One of the Good Guys

After the rant from my previous post, today was a day that Lucas and Mike and I all needed.  It was the track and field day for the elementary.  Lucas had a great day outdoors with his friends, 2 first place finishes and a third place in relay.  Eli had 2 first place finishes and a 2nd in the relay.

It was good to be out in the sunshine and see the smile on Lucas' face and those of the kids that you know are his friends and appreciate his friendship.  It was a good day.

Lucas and his buddy Ross

Surviving An Orphanage Feels Easier

Let me start by saying some days I absolutely detest the nasty, mouthy, mean, conniving, sneaky, little poops (that's the clean version of my true words) that can surround our children on a near daily basis.  Then I need to stop and think about all the wonderful kids that are great and try to hold on to those thoughts as I try to explain to my 13 year old that he doesn't have to be friends with every kid and not every kid wants to be his friend.

I need to also say that we whole heartily embrace the fact that no child including ours is perfect and therefore we strive very hard to view issues from all sides, knowing that there can be more to the picture than what we are seeing or hearing.  This approach can have as many drawbacks as being an over protective, over reactive parent.

We've been working with Lucas on different ways to deal with bullies and trying to get him to speak up when he encounters these problems especially at school.  Tonight after yet another encounter with his tormentor we were left to try to explain the unexplainable.  Frankly, I'm done.  We have tried to give him the tools he needs to be able to handle conflict, now I think it's the parents turn.

I'm am not in favor of running to school officials about every scrape, conflict or issue.  Schools should be able to concentrate on education.....unfortunately today's society does not allow that luxury.  I suppose it could be said that, "if it happens on your watch it's your responsibility".  Thus we will be heading to school.

Meantime, we set at home for over an hour and explained to our 13 year old son, who survived abandonment, lived 5+ years in an extremely impoverished Philippine orphanage protecting and providing for his younger brother, willingly moved to a large city to a temporary foster family while waiting to join and travel with "strangers" who were to become his family, moving 1/2 a world away from everything he'd known to a culture, language and world he knew nothing of and who has embraced, achieved and grown into an incredible young man.... that the "little crapper" who isn't worth the dirt on Luke's shoe would not survive or thrive through those same type of struggles nor be half the person Lucas is right now.  Little we say, touches Lucas' "kids" heart, whose desire is to be liked by everyone.

Hearing your child say that life wasn't so confusing in the Philippines....knowing how hard their lives were in the Philippines....really makes me want to explain a few hard truths to a certain spoiled and manipulative classmate.

If you have read this blog from the beginning of our journey you will know that there aren't often times that I say a whole lot of negatives about adopting and this isn't intended to be one of those times.  It's not a frustration with adoption it's a total meltdown over some privileged, culturally and socially unexposed kid who has decided that Lucas and his gaps in understanding are free game for harassment and bullying....they aren't and this is not acceptable.

It's hard to hear your kid miss the years spent in an orphanage because understanding "mean kids" is too hard, it's heartbreaking and infuriating.  Nothing should be that tough and no bully deserves to detract from Lucas' joy of life.

The Silent Treatment

Apparently silence is not so golden after all.  A certain son (Eli) has decided that it's only fun for me to have laryngitis for 24 hours but 72 hours hinders his lifestyle.

Tonight he told me, "Mom, you start talking now.  I not hear you and I'm tired of it."  Yes.  That's right.  My son just told me flat out he missed the sound of my voice.  Too funny because I know that give him 1 hour of having a mom with voice enough to give him chores and tell him to pick up his room and he will be wishing for the silent treatment again.

I'm Going To Jail!

Hearing your son holler this at you at 7:00 a.m. is an eye opener to say the least.  Yes, he is going to jail....for his class field trip.  The 5th graders are touring the county jail and courthouse and having lunch in the park.  He's very excited, now if I can keep him from screaming announcements so bright and early we'd all be excited and if I were to never hear those particular words come out of his mouth again I will be super excited.

Baseball, Concerts, Field Trips, Graduations and A Wedding

Well spring has arrived...you can't tell it by our weather but it has by the calendar.  The month of May is so packed with activity that we have to have a spreadsheet with our calendar in order to hopefully keep track of  everything.  Even with that there is massive juggling and having to choose between things.

This week alone we have 3 baseball games, 2 field trips, a track and field day, 6 graduations and a wedding.   I asked Mike the other day if he'd ever thought about what life would have been like if we hadn't adopted Lucas and Eli.  How quiet, slow and non rushed everything would be.  He said he couldn't imagine it and didn't want to as this is better than anything that may have been.

It is something that strikes me as an older adopting parent.  Our friends that are our age and whose kids, our older kids grew up with are now empty-nesters.  We are not.  We have (if possible) more going on than ever before.  It's something we talked about before we brought the boys home as a consideration.  It's not that our friends are sitting still, they have a world of stuff going on it's just not the same as what is happening in our home.  

I was watching television the other day and saw a commercial for a website on "training your brain" in an effort to keep your mind sharp.  It made me laugh, all you'd have to do is keep an active sports, school and social calendar and your brain would be screaming for a break.  Then I have a week-end like this past one.  I've been laid low by some spring "bug".  Eli and Lucas have taken care of "sick mom", as I am currently referred to, cleaned and cooked and played without killing one another.  They also frequently assured me that they'd take care of me when I'm old and will take care of things when we are dead.....nothing like incentive to get better when you're sick....boys are blunt and inspirational.

So if our lives no longer resemble what was or what may have been, I know that it is still a good path and one I'm so glad we are on.

Mom? You Look Like Dirt

Some days boys can be tough on a mom's ego.  Today they were probably right in thinking I looked a little rough coming home from work.  It was an intense day.

A five hour software training (not fun), a tragedy with a students' family, cranky people ALL day long and I wasn't feeling the best to begin with.  But there was a silver lining....hey I'm looking for a bright spot in this day.

When I came in the door, both boys and Mike took one look at me, got me a pillow, the remote and a blanket, topped off by a pat on the head from Eli.  As the boys were moving off to the family room, I heard Eli say, "Wow, it must have been a bad day for mom."

Here I thought I was holding it together fairly well...guess not.  Really grateful for my guys tonight...even if they seem to be giving the "crazy" mom a lot of room.

Be More Like The Philippines

Today is May 2, 2013.  Today there is a two hour late start for school due to.......snow and ice.  I mentioned it's May 2nd right?  No one is happy in western Iowa this morning least of which is Eli.  This very uncommon (last time was 1960 something) snow event has schools delayed this morning.  That is not why Eli is disgruntled.  He is a kid after all.

Number one thing to make him unhappy?  Having to take the dog outside for his business.  It's cold, it's icy and being the "he man" he thinks he is, he refused to put on appropriate clothing.  Shorts and snow boots were his choice for the chore.....yep he was cold.  As all our neighbors can testify because they probably heard him complaining a 1/2 mile away.

