally unrelated to any park, beach, air boat or road trip. It was the moment he spotted the pool at our vacation rental.
He had been so busy checking out the rest of the house and helping to haul things in from the car that he had missed the pool in the back of the house. The rest of our crew had migrated out to the patio and pool area and the next thing we hear is "wham!!"
I turned around toward the patio doors and what did I see? Lucas on the other side of the glass doors, holding his head and a big old face print on the window of the door. The kid spotted the pool and ran full out toward it....no one ever said a 13 year olds' body and brain engage simultaneously. I can joke about it now but then not so much...scared the poop out of us and dazed him.
By the time all of us on the outside got the doors open and to him inside, he had a big old goose egg on his forehead that he sported for 2 days and was shaking his head trying to clear the stars circling in front of his eyes. So that is the story that Lucas is telling people about his trip to Florida. The only good thing that came from that is he approached the patio doors and pool area with a whole lot more caution for the remainder of the trip.
One of Lucas' "memorable" if not favorite thing to happen was totally unrelated to any park, beach, air boat or road trip. It was the moment he spotted the pool at our vacation rental.
He had been so busy checking out the rest of the house and helping to haul things in from the car that he had missed the pool in the back of the house. The rest of our crew had migrated out to the patio and pool area and the next thing we hear is "wham!!"
I turned around toward the patio doors and what did I see? Lucas on the other side of the glass doors, holding his head and a big old face print on the window of the door. The kid spotted the pool and ran full out toward it....no one ever said a 13 year olds' body and brain engage simultaneously. I can joke about it now but then not so much...scared the poop out of us and dazed him.
By the time all of us on the outside got the doors open and to him inside, he had a big old goose egg on his forehead that he sported for 2 days and was shaking his head trying to clear the stars circling in front of his eyes. So that is the story that Lucas is telling people about his trip to Florida. The only good thing that came from that is he approached the patio doors and pool area with a whole lot more caution for the remainder of the trip.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Goofballs Galore!
I'm headed back to school next week after summer break. Much to all the kids dismay I put their pictures on my desk at work. I have to say they are pretty good sports as long as I can keep the actual photo sessions to under 30 minutes. I'm not saying they don't complain, tease, antagonize and generally mess around but somehow we get it done. There are always a few they think that I won't print and put in frames on the desk...like the one below....they are wrong so much of the time....don't mess with mom she has photographic evidence.
I have to say that this was one time that the girls actually managed to embarrass their brothers. Much as the girls tried to corrupt them into acting like goofballs, they couldn't quite pull it off.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Comic Books Are Amazing
I'm interrupting our trip stories (I know you'll be disappointed) to tell you about the "amazing" trip that Lucas and Eli got to take this afternoon. How do I know it was amazing? They told us it was when they came back.
Rachel and her boyfriend, Ross, took them to one of Ross' favorite places, a comic book store, in Omaha. Ross loves comic books, I think it's his goal to recruit a couple more followers. I'm not sure which was more amazing the store, the comics, the ice cream or the fact that Lucas and Eli got to go with the "big" kids by themselves.
Eli's goal for the trip was to come back with a comic book big enough that he couldn't read it in a day. Lucas was after the good guy comic book, oh, and it had to be a lot of pages. They were both successful and happy.
I think we are going to have to work on a new descriptive word because the word amazing is being used a whole lot since the Florida trip.
Rachel and her boyfriend, Ross, took them to one of Ross' favorite places, a comic book store, in Omaha. Ross loves comic books, I think it's his goal to recruit a couple more followers. I'm not sure which was more amazing the store, the comics, the ice cream or the fact that Lucas and Eli got to go with the "big" kids by themselves.
Eli's goal for the trip was to come back with a comic book big enough that he couldn't read it in a day. Lucas was after the good guy comic book, oh, and it had to be a lot of pages. They were both successful and happy.
I think we are going to have to work on a new descriptive word because the word amazing is being used a whole lot since the Florida trip.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Disney, Air Boats and the Beach....
We made it, we enjoyed it and we are still recovering from our summer vacation to Disney and beyond. We all managed to arrive in one piece, some by plane and some of us (Mike, Lucas, Eli and myself) by car. I was very proud of the way both Lucas and Eli handled two and a half days in the car, both down and back. No fights or arguments and blessedly no car sickness.
