Lucas. He is a constant work in progress. Initially he was our great communicator when the boys came home from the Philippines. He was the "favored" brother for many of the people he dealt with on a daily basis. The easy going, people pleasing kid.
While he still is all that (most of the time) I think it's more for the reason it's good to be those things rather than his life situation being so desperate, using them as a survival technique.
One of his huge hurdles these past 3 years was Eli's evolution as not the person he had been pegged to be in the Philippines. Eli coming out of his shell, learning independence and his abilities has put Lucas in a new spot. He no longer has to survive for the both of them. Lucas is finding out who he is and in a lot of ways it makes him self conscious and shy, shaky in certain environments.
We've been working for two weeks to get him to ask questions in school....every time he doesn't understand...anything....pretty annoying from the teacher side of things....or it would be if we could get him to do it consistently. Everyone needs to understand when he doesn't understand (including us) because it very easily looks as if he's spacing off. It's a work in progress.
Last night I was so proud of him. We were with a group of family members from out of town that Lucas was meeting, some for the first time, some he has met once before. During our visit something was said and we all laughed. I couldn't even tell you what it was but what really came home was that Lucas said, "that was a joke right?" Most people and some reading this probably think, so what? It was a big deal to him. Humor is hard for an English language learner on a good day. For Lucas to stand there and ask a question in a group of people he doesn't know well and then wait for the answer and not duck his head is amazing.
I have to keep reminding myself even now. Even though he visually looks like he's doing ok and sailing along, he still needs that twice over look from all of us to make sure. Appearances are deceiving. I can remember reading on the Philippine Yahoo parent chat group about families that had been home for 3, 4, 5 years and were talking about these types of things and couldn't believe that it was still a work in progress. Three years down our journey.....I know it to be true.