Once he and his much chillier self got back inside, he went to the kitchen window and with hands on hips thought to teach me how inappropriate and wrong it was for us to have snow.....again.  According to him, the Philippines don't have snow right now and why does Iowa have so much and we never have had snow before in May, we should be like the Philippines.   I think he may believe we've pulled a fast one on him and that this freaky May weather is the norm and what he's experienced since coming home is actually unusual.  It's probably a good thing he wasn't adopted into a family in Alaska.

It Makes Me Sad

Last night was a full night of baseball practices for both Lucas and Eli.  Quiet night for me...2 hours of mom time as Mike helps out at practice so it's just me, me, me.

After practice and the required clearing of all food in the refrigerator, all three congregated in the living room to rehash practice and talk about Eli's Tuesday night game.  Lucas was talking and I happened to turn my head to listen and I would not be able to tell you a single thing he said...I was dumbfounded as to who this young man sitting in my living room was and what on Earth had happened to my son.

One of the hardest things for me in adopting older children is how fast they grow up.  I felt that way with our daughters but with our sons it is like warp speed parenting and growth.  Yes, we have the fluctuation between boy and teenager....but last night was a whack us side my head that the future is here and the little boys we brought home from the Philippines are disappearing and becoming their future selves.  Makes me sad and happy at the same time if that is possible.

Disney World Needs Funding

Everyone can rest assured that Disney Incorporated does not have financial concerns at this point.  Lucas and Eli's "funding" for our summer, family Disney World trip does.  They are totally in the mode of earning money in order to have money to spend at Disney World.  I am totally on board with supplying the chore list.

Today's chore was yard clean up.  Of course the fact that they got to burn the leaf piles may have been as much incentive as the money earned.....or the challenge of who could hold the rake with one finger the longest.  Either way the yard is getting cleaned, they did it without complaint and their Disney fund has money it it.  A winning start to spring clean up!

......and yes Eli is wearing snow boots and Lucas has sweat socks on with sandals....whatever gets the job done and I'm so saving this picture for later embarrassment.

Have I Mentioned I'm Proud of Our Son?

Lucas.  He is a constant work in progress.  Initially he was our great communicator when the boys came home from the Philippines.  He was the "favored" brother for many of the people  he dealt with on a daily basis.  The easy going, people pleasing kid.

While he still is all that (most of the time) I think it's more for the reason it's good to be those things rather than his life situation being so desperate, using them as a survival technique.

One of his huge hurdles these past 3 years was Eli's evolution as not the person he had been pegged to be in the Philippines.  Eli coming out of his shell, learning independence and his abilities has put Lucas in a new spot.  He no longer has to survive for the both of them.  Lucas is finding out who he is and in a lot of ways it makes him self conscious and shy, shaky in certain environments.

We've been working for two weeks to get him to ask questions in school....every time he doesn't understand...anything....pretty annoying from the teacher side of things....or it would be if we could get him to do it consistently.  Everyone needs to understand when he doesn't understand (including us) because it very easily looks as if he's spacing off.  It's a work in progress.

Last night I was so proud of him.  We were with a group of family members from out of town that Lucas was meeting, some for the first time, some he has met once before.  During our visit something was said and we all laughed.  I couldn't even tell you what it was but what really came home was that Lucas said, "that was a joke right?"  Most people and some reading this probably think, so what?  It was a big deal to him.  Humor is hard for an English language learner on a good day.  For Lucas to stand there and ask a question in a group of people he doesn't know well and then wait for the answer and not duck his head is amazing.

I have to keep reminding myself even now.  Even though he visually looks like he's doing ok and sailing along, he still needs that twice over look from all of us to make sure.  Appearances are deceiving.  I can remember reading on the Philippine Yahoo parent chat group about families that had been home for 3, 4, 5 years and were talking about these types of things and couldn't believe that it was still a work in progress.  Three years down our journey.....I know it to be true.

Retraining Mom

I have been very lucky the last several weeks as Mike has been home in the morning to get the boys around and run them to school.  This morning my "mom" luck ran out, he had an early morning call and the boys and I were on our own.  I'm also pretty sure the boys "believed" they were on their own.

Every step that you can envision in getting a teenager and preteen ready for school was diligently and repeatedly explained to me....loudly.  You would imagine that I had just materialized from space with no prior working knowledge of the routine or them.  

Even as we pulled into the school parking lot, I was being instructed which lane to take, speed limit posting, drop off point and what I needed to do in order to pull out of the school parking lot.  To top everything off Lucas says, "Pooooor Dad.  He has to go to work.  I feel bad for him."   Excuse me!  I'm going to work too....every day....Dad works every day.  Apparently I missed the calendar posting of today as "Feel Sorry for your Dad and Harass Your Mother Day".

Bring On The Homework

Some days a mom just knows that when you see your child approaching you should be taking a seat.  It's just self preservation.  I was sitting at the computer on Sunday when I have a very ratty, purple school folder shoved under my nose by Eli.  "MOM!  I've got papers."

Eli always has papers but for some reason yesterday morning he did not have to be asked if he had papers or homework.  He left me with a pile to review, pulled out a chair and said, "I have homework.  I need to get busy."  And busy he got.  I was totally in shock.

He set in that chair for two hours solid.  Much erasing, sighing and writing.  Never once did he stop.  He wouldn't take a break for anything.  It was amazing to watch.  I couldn't help but think about his initial report on short attention span and educational concerns.....yep, I'm thinking that was not an accurate assessment of what he can do...at all.

Your Sister Can Still Take You

It's been a few weeks since either Sydney or Rachel have been home from college.  To say that Eli and Lucas have become used to being in a primarily male household is an understatement.  The house is louder, messier and very busy schedules....I mentioned louder right?

Sydney came home for a quick visit this week-end before she goes back for her final few weeks of the term.   I think she was genuinely excited to see her brothers....for the first evening anyway.  After that I think the boys got it into their collective brains to tease, torture and TEASE her.

She handled it well, I thought about intervening but when witnessing a couple of "instructional" encounters which let me know that she was not out of practice in sister to brother communication I let her handle it.  Needless to say before going to bed Saturday night, Eli came up to me and said, "Sydney is coming home for the summer?  Man!  She's going to be the boss again."  I just didn't have the heart to remind him that Rachel will be moving home mid summer also.  Enjoy "boy" world guys now, the sisters are coming home soon.

Doing The Math

Did you know that working on homework at the same time as your brother requires arguing every 7.8 seconds?  It does if your sons are Lucas and Eli and you mistakenly put them at the table to work at the same time.

Now keep in mind they aren't in the same grade and were not working on the same subject....it does not matter.  Arguing with one another is the same as breathing to them.

After surviving the homework, Eli closes his folder and came over to stand in front of me.  He proudly announces, "There.  I am done with math.  I know how to do American math now.  Am I done learning?"

"Number one, math is math regardless of country and no son you will never be done learning."  To say the least Eli was greatly disappointed.  Lucas.....laughed his head off resulting in another "loud" disagreement between brothers. 