If you ask them what the best part of the trip was they will both say, "All of it." I figured it would be Disney but they actually talk about the road trip, beach and air boat excursions equally. I think at the time everything was hitting them at a high speed that they've had to take this past week to think it all over. I've had to take this last week to recover. Disney was a whole lot easier with 3 kids and 15 fewer years of age on our part.
For now I will leave you with a few pictures and say that we are glad we waited a few years since the boys arrival before tackling this vacation, it definitely would have been too much for them even a year ago.
If you ask them what the best part of the trip was they will both say, "All of it." I figured it would be Disney but they actually talk about the road trip, beach and air boat excursions equally. I think at the time everything was hitting them at a high speed that they've had to take this past week to think it all over. I've had to take this last week to recover. Disney was a whole lot easier with 3 kids and 15 fewer years of age on our part.
For now I will leave you with a few pictures and say that we are glad we waited a few years since the boys arrival before tackling this vacation, it definitely would have been too much for them even a year ago.
We were all very glad when we saw this sign!
This was just outside of Magic Kingdom on the first day...yes those expressions are genuine awe!
Study of the park maps was Lucas' self designated job.
Better than drumming on each other's heads.
Fans and a spray bottle, good for 100 degree weather and for irritating your brother.
Alligator hunter Lucas.
They have been waiting to return to the ocean for almost 4 years. They were thrilled to see dolphins, swim with sting rays and play in the sand.
"Amazing" was Lucas' word of the day.
Eli was so thrilled to be able to swim, his last experience in the ocean was not so fun.
Lucas taking one last look at the end of the day.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Five Little Ponchos
No trip to the state of Florida and especially Disney goes without rain showers. Once we made it into the great state of Florida and experienced a few of the thunderstorms (brief but mighty) I told the boys that we needed to buy some rain ponchos or suffer from soggy clothes.
They were both remarkably agreeable. This is the conversation from the back of the car:
Luke: "You know Eli we had ponchos in the Philippines, when we walked to school."
Eli: "Oh ya, I love those things, they covered the backpack and kept stuff dry."
Luke: "Yep, but we only had 5 ponchos and there were six of us walking so one always got wet."
Eli: "Not me, I got in line first!"
Luke: "Oh ya, you did that a lot."
Needless to say once we checked in and got things around we went poncho hunting and we made sure everyone (except a couple of our older ones - Ross and Mark who probably are a little past the age of having Mickey Mouse plastered on their chests) has a poncho and all is good...now watch there won't be a rain drop in sight!
They were both remarkably agreeable. This is the conversation from the back of the car:
Luke: "You know Eli we had ponchos in the Philippines, when we walked to school."
Eli: "Oh ya, I love those things, they covered the backpack and kept stuff dry."
Luke: "Yep, but we only had 5 ponchos and there were six of us walking so one always got wet."
Eli: "Not me, I got in line first!"
Luke: "Oh ya, you did that a lot."
Needless to say once we checked in and got things around we went poncho hunting and we made sure everyone (except a couple of our older ones - Ross and Mark who probably are a little past the age of having Mickey Mouse plastered on their chests) has a poncho and all is good...now watch there won't be a rain drop in sight!
Monday, July 8, 2013
Disney Here We Come!
We have been holding our boys hostage....in a vehicle for 2 1/2 days on the way to Disney World...life is tough. Actually they are doing really well. Only one argument and that was about how to pronounce Chattanooga.
We had a "real" talk about what a family vacation was for, how we can all have a good time and also how that good time can be ruined....they are listening so far.
Lucas was a little worried about leaving home for this long. It's the longest he's been away. We assured him that Grandma and Aunt Debbie are taking care of the house sitting duties and the pets for us. He keeps asking every so often if they need reminded, so far he hasn't actually demanded we call them to check.
They both have a much better perception of how big the United States is, traveling from Iowa to Florida, helps with that lesson. You should have seen their faces when we told them this is only half of the U.S....hilarious....okay funny but again 2 1/2 days in a car most things turn hilarious.
Such as traveling through Atlanta, Georgia at 80 mph with Lucas and Eli playing Old Maid/Slap Jack/Slap Your Brother and laughing like hyenas...it was an experience and all survived.
Lucas became quite concerned when we traveled through an "unidentified" city and he said, "Mom! What happened? It looks really bad." Up until this particular city both Eli and Lucas had oohed and ahhed over cities....this one freaked Luke out, he didn't know there are places in the U.S. that look a little tough, thus a need for a massive road trip education.
