We're Still Here

We are still here.  Thank you to all the readers, friends and family who've asked if we dropped off the face of the Earth.  We have not.  Just a summer of hectic activity that has left little time to blog.  Two daughters headed off to college, two boys adjusting to being the only kids at home and having the one sister who has been at home with them, move to college has caused a lot of anxiety for them.  We are back, we are in a routine (ha!) and hopefully posting will resume.  Thanks to all of you who have emailed and called to see what's up....friends near and far are a treasure.

Mom...How Much Did I Cost?

Surprises with Eli never stop coming.  Especially when driving with him by myself.  I have come to realize that on any solo journey with him I am most likely going to hit the brakes or nearly run off the road....I'm just saying, "People...if you see a black SUV hang back, it could be us."

We were so close to making it all the way home last night without one of his deep thought provoking, soul touching, make your heart hurt comments....we didn't make it.  Looking back it was probably 3-4 minutes of silence leading up to this, I should have keyed in. 

He pivoted his head toward me from the passenger seat and said, "Hey Mom."  We have been trying to break this habit of starting out everything with Hey....so I zeroed in and said, "There is no hey in front of my name."  Undeterred he replied, "Hey Mom, how much did I cost in the Philippines?  I mean how much did you have to buy me for?"

So for the next 5 miles I had to explain the cost to governments, the cost of paperwork, the cost of travel and no we did not buy him or Lucas.  No I cannot take the simple explanations to him....he is tenacious when he is serious.....let me clue you he was serious.  I'm not sure how this one popped into his mind.  I asked if he'd heard someone talking, he says no but from the quiet after my answers I'm guessing someone (adult or kid) said something.  I asked later if he had other questions about his adoption his answer, "Not now but I will."  Please oh please may they be somewhere other than a motor vehicle.

This What They Said About Raising Boys

This week has been a little rough for Lucas in the sport of baseball.  On Monday night he took a chest hit from a wild pitch, knocked the wind out of him but in usual fashion he kept going, iced it over night but he is absolutely convinced that his heart is "beeping" funny.


Then at last night's game he took a ball to the mouth, adding insult to injury, the ball was thrown in warm up between innings by a team mate.  This one put him down on the ground which let me tell you takes a lot to knock him down and more to keep him there.  Accident but bloody and scared us, the coaches and umpires.  A couple loose teeth that tightened back up over night, a split lip and a couple impressive holes in his lips from the teeth and a whole lot of swelling. His viewpoint after viewing the damage a couple hours later?  "Oh crap that hurt!"


I have to say that when we told people we were adopting boys into our daughters only household, I received so much teasing about whether or not I really thought I could handle the "world of boys".  Needless to say, those remarks are forever going through my head when some boy thing happens.  I hear my adult nephew talking about how his mom embarrassed him when he was injured in basketball by going out to check on him....that was going through my head last night as I'm looking at the coaches helping Lucas off the field.  I sat as Mike went to the dugout, then another mom headed over with more ice, then my sister (who was the offending mom to have dared go out on the court for her injured son) says that maybe I should check it out....I sat...for awhile....Mike gave me a couple updates and then I decided too bad he has a mom and he can just live with the embarrassment of having mom in his face...his bloody, swelling, misshapen face.  


Do you know what he mumbled at me when I said I wanted to look in his mouth? ......"No mom.  You don't want to look.  You don't like teeth!"  (I don't do wiggly teeth or pulling them...yuck!)  Well I put my big girl mommy pants on and said I could handle it.  We both survived the embarrassment and the grossness.  So for all those who thought I couldn't handle the "boy stuff"...ha I did and then I did what I wanted.  I probably will embarrass our boys but that's probably something they will just have to get used to, it comes with the territory.

Eli's 11th Birthday

Create a digital collage

"When I First Came Home"

This past holiday week-end was slow for us.  We didn't have the usual week-end ballgames, sleep overs or huge meals.  We simply relaxed.  With relaxation came a lot of conversations.  One in particular, with Lucas, really made me rethink how fast time is going by and how the ground we have covered still needs to be talked about.

Lucas and Eli were talking with us at supper about the Philippines and their friends.  These conversations have gradually tapered off and only pop up when a memory is triggered.  I suppose it's a little bit like how they've acquired English and lost a lot of their native dialect.  The specialist said as their brains become filled with more and more English and current memories they would, not necessarily take the place of, but push back and file those earlier experiences and knowledge in their "lower file drawer" and those files would be accessed less and less.  It's definitely true for Luke and Eli.

For some reason Lucas began talking about the first and second day they were home.  I can not believe how vivid that memory is for both of them.  Once they started talking I could remember the things they did but to hear about how they felt those first days when they knew 3 words of English and couldn't tell us what they needed or how they were feeling, how scared they were to go anywhere because they didn't understand if they would be back, they were scared to go in the car because they didn't know how long we were going to be away from home.  They even talked about how they thought our dog was a werewolf dog because she was so big.  Scared, scared, scared was the overwhelming theme. 

This isn't a surprise to us.  I'd have been terrified in their shoes.  At the time we all tried so hard to communicate and ease their fears but fell short.  To have them to be able to verbally express to us those feelings, even after 2 1/2 years really is amazing.  Because even though it took 2 1/2 years they did get to express those initial feelings and we did eventually get to have our questions of those first few days, weeks and months answered.  We wondered at the time if we would ever really know but now we do, now we tackle the rest of the "firsts".

Child. Remove Thy Foot

It finally happened this afternoon in the parking lot of our grocery store.  Eli realized he had said something and very accurately placed his foot in his mouth.  It's a milestone.  Most times Eli is in your face honest, blunt and rarely if ever means to insult or hurt anyone but with straight forwardness comes the very real possibility of coming off that way.

Today's statement that he actually caught himself and tried valiantly to remove his foot and back the conversation up?
I came out of the grocery store to find that Mike, Lucas and Eli had taken the Yukon for a much needed car wash.  I said, "Thanks guys for washing the Yukon, I appreciate it."

Eli from the backseat pipes up, "We didn't wash it.  The old man did."  Dead silence ensued as I was valiantly trying not to laugh as it would be inappropriate to refer to their dad as the old man....I lost the battle.  Eli, realizing what he said, sputtered,  "NO! NO! I not mean old man dad, I mean the REALLY old man at the car wash!"

Older Child Adoption and Mentors

This past week I had the opportunity to speak with a perspective adoptive parent as part of a mentoring program through our former agency and now hers.  We've done this several times over the past year or so and it always amazes me what memories these phone conversations bring, how they make us stop to realize all the changes since we were at this stage in adoption and how very different the boys are now from the two little guys we brought home from the Philippines.


Usually these conversations follow a certain path with questions and concerns and telling how our journey was and continues to be today.  Mentoring definately gives as much as you give.  This particular conversation brought back a lot of those initial doubts, questions and concerns that were thrown in our path.  Some our own but not necessarily. The doubts that were "offered" by family, friends, professionals, were the ones that are hard to reconcile.