IPod Is The Devil

To say that both Eli and Lucas are easily lured into video games, videos, movies, etc. is a simplification.  It is something that we monitor (or try) and frequently ban.  We keep trying to increase their personal responsibility in an effort for them to understand their own actions and bodies telling them enough is enough....yep so far that works better than other times.

Self regulation and understanding how their bodies and behaviors are affected is a big learning thing for both of them right now.  We don't think us taking every video related item away and banning them is the answer, it makes them crave it more, doesn't teach them self control and being able to "feel normal and like all their friends" is huge.  

I work in an elementary school and am astounded at the expensive electronic devices kids have at school.  We've never allowed any of our kids to take toys or games to school.  It's a pain for everyone.  That's not saying that our kids didn't and don't "sneak" it to school.  They are kids and kids try things.   I'd hate to know how much money walks into a school every morning in the form of student electronics....I always think..."Who can afford to have their kids walk around with that much equipment?"

The one and only thing that Lucas asked for on his birthday in January was an IPod.  We debated, we saved and he did get one.  After a few learning experiences where the IPod was grounded from him and parental restrictions installed he does well self regulating most of the time.  Not all the time.  He really, REALLY wants to take that dumb thing to school....."Everyone else does" is frequently heard.

He tried taking it awhile back, got caught by the mom patrol, grounded, served "no IPod" time and retained the experience for 6 weeks.  Last night, mom patrol discovered it again and now the IPod is in my purse.  Perhaps Lucas is not the only one having to learn a lesson.

Eli's birthday is in June.  IPod is the only thing on his list.  Thinking, thinking, thinking......we'll let you know.

Did You Know Shoes Were That Important?

Last Saturday I took Eli and Lucas shoe shopping...by myself.  Their feet are the latest body item to explode into a growth spurt.  I know from shopping for baseball shoes that they have now entered the world of men's shoes.   Big time for them, expensive for mom and dad.

I had to laugh as we were entering the store, Lucas says "Hey mom those are shoes like we wore in the Philippines."  Eli's comment, "I'm NOT getting those!"  We made it in the store after promising that no we were shopping for tennis shoes. 

Who knew that two boys from the Philippines, who only wore shoes when absolutely necessary and took the first entire winter they were home that, yes they did need to wear shoes in December in Iowa, would become such label conscious and status aware of their footwear.  Let me tell you in 10 seconds they had spotted Nike, Reebok and Adidas.

After a quick lesson that all brands were not the same size no matter what the number said, they had picked out their shoes and were trying them on.  I was slightly suspicious when Eli said he had the right size on the first try.  I walked over to see a 2 inch gap between his heel and the shoe back.  I said, "Eli, you need a smaller size that doesn't fit at all."  Oops big mistake, he looked like I had just set the shoe on fire.

Needless to say, we purchased shoes and everyone was happy.  I asked him later what he was thinking when I told him the first pair were too big.  He said, "Mom.  When we used to get shoes (in Philippines) there wasn't always enough.  If they didn't squeeze my toes I kept them cause there weren't any others and if I complained I didn't get anything."  That noise you heard was my heart cracking.  I said, "Eli, you understand that you will be able to have shoes that fit here, right?"  What do I get for his response, "Yep I know but sometimes I get that funny feeling that there won't be enough.  I know it's different but it still feels funny sometimes."  Again the kid has the ability to absolutely break my heart with his struggles that we probably don't always pick up on.

You're Old When.....

You are old when your youngest son (Eli) is explaining old age to his oldest sister (Alison).  He has a definite view point...do not try and dissuade or realign his thinking.

He explained very precisely to Alison that a person is old when the veins in your hands stand out and are green and blue.  His reasoning was that his great grandmother's hands were that way.

Unfortunately, Eli's explanation took place in the middle of a busy restaurant that caters to the elderly.  When Alison questioned him, he began looking around and scared me to death that he would want to point out those elderly with "large" veins.  Lucky for me, he zeroed in on my hands instead.  I was so relieved to not be designated among the elderly per the "Eli Scale of Aging".

People Ask The Most Amazing Things

Mike and I are somewhat used to being asked amazing, thoughtful, outlandish and heartfelt questions about Lucas and Eli's adoption.  We've had a lot of practice in the past 4 years of answering, not answering, deciphering the motivation behind questions and being amazed at people's overall interest...good and bad.

For the most part Lucas and Eli don't generally experience questions from adults, there have been a few but not many and generally with one of us there to direct or deflect as necessary.  Their friends are another matter.  

Usually they come home from school and tell us questions they were asked and how they answered and then check to see if they answered the question accurately or will talk about things that the question may have started them thinking about.  We've not had that many chances to hear these questions from their friends.  Generally when friends come to play it's about playing not question and answer time.

Recently on the way to a movie we were able to glimpse a picture of the kinds of questions they are asked by friends.  It let us hear what other kids are thinking and wondering about the boys' lives....let's face it kids have their own thought process and when any of you figure it out please let the rest of us know.

This particular friend of Lucas is very bright, inquisitive and a sponge for knowledge.  He's just curious not malicious. Totally out of no where,  Mike and I hear him say from the back seat, "Lucas did you have a dad in the Philippines?"  "You lived in an orphanage right?  What's that gotta be like?"

We listened to how Lucas chose to answer, not answer and talk about the pieces he was comfortable with.  Later after we got home, he wanted to know if he answered "right".  I told him there isn't any right or wrong just what he wanted to share and what he wanted to keep private.  I asked him again if it was ok for me to continue sharing as much as I do.  His answer slays me, "Yep.  You do it, you talk a lot and I don't like to say that many words."

We all know that the early life experiences of Lucas and Eli and that of their friends have little to nothing in common.  It will be interesting to see at what point if ever their friends have their curiosity and questions met and we experience less questions of what was and more what is.  Time will tell.

The Big Words

Frustration.  I can't even begin to estimate the amount of frustration Lucas and Eli experience in the course of a day.  Eli takes his frustrations in stride most of the time.  He shrugs and says he will learn, whatever the subject is, later.  Lucas blurts his challenges at random and spontaneous times.

One night this week after baseball practice, he plopped on the couch beside me and with a huge sigh said, "How do you learn the words?  You know the big ones.  Did you go to kindergarten and they told you all the words and you remembered them?  I didn't go to kindergarten here so I didn't get those big words told to me.  Where do you get them?"

Wow.  I asked if there was a particular word he'd heard or was it a matter of not having a word for what he was trying to say.  Nope.  He said he just got to thinking and he decided that "we all" must have learned every word we know in kindergarten.

Eli, ever the supportive brother, chimed in, "Dude.  Just go with it, make it up, it all sounds funny when we say it any way."  After I stopped the inappropriate parental laughing, I explained that everyone has to learn little words and then over a long time we all learn bigger and more complex words.  

What did I receive in response to my improvised English lesson?   "Huh."  Guess Lucas is staying with the little words as they express what he thinks pretty clearly.