So far their favorite cities have been Nashville and St. Louis one reason being as they were able to see the sports stadiums they've seen on tv and then the St. Louis Arch was "really cool". Well on to Disney, the rest of the crew will be flying in so it will definitely be an adventure and an education as to how well "the old people" can keep up.
We had a "real" talk about what a family vacation was for, how we can all have a good time and also how that good time can be ruined....they are listening so far.
Lucas was a little worried about leaving home for this long. It's the longest he's been away. We assured him that Grandma and Aunt Debbie are taking care of the house sitting duties and the pets for us. He keeps asking every so often if they need reminded, so far he hasn't actually demanded we call them to check.
They both have a much better perception of how big the United States is, traveling from Iowa to Florida, helps with that lesson. You should have seen their faces when we told them this is only half of the U.S....hilarious....okay funny but again 2 1/2 days in a car most things turn hilarious.
Such as traveling through Atlanta, Georgia at 80 mph with Lucas and Eli playing Old Maid/Slap Jack/Slap Your Brother and laughing like hyenas...it was an experience and all survived.
Lucas became quite concerned when we traveled through an "unidentified" city and he said, "Mom! What happened? It looks really bad." Up until this particular city both Eli and Lucas had oohed and ahhed over cities....this one freaked Luke out, he didn't know there are places in the U.S. that look a little tough, thus a need for a massive road trip education.
So far their favorite cities have been Nashville and St. Louis one reason being as they were able to see the sports stadiums they've seen on tv and then the St. Louis Arch was "really cool". Well on to Disney, the rest of the crew will be flying in so it will definitely be an adventure and an education as to how well "the old people" can keep up.
Having access to dvd's and Ipods for 20 minutes every hour does help with the 27 hour trip. What is even cooler is that they are self regulating the time. They could not have done this road trip even a year ago. So far, so good no motion sickness! Things may look up for riding the attractions at Disney without motion sickness meds.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Turn Around Is Hair Play
Both Lucas and Eli periodically ask to grow their hair out....that is until it gets to a certain length and then we are back to a short cut. Their sisters have a "knack" for teasing them and rubbing their hair just to irritate them. Eli especially doesn't understand why people rub their heads.
Today he caught himself doing the same thing only to Sydney's boyfriend who recently cut his hair short. When we pointed out that Eli doesn't like it when people rub his hair so he shouldn't do it to others...his come back? "Well, just cause I don't like it, they still do it, so I will too."
We may have a little training on the concept of "do unto others as you'd have them do to you."
Today he caught himself doing the same thing only to Sydney's boyfriend who recently cut his hair short. When we pointed out that Eli doesn't like it when people rub his hair so he shouldn't do it to others...his come back? "Well, just cause I don't like it, they still do it, so I will too."
We may have a little training on the concept of "do unto others as you'd have them do to you."
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Mt. Dew Laced Baseball
I have no excuse. I am a bad mom.....at least at Lucas' baseball championship game. His team fought their way through a tough season and then continued to fight through the tournament games until they made it to the championship game. After a billion trips to baseball practices, games where we didn't get home until after midnight....I wanted to watch this game.
Eli was with us (his team was eliminated earlier in the week) and usually pretty good about watching the game. Until this game. He wanted everything the snack stand had to sell plus all the food and drink I had in the cooler. I wanted to watch the game so wasn't a 100% focused on all that Eli was yammering about. He asked for a soda, I reached in the cooler and handed him one, a couple minutes later I looked over at him and realized that I handed him a Mt. Dew.
This soda and Eli are not a good combination unless you are running an experiment of some sort as demonstrated a few minutes later as he catapulted off the top of the bleachers, leaping sideways about 15 feet and snagging a foul ball in mid air, tucking and rolling to come up off the ground to hand it to a little girl. The crowd didn't know which way to look, at the field or in Eli's direction.
Yep. Bad Mom. I paid my dues because it is now 10:45 and he's still running full steam ahead. The makers of Mt. Dew are missing out, they should figure a way to get cars to run on the stuff unfortunately I will no longer be contributing to their corporate coffers.
Eli was with us (his team was eliminated earlier in the week) and usually pretty good about watching the game. Until this game. He wanted everything the snack stand had to sell plus all the food and drink I had in the cooler. I wanted to watch the game so wasn't a 100% focused on all that Eli was yammering about. He asked for a soda, I reached in the cooler and handed him one, a couple minutes later I looked over at him and realized that I handed him a Mt. Dew.