As I was speaking with this mom, who happens to be an experienced adoptive parent, I was watching Lucas warm up on the baseball field.  It made me wish that all those doubters, all those "well-intentioned" people, all those in the boys early lives could see him at that moment, team member, confident (cocky) 12 year old, who is growing more comfortable with himself and his new world, enough so that he can grin on home plate before slugging it into center field.  I wish they could see Eli, the kid who was a "touch me not" when we met, meeting me at the door for a hug and talking on and on about his day.   How far they have come, how far we as parents have grown and stumbled and learned, how far our family has expanded....not even describable.


Yes, mentors should give realistic views on life with an older adoptive child.  Absolutely.  I also believe mentors have as much responsibility to give the positive as the problems encountered.  I remembered just wanting to talk to someone who could shed some positive into our early adoption journey.  You can read and hear a lot about the negative issues supposedly in an attempt to "make sure" you know what you are getting into....hey I'm all for being as prepared and realistic as possible, just pull back long enough to see the huge milestones, the little milestones and all the smiles that are encountered too.  Be a mentor, be a support, be realistic, be a parent who sees the huge and the little successes and then go give your own kids a huge hug, stop long enough to see the smile at home plate and enjoy this huge gift you've all been given.

Brotherly Wisdom Number 1429

Eli to Sydney, "Syd. Do you like coffee?"
Sydney, "Not really."
Eli, "you ever drink some coffee?"
Sydney, "I've tasted it."
Eli, "Hmm.  You drink to much of it that's why you are so short!"  Thus rolling on the floor hysterically laughing at his latest and greatest bit of "wisdom".  Sydney calls it "brotherly self humor".

Sydney is 5 foot and both Lucas and Eli's main goal right now is to pass their shortest sister and/or torture her about her height challenges.  Mike graciously explained to the boys that they weren't allowed to drink coffee and in true dad impatience with the billion questions of why not told them that it would stunt their growth.  Thus Eli's wisdom of the contributing factor in Sydney's case.

Work Like Never Before

That is Eli's estimation of how much work he and Lucas are helping to get ready for Sydney's graduation reception.  They have mowed, trimmed, weeded, planted, painted, picked up and generally had to lay low at times.....not all were done without complaint...but are done.


The motivation to keep them going....assurances that, "Yes you can eat a lot at the party."

After All This Time

When reading all those books on adoption and taking classes on adoption and talking to adoptive parents, one of the recurring subjects is that change of any kind can be very stressful for adopted kids.  

Our house is all about change, our lives are in perpetual motion and more changes are on the way.  Lucas and Eli are holding on by their fingernails and nothing we do seems to slow things down for them.

This year the boys are on separate baseball teams which equates to double the practices, double the games.  We are getting ready for Sydney's graduation in less than 2 weeks equates to painting, cleaning, out side spruce up and did I mention MORE cleaning?  Sydney is visiting the college she is attending in the fall, the family has visited which drove the idea home to everyone that Sydney is leaving the nest.

Change is not a welcome visitor with a lot of people but for Lucas and Eli it boils down to loss.  They are losing the normal that has taken root in the last 2 1/2 years.  They are losing the every day contact with the sister that has been here nearly every day since they came home.  They are losing the consistency of each other on their baseball teams. 

For us it's a little like watching a rubber band stretch and you wonder if it will hold or when it will break.  I also know that these stretches in their abilities to cope are how they continue to grow.  If I take a really good look at the squabbles, the out and out brother fights, the back talk and the general orneriness...they are doing better than 2 1/2 years ago...not even in the same ball park.  We just have to keep reminding ourselves and others that even though they have been home a few years there are still issues, new and old, that occur, there are things that will most likely always cause them to stumble and trip but they don't actually fall down or apart as often but it does happen, sometimes with fireworks and atomic explosions and the rest of us just need to deal....even after all this time,  They both make the effort each and every day to learn coping skills and a different way of handling their emotions and probably examine their motivations and feelings more than most of us...even after all this time they continue to educate us.

Urggh!

This post had absolutely nothing to do about the boys or adoption or anything other than a mini rant on my part about the changes that are occurring with BLOGGER.  I wonder if the "techie" people who think it's hilarious to mess with us out here on the other side of the computer have a clue as to what they are doing or are simply changing things to justify a job. 

I can handle change, really I can....stop laughing.  I handle change when change makes life easier, improves the overall picture of whatever but tech people "improving" need the guidance of a non-tech person to say, hey if it ain't  broke don't fix it.

BLOGGER has managed to update their site to the point of non use, it's difficult to navigate and for those blogging it's kind of utilitarian on this side of the blog.  Very institutional.  Not high tech, plain yuck.  I live with a tech person (sorry Mike) and he's not always right the first time either,  BLOGGER you need to go back to the drawing board and maybe come out from behind your "big idea people" and ask the people who use your product....don't fix it if it ain't broken.  There.  Done with my rant.  Thanks for the therapy and now I will go forward and relearn this site so that once I have, Blogger can change it again.

All God's Creatures

This past week-end has been a little rough on the boys. We are massively cleaning and painting in preparation for Sydney's high school graduation. Lots of changes plus it drives home the idea that Sydney will be leaving home for college and they don't do well with change. Rachel was already living at college when Lucas and Eli came home from the Philippines.

As you can probably guess their stress level is high, my stress level is high...never a thing that should occur at the same time....ever. We've experienced a high amount of time outs, pouting, fit throwing, crying and general all out warfare....no not from me but it was close.

This morning we ran down to see my mom for a little bit and on the way home the boys were still in a (shall we say) contemplative stage....you make up your own details. As we were driving out of town on our way home some crazed robins decided to fly out in front of us. From the back seat we hear Eli say, "Dad. You must not hit the birds, they are God's birds, he made them, do not hit them. Do not run over any of God's animals." This was said in a very serious tone which coming from Eli doesn't happen often. Then Mike received a 2 minute lecture on what was made by God and what Mike was not allowed to run over in case he was overcome by mayhem.

Oh but that did not end our Godly talk. We were then subjected to both Lucas and Eli's definitions, descriptions and categorization of.....heaven and hell. What type of people go there and when. Needless to say Mike and I probably weren't the most "adult" about the conversation. I don't understand where they get this stuff, is it boys or just these two?

Needless to say after safeguarding Gods' creatures from Mike's careless driving they are (for the moment) happily helping with the preparations. Hope there isn't a squirrel out in the yard that needs saving!

A Wonderful Lady Who Will Be Missed

I know that title sounds like someone has died. No. No one has died in the true sense but it sure feels like a death of sorts. Two and a half years ago we were on our way to finishing our home study and traveling to bring the boys home. At that time we were working with the local school and a wonderful English Language Learning consultant.

Mary, the consultant, holds a doctorate and probably more degrees than a thermometer but more importantly she has a passion for kids who are undertaking an overwhelming task of learning English. She not only cares for the kids but for the families. To sit across a table from her and listen to her speak about the brain of an ELL student, their learning hurdles, their native language and the steps a child will take on the journey to English is humbling to say the least. It is an experience that I could wish for any internationally adoptive family.

This devoted lady learned recently that at the end of this school year she will no longer have her current job, serving ELL students and their families. Our legislature here in Iowa, in their infinite (not) wisdom and total understanding (not at all) has decided that this is an area to cut the educational budget.

