This past week I had the opportunity to speak with a perspective adoptive parent as part of a mentoring program through our former agency and now hers. We've done this several times over the past year or so and it always amazes me what memories these phone conversations bring, how they make us stop to realize all the changes since we were at this stage in adoption and how very different the boys are now from the two little guys we brought home from the Philippines.
Usually these conversations follow a certain path with questions and concerns and telling how our journey was and continues to be today. Mentoring definately gives as much as you give. This particular conversation brought back a lot of those initial doubts, questions and concerns that were thrown in our path. Some our own but not necessarily. The doubts that were "offered" by family, friends, professionals, were the ones that are hard to reconcile.
As I was speaking with this mom, who happens to be an experienced adoptive parent, I was watching Lucas warm up on the baseball field. It made me wish that all those doubters, all those "well-intentioned" people, all those in the boys early lives could see him at that moment, team member, confident (cocky) 12 year old, who is growing more comfortable with himself and his new world, enough so that he can grin on home plate before slugging it into center field. I wish they could see Eli, the kid who was a "touch me not" when we met, meeting me at the door for a hug and talking on and on about his day. How far they have come, how far we as parents have grown and stumbled and learned, how far our family has expanded....not even describable.
Yes, mentors should give realistic views on life with an older adoptive child. Absolutely. I also believe mentors have as much responsibility to give the positive as the problems encountered. I remembered just wanting to talk to someone who could shed some positive into our early adoption journey. You can read and hear a lot about the negative issues supposedly in an attempt to "make sure" you know what you are getting into....hey I'm all for being as prepared and realistic as possible, just pull back long enough to see the huge milestones, the little milestones and all the smiles that are encountered too. Be a mentor, be a support, be realistic, be a parent who sees the huge and the little successes and then go give your own kids a huge hug, stop long enough to see the smile at home plate and enjoy this huge gift you've all been given.
No comments:
Post a Comment