This soda and Eli are not a good combination unless you are running an experiment of some sort as demonstrated a few minutes later as he catapulted off the top of the bleachers, leaping sideways about 15 feet and snagging a foul ball in mid air, tucking and rolling to come up off the ground to hand it to a little girl. The crowd didn't know which way to look, at the field or in Eli's direction.
Yep. Bad Mom. I paid my dues because it is now 10:45 and he's still running full steam ahead. The makers of Mt. Dew are missing out, they should figure a way to get cars to run on the stuff unfortunately I will no longer be contributing to their corporate coffers.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Saturday Morning Conversations
I will be the first to admit this was not so much a conversation between Sydney and Eli but their version of good morning to one another. While enjoying a nice (quiet) cup of coffee in the kitchen this is what I hear:
I think Sydney may have gotten the last word though......she's in there pestering him about which dress she should wear for her date tonight. Someday he may understand that it does not pay to critique a lady, especially the sister who is majoring in communication and is REALLY good at it.
Eli: "Hey Syd, what happened to your hair?" (She'd just spent an inordinate amount of time on it)
Sydney: "I don't know Eli. What happened to your face?" ( Ouch! But not to be out done....)
Eli: "I don't know Syd. What happened to your feet?" (Huh?)
Sydney: "Dude! What is your obsession with my feet. Stop talking to people about my feet." (Who is he talking to?)
Eli: "They aren't right, they are too small!" (apparently there is an appropriate size in Eli's world)
Sydney: "That's just mean!"
Eli: "I'm not mean. I just tell you they aren't right."
I think Sydney may have gotten the last word though......she's in there pestering him about which dress she should wear for her date tonight. Someday he may understand that it does not pay to critique a lady, especially the sister who is majoring in communication and is REALLY good at it.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
When You Leave Guys Home With No Babysitter....
....stuff happens, like they decide between them that the new kitchen sink can surely be put in with no big problem....yep that does not end well for them, my kitchen or my ability to do much cleaning on a Saturday. I am however glad I missed the first 4 hours of installation and opted for a nap during the rest of the installation....it just worked out best that I should vacate the area. That's what smart wives and moms do on a Saturday that the guys decide to be "helpful".
While this "helpful" guy activity occurred a week or so ago I thought it was worth a note and the possibility that I might need proof of such enthusiastic initiative at a later date.
While this "helpful" guy activity occurred a week or so ago I thought it was worth a note and the possibility that I might need proof of such enthusiastic initiative at a later date.
In appreciation of their efforts...the sink was eventually installed and I do enjoy it on a daily basis. Thanks guys!
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Remembering The Past
During our trip to the Philippines to bring Lucas and Eli home we were pleased to have their orphanage and the foster agency give us the only pictures they have from their lives both in Zamboanga City and Manila. The first month we were home Lucas would quietly look at the photos but did not want to ask questions or talk about them. He said they made him sad. Eli....didn't want anything to do with looking at them. Each of them finding their own ways to deal with the past.
Over the past 4 years the albums and documents were stored until today, being brought out occasionally and then put away. Over the last month both Lucas and Eli have asked to see the "youngest" picture we have of them. So in midst of the house cleaning we dug out the photo albums and paperwork.
Needless to say housework came to a complete stop and they dove into those memories and a whole lot of questions started pouring out and even more information about their lives prior to coming into our family. Lucas has often been able to fill in blank areas of our knowledge but this time Eli added his perspective. It was remarkable to watch them as they looked back.
Rediscovering their memories together.
Eli's comments..."Huh. I remember this, Hey Lucas what was this place?"
"See dad, let me tell you about this."
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Wow! We're Not 2
I spoke about doubling the number of children (today I am calling them ALL children) we have in the house during college summer break. The view has switched from introducing boys into the household when Lucas and Eli came home to reintroducing girls back after being away for college during the year.
So far everyone has done fairly well with a few bumps in the road....no one has locked anyone in a closet...it's been a successful transition.
This morning was the day for an all out house cleaning project which involved every child in the house. It didn't take long for the bickering to begin. We all range from those possessing OCD tendencies to the easily distracted (unmotivated).
I have to say I'm pretty good at keeping 2 kids (Lucas and Eli) moving constructively forward, add the 3rd and 4th adult children (Rachel and Sydney) and things become more opinionated on how things are being done. At one point the boys were breezing through tasks and I was working in the laundry room with Lucas. The girls apparently hit a snag (also known as two college kids learning to live together) and as sisters do they disagreed....vocally...and loudly. Lucas looked over at me and said, "Wow Mom! They sound like Eli and me but we aren't 2 years old anymore...how old are they?"