At a time when law makers are making derogatory noises about our education system and teachers, they choose to cut a dedicated, professional person from the herd. You may argue that these lawmakers did not personally single out Mary, I disagree. I think that the legislature cut the employment area that has the least likely chance for backlash. Struggling families who are concentrating on their child's needs or who themselves are trying to master the American culture and English language are not constituents that they are too worried about.

As a true educational professional, Mary has chosen to take the high road with grace. Before leaving she is speaking to, training and providing materials to as many of the local teachers, school offices and families as possible. Even though she is leaving us, she has left us with a wealth of knowledge and most importantly a piece of her heart. We wish you all the best in the future, Mary, thank you for helping our specialized families.

I Think He Missed Her

Our youngest daughter, Sydney, went to St. Louis last week-end for a choir/band school trip. She left at 4:00 a.m. Friday and returned Sunday around midnight.

Lucas and Sydney's bedrooms are downstairs and we figured that he may not like going to sleep downstairs by himself but he was convinced he could do it and who are we to contridict him...what do parents know?

Friday night he finally sacked out at 10:30, Saturday about 11:00 and Sunday because we promised Sydney would be home when he woke up he finally went to sleep at normal time.

Last night Sydney came up to us and asked, "Did Luke miss me?" I laughed and said, "You could say that." She said she wondered because he apparently checked on her location and what she was going to do next....all day....before school, after school, before supper, after supper, while she was studying. It was a little out of character as he's in the "I'm too cool for a big sister" phase for the last 2 months. I do believe he missed her....yep it won't last.

Gesturing to a Flashback

The longer the boys have been home, the more and more their memories and thoughts of the Philippines have become fuzzy. We still have in depth conversations about the Philippines and the people that are there but it is more of Lucas and Eli touching base with us to ensure that what they remember is the same as they remembered last month.

Every once in awhile we can see a deja vu moment cross their paths. Tonight after work, I arrived home to find Sydney packing for a 3 day school trip to St. Louis, Lucas celebrating passing his timed division and Eli sitting on the floor in his room trying to untangle his kite line....yep that was so not happening. As I passed the doorway he said, "Mom! You have to help me." This kid does not ask for help often and since the kite is the toy of all toys this week, I set down and gave the impossible knotted line 20 minutes of my time. We came to the conclusion that we'd put a new string on it and not worry about the old.

As I went out of the room I told him to go ahead and put his things away and straighten his room while I changed. He came and found me 10 minutes later and wanted me to check to make sure it was done right. I did and he did great....picking up his own room is a lot harder since Lucas has moved to his own bedroom....big brother did a lot of the work before moving. I usually give him a high five for a good job but this time I gave him a thumbs up and he gave me a thumb bump with his.....that's when the deja vu moment happened.

He gasped, yelled "MOM!" We did this in the Philippines. We did this before. We did this in the Philippines!" And then he graced me with the most absolute joyful smile that lit his entire face. He said, "I remember this from before! YES!" and to top it off... a huge hug from my youngest son. Who knew the power of a thumb?

But She Was Nice To Me!

Rachel headed back to college and that has left a big "worry spot" for Lucas and Eli. Before she left they gave her the brotherly interrogation that if you've not lived through is amazing. It generally consists of no less than 1,000 questions involving eating, sleeping, school, driving, friends, teachers and apartment living.

The big catch this time was worrying that Rachel would be lonely....ummm....I'm thinking she's looking for some peace and quiet recovery time but that's just my educated mom guess....and possibly a little selfish wishing for myself.

Between them, Lucas and Eli decided that Rachel needed a pet. Rachel actually needed this conversation to end so she said, "Well I'd like one but Aunt Kathy (also her landlord) says I can't have one." We should probably apologize to my sister for throwing her under the bus...oops!

This totally shocked both boys silent....something that has only occurred a handful of times to date. Eli finally recovered enough to say, "But, but she was nice to us!" Pretty sure this may need some repair work before we see Aunt Kathy or the "Filipino Fire" may go on the offense for pet inclusion in her rental policies.

Salt and Pepper/Brown and White

We've been so lucky this past week to have Rachel home from college for spring break. I'm quite positive the longer she lives away the more culture shock she experiences when she comes home. The boys ask and ask about her the whole time between visits, then when she gets home they completely ignore her.....little brothers!

They figured out she was leaving soon and that has generated a lot of meal time conversations. You know those types of conversations that you know are going to generate a lot more than what they started out to be. Below is one of those conversations.

We have to greatly limit the salt intake for Lucas and Eli. I think they'd lick a salt block if we had one in the kitchen. We've explained that too much salt is not good for them and that it can lead to blood pressure and heart problems.....their understanding of this?.....Salt is bad for Filipinos. If you eat a meal with us and pick up the salt shaker you will be bombarded with their reasoning of salt intake.

How exactly limiting salt intake moved into an ethnicity education is beyond me but Eli was definitely the liaison of the conversation and took it upon himself to discuss the Asian/Caucasian mix of our family.

You probably should understand that he has no concept what so ever of this topic. He knows he is Asian we've always said we were white (easier than Caucasian). His wording is, "I'm brown, you all are white." Yep. His next leap in this conversation (he really does know better) was to pick up the salt shaker and proclaim, "I eat too much salt I will be white." Ummmm, no. I think we missed the part about blood pressure and heart disease, reviewed that part again and tried to be responsible and appropriate to topic. His next move was to look at Rachel, hand her the pepper and say, "Here, use the pepper then you will be brown like me." Sometimes a parent's best course of action when asked to explain the mysteries of the universe should be......"because I said".

How'd I Do?

Spring is finally here and with it comes parent/teacher conferences! Yeah! I'm safe to say (sarcastically) that's the feeling of kids, parents and teachers in most places.

I remember when we attended the girls' conferences, ages ago, that we went and spoke to the teachers and maybe the girls would ask if they had good grades...maybe.

Not that way with Lucas and Eli. First we go to school and meet with the teachers, last night that was a total of 1 1/2 hours then we come home and have another hour long meeting with the boys, arranged by them. Let me tell you we better know exactly what the teachers had to say, explain all the paperwork that was shown, what they are good at, if they are smart and when will they be done going to school. No not as in when is summer break, more like never ever going back. Their biggest hang up with continuing on into Jr/Sr High? No recess. It's a big topic and they think that is just asking too much.

Amazing Intuition

Rough day at the old work place....I really question people and their belief that because a person works at a public institution it gives them the right to annihilate those people at their whim....long story not for here. Mike brought the boys by school as he was called in to work at the last minute. They took one look at me and went quietly to the car, good as gold on the way home. They came in the house, changed their clothes, did chores and are outside playing (yes I checked!) nicely with no fighting.

I'm thinking I must look like the scariest, craziest person on the planet to have this kind of unprecedented, non-bribed, simultaneous behavior. I also know that I've successfully jinxed the golden attitudes by posting this. Oh well it was most appreciated while it lasts.

The Most Important Meal of the Day

We are experiencing another "transition" with the boys. They've decided that they don't need to eat breakfast. Their mother (me) says differently. Mom still trumps boys. Probably not winning a whole lot more of these food battles but this time, this issue I win.

In the whole "discussion" I explained that breakfast is important and why. Their argument, "our friends don't eat breakfast". Then I told them about kids who only get to eat when they are at school and they don't have enough to eat at home.