Disney Here We Come

We are planning a huge family vacation this summer, to Disney World.  It's quite a trip for us as getting our family all there in a timely fashion is an undertaking in logistics.  Mike and I are driving with Lucas and Eli.  Thought it would let them see the country between Iowa and Florida.  The girls and their friends are flying, of course not on the same flights as that would be too easy. 

We've wanted to take the boys for some time but also wanted to make sure that they were better equipped to handle the hectic schedule, chaos and crowds.  They are better prepared, we....will never be totally prepared.

The trip is supposed to consist of 4 days of Disney, a beach day and an air boat trip in the Everglades.  We tried to delay telling the boys about the trip because they are now wound beyond all reason.  The next 2+ months will not go fast enough for them, it has even eclipsed Eli's plans for his birthday.

We have also tried to explain how long the trip is..2 1/2 days...that we are all confined in a car for however long it takes.  They've had two other road trips, 18 hours to New Mexico and 7 hours to the Black Hills in South Dakota.  They also do not understand that we won't be close enough in Florida to visit our relatives in New Mexico.....no maps do not help thus the road trip to hopefully give them an idea of the size of the United States.

I'm sure I'll bore the blog world with more vacation trivia as we get closer to leaving...sorry about that.  I have just found it to be another aspect of the boys' learning curve.  Distance, space and time are very hard things to get them to understand unless they physically experience it.  Unfortunately they both get car sick so I'm thinking the physical aspect will be all too real.

Learning About Their Adoption Story From Friends

By the previous posts you've probably gathered that we've been talking a lot about adoption with the boys.  Periodically one or the other will come up with questions or go through phases when remembering is very important to them as they worry about forgetting their lives before adoption.

This past weekend our talks took an unprecedented turn.  Lucas came up to me and asked if our church helped to adopt us.  We've talked about this a lot.  They know that our church family as well as others were vital in bringing them home, from the very start without our community and church they would most definitely not be here in our family today.  So I once again waited and wondered where this conversation was headed.

Didn't have to wait long.  Luke said one of his friends told him that she knew about him before he ever knew any of us.  That she got to see pictures of him in church before he saw pictures of his new family and that she helped bring him home.

I asked if he thought she knew what she was talking about.  His wise response?  "Yep.  I know she did and the church people too but it's really weird that she knew me first cause I'm older and older people are supposed to know things first.  Right?  Cause your old and you know stuff I don't know.  So that's just the way it's supposed to be.  Old people know stuff."  

I asked what he thought old was.  "You know mom like 35."  Made this old mom feel slightly better but we did go on to talk about how even some of the small kids from church remember when we were all working hard to bring them home.  That even small kids have the ability and understanding to affect the world around them.

Alternate Views on Adoption Through The Eyes Of Lucas and Eli (Short Version)

Before we start let me (hopefully) stop any negative comments by saying the boys have a pretty good grasp of adoption, theirs in particular.  I will say they bring laughter and light to a lot of conversations that we, as adults, tend to over think and complicate.

Take the "adoption" of our dog Jack.  They began comparing their adoption story to Jack's adoption, more important to them was to find how many types of things they could find in common.  Ok, as a mom I was slightly appalled.  I tried to redirect the conversation as my "adult" mind thought to be acceptable.  

That was right up until Lucas said, "Mom.  There's nothing wrong with saying us and Jack are adopted...we are.  Except this time we got to be in the family when he was adopted cause we weren't when you and dad adopted the last time."  

Eli's perspective?  "Mom.  It's only fair we got to be part of adopting Jack...except this was a lot easier.  I didn't get so tired from flying home from the Philippines,  we just had to drive to town."

I told you it was adoption...the short version.

Wake Up Call

You know those Saturday mornings when a parent (delusional parent) dreams of sleeping in a little later, enjoying a relaxing cup of coffee and just having a lazy morning?   Yep, I still have those dreams....just not the reality.

Not complaining because in exchange for missing out on this particular dream, Mike and I are treated to dancing, singing and yelling in the kitchen from Eli.  His favorite morning song?  "I'M HUNGRY, I'M HUNGRY!"  I feed the dogs, now it's MY TURN!"  or variations of this theme.

One of the discussions Mike and I had when we were talking about adopting at our ages with the girls almost on their own, centered around what were we planning for the next 25 years.  As I sit in my kitchen this morning listening to "full volume Eli" I did not contemplate this particular activity.  Still glad we didn't miss out on it even though we occasionally reminisce about sleeping in.

You Explain It, I Can't

American humor is one of the hardest things to explain to Lucas and Eli.  First you have to get by the language frustrations, then you have the concrete thinking of English Language Learners and you have to discuss humor, teasing and where the boundaries are to no longer humorous but bordering on bullying.  Yep, it's not easy.

There are some days the one or both of the boys come home and have to ask about something someone said or did that they didn't understand.  It's hard sometimes trying to judge the context in which the original conversation or action took place.  Sometimes humor is humor but there are times when it's necessary to explain that just because the other kid was laughing doesn't mean it was funny.

Tonight Lucas came home from baseball practice saying that a team mate tried to take his new batting helmet.  They each had identical helmets....old mother experience...I put Lucas' name in his.  Apparently, the other boys' helmet was older and I'm not sure if he was teasing Lucas or if he was serious he argued that the new one was his.  Lucas is very, very protective of anything that is new and solely his but he is also the youngest on the team and conscious of not rocking the boat.  

Long story short, Lucas came home with his helmet but was really confused, "Mom?  Was he kidding me or not?"  I didn't have the answer.....again.  I don't want him to be taken advantage of but not leery of people.  Humor is not easy to explain....bad humor is worse.....teasing impossible.  Think I've found another missing chapter to the adoption books.....Explaining the Unexplainable.

Because I Said No

You know you have reached the low point in a conversation with your child when the only thing you have left to say is, "because I said no."   Lucas and Eli are both master bargainers and don't take no for an answer easily, not out of disrespect, it's the challenge.  I think I'll take them to flea market sales this summer....that would be an experience for sure.

Tonight the bargaining was over whether or not "the boys...include my husband in this" could have permission to sell the go cart....and buy a dirt bike.  The go cart was a huge concession for me.  It has roll bars, motor cut off, speed controlled (by the parent) and seat belts...I mentioned the roll bars right?  Dirt bikes possess none of these therefore my vote is NO DIRT BIKE at this point in time.  Much more skill, judgement and SKILL followed by more good judgement needed.

I told Lucas that he didn't know how to ride a dirt bike. He informed me that it's his Dad's fault (remember the good judgement requirement?  Not shown here as he threw the parent in his corner under the bus) as Mike won't let him drive his motorcycle...a full sized Kawasaki 1700 Nomad thus proving the child has no concept  of what he'd be dealing with even in a much smaller version.  This conversation continued until I hear the words, "because I said no" come out of my mouth.  Apparently not something he could bargain or argue with cause I got a humph and he went to tell Eli how they would have to "get along" with the go cart until mom stopped being scared.  Wonder when that exactly is scheduled to happen....probably the same time the good judgement arrives.

