I had to think about this one for a little bit. Our daughters are older than Lucas and Eli, the closest in age is Sydney and she is 7-8 years older. Initially we were concerned about their reactions to adoption and to having brothers in general.
We try, more successfully at times than others, to keep the status even with all five kids. Whether it is time, attention or one on one time. Usually this involves Mike and I dividing and conquering the needs. Let's face it we are not always able to cover all the bases, there are two of us and five of them. It's worked out well to have that wide age span, understanding your parents need to spend time or assets on a sibling is a whole lot easier as an adult than if they were closer in age.
I think the girls were pretty used to having to take turns, if you would, sometimes time, money and opportunity would favor one over the other. By the time the boys came on the scene those type of choices haven't really played too big a part for our family.
If I were to pinpoint one area that can rub the girls the wrong way, it would be that we are not as strict or impatient with the boys as they perceive us to have been with them. Let's face it, we are older parents. The things that were stressers or a big deal to us as young parents aren't as big a deal to us now. That's not to say we let the boys run amok, we just deal with issues differently. Similar to the difference between a new parent hauling everything but the kitchen sink on an outing to the grandparents house and a parent with multiple children being lucky to make sure the kids are all wearing shoes...priorities shift.
How do we deal with this subject when the girls mention it? We generally let them talk it out. With girls there is always a lot of talking....especially ours. They have known from the time we walked off the plane (Sydney knew in Manila as she traveled with us) with the boys, that meeting Lucas and Eli's needs were going to have to be handled differently.
The girls also have the advantage of having 2 sisters in the same boat. They talk a lot to one another. Not in an effort to gang up on the boys but to get the other sisters' perspective on things.
This is where I take advantage of being a proud parent. We are extremely blessed to have some wonderful kids. I wish I could capture the look on their faces when I posed the question to each of them about what they thought about having adopted brothers and what they thought of their sisters.....separately, every last one of them said, "they are just by sisters/brothers, I don't think about the adoption part". To some people that phrasing may seem dismissive of the journey we've traveled. I find it to be a testament to the relationships they've forged with one another and the equality they feel for each others' place within the family.
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