Lucas was absolutely floored. He said, "No only in Philippines. America everyone has food." That was followed up with a talk about how there are children in every country that don't get enough to eat, even America. I think it diminished the glitter of America in his eyes a little bit. But we haven't had any more arguments on breakfast consumption.

English Acquisition Includes Swear Words

I suppose the title is pretty self explanatory. We are so proud of how far the boys' English has come....unfortunately today (I am not so naive as to think this was the first time) one of our sons, who shall remain "anonymous", decided he should practice his English in the area of swearing....at school.....being heard.....and paying the consequences.

"Anonymous" did not waste any time with the petty ones, he mastered the really bad one right off the start. So this evening we talked about good words and bad words and words that we hear and don't understand but think they sound neat. We talked about not using a word unless we ask the meaning of the word first...preferably asking dad and mom.

I find it so hard sometimes to have these types of conversations with "anonymous" because he has the most unique way of talking out issues. I can't say it's a small adult conversation, more of a new perspective on an old issue that leaves me spinning to come up with the "correct, responsible parent response". He has his points.

Don't get me wrong.....swearing...not okay but in trying to explain which words are bad and which are okay (without pulling out every swear word I know) I simplistically said, "If you think saying a word would make someone feel bad, don't use it, it is probably a bad word. If you wonder wait until you come home and ask us." He sat quietly for a minute and then asked, "Ok, but you need to explain the rules better and not just bad words. Some kids take toys to school, some have bb guns (not at school), some have shooting video games. You need to explain why their parents say ok." And for those of you thinking it....no, because I said so does not work here.

You think about it for a minute, how would you explain the degree of "badness" to words? And when you think you have that figured out contemplate how you explain that another student "saluting" another student under the lunch table is not acceptable even when they aren't caught. "Anonymous" is pretty black and white and in your face. He doesn't really see the need to hide these types of things. Thus when saying a swear word, it really doesn't cross his mind that:

1. bad choice to say a swear word


2. bad choice to say a swear word in hearing range of adult supervisors (never a good choice)


3. just because a friend may whisper a word unnoticed that he should not repeat it let alone scream it.

I don't know. I don't have a cut and dry explanation for a "black and white" child. I do know that we had a pretty good talk about a lot of things for an hour after supper. Do I think he will swear again...yep. I'm not dumb. Did we both learn a little more about rules, explaining and the worry of a kid who just doesn't quite grasp what is acceptable and what's not? I sure hope so.

Living In A Dictatorship Part 2

If you read my previous post you will know all about the newly formed dictatorship of Eli. The latest from inside the realm is the establishment of and no deviation allowed from the approved language of his regime....that being English! ONLY!

He is very proud of his English, as he should be, he's worked hard and has learned so much of a tough language. Unfortunately, his success has left little patience or acceptance of those of us within his kingdom who deviate from the "correct ENGLISH!" He is a one man language enforcement agency.

He corrects his brother (which does not go over well), he corrects his sisters (which he's been informed have been speaking English long before he could speak any language), he corrects us but so far respectfully as long as we comply, he corrects the tv (he may have to take over all communication networks as they are totally NOT SPEAKING English only).

Before everyone goes politically correct, we've had the talks about not everyone speaks English and that is perfectly fine. His answer....true dictator that he is...."I speak English now, only English, EVERYONE speak ENGLISH!"

So my warning to all of you, once he succeeds in taking over the networks, your diversification of language and the proper usuage of such is going to be, shall we say, affected.....except for his favorite word.....DUDE!

Apparently I Need A Keeper

I need a keeper. I have one. I didn't really want one. I have no choice. I am totally at the mercy of my keeper. His name is....Eli.

I also think my keeper may be heading up his own private dictatorship. So far he is a benevolent dictator/keeper. At what point do the oppressed realize their dictator is not what we think?....I may need to keep a close eye on this part.

My realization that we'd entered Eli's regime was this morning as I was getting ready for work. I came into the kitchen and looked at the clock to see how much time I had before needing to leave. Eli spotted me and "oh so thoughtful keeper" informed me, "Don't worry. You have plenty of time." Ok, thanks for that. A few minutes later I hear, "Ok you need to go, you leave now." However did I manage before him? I also need to know how to direct his organizational skills to entail cleaning his OWN room, brushing his OWN teeth and remembering to put his OWN deodorant on. I'm also considering a coup.....it may be time.

Unique If Nothing Else

Sometimes I'm not exactly sure what takes over Eli's mind and body. He is definitely a unique individual and never boring.

We have been trying to get him to read more....it's not his favorite thing as it involves having to sit still and concentrate without pestering his brother, his sister or a dog....it is not easy...on anyone.

Except for the breakthrough we seem to have made tonight. He found a book that he was absolutely enthralled with, wouldn't put down and I have had to confiscate from his bedroom at bedtime. This book has no plot, no testing value for school (at least that I know of) and has probably not ever been read front to back.

The name of this wondrous, Eli appealing piece of literature? Our local phone book. Yep. The phone book. He spent 2 hours on the couch reading the town names, finding our town, finding his friends names, family names and talking about the other town names he recognized.....TWO HOURS! and I'm not kidding about having to take it away at bedtime.

I'm probably in the running for bad mom again as after the first 30 minutes of answering his questions, spelling names and giving him a local geography lesson, I banned him from talking to me about it. No, it didn't stop him talking to me about it but it did make me feel less inclined to hold my own book burning. I'm moving the phone book out of the drawer in the kitchen and hiding it....hopefully if we really need it I'll be able to locate it or maybe Eli will have it memorized.

Racism or Ignorance

I have to be somewhat careful with this post as to not identify too many people or places...protecting the innocent. If that's possible because when racism is involved the innocent are no longer ...so innocent. Their world is forever changed by the ignorance and hatred that has touched them through others.

We have dealt with racism on a pretty regular basis from almost the first day that we were in Manila to pick up the boys. A Filipino lady confronted Mike and the boys in the hotel elevator the 2nd day after we'd arrived, looked at the boys and then turned to Mike and making (in Mike's words) a very ugly, nasty face towards the boys and said, "Hmphh! Africaans." Well, who ever said racists were smart?

Anyway, these types of remarks, looks and actions of all natures are too many to relate and only give them more power to describe them. We deal as they occur and the boys deal in the ways that they can relate.

Fortunately our family friends and relatives have been spared these comments and behaviors when we are out together. During a recent conversation, one of our friends (I was with her and knew that the person she was speaking to had "issues") ran smack dab into a highly verbal, opinionated person who is anti - anything to do with "those people who come to our country from somewhere else and don't try to learn English, pay taxes, bring all their kids with them and we pay to educate them, America should remain for Americans". She is not someone who would learn or think about anything differently if you were to try to broaden her horizons.

The tirade was offensive from so many standpoints....and ignorant. I know I can't advance this persons' thinking. I simply stand there and stare people like this down until they have run out of steam and then continue to stare at them. It's amazing how uncomfortable you can make someone by looking them in the eye and not saying a word. Sometimes the loudest argument is that of total silence and dismissal thus relegating both them and their views to a position lower than a snails' butt.

Our friend who had not run face first into this wall was appalled. As we were leaving the area, she was in total shock. Later she said, "I know you've told me about this but I can't believe people do that and in front of you especially when they know about the boys!" While I feel bad for her, worse for the people that the abhorrent person will encounter, I did feel somewhat better having had this friend witness this first hand. Often times when this attitude gets to me and I've tried to explain it to people they dismiss it as a once in a blue moon, never around here or that's just me being over sensitive. I wish that were the case.

Sometimes in these situations it's hard to be objective; is the person racist or ignorant? It's easy to tell at times and harder at other times. I suppose in some areas we've done our friends and family an injustice by not making them more aware of the prejudices within our communities. This is not to say that we have been extremely blessed by our community and friends. As a whole they are unbelievably supportive which makes it even harder when these special people lose a little of their innocence when blindsided by hatred.

In parenting classes before the boys came home we talked about the issues of racism, stereotyping and prejudices. At the time we were thinking more of the small picture...how it would affect us, our children and families. Racism affects everyone. The innocent and the racist. Whether it is acknowledged or disregarded because you personally have not been on the receiving end of such entrenched hatred, know that even in the face of such disregard for other human beings there is love, acceptance, understanding and an increasing support system for families like ours who will not let our children fight this battle alone. So, thank you to all our friends, family, co workers and community for stepping into the circle that surrounds our kids until such time that they are able to join with us and face head on those who would hate them with such ignorance.

All Is Not So Quiet...Just Breathing

Well it has been almost a month since my last post...oops! We have had multiple birthdays and illnesses and school contests and .....LIFE! I've gotten several emails and calls from some who stop by here and were wondering if we are doing ok.

One of the goals I had starting into this blog (2+ years ago) was to NOT be one of those bloggers who shared and allowed people to travel along our journey and then just disappear. Perhaps a little like a book that you are really into and then the final chapters are missing. Urghh! For an avid reader that really drives me crazy.

Unfortunately, it's really easy to get consumed with the day to day and let posting slide. I'll do better. Thanks for checking back with the blog and checking up on us in general. It means a lot.

Today Lucas Turned 12

Yep. That's right. Our son of 3 years is 12. He would tell you that he's quite capable of everything an 18 year old is but his parents would probably have to put a few qualifiers on that.

He is all about his birthday parties....yes....parties. Tonight it was Red Lobster, Friday it's a sleep over and Sunday is birthday cake with more family. As Eli frequently screams, "It's everything I WANT!" for Lucas this week.

I'm pretty sure the diners around us at Red Lobster were wishing they'd gone to McDonald's because Luke was in fine form. From telling Mike, repeatedly, that he was old, telling Alison he would find her a boyfriend, to telling Sydney that she was marrying one of our friends sons...in front of Sydney's boyfriend then telling us his view that in all couples the man was older than the woman, the man would die first and the ladies are always right. What can I say....I may have influenced that last opinion. Then he proceeded to tell the friends that went with us that the man was very lucky cause he had a good wife....he hasn't lost the ability to schmooze the women.

I can't believe how much this kid has grown, it's great, it's sad but most of all a joy to see him growing and happy. Happy Birthday Lucas!

Long Ways To Go

This morning was the first Saturday we've had where we weren't running out the door to basketball or holiday shopping in forever. So what do the menfolk decide to do? Get up (loudly) and destroy the kitchen while creating breakfast. Does anyone know how making pancakes can encompass 3 counters, a stove top, the table and unfortunately the floor?

Once the feast was on the table our usual table time discussions ensued. Lucas is fixated on his 12th birthday in a couple weeks....Lucas is fixated on all his birthdays 12 months of the year....and thus began the discussion of how old will he be in what grade, when he graduates, when he goes to college, etc.

Sydney received her acceptance into her college choice this week so that is preoccupying a lot of his brain. Once again we tried to explain why people go to college, what college is and that not everyone chooses to attend college and why that may be.

Lucas' breakfast ending epiphany, "Huh. I got a LONG way to go!" Then he assures his dad that he (Lucas) will have a job and that dad can live with him when he's old....in about 10 years. Well. That must mean Eli is taking care of me? Why am I slightly concerned?

Spelling Words

Perhaps you have drilled your child's spelling words one time too many when he has the following conversation with his sister on the way to school.

Sydney to Eli - "Hey can you spell count?"
Eli to Sydney - "YOU spell it!"

End of spelling.....except count wasn't one of his words....she was just messing with him. Needless to say we skipped the spelling portion of tonight's homework, it's time for a night off.

Solution

I really knew that the solution to the sibling bickering that has taken place this holiday break was to send them back to school. I'm not new at this. I'm simply amazed each and every time how thoroughly the first day back to school exhausts kids.

Lucas and Eli were both sacked out on the couch when I got home at 4:00. Pretty much stayed that way until supper, then ate, showered and climbed into bed. No fighting (except when it came to who was going to wrestle with the dog....our bassett hound was declared the winner) no annoying the sisterly units and no arguments at bedtime. Unfortunately experience tells us that they will quickly adjust back to school schedule and the sibling squables will once again ring throughout our unfortunate neighborhood.

Sometimes I need reminded that this in fact is a good thing considering for about the first 9-12 months home they were not comfortable enough to argue with each other....trust me they are now quite comfortable and excel in this area beyond all description.

How Soon They Forget

Christmas break is great. Until boredom set in. Until they are tired of their brothers' face. Until the Christmas toys need to be shared. Until they have a Christmas toy removed for fighting.

Then it's all about, "Is it school tomorrow?" "Can I go back to school tomorrow?" "I want to go to school."

Well that much demanded and sighed over day arrived this morning. Christmas break ended for the boys and Sydney. Can you guess their latest line?

"WHAT! We HAVE to go BACK!" ............now to survive until spring break....(sigh)

You Do Know.....

I've talked about how Eli possesses (or thinks he does) the "World's Best Back Seat Driver's License". Last night we were in the car and he was doing the usual..."go straight, go right, go left..yadayada".

Then we hear. "You do know there is a car behind us, right?"

There is no comic alive who can deliver a straight line like this kid....it's dangerous to everyone within our driving area.

The Best Lie I Ever Told My Kids

As a parent it is always a step forward when you recognize when to and not to lie to your children.....jolly old man in a red suit would be a good example.

The absolute best lie (let's call it what it is) I ever told any of my kids ....older and newer....was that mom's have a special superpower and have invisible eyes in the back of our heads. Creepy...kind of, underhanded....most definitely....sure to make your child think two or three times before trying something behind your back...absolutely.

This is the lie that I told the boys approximately 6 months after we brought them home. They never did figure out that the eyes in the back of my head is the rear view mirror. They also can't connect that just because they may be out of sight I still possess pretty good hearing abilities.

Today during the "last day home before we return from holiday break cleaning extravaganza" Eli was overheard telling Lucas...."Dude keep going, clean, pick up..;..you KNOW mom has those special eyes. She SEES EVERYTHING!" Yes. My best lie ever!

When Adding Children To Your Family

One of the lighter topics in the whole adoption process that should be thought out in one of the less stressful "down times" ....yep...I know there are none of those before, during or after adding children to your family. I thought to amuse myself.

