We have dealt with racism on a pretty regular basis from almost the first day that we were in Manila to pick up the boys. A Filipino lady confronted Mike and the boys in the hotel elevator the 2nd day after we'd arrived, looked at the boys and then turned to Mike and making (in Mike's words) a very ugly, nasty face towards the boys and said, "Hmphh! Africaans." Well, who ever said racists were smart?
Anyway, these types of remarks, looks and actions of all natures are too many to relate and only give them more power to describe them. We deal as they occur and the boys deal in the ways that they can relate.
Fortunately our family friends and relatives have been spared these comments and behaviors when we are out together. During a recent conversation, one of our friends (I was with her and knew that the person she was speaking to had "issues") ran smack dab into a highly verbal, opinionated person who is anti - anything to do with "those people who come to our country from somewhere else and don't try to learn English, pay taxes, bring all their kids with them and we pay to educate them, America should remain for Americans". She is not someone who would learn or think about anything differently if you were to try to broaden her horizons.
The tirade was offensive from so many standpoints....and ignorant. I know I can't advance this persons' thinking. I simply stand there and stare people like this down until they have run out of steam and then continue to stare at them. It's amazing how uncomfortable you can make someone by looking them in the eye and not saying a word. Sometimes the loudest argument is that of total silence and dismissal thus relegating both them and their views to a position lower than a snails' butt.
Our friend who had not run face first into this wall was appalled. As we were leaving the area, she was in total shock. Later she said, "I know you've told me about this but I can't believe people do that and in front of you especially when they know about the boys!" While I feel bad for her, worse for the people that the abhorrent person will encounter, I did feel somewhat better having had this friend witness this first hand. Often times when this attitude gets to me and I've tried to explain it to people they dismiss it as a once in a blue moon, never around here or that's just me being over sensitive. I wish that were the case.
Sometimes in these situations it's hard to be objective; is the person racist or ignorant? It's easy to tell at times and harder at other times. I suppose in some areas we've done our friends and family an injustice by not making them more aware of the prejudices within our communities. This is not to say that we have been extremely blessed by our community and friends. As a whole they are unbelievably supportive which makes it even harder when these special people lose a little of their innocence when blindsided by hatred.
In parenting classes before the boys came home we talked about the issues of racism, stereotyping and prejudices. At the time we were thinking more of the small picture...how it would affect us, our children and families. Racism affects everyone. The innocent and the racist. Whether it is acknowledged or disregