A couple different times over this past week, Mike and I have been in situations where we needed to share/explain some or all of the boys' life stories to this point in order to help meet their needs in different areas.
Some for educational reasons, some for those wanting adoption information to help with their decisions and some for updates. It's part of life as we know it. When we decided to be as open as we are with our journey and after discussing things with Lucas and Eli and having their seal of approval to share, that we do most of the time without a second thought and most times don't mind.
Then there are the times when I think if I have to explain this or that one more time I'm going to snap. Neither Mike nor I, ever have a problem sharing when it comes to pro adoption conversations or supporting other parents walking a similar road as we do.
The conversations that sap my patience are those of people who ask and really have no intention of either listening or absorbing the information. Realistically I know that not everyone has the same investment in my kids or adoption that we do. Usually I'm pretty good at reading a person's intent for asking unless like this past week, I'm exhausted. These are the week's that I really hope we don't run into too many situations where it's necessary to explain life as we know it.
I'm worried about someone approaching that will genuinely have an interest or reason for the questions they ask and I just don't have it in me to do their interest justice.
I've been asked several times what is the question that throws you most. It would be that of explaining what does institutional behavior look like. Until 4 years ago I didn't even know that such a thing existed let alone what it means or could potentially look like. It has such a broad range that differs from child to child, situation to situation and can appear at the strangest times.
Someone looking at either of our sons at any given time will think they "see" one thing and we are all too aware that it could actually be something else that they are experiencing.
Here's a question I absolutely detest: "When do you think they will be over it?" WHAT? No seriously, people say this. Unbelievable. These are the questions I pray don't appear when I'm exhausted, it wouldn't be a teaching moment, it would be a tirade.
If you couldn't tell by reading to the end of this post on exhaustion and it's impatience...I'm tired, I'm frustrated and I need to stop the pity party and hop back on the bus for educating those around our sons to hopefully smooth the path for them and hopefully open the hearts of others to adoption.
If you should ever run into an adoptive parent who customarily, openly shares and answers questions, that for a brief period of time, snaps, shortens an answer or doesn't answer at all, please try to understand they may just need a little break before moving forward again.
Adoptive parenting is one of the most joyful, hardest, confusing, interesting and sincerely blessed journeys a parent can make. It is also exhausting and invigorating at the same time and at the end of the day it really doesn't matter how tired I am, what counts is the two sons that are sleeping in their rooms and that they no longer wake with nightmares, they do get into mischief "just like other boys" and no longer fear we won't love them if they aren't "perfect". That's all that matters...now we move forward again.
No comments:
Post a Comment