I love to take pictures of my kids, they generally tolerate it for about 15 minutes...or they have...I think we are reaching the extent of putting all 5 kids in a single photo. Getting all of them in one place, at one time with "mom appropriate" picture taking clothing is tough. Then we deal with the thought process of all 5 that says they should have a say in every pose....why don't they understand that this is their opportunity for mother brownie points? Then if you are so fortunate to press them into one shot you can run the risk that all of them may not come out alive.....siblings are tough.

Come to think of it...after a certain number of kids I think that parents should attend a circus orientation. It would fit in perfectly. Balancing a tiny line of patience, braving the scary teeth of a lion rivals getting your 10 year old son to brush his teeth, a large net is often needed for the parents to either fall into or have thrown over them as they are carted off to the funny farm, and then there is the monkey act....also known as family photos...yep think I'm running off to join the circus.....there are a couple new photos on the left...you'll notice the brother/sister separation....I'm not quite up to Ringling Brothers standards during holiday season!

Are They Still There?

As some of you know and others have wondered, the boys do have members of their biological family living in the Philippines. It is probably one of the advantages and disadvantages in adopting older kids. They do remember, they do wonder about those left behind. I would imagine most adopted children and their families wonder about the family that remains.

From day one of meeting the boys we have talked about their family members and they share their thoughts and remembrances of those times and family.

This past week-end the island of Mindanao in the Philippines was struck by a typhoon. So many deaths and missing people. Our biggest question, one that will never be answered, is are any of their biological family still alive. We were given so little information but the little we have puts the family in the destruction path.

Lucas and Eli have not asked too many questions yet. The questions will start. One of the hardest things for Mike and I to get across to them is that we don't have all the answers. I have to admit not having the answers to this one huge question bothers me.

We knew that the boys have family and it was always a possibility that "someday" the boys might choose to return and look for family members and have some of their questions answered. Having the basic knowledge of where to start gave us some feeling of contribution in helping them to get their answers. Now I don't think this is going to be a possibility. This latest disaster has thrown us down another unexpected pathway to helping Lucas and Eli reconcile their lives in the Philippines.

This Christmas season please remember all the people that are suffering around the world and say a special prayer that somehow the portion of the boys' family that were still in the Philippines were able to survive and are safe, that someday they can meet two special guys who have a lot of memories of them and remember them every day.

Driving Miss Daisy

The plot: 2 sons, 1 dad together for a few hours on Saturday afternoon while the "women" folk finish Christmas shopping.

Time frame for male bonding: approximately 3 hours

The amount of time it took Eli to inform the women folk after their return of his dad's state of mind: 3 hours

The tattle: coming home from supper Eli states to his sisters (who are on either side of him) "You are driving me nuts!" This leaves the women folk momentarily speechless as this is not something that would come out of Eli without first hearing it else where. When Eli realized he'd said something before unheard out of him he said, "What? Dad say it to us today! He say you drive me nuts!"

How long until Dad fessed up to such a statement?........ We're still waiting.

You Know I Don't Listen!

We finally have our Christmas decorations out and the tree decorated. The tree has actually been up for a week but Mike was out of town so we waited until today to decorate it.

On the floor next to our tree is an animated Mr. & Mrs. Santa Claus that my parents bought us when the girls were little. It always sits by the tree, it always is at an angle from the tree. Can you say Christmas brings out the OCD in the Pickle Family?

Tonight I asked Eli to turn them back as they'd gotten moved around during decorating. It's one of those directional lessons that is harder for him to follow, that and the fact that I may have been obsessing just a little, it was taking several times for him to get it where it was before the tree decorating.

He finally got it placed and then turned to me and said, "Mom. You know I don't listen." and then he left the room.....the kid is a riot.

Take A Look

If you will take 1 minute and 15 seconds out of your lives to click on the hyperlink below, you will find a brief video on a footwear company by the name of Toms. For every pair of shoes they sell they give one to a child in need. The attached link shows a glimpse of their Philippine program.

Rachel sent this to us from college. She has insisted from the very first month the boys were home that she wanted to give them Toms and give back also. We procrastinated. For two years. Until I clicked the link with Lucas, Eli and one of their friends standing behind me.

Take a look and you will see the images that were very much a part of Lucas and Eli's lives. Between explaining to their "America" friends that they didn't have shoes just like "those" kids but now they do and then showing how their feet are tough because they didn't wear shoes it was truly apparent how much gratitude these two (plus others who receive) feel towards not the company or the military or the country that gives but to the individual people measuring and placing those shoes on the feet of children that may never have had anything of their own.

For those that may say, "you should give without expecting gratitude"....you bet. But to be an eye witness to that gratitude is humbling and even more so at this time of year. Take a look. Toms is just one of many who do wonderful humanitarian things. But they go, they do, they affect a life forever. Take a look.

http://www.toms.com/blog/content/give-dignity?roi=echo4-16602634460-13914557-7017be0ec24a3e989cf96d1e55032776&bhn_mid=3737273&bhn_rid=1659292620&&utm_source=email&utm_medium=us_givingdignity&utm_campaign=november_30_2011

A Request from "The Boys"

This post will most likely be somewhat disjointed. I'm typing it but Lucas and Eli are writing it. I ordered a hardcover book of the entire blog for the boys for Christmas. They love to look back over the posts and pictures and talk about everything. In some ways it's our version of a life book. The book is a surprise for them so please don't mention it if you run across them before Christmas.

Today was a double basketball game day for us. The boys and their teammates won both games. Yeah! Losses are not good! NOT GOOD! so says the Filipino Duo.

On the way home Lucas piped up and said he wanted to write something on the computer (blog).
He said to say, " Thank you. I likes America. I remember Philippines. I learn a lot of new things here. I know lots of boys and friends....girls too." (Mom note...girls preoccupy him a lot!)

Eli wanted to say, "I'm good here. I do lots of things. I never get to do in Philippines."
They both want you to know that it is snowing in Iowa today. Since about 10:00 this morning we have accumulated 6 inches and it's still heavy. It's 1:30 p.m. (Mom note again...snow days are like child birth you forget what it's really like until your smack dab in the middle of it....then you remember!)

They wanted to show you pictures of their basketball game but like a bad parent I forgot the camera. I will try again next week. I think you will be amazed at both of their growth spurts in the last month. I didn't realize until they came to school and my coworkers were commenting on how tall they were getting. Where does the time go? I know it doesn't go swiftly on snow days....trust me.

Rudolph and the Boys

Tis the Christmas holiday season. Football, football and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I had forgotten how excited Lucas and Eli are to watch every holiday program on the air.

The first year they were home Rudolph made absolutely no sense and the Abominable Snow Monster was the scariest thing imaginable.

Last year we spent the entire hour explaining e v e r y t h i n g throughout the entire hour.

This year apparently we turned a corner with the Rudolph experience. They were both still just as excited, they made us promise that they'd be home from basketball practice in time to watch it. But this year there were no explanations needed, no hiding behind the pillows. They sat quietly, absorbed 150% in a holiday tradition that both Mike and I and the girls all have in our memories. It would be one of those links that are established within an adoptive family that a person doesn't necessarily read in the billion adoption books or enters an adoptive parents' mind when you are looking for ways to involve and introduce family traditions. That is until you are like us, perhaps two years down the road of adoption, with a few holidays under your belt and instead of watching the holiday classics, you are watching your sons enjoy a tradition that they can fully understand and absorb into themselves.