I'm pretty sure it was a good thing the girls couldn't hear us laughing....that would have been another issue.
So far everyone has done fairly well with a few bumps in the road....no one has locked anyone in a closet...it's been a successful transition.
This morning was the day for an all out house cleaning project which involved every child in the house. It didn't take long for the bickering to begin. We all range from those possessing OCD tendencies to the easily distracted (unmotivated).
I have to say I'm pretty good at keeping 2 kids (Lucas and Eli) moving constructively forward, add the 3rd and 4th adult children (Rachel and Sydney) and things become more opinionated on how things are being done. At one point the boys were breezing through tasks and I was working in the laundry room with Lucas. The girls apparently hit a snag (also known as two college kids learning to live together) and as sisters do they disagreed....vocally...and loudly. Lucas looked over at me and said, "Wow Mom! They sound like Eli and me but we aren't 2 years old anymore...how old are they?"
I'm pretty sure it was a good thing the girls couldn't hear us laughing....that would have been another issue.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Proud of Himself
The evolution of Eli's journey these past 3 years since coming home is something to witness. He did not have it easy starting out his first 8 years in the Philippines. He was not the people pleaser that Lucas was. He did not conform. He was (and can still be) a very black and white personality. There is right and wrong in his book and he does not trust easily. You prove yourself before you are admitted into his trust. Those first 8 years he survived and didn't have many reasons to build his confidence or trust.
You would not have heard him ever say something good about himself. The first time I remember him saying anything close to bragging was one day after school when he announced, "I'm not dumb! I can do this! They don't think I'm stupid."
It can be a fine balance between building confidence and walking the line of arrogance. Last night after his baseball game he was so excited. The kid is good at sports. He's found something he loves and knows he has talent and skills in sports.
He was getting cleaned up after the game and kept appearing in the living room (longest shower/bedtime routine on record) to talk about the game. Finally, right before he went to bed, he came up to me and said, "Mom. I did good tonight. I'm proud of me." Off to bed he went. Good thing I was sitting down. I don't think I've ever heard him say those words. We are pretty proud of him too...for a lot of reasons but mostly for the tremendous journey he's traveled to get to the point of being proud of himself.
You would not have heard him ever say something good about himself. The first time I remember him saying anything close to bragging was one day after school when he announced, "I'm not dumb! I can do this! They don't think I'm stupid."
It can be a fine balance between building confidence and walking the line of arrogance. Last night after his baseball game he was so excited. The kid is good at sports. He's found something he loves and knows he has talent and skills in sports.
He was getting cleaned up after the game and kept appearing in the living room (longest shower/bedtime routine on record) to talk about the game. Finally, right before he went to bed, he came up to me and said, "Mom. I did good tonight. I'm proud of me." Off to bed he went. Good thing I was sitting down. I don't think I've ever heard him say those words. We are pretty proud of him too...for a lot of reasons but mostly for the tremendous journey he's traveled to get to the point of being proud of himself.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Are We Driving By New York?
This summer we are taking a road trip....a 1500 mile one to be exact. Disney World here we come! This trip has been talked about since the boys came home but with everything about Disney (crowds, confusion and overload) we wanted to make sure that Lucas and Eli could handle it....now I'm wondering if positions aren't reversed and it's the rest of us that are unprepared.
Part of the family is flying, Mike, I and the boys are driving. There is just no way to explain this country and the size as well as enjoying (enduring) a 2 1/2 day road trip. Lucas and Eli think that the 45 minute trip into Omaha is f..o...r..e...v...e..r! We have driven to New Mexico which is about an 1000 miles from home....they seem to have blocked the actual riding in the car part from their memories.
Yesterday Lucas asked if we would be driving by New York. Now let's give his teachers credit they have taught him where New York is in relationship to Iowa. He just does not see the need to drive from Iowa to Florida via the shortest route...yet. I'm guessing by hour 3 of the drive he will appreciate not driving by New York.
Both boys have repeatedly asked about New York since coming home. They tell us that they used to talk about New York when they were in the Philippines. I'm not sure why just that state, I'd think maybe California too but no, just New York. Unfortunately for their curiosities we will opt not to do a drive by of the great New York and head in the most efficient route to the land of Mickey Mouse. By the way they've informed us that they are too old and therefore to cool for Mickey and are only going for the rides. We'll see.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Teenage Boys Are Not Humorous
With the massive amount of time we are spending in the car running to baseball games, we have been made very aware that pre-teen and newly turned teenage boys are not funny. They think they are hilarious....they are not.
