20/20 Hindsight

After nearly two years with Lucas and Eli being part of our family you would think that we would have covered a lot of ground as far as memories that the boys' have of their lives in the Philippines. We have done a lot of talking about a lot of different things, sometimes we visit those same things to the point of wanting to paint pictures.

These memories can be quite complex or the most basic of things. From people, places, illnesses, general daily living to their earliest memories of their birth mother and family. It still blows me away as to how much Lucas knows about his biological mother and their lives before being placed at RSCC Zamboanga. He was 3 years old. Can you remember things when you were 3? Between his memories and the information we have received we can sort through and piece together a lot of things.

The latest concentration of discussion has been concerning the trip we took to Manila to pick up the boys in 2009. Lucas and Eli have both been reminiscing about the Holiday Inn Galleria Hotel where we stayed. Now granted it was their first experience in a hotel of any kind and the fact that they'd just been handed over to people that looked nothing like them and they knew only basic things about and had no communication beyond yes and no......so no doubt that was a very memorable time.

This particular trip down memory lane had nothing to do with any of that trauma but with the breakfast buffet at the hotel. It was AMAZING! according to Lucas and if you listen to Eli is was EVERYTHING I WANT! They know exactly what they ate, where they sat and who sat by who.

I look back at pictures from those mornings and I think I see shell shocked little boys, which they were but they were also little video/audio recorders that have the abilities to replay and use exact wording for conversations. I could not come up with half the memories they dredge up but once they start the trip down memory lane it all comes back clearly.....the sausages at breakfast, the 4 different kinds of juice Eli had to have before we figured out which kind he liked, the unexpected dip in the pool where Mike had to fish Eli out, the boys sitting on the bed with Sydney watching cartoons, the list goes on and on.

For their sakes I hope they can retain these memories. We write as much down as possible. Sometimes we find that we have to correct their perceptions of what was actually happening vs. the kids' point of view. We always wondered when adoptive parents know when is the right time to talk about the past with their kids and for us the kids are leading the way. I suppose in some ways it's not too different from talking with your biological kids about tough subjects, kids absorb things at their own pace and if you are careful and watchful you can all have 20/20 hindsight.