To watch them enjoy and not stress over a holiday happening is a reminder on how stressful this time of year can be for them. Chaos is not our friend on a good day, throw in larger crowds, rich and sugary foods and over stimulation is a small description of the havoc holidays can create for them. It was really nice to witness even this small piece of the holidays being enjoyed by the boys.

Rudolph is the first of what will hopefully be more enjoyable, less stressful holiday happenings. Although getting them to bed after they gave the play by play of what Rudolph said and what the snow monster did was another post entirely.

Caution to All Little Butts

Hope everyone had a special Thanksgiving holiday. Ours was hectic, fun, hectic and busy. Notice a theme? Why we decide that an extended break for a holiday is a green light for house improvements is beyond me. Throw in the fact that Friday was my birthday and then because I'm apparently old, senile and gullible agree that, "Yes. It would be ok to re-floor and put in a new toilet....as my gift." What can I say. I got my first AARP letter the other day....thus old, senile and gullible were my other birthday gifts.

So after two days Mike and I, along with all 5 of our children at one point or another, supervising us installed the new flooring and the commode. The only thing we didn't run by Lucas and Eli was the selection of the toilet itself. They apparently have very strong feelings about their primary bathroom fixture as discussed where else but at the Sunday dinner table.

With all of our family in attendance, Lucas starts out with, "Hey! What do you think you are doing. That toilet is too big. I'm Filipino. I have little butt, that hole is too big, I will fall in it." With the added support of Eli, who had apparently already taken a dip into the bowl prior to it's placement, quickly agreed. His view point, "YEAH! I have the Filipino little butt, we don't need no big hole! I'm scared I fall in and go down."

Yes we laughed....come on you are too!

20/20 Hindsight

After nearly two years with Lucas and Eli being part of our family you would think that we would have covered a lot of ground as far as memories that the boys' have of their lives in the Philippines. We have done a lot of talking about a lot of different things, sometimes we visit those same things to the point of wanting to paint pictures.

These memories can be quite complex or the most basic of things. From people, places, illnesses, general daily living to their earliest memories of their birth mother and family. It still blows me away as to how much Lucas knows about his biological mother and their lives before being placed at RSCC Zamboanga. He was 3 years old. Can you remember things when you were 3? Between his memories and the information we have received we can sort through and piece together a lot of things.

The latest concentration of discussion has been concerning the trip we took to Manila to pick up the boys in 2009. Lucas and Eli have both been reminiscing about the Holiday Inn Galleria Hotel where we stayed. Now granted it was their first experience in a hotel of any kind and the fact that they'd just been handed over to people that looked nothing like them and they knew only basic things about and had no communication beyond yes and no......so no doubt that was a very memorable time.

This particular trip down memory lane had nothing to do with any of that trauma but with the breakfast buffet at the hotel. It was AMAZING! according to Lucas and if you listen to Eli is was EVERYTHING I WANT! They know exactly what they ate, where they sat and who sat by who.

I look back at pictures from those mornings and I think I see shell shocked little boys, which they were but they were also little video/audio recorders that have the abilities to replay and use exact wording for conversations. I could not come up with half the memories they dredge up but once they start the trip down memory lane it all comes back clearly.....the sausages at breakfast, the 4 different kinds of juice Eli had to have before we figured out which kind he liked, the unexpected dip in the pool where Mike had to fish Eli out, the boys sitting on the bed with Sydney watching cartoons, the list goes on and on.

For their sakes I hope they can retain these memories. We write as much down as possible. Sometimes we find that we have to correct their perceptions of what was actually happening vs. the kids' point of view. We always wondered when adoptive parents know when is the right time to talk about the past with their kids and for us the kids are leading the way. I suppose in some ways it's not too different from talking with your biological kids about tough subjects, kids absorb things at their own pace and if you are careful and watchful you can all have 20/20 hindsight.

This Filipino Not Stopping Til I'm Full

The newest food sensation for Lucas and Eli is homemade chicken and noodles. Eli will stop after two bowls but Lucas would eat until he explodes.

Tonight he was asking for his 3rd helping (the first 2 were huge) and Sydney said, "Bud, you've had two and I've had one. I'm stuffed so you have to be getting full."

Very calmly and with "superior brotherly attitude" he said, "This Filipino is not stopping until I am full. I am not full, I am not stopping." .......so a 1/2 serving later this Filipino's mom called a stop and if by his over extended, groaning when getting up from the table was an indication he should probably have listened to his wiser older sister.

Two Years Ago Today

Free slideshow made with Smilebox

A Sad Day In The Neighborhood

No.....no one died, the dog didn't run away and there were no injuries. The major tragedy to occur this week-end (at least from the boys' perspective) was the dismantling of the trampoline. I know. It's not like there aren't far graver things happening in the world today but for two boys who have bounced themselves goofy over the past 7 months and a mom that always knew where to start looking when they were outside this fixture of our yard will be missed.

Winter is pressing towards us so it was time to dismantle and wait for spring to arrive or chase it across the county when the winter winds start blowing. I do have to correct an earlier statement, there was an injury....Eli is now sporting a new crease in his forehead and an appreciation of not getting too close to his brother when he has a trampoline leg in his hands.

The Girl Can Sing and A Smile Worth Millions

This week-end we had the awe inspiring, pride filled opportunity to watch Sydney in her last high school play/musical. Every other year our school does a musical, the next a play. This years' musical was Cinderella. No Sydney was not Cinderella but the Wicked Stepmother. Her sisters claim she has had a lot of practice being loud and "mean" at home....I think they provided a lot of opportunity and example for her to learn from......

If you have had the "pleasure" of a child practicing for months on end for a play, you will totally understand when I say, "it was time to get the show on the road." Long rehearsals, no family time, constant running back and forth to school, drama all the time from a stressed out, worn out teenager who is filling out college paperwork and taking some college courses and maintaining high school homework...does not always leave room for the most pleasant few months.

The stress this week was a dress rehearsal where the costumes did not fit almost the entire cast...they were done professionally...they are supposed to receive refunds....a matinee for the elementary students where Sydney scared some of them and now they won't come near her at school....how they recognize her is one for the books, she looks nothing like herself. I digress but let me say, I greatly dislike the week of performance.

On Friday we all went to watch opening night, we had seen Sydney in makeup and hair so that wasn't a surprise, what did knock all 10 of her family on their collective butts was when she sang. H O L Y S M O K E S! The girl can sing! How could any of us live around her for 18 years and not know what kind of voice she packs in that 5' body? Yes, we go to choir concerts, swing choir events but those are group efforts. For someone who is pretty quiet except when driving her point across to her brothers....WOW! I won't soon forget sitting in the auditorium listening to her first song and looking over at Alison and Rachel, beside me and seeing the same look on their faces of what I'm sure was on my face. I also now understand why those elementary kids are afraid of her....she plays one very scary step-mother.

Afterwards, the cast go out front to meet the audience and while there a lady brought two of her daughters up to Sydney. She said they wanted to talk to her but were scared. Sydney got down on the floor and tried to make them comfortable but with full make up and costume it was still a bit hard for them to realize that she wasn't the person up on stage and wasn't going to hit them with a broom like she had Cinderella.