They tell jokes....that aren't funny....they think they are hilarious too. They can make more body noises than any mammal alive and think they are geniuses in the making....they are not. They think bickering is an art form that is also funny. I've effectively communicated that this "humor" is a sure fire trigger to my mom button that if pushed too far will result in lost Ipods, tv, privileges and pretty much anything else that pops into my fried brain.
Tomorrow come rain or shine, double header or not, I know two young men who have an outside chore list that would make my "rise before the sun and work all day" father proud. Hopefully it is a start to their understanding that the time to push your moms buttons is not in the car, late at night as she drives your carcasses home from the billionth game of the week. They will learn this lesson well.
They tell jokes....that aren't funny....they think they are hilarious too. They can make more body noises than any mammal alive and think they are geniuses in the making....they are not. They think bickering is an art form that is also funny. I've effectively communicated that this "humor" is a sure fire trigger to my mom button that if pushed too far will result in lost Ipods, tv, privileges and pretty much anything else that pops into my fried brain.
Tomorrow come rain or shine, double header or not, I know two young men who have an outside chore list that would make my "rise before the sun and work all day" father proud. Hopefully it is a start to their understanding that the time to push your moms buttons is not in the car, late at night as she drives your carcasses home from the billionth game of the week. They will learn this lesson well.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Birthday Underwear!
Yesterday, Eli celebrated his 12th birthday. On Friday he will celebrate again. Again on Saturday and by the looks of it Sunday too. We just can't get everyone in one place these days.
He was so excited when I called home from work to check on his day. I said, "so do you feel any different?" His resounding answer? "YES! I'm 12!"
I mentioned earlier that the favorite past time at our house these days is sibling torture. Rachel and Sydney decided to have a little fun with Eli. They told him that all of them were meeting me after work to go buy his birthday underwear. You also may need to know that both of these girls have been in drama for years. They are good.
By the time they picked me up at 3:30 he was hollering from the backseat, "I don't want birthday underwear, I have underwear, I like my underwear, I'll wear my own." Lucas also bought into the act because let's face it the only thing better than torturing one brother is torturing two.
We started out the 30 minute drive with him asking why I was in a hurry. I of course had to contribute, "Well the underwear sale ends in 30 minutes so we've got to get there." They both bought the story until the parking lot of the movie theater. I wish I could have recorded Eli's scream. Hilarious!
Rachel said that it was even worth enduring Iron Man 3 for the second time, just to see his smile.
He was so excited when I called home from work to check on his day. I said, "so do you feel any different?" His resounding answer? "YES! I'm 12!"
I mentioned earlier that the favorite past time at our house these days is sibling torture. Rachel and Sydney decided to have a little fun with Eli. They told him that all of them were meeting me after work to go buy his birthday underwear. You also may need to know that both of these girls have been in drama for years. They are good.
By the time they picked me up at 3:30 he was hollering from the backseat, "I don't want birthday underwear, I have underwear, I like my underwear, I'll wear my own." Lucas also bought into the act because let's face it the only thing better than torturing one brother is torturing two.
We started out the 30 minute drive with him asking why I was in a hurry. I of course had to contribute, "Well the underwear sale ends in 30 minutes so we've got to get there." They both bought the story until the parking lot of the movie theater. I wish I could have recorded Eli's scream. Hilarious!
Rachel said that it was even worth enduring Iron Man 3 for the second time, just to see his smile.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
School Is Out...Let The Sibling Bickering Commence
Summer school break must be a little like labor and delivery. You forget about the painful part and just remember the good parts....just like summer break. Usually I get about a 1 week span between the end of school and the first "sibling" issue...this year it started 2 minutes before the official end of the school year.
Needless to say and saving a few of the "participants" embarrassment, it is not easy to move home from college for the summer (Sydney) or in preparation for months of student teaching (Rachel) or to have 2 of your older sisters re enter the household (Lucas and Eli).
The issues could all probably be solved with the addition of two more bedrooms with separate entrances, all of which would be on different floors preferably with their own bathrooms and kitchens. I have 4 more work days left until I'm off on summer break. I just hope the house survives and I still have all kids present and accounted for when next Thursday rolls around.
