Surviving An Orphanage Feels Easier

Let me start by saying some days I absolutely detest the nasty, mouthy, mean, conniving, sneaky, little poops (that's the clean version of my true words) that can surround our children on a near daily basis.  Then I need to stop and think about all the wonderful kids that are great and try to hold on to those thoughts as I try to explain to my 13 year old that he doesn't have to be friends with every kid and not every kid wants to be his friend.

I need to also say that we whole heartily embrace the fact that no child including ours is perfect and therefore we strive very hard to view issues from all sides, knowing that there can be more to the picture than what we are seeing or hearing.  This approach can have as many drawbacks as being an over protective, over reactive parent.

We've been working with Lucas on different ways to deal with bullies and trying to get him to speak up when he encounters these problems especially at school.  Tonight after yet another encounter with his tormentor we were left to try to explain the unexplainable.  Frankly, I'm done.  We have tried to give him the tools he needs to be able to handle conflict, now I think it's the parents turn.

I'm am not in favor of running to school officials about every scrape, conflict or issue.  Schools should be able to concentrate on education.....unfortunately today's society does not allow that luxury.  I suppose it could be said that, "if it happens on your watch it's your responsibility".  Thus we will be heading to school.

Meantime, we set at home for over an hour and explained to our 13 year old son, who survived abandonment, lived 5+ years in an extremely impoverished Philippine orphanage protecting and providing for his younger brother, willingly moved to a large city to a temporary foster family while waiting to join and travel with "strangers" who were to become his family, moving 1/2 a world away from everything he'd known to a culture, language and world he knew nothing of and who has embraced, achieved and grown into an incredible young man.... that the "little crapper" who isn't worth the dirt on Luke's shoe would not survive or thrive through those same type of struggles nor be half the person Lucas is right now.  Little we say, touches Lucas' "kids" heart, whose desire is to be liked by everyone.

Hearing your child say that life wasn't so confusing in the Philippines....knowing how hard their lives were in the Philippines....really makes me want to explain a few hard truths to a certain spoiled and manipulative classmate.

If you have read this blog from the beginning of our journey you will know that there aren't often times that I say a whole lot of negatives about adopting and this isn't intended to be one of those times.  It's not a frustration with adoption it's a total meltdown over some privileged, culturally and socially unexposed kid who has decided that Lucas and his gaps in understanding are free game for harassment and bullying....they aren't and this is not acceptable.

It's hard to hear your kid miss the years spent in an orphanage because understanding "mean kids" is too hard, it's heartbreaking and infuriating.  Nothing should be that tough and no bully deserves to detract from Lucas' joy of life.