Mom's Sick With Lots Of Help

Mondays are tough, tougher when you feel cruddy.  I survived work, came home, my head met a pillow with a chaser of Tylenol.  It was a glorious time.....for approximately 10 minutes.  That's when my worry wart helpers arrived or at least realized mom was out of commission.....they hit the panic button.

Every 5 minutes either Eli or Lucas would appear in front of me, wake me up, ask if I was ok or needed something.  Now please understand that I really appreciate all the love and care and concern.....after the fact.  All I could think of at the time was that if they didn't leave for baseball practice soon, my head was going to explode.

A two hour rest after I achieved quiet and solitude helped somewhat.  Being under the weather definitely limits the boys arguing....again much appreciated.  Before going to bed Eli asked, "Are you better now? Cause you should be cause I need you to feel better.  Good night."  Guess I'm better.

Easter At Grandma's

My dad died in September 2001.  Alison was 16, Rachel 9 and Sydney was 7.  At the time I very vividly remember thinking (with me being the youngest in my family) that my kids would not get the opportunity or privilege to grow up knowing their grandparents in the same way that my nieces and nephews did.  

My dad was not the most politically correct, educated or sophisticated man.  He had an 8th grade education, raised 5 kids, farmed his entire life.  Born in 1915 he saw a lot in his life.  Good and bad.  I also know that grandkids meant the world to him..

He never got to meet Lucas and Eli.  We had never discussed adoption during his life.  I often think (usually when the boys are cracking jokes or speaking the blunt truth) that he would have had a blast with them.

One of the special things that Lucas and Eli missed out on was going to Grandma Plummer's house for holidays.  She has been in a nursing home since before they came home from the Philippines.  It doesn't phase them in the least.  They listen to the girls' stories of grandma's house and seem to file it away in the drawer with "things that happened before they arrived".

Mom is no longer able to come to our homes so we bring pieces of home and holidays to her as much as possible.  As I watched all our kids gather around her for this photo I couldn't help but think of dad.  It's moments like these that bring him close and even though he's not in the picture he's smiling as big as his grandkids.

She's Impressed "The Brothers"

I once again had a post forming in my mind of Easter preparations....they were interrupted by a life moment. Imagine that.

We finally had everything under control in the kitchen on Saturday, Eli was getting cleaned up to go to a birthday party, Lucas was on dog walking patrol and Rachel and Sydney were finally free to go about their day (having been chained to the kitchen for cooking duty :)

A person knows they have a performing arts college student in your home when everyone and I mean everyone (I apologize to the surrounding community) can hear her screams as if she has just sustained a compound fracture.

No there were no limbs severed, blood or fight involved.  It was Sydney spotting the smallest field mouse on the planet....thus the ear shattering screams.  Mike ran in from outside, by the time Rachel and I made it to the top of the stairs, Lucas and Eli had it all in hand....literally.

Then we hear, "don't worry Syd, we'll get it, jeesh!"  "see look Eli catched it"  "jeesh Syd, it's just a tiny mouse".  After Sydney's heart reentered her chest and the rest of us were able to hear better and Eli had washed his hands (by mom demand) he (on his way out the door to the party) says,  "Wow! Syd, that was a good scream, I've never heard ANYTHING like that before."

All I could think was my dad would have been so impressed by Eli's ability to catch a mouse with his bare hands cause I'm pretty sure he heard me scream like that a few times and would have appreciated a kid who could take care of the problem instead of screaming down the house.

Someone Thinks You're Special

On Thursday of this week Lucas and Eli's school held "grandparent's day".  Usually Mike's parents are able to attend but this year they are out of town so big sister Alison and her boyfriend Mark along with Aunt Gail did the honors.

Not everyone is able to bring grandparents so it's evolved into "special person's day".  Aunt Gail went with Lucas' class and Mark and Alison went with Eli's.  As usual it was hard to get much information out of either Luke or Eli until everyone was on the way to bed that night.  Then they had a lot of stories.

Alison on the other hand started talking the minute we all got home.  I was a little worried what she and Mark might encounter at school, if you've never been in an elementary school as anything but a student it could potentially have the makings of overload, miscommunication, total and complete honesty from the mouths of kids and general organized chaos.  Not an environment that most 27 year olds will volunteer for.

Alison learned many things from Eli's friends and even more from her littlest brother.  Below is a couple photos from the afternoon.  The special part is the letter that Eli wrote to her.  Hope you can read it.  When it's important to Eli he is a man of few words.   But how he wields those words can hit you right in the heart.

The letter reads:  Dear Sister,  Thank you for coming to Grandparent's Day.  The three best things I love about you are going shopping with you and going with me.  I love you sister, Love Eli
Sentiment doesn't come easily for Eli...you have to earn his trust and then wait.....for a long time which just makes it that much better when you receive such pronouncements.

I think the third thing he mentions is that she's dating Mark whom both Lucas and Eli worship for his height and basketball skills....and the fact he's pretty nice to their sister.

Lou Gehrig's Life As Told By Eli

Baseball season has begun....yeah...YEAH!  Lucas and Eli will once again have practices every night.  Our practice free time frame?   3 nights, one of which was Sunday with no practice to rush off to.  This year it looks like we have two designated pitchers, on two different teams.  We've had one injury so far (Luke bruised up his forearm....lesson learned, pitchers have to move).  

We watched a movie with a sports announcer as one of the characters.  Afterwards as we were picking up and putting everything away, Eli starts to tell us all his knowledge of the famous baseball player Lou Gehrig.  The kid was a total fountain of knowledge concerning everything about the man.  If he were giving an oral book report he'd have achieved an A+.  

I know it would have received such high marks because I had to go check some of the facts Eli was telling us.  Granted, most of what I know about the man came from an old black and white movie but Eli was correct even on the most obscure things.

Now we get to the part where I messed up as a mom....I know, again.  I wanted to know where he learned all these facts and try to figure out how we could apply whatever method was used to other areas of his education.....guess what answer I got?   A hand wave over his shoulder, a shrug and a grunt.  Don't think I'll be learning any more specifics about the matter.

Are You Sure?

Sometimes a mom can make a mistake.  Never will a child forget when mom makes the mistake.  Ever.  I truly believe that if children would direct this memory skill to educational materials they would all be brilliant.
Unfortunately this skill is solely held for the purpose of reminding parents that we are fallible.

Most of the time I like working in a different school district than the one our kids attend.  One of the major drawbacks to it is that the two district calendars don't always coincide.  This week I'm off a day earlier and they have a day off after I return to work.

On Monday we go over the schedule for the week, practices, early outs, doctors, etc.  This Monday I messed up and told Lucas and Eli they didn't have school on Thursday, on Tuesday I had to tell them I had it mixed up and yes they did have school...oops sorry!  They have not forgotten nor forgiven my mistake to the tune of telling me about it numerous times a morning, afternoon and night.