Needless to say and saving a few of the "participants" embarrassment, it is not easy to move home from college for the summer (Sydney) or in preparation for months of student teaching (Rachel) or to have 2 of your older sisters re enter the household (Lucas and Eli).
The issues could all probably be solved with the addition of two more bedrooms with separate entrances, all of which would be on different floors preferably with their own bathrooms and kitchens. I have 4 more work days left until I'm off on summer break. I just hope the house survives and I still have all kids present and accounted for when next Thursday rolls around.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Someone To Remember
Today is Memorial Day here in the United States. Over this past week-end our family took flowers to the cemetery in memory of my dad, grandparents and sister. Taking flowers to the cemetery at this time of year was a huge thing for my parents and something that we've continued on with our kids.
The kids all know that a cemetery is not the end but a new beginning. They are a place however, that we can go and remember and think a little more in depth about those we've loved who have died. The good, funny and not so fun times we may have had with that person.
I always remember back to a friend of ours that told us he thought Memorial Day and visiting cemeteries was useless and unnecessary. Yes, you remember people no matter where you are or what time of year but his statement has always bothered me. Visiting the grave sites of those we love lets our family share together those memories and open up conversations that I'm pretty sure people don't have anywhere other than a cemetery.
This is one tradition that Lucas especially takes an interest in. Anything or anytime he has a chance to learn about family members and how they are related and what they were like is of interest. When I told him we were going this week-end he started asking questions much as he's done the last 3 years since they've come home.
He was very worried that we could not take my mom to the cemetery, her health is not good. He talked about grandma telling him stories last year and that she would be sad that she couldn't go. I told him that yes she would be sad but that she knows that we will go for her and that we will remember all the stories she has told and add some new ones that he hasn't heard.
He thought it over and said, "Ok, I guess that will work. I can go and remember because grandma told me stuff and I don't think I ever had anyone to remember and now I have family here so I'll do my remembering here."
I have no doubt that this grandson from a half a world away, that didn't get a chance to know his grandpa will be able to say to his children, "let me tell you what I remember about my grandparents."
The kids all know that a cemetery is not the end but a new beginning. They are a place however, that we can go and remember and think a little more in depth about those we've loved who have died. The good, funny and not so fun times we may have had with that person.
I always remember back to a friend of ours that told us he thought Memorial Day and visiting cemeteries was useless and unnecessary. Yes, you remember people no matter where you are or what time of year but his statement has always bothered me. Visiting the grave sites of those we love lets our family share together those memories and open up conversations that I'm pretty sure people don't have anywhere other than a cemetery.
This is one tradition that Lucas especially takes an interest in. Anything or anytime he has a chance to learn about family members and how they are related and what they were like is of interest. When I told him we were going this week-end he started asking questions much as he's done the last 3 years since they've come home.
He was very worried that we could not take my mom to the cemetery, her health is not good. He talked about grandma telling him stories last year and that she would be sad that she couldn't go. I told him that yes she would be sad but that she knows that we will go for her and that we will remember all the stories she has told and add some new ones that he hasn't heard.
He thought it over and said, "Ok, I guess that will work. I can go and remember because grandma told me stuff and I don't think I ever had anyone to remember and now I have family here so I'll do my remembering here."
I have no doubt that this grandson from a half a world away, that didn't get a chance to know his grandpa will be able to say to his children, "let me tell you what I remember about my grandparents."
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Parenting a 40 Year Old Eli
A common occurrence at our house is the brief glimpses into the future of what Lucas and Eli will be like as old men. They will have these detailed conversations that would sound more natural coming out of 80 year olds than 13 and 12 year olds.
I arrived home from work this week to be treated to a glimpse of what Eli could look like at 40. He walked out of his room as I came in the door looking like this....
I arrived home from work this week to be treated to a glimpse of what Eli could look like at 40. He walked out of his room as I came in the door looking like this....
He thought he was pretty tough looking...I had another description...then he showed me his tough face....
Then I had to tell him if he showed up at the baseball game looking like this, we would have to pull his birth certificate to prove to the other team that he was almost 12 instead of 40. Reluctantly the mustache was removed.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
A First For This Blog
I've never done this here on my blog. I want to recommend another's blog for you to read. I don't know why I haven't done this before, I read a lot of adoption blogs from around the world and find such a wealth of knowledge and met a world full of wonderful people through them.