The last little bit I'd like to share is the reactions of Lucas and Eli. You have to understand that over the past several months they have sat through rehearsals with Sydney until we pick them up after work. Usually it was about 15 minutes a few times a week. In those 15 minutes, they learned dialogue and the songs, if an understudy had been needed they could have stepped in. They can tell you almost any line in the play and sing all the songs at high volume whenever the mood strikes.....can't say as I will miss some of them as they grate on the nerves after 150,000 recitations.

During the play, while watching Sydney on stage, I could see the boys in the row in front of us. They were on the edge of their seats, laughing, clapping and generally 100% engrossed. It made me think of last years' play and the first time they had experienced something like it. They were scared, didn't like black out, couldn't sit still, overstimulated by the crowd and didn't get two steps from us.

This year was about as opposite as you can get. Comfortable and engaged. They both asked to go to the restroom. Why is this important? They KNEW where it was, weren't afraid to navigate the crowd and asked at appropriate times....then during the play they were laughing and clapping...totally understanding what was happening...that didn't happen a year ago. The very best part of watching them was when Eli took Sydney a bouquet of flowers up onto the stage, hugged her and turned around and smiled at the crowd. The kid just did something that was so far beyond him last year that I can't do it justice. It was another one of those moments where as a parent you think..."wow, would you look at that...just look at them go!"

Can't Say It Enough

I sometimes feel silly writing so much about how proud I am of Lucas and Eli and for that matter, Alison, Rachel and Sydney.

Our household has been very full this past week. We have friends staying with us. It has added 4 more people and a whole lot of activity, fun, work and close quarters. I'm not complaining about that...we are very fortunate to be able to make room.

We are grateful that our kids have the opportunity to witness friendship and understanding up close. Let's face it practical applications of these traits works much better than telling your kids what a friend is, how they behave or the sacrifices a friend may have to make.

Sydney, Lucas and Eli have met that call for friendship this week above and beyond our expectations. They have opened their hearts, their home, their personal items, toys and their parents' time, sharing all of it and with no complaints.

For Lucas and Eli, two years ago they had no personal "special" things to call their own. We've all worked to bring them an understanding of things and people that they can claim as their own. Now they not only claim toys, clothes and a home but they are to a point where they can now share and give back to others. If it were myself in their shoes it would be very easy to be selfish and possessive. This is where I stand amazed. I'm not saying that they don't have the ability to be selfish and possessive at times....they are kids.....but I do think that they recognize others in need and it gives them such joy to have things that they claim as their own and are able to share.

When you spent your first 8 and 9 years being given things from others, to be able to be in a place to finally give back is a lesson that they've passed with flying colors.

Oops, I Didn't See The Signs

You may know how it feels as a parent to have excellent 20/20 hindsight. When you kick yourself for not paying attention and reading your kids non verbal signs. I find myself becoming less aware of the visual/non verbal signs with the boys as they're developing more complex English. That's where the oops factor comes in.

I'm not sure at what point if ever we will be able to know they will express themselves 100% of the time. Don't get me wrong they do sooooo much better than where we started from. Case in point; last night Eli brought his homework paper to me and we set down at the table to work on it. I should also point out that he really wants to do his homework but there are times when he can't. He doesn't have the skill set yet. I also know that he tends to be easily distracted, I'm not blind to this either. I will probably make all you school employees cringe when I say...I don't care if he gets his homework done like everyone else or at all. If the work is so far beyond where he is that we have no way to connect the dots...we don't do it. We are also very lucky that our school and teachers know this. Most of the time things are adjusted, sometimes they aren't. As long as we move forward we are ok.

Last nights' homework was a variation of a book report that was read to the kids in class by a parent. That's what info I had from Eli. I hate book reports for ELL kids....no I did not say that to him but my prejudice on this probably helped lead to the missed sign from him. We tried to talk about the book but he got very quiet which sometimes means "I wasn't paying attention and now my mom knows." So what is the mature mother to do. I said, "Fine if you aren't willing to at least tell me what you can remember (I don't care what little piece they give me, just so that they were able to get something) than you will need to explain to the teacher why your homework isn't done."

I went to the laundry room and then it hit me. The look on his face, his body language and his shrugging. Oh! Darn! I missed it. I called him into the laundry room and said, "Hey E, is something wrong. I'm not mad but do you want to tell me what's wrong?" His first reaction is to think when it comes to school that adults are mad at him. It's a left over gift from his earliest school experiences. He stood there for about 2 seconds and then I was enveloped in a full body hug and the tears came. He had a "bad" head (headache)and didn't feel good all day and he didn't understand why he couldn't tell me the story. I reminded him that we have medicine for when he doesn't feel good but that he has to tell me because sometimes mom can't guess. I asked if he'd like to go find something to help his headache. Once again I was honored with a huge hug and then even better..."I love you Mom!" Lesson to me: PAY ATTENTION!

Sometimes it feels like I'm always about 3 steps behind when either of the boys feel ill. They tough out a lot of things and although it's much better they just don't think anything about feeling bad and that there are things we can do to make them feel better. I'll be so glad when and if those coping skills are gone. It masks a lot of things not only at home but at school and with others who will not have the time or desire to investigate.

Lecturing the Selective Listener

Guest Lecturers: Lucas and Eli
Selective Listeners: Lucas and Eli

On Sunday I gave the go ahead for the massive clean out of the spare room downstairs that Lucas has requested for HIS VERY OWN! It used to be Alison then Rachel's but for the past year and half it's pretty much turned into a mess. So what else does everyone want to do on what is probably the last pleasant fall Sunday......clean, sort, throw away, repeat.

Sydney appeared from the clean out area (I assigned myself brownie baking duty) and said, "Mom, you won't believe those guys. They sound just like dad. Lucas is telling Eli, just dig in, just get it done, pitch in, stop whining. Eli is telling Lucas...you dig in! you keep going! you stop bossing! It's your room, you DO IT!" She said they were all 3 standing in the middle, each bossing the others. Three bosses in a 12 x 11 room...not enough space for that many chiefs. Sydney made a good choice and went to her own room to clean.

Girls Are Not Like Trading Cards

Lucas and Eli like the girls. All girls, all women, anyone of the female persuasion from the age of 0-98.....they haven't met anyone older than 98 so the jury is out on that one. I was a little concerned with their need to talk about their "girlfriends" until I hung out with a couple of their friends and apparently 10 and 11 year old boys have their own definition of "girlfriend".

The one thing these Casanova's don't have is discretion or discernment when talking about these so called girlfriends. It is the sworn duty however of Alison, Rachel and Sydney to broaden their horizons in relation to how one respects, speaks of and generally treat their "girlfriends". Some lessons come easier than others. Some lessons are very loud.

At supper the other night (Sydney's boyfriend Parker in attendance) Lucas and Eli begin bragging about their girlfriends. At one point throwing Parker under the bus by asking him about his other girlfriends and if he was marrying Sydney. I'm really surprised someone hasn't choked to death......or been choked to death..... at one of our meals.

The conversations then switched into another downhill direction where upon the boys thought they would decide who could claim which girls. Similar to trading baseball cards. That would be when Parker choked, Sydney became a very animated, vigorous, LOUD instructor on boyfriend/girlfriend 101. Lucas and Eli have not brought the subject up again....at least with their sister.