As I headed out the door this morning, Eli was still saying, "Mom.  You know we have to go to school Thursday, right?"  I said yes that's right.  His immediate response, "You're sure right, cause you know you messed up."  Thanks son.  You have a good day and turn your long memory into a positive thing.

Your Room Is Right There!

We have a new member to the family.  This one has 4 legs, a tail and long floppy ears and is seriously in adoration of Eli....his name is Jack.  He is a long haired dachshund and is five years old.  Did I mention that Eli is his main bud.....really mean it.

Jack is kennel trained although not his favorite place as Eli does not fit in there with him.  Eli thinks Jack is pretty special too...up to a point.   Jack loves Eli's bedroom also.  Eli is fussy about what and who comes into his room, it's his and he will tell you.  He tells Jack a lot.  Jack does not care.

As I was doing laundry and getting supper on the stove, I noticed Eli making several passes through the room with Jack trailing after him I knew some serious, one sided talking was going on.  Finally, after the fourth or fifth trip by me on the way to Jack's kennel I hear, "Jack!  Dude!  This is your room, that is my room, don't you speak English,  this is yours, that is mine.  Mom!  What language does Jack talk?"

So tonight after getting everyone in bed, you may wonder where  Jack ended up?  On the floor under Eli's bed with his nose sticking out with Eli's hand on top of Jack's head.  I had to wish it wasn't so dark in there it would have made a cute picture.  Oh well, I'll leave you with this one we took when we got home from the Humane Society....got to think the dog was happy with his new home.

What's Your Accent Sound Like

I have to admit that I don't hear the boys' accents anymore.  I think I stopped noticing it 3 months into their being home.  I realize it when I notice other people "listening" closely to them.

As we were all talking at the supper table (yes, simultaneously and loudly) I catch an unfamiliar voice.  I had to stop for a second to locate the voice.  It was Lucas speaking to Eli......in a British accent.....perfectly.  Weird to hear that voice coming out of his mouth.  After investigating we found out that he also copies Spanish, French and a little German.

Eli especially found it to be strange as he was arguing with him that he should stop because that is "not the voice he came with".  Guess I wasn't alone in thinking Lucas should sound like the Lucas we know.

Holt Omaha Gala and Auction 2013

This year the Holt Gala and Auction in Omaha will benefit special needs adoption and the Philippines.  As part of the Philippine program when the boys were adopted I can't say enough good things about the support we received from everyone on the staff and on the ground in the Philippines.

If you read back during that time when we working hard to get the boys home, we had our share of struggle, impatience, forces of nature and a battle with Delta airlines.  But hindsight is 20/20 and I know that there were many people working hard to bring the boys home and most importantly God cleared obstacles at a record pace throughout.

By request we sent in the first photo we saw of Lucas and Eli and the most recent one taken this week-end.  How time flies on this side of adoption and drags excruciatingly slow at the beginning.

When I'm Tired Of Explaining

Sometimes I get stuck on a post.  I try and try to write about something else and it isn't what's on my mind.  No matter how many other pieces I try to write I just erase it because it's not what is in my head.

A couple different times over this past week, Mike and I have been in situations where we needed to share/explain some or all of the boys' life stories to this point in order to help meet their needs in different areas.  

Some for educational reasons, some for those wanting adoption information to help with their decisions and some for updates.  It's part of life as we know it.  When we decided to be as open as we are with our journey and after discussing things with Lucas and Eli and having their seal of approval to share, that we do most of the time without a second thought and most times don't mind.

Then there are the times when I think if I have to explain this or that one more time I'm going to snap.  Neither Mike nor I, ever have a problem sharing when it comes to pro adoption conversations or supporting other parents walking a similar road as we do.

The conversations that sap my patience are those of people who ask and really have no intention of either listening or absorbing the information.  Realistically I know that not everyone has the same investment in my kids or adoption that we do.  Usually I'm pretty good at reading a person's intent for asking unless like this past week, I'm exhausted.  These are the week's that I really hope we don't run into too many situations where it's necessary to explain life as we know it.

I'm worried about someone approaching that will genuinely have an interest or reason for the questions they ask and I just don't have it in me to do their interest justice.

I've been asked several times what is the question that throws you most.  It would be that of explaining what does institutional behavior look like.  Until 4 years ago I didn't even know that such a thing existed let alone what it means or could potentially look like.  It has such a broad range that differs from child to child, situation to situation and can appear at the strangest times.

Someone looking at either of our sons at any given time will think they "see" one thing and we are all too aware that it could actually be something else that they are experiencing.  

Here's a question I absolutely detest:  "When do you think they will be over it?"  WHAT?  No seriously, people say this.  Unbelievable.  These are the questions I pray don't appear when I'm exhausted, it wouldn't be a teaching moment, it would be a tirade.

If you couldn't tell by reading to the end of this post on exhaustion and it's impatience...I'm tired, I'm frustrated and I need to stop the pity party and hop back on the bus for educating those around our sons to hopefully smooth the path for them and hopefully open the hearts of others to adoption.

If you should ever run into an adoptive parent who customarily, openly shares and answers questions, that for a brief period of time, snaps, shortens an answer or doesn't answer at all, please try to understand they may just need a little break before moving forward again. 

Adoptive parenting is one of the most joyful, hardest, confusing, interesting and sincerely blessed journeys a parent can make.  It is also exhausting and invigorating at the same time and at the end of the day it really doesn't matter how tired I am, what counts is the two sons that are sleeping in their rooms and that they no longer wake with nightmares, they do get into mischief "just like other boys" and no longer fear we won't love them if they aren't "perfect".  That's all that matters...now we move forward again.

Warm Weather Needs To Make An Appearance

We may only have a week of March left to go but our corner of Iowa feels like it's early December.  Negative wind chills and more snow predicted.  Urgghh!  Unless you are Lucas and Eli.....the more snow the better.

I need for it to warm up quickly.  Last night when I told the boys to lay out their clothes for school today, we had to go through several pairs of jeans and veto more than one shirt to find something.  Everything is either too small or has holes in the knees.

Both guys are experiencing another growth spurt and shorts would be a lot easier to manage (and less expensive).  We've also had to explain to slow down as their feet have out paced their  ability to control them.  Huh, there is another thing warm weather has going for it.....no shoes required.  Suppose I could talk Mike into moving to a warmer climate?

An Adoptive Parents Eyes Tell Their Story

I am an avid reader of adoption blogs, from adoptees, their families, from all countries.  It's a connection to a world that not many of our closest friends belong to.  I learn so much from these generous people on line.  The trials and triumphs, the love and the struggles.

I can look back over this blog and especially the pictures (I need to post pics more I know, thanks for the reminder Teri) and see the fear and absolute weariness on Lucas and Eli's faces at the start of our journey home and I can see the evolution to the outrageously loud and active boys today.  I see weariness in our eyes from a nerve wracking trip and months and months of hurdles.