I stumbled on this blog, can't remember how. It is written by a sibling of adopted children. The post that I would like you to read is dated, May 22, entitled "Siblings".....read all of them if you have the chance. It is such a heart felt, well written and though provoking piece, she deserves to have her thoughts read.
Please take the time to go to: www.thankfulforthecrazy.wordpress.com It will lift you up, it will make you think and possibly make you consider your possibilities.
I stumbled on this blog, can't remember how. It is written by a sibling of adopted children. The post that I would like you to read is dated, May 22, entitled "Siblings".....read all of them if you have the chance. It is such a heart felt, well written and though provoking piece, she deserves to have her thoughts read.
Please take the time to go to: www.thankfulforthecrazy.wordpress.com It will lift you up, it will make you think and possibly make you consider your possibilities.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
The Meaning of a Hug
In the hectic after work, hurry clean up the house, start laundry, fix supper, clean up supper of last night, Eli managed to stop me in my tracks. I was putting away the left over food and cleaning up from supper when in the middle of the kitchen, Eli stepped into my path with his arms out.
I said, "What's up?" This is not the child that hugs without a well thought out or deeply felt need. It took a long time for him to be comfortable with hugs and his initiating a hug is a well guarded luxury.
His answer, "Just thanks for taking care of us. I love you."
For all the milestones this child has crossed and the progress he's made, his hugs are probably in the top 3 things that I love about him. You know that when you are on the receiving end of them, they mean something. They mean a lot. They aren't given in passing, they aren't manipulative, they are amazing.
Next time you give a hug....make it an Eli kind of hug. They mean a lot.
I said, "What's up?" This is not the child that hugs without a well thought out or deeply felt need. It took a long time for him to be comfortable with hugs and his initiating a hug is a well guarded luxury.
His answer, "Just thanks for taking care of us. I love you."
For all the milestones this child has crossed and the progress he's made, his hugs are probably in the top 3 things that I love about him. You know that when you are on the receiving end of them, they mean something. They mean a lot. They aren't given in passing, they aren't manipulative, they are amazing.
Next time you give a hug....make it an Eli kind of hug. They mean a lot.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Who Is That Boy On The Pitcher's Mound?
Baseball season is in full swing. We had 3 games, in 3 nights last week, one rain delay and really late nights especially for school nights.
By night 3 we were treated to a different side of Eli on the pitcher's mound....his irritation factor had been reached. The team we were playing was tough....mainly due to the poor sportsmanship screaming out of the dug out. Very much against league rules which are supposed to be strictly enforced...that did not happen.
Eli is usually on remote control on the baseball field. He sees the challenge, he meets the challenge. You don't hear a word or usually know what is going on in his head, he is ice. Well.....the ice melted about the time he decided he'd had enough heckling and then the "Filipino Fire" lit and he visibly changed into a pitcher that was not going to allow one more lead off, attempted steal or run.
I'm not sure how many runners he had eating dirt or eventually giving up and staying put. No it didn't help him out with the other teams heckling but it did get him to smile...a little wickedly. I have to say from my mom's eyes, it was a slightly (no hugely) proud moment and slightly scary to watch him come off that pitcher's mound and run or throw an imposing player out or back to base.
The self control and confidence he has developed is amazing. He's usually very careful with who sees his emotions and controls them in public....yep I think it's safe to say that he's comfortable with baseball and the rest of the season should be really interesting.
By night 3 we were treated to a different side of Eli on the pitcher's mound....his irritation factor had been reached. The team we were playing was tough....mainly due to the poor sportsmanship screaming out of the dug out. Very much against league rules which are supposed to be strictly enforced...that did not happen.
Eli is usually on remote control on the baseball field. He sees the challenge, he meets the challenge. You don't hear a word or usually know what is going on in his head, he is ice. Well.....the ice melted about the time he decided he'd had enough heckling and then the "Filipino Fire" lit and he visibly changed into a pitcher that was not going to allow one more lead off, attempted steal or run.
I'm not sure how many runners he had eating dirt or eventually giving up and staying put. No it didn't help him out with the other teams heckling but it did get him to smile...a little wickedly. I have to say from my mom's eyes, it was a slightly (no hugely) proud moment and slightly scary to watch him come off that pitcher's mound and run or throw an imposing player out or back to base.
The self control and confidence he has developed is amazing. He's usually very careful with who sees his emotions and controls them in public....yep I think it's safe to say that he's comfortable with baseball and the rest of the season should be really interesting.
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