Today I was reading a post from a family in China who are meeting their 3rd and 4th adopted kiddos.  And while their story is so wonderful and exciting to view from afar, the pictures tell a story that no words can do justice.

Their blog allows for readers to view the pics and stories from their 1st and 2nd adoptions.  For some reason today it wasn't the photos of the children that captured my attention it was those of mom and dad.  The first adoption shows excitement, fear, weariness, awe, uncertainty and love.  The second were more relaxed pics but still that unknown showed through.  With this journey to numbers 3 and 4 what I see is two parents who are experienced, less nervous, in love with their newest children and faces full of light.  It's the light that struck me most.

The light in their eyes tells me that they truly understand (as us newbies don't really get at the time) that these two precious treasures are about to discover such a world of love in their new family and that as their parents they are in for more joy than can be expressed.  Yes, they know there are rough roads ahead, yes they know they won't always have the answers and yes they know that it is all worth it.

When you first start down this road of unknowns it can be frightening and frustrating.  When you have your children in your arms for the first time it is so overwhelming I think, for us anyway, you are in shock and it takes everything you have to just make it back home.

I'm in awe of those parents who travel the adoption road multiple times.  That light shining out of their faces is the light that will lead the way to orphans becoming family members.  It's a light that God gave them to shine to the world and leads the way to bringing His children home.  Do you have that light inside you?  You might want to start the conversation.

Finger of Difference... Bullying

Bullying.  You've heard the word and know the concept, I'm sure.  It has become the "It" topic in today's society, especially schools.  I'm so disgusted when society latches onto a cause and drills it into every one's collective brains to the point that people become anesthetized to the issue and contributes to peoples' belief that the problem is so huge that no one single person can make a difference.

I'm struggling with this right now as I would really (and very inappropriately and illegally) like to ring the necks of some of my children's classmates.   You know that each child is different.  They each handle conflict differently, some deal with it head on and in the face of the perpetrators (Eli) and then others are more timid and every comment and action goes straight to the heart (Lucas).

This last year Lucas has a particularly nasty set of girls and a couple boys at school that have realized the vulnerability and latched onto making his life cruddy off and on.  This teasing and bullying and ridicule have not reared every day until recently not every week.  

Kids are mean.  They (including my own) have the ability to be nasty little creatures when the mood strikes.  Don't criticize the statement think back to when you were little....yep I bet you can name at least 3 kids who were horrible to you or maybe you realize you were that mean little kid.

Up until this last incident we've been, hopefully, giving him the tools to deal with bullying.  Now the bullying has turned in to racial remarks.  Bullying is bullying but when the tone turns racial that is a whole new ballgame and one we are a little at a loss on how to combat.  Yes teachers and school are aware and doing everything they can but really?

Lucas has lived a life that these little "monsters" could not even fathom nor survive.  They are fortunate to have led such a sheltered life that they have no concept of hardship and perseverance.   If they could experience 24 hours in the life that our kids walked, they would come out the other side a different and better person.  

When it comes to the racial side of this whole thing, I am amazed that some of the worst is coming from kids that are Asian themselves and adopted.  I suppose that if they point the finger of difference away from themselves and towards someone else that gets the heat off of them.

Living in a small community that overall has been extremely supportive these past 3 1/2 years, through our adoption process to bringing the boys home to their adjustment into their new lives, it is really hard for me to let this type of harassment rear it's ugly head.  Harassment and bullying are ugly anywhere.  The people whether they are adult or young, do not deserve to have the kind of power that overshadows the good people in life.

Where do we go from here?  We go to school.  We draw the line.  We become "unpopular"  We stand with our kids to meet the harassment where it originates.  We walk the road that leads to our kids futures, if not free of harassment, the road that has the guardrails and guide posts on how to deal with the less then enlightened people that cross the road.

Blog Interrupted

Sorry for the lack of posting, work interrupted all our lives these past two days with late conference nights at school.  I always find it amusing that the "guys" Mike, Lucas and Eli do remarkably well the first night when I work late, the second night I believe the scavengers possess them and it's a free for all.

The kitchen is all cleaned up after supper, everyone has been through the shower, homework done and clothes out for next day.  Great and appreciated.  

The second day the kitchen looks like the cupboards and refrigerator exploded, everyone is on a couch, computer or video game, the shower is bone dry and homework is out on the table but not done and forget about preparing for the next day, it's survival of the fittest and Mike looks like he's been run over by a truck. 
Amazingly hilarious.  

I have a goal that given a few more years (ten) they will be able to make it through both conference nights with flying colors.

Just For The Girls

Yesterday was a "glorious" day as designated by Eli.  Why was Saturday, March 9, 2013 so gloriously worth a special notice?  

It was the day the Eli's basketball team won a 2 day tournament.  First place for kids who have had a really long season but still love to play.  Soon enough we will be switching into baseball mode.

Saturday's victory was also tremendous because each player received their own trophy and the team won a large one that will go into the elementary school trophy case.  This is truly why Eli was so excited.

As we were walking to the parking lot after the games he shouted, "YES!  We got a trophy and it will be at school and ALL the girls will see it!"  Really?  Oh yes.  He stated it frequently on the ride home.  He would be talking over all the plays and shots and fouls and in the middle would come, "and all the girls will see the trophy!"

Think he's a little preoccupied with girls?  Teenage years are quickly approaching.  Urghhh!

I Wish

Nothing like an hour road trip for bored kids to make up games.  Loud and annoying games.  Games with out any explainable or reasonable rules, no official start and stop.  Just goofy antics.

Tonight's game was deemed "I Wish".  It consisted of an hour (let me reiterate) an HOUR of back and forth between the boys of telling their wishes.  While this was very enlightening as we learned a lot of things Luke and Eli wish for....it was an hour of one upmanship interrupted by arguing and noises.

But in case we didn't have our fill we have the opportunity for another hour road trip as Eli is involved in a basketball tournament.  I feel a little guilty as we are happy Lucas is feeling well enough to go along but wow! They didn't even have a chance to play the Ipod.  Guess it wasn't all bad.

He's Found His Voice

Finally about 3:30 Thursday afternoon Lucas woke up, sat up, said he was hungry and proceeded to eat and eat and eat.  There were 2 quart bottles of Gatorade consumed at which point I said enough.

Then he talked as if he hadn't talked in 4 days.....he hadn't.  He has a lot to say, have to admit I may have stopped listening after hour 2.

I think Eli was beginning to think he was going to have to find a new argument partner.  That dilemma is solved. 

After a couple of hours of sitting vertical, eating, fluids and talking.  Lucas is once again asleep and snoring.  At least this sleep looks restful unlike this past week.

Doctor wants him home another day...Lucas was quite appalled to realize that he's missed an entire week of school.  Thank you to all who have checked on him and us this past week. 

When The Brother Gets Concerned

This is Lucas' 4th day out of school, yesterday the doctor finally diagnosed him with influenza.  How very disgusted I am with our doctor's office right now is another story.  Since there is an outbreak of 3 different illnesses right now I'd think those would be the 3 they'd look closely at....even when we tell them that three of the kids sitting close to him at school have these illnesses......but what does a mom know, right?

The kid is absolutely wiped out.  He sleeps the majority of the time, his fever spikes at 103 and then drops to 101.  It's hard because neither he nor Eli complain when they don't feel good.  This above anything tells me how sick he is.

This morning I drove Eli into school.  He was overly quiet.  As we pulled into the parking lot at school he looks over and says, "Mom.  I don't like it when Lucas is sick and he is really sick this time.  Will he have to go stay somewhere else for a long time?"  Huh?

As we were sitting in the drop off line, I scrambled to figure it out.  He was talking about Lucas going to the hospital.  They both refer to it as "that place."  He had several hospital stays when he was in the Philippines.  I told Eli that no the doctor said he'd just need to stay home from school and we'd take care of him, he said, "I don't think so, he probably should go to that place so he feels better cause he's not doing so good.  I don't think that doctor knows much."  He slammed the car door and off he ran to the school building.

So begins another day of medication, temperature taking, fluid pushing and a whole lot of wishing that I'd been more forceful on Sunday and Tuesday so we could have started Tamiflu and maybe gotten him over the hump sooner.

Call Of Nature

We had another quiet night at home last night.  Thank goodness no sports practices as the March winds are blowing full force and I just didn't want to go back out.

After supper we had a family movie night and boys being boys what did they pick?  An old war movie.  Now when I say we have family movie night it really translates to we put a movie in the dvd player and then we play "parents answer a million questions about every topic that is not in any way related to anything in the movie."

Somewhere about 1/2 way through this movie Eli pops up in front of my face (literally) and says, "Mom.  Where do they go to the bathroom?"  (The soldiers were hiding in a cave).  I said outside.  Now this really should not have been a shocker as more than one time I've yelled from the back door that we do not go to the restroom outside even if we live in the country.

Apparently I was wrong.  Eli then screeched.....in my face, "WHAT?  GROSS!  They don't have any toilet paper!  What do they use?"  Whereupon the all knowing brother, Lucas, says, "Dude!  They use leaves!"  Eli's face.... priceless.  So I have no idea what happened during those lost 20 minutes of the movie because we had to go through why Mike will have to show the boys what poison ivy and nettles look like because I can pretty much guarantee there will be an experiment when it finally warms up in Iowa.

Learning a 13 Year Old Medical History

The lack of a good medical history on the boys is frustrating on a good day.  You know going into international adoption that it's great if you get anything in the way of medical history and then if you do luck out with some information, it might not always be accurate.

Eli appears to be the one who was healthy from the start and still is.  Outside of a bean in his ear at the age of 4, falls (multiple) from bunk beds requiring stitches and the usual boy things, he's good to go.  Lucas is the one we worry about.

He seems to have had every childhood illness that you can imagine.  Add to that he has had multiple bouts of pneumonia from the age of 4-8.  Thank goodness he's been relatively healthy since coming home (outside of the baseball he took to the face last summer).  This winter has been a tough one it seems like the flu bugs and the strep throats and yes even a case of mumps has been hitting our area hard.

We watched and waited, no fever, a cough and sore throat.  Wouldn't you know it, Sunday morning he spiked a fever and can't speak above a whisper and sounds like a barking seal.  Complaining that his chest hurts.  We don't have an Emergi Care Center close so Mike  packed him up and took him the hour trip into Omaha.  At the end of the day we were waiting to hear back from a strep test but doctor thinks its a virus.

He spent a miserable Monday on the couch, didn't even bother to beg for video games or tv.  The mom's one sure fire method of knowing the kid is seriously sick.

Reading and Road Trips

I suppose it's one of those mom moments.  Do you remember when your child crawled for the first time, first word, walked or the first day of school?  For some reason with each of our kids my "remembering moments" are different for each one.

I remember when our oldest daughter was in the car and for the first time read a business sign...it was McDonald's...but she did read it.

Yesterday I wrote about Eli's trip to the grocery store....the tale didn't stop there.  He read all the way home, EVERY road sign, EVERY billboard, EVERY business.

Don't get me wrong, he's reading, GREAT! But we live an hour from the grocery store...an hour of reading is GREAT!  An hour of sign reading is less so.

I'm so glad that he can read all these things that he hasn't practiced sounding out.  He's come so far.  But there are down sides to this (I remember this part from Alison too) once they can read all these wonderful ads and store signage, they want to go to all these new and wonderful places.  Which leads to, "Mom! Can I, can we, look at that!, there's one there, and so on."

I thought it was bad when Alison could spot a McDonald's sign a mile away but this may be worse.  Now it's Game Stop, Sport's Authority, Family Fun Center and the China Buffet.  He even has his route planned and tells me that we can go to all of them in just ONE day.  Wonder if we could plan it for a day when the signs all read CLOSED?

Stock Boy at the Grocery Store

I've learned my lesson.  I've learned it several times over.  I did not intend to spend my grocery shopping in the presence of the three males in the household.  My car broke down on the way to the store, Mike and the boys had to pick me up and as the store is some distance from our home we went to pick up groceries.  

This is where Mike and  I thought to divide and conquer.  Eli and I would pick up groceries while Mike and Lucas took care of the other errands.  Next time I volunteer for errand duty.

One on one time with Eli is an eye opening, hilarious and at times frustrating, not necessarily, things that work well during grocery shopping in a large city store.  I thought (goofy I know) that I'd keep him busy reading the shopping list and marking off items.

I have a few OCD issues myself so I recognize them in our youngest son and he fully embraces this part of his nature as well.  Two OCD people should not be allowed to shop together.  My list is typed, it's organized by aisle and when in the proper hands works wonders for getting through the store as quickly as possible.  This is where the problems began.

I organize it by aisle not in the EXACT order the items appear in that aisle, I'm not that good.  Eli,being in charge of the list, was insistent that all items be picked up in order and was totally out of sorts when I would find a sale item in a totally different spot or .....wait for it.....picked up something not on the list.

After the first 5 aisles of battling his mom on the correct order in which things must be chosen, he moved on to rearranging things in the cart to "fit" better.  This did not necessarily take into consideration if the item was breakable or squishable.  Once I found the eggs under the milk and laundry soap I "convinced" him to leave the cart alone.  We were not making it through the store quickly that's for sure.

The last 3 aisles were going really quickly until I had to back track to where Eli had stopped to "fix" the shelves.  He was lining up the cans and boxes to the front of shelving and turning the labels to the front.  His explanation?  "People are messy."

We made it to the check out and I count myself and the cashier lucky that he didn't try to tell her how to scan the items and place them in the sacks.  

The best thing about this shopping experience?  With Eli in charge of the list I did come home with every single item on the list.  I also brought home a head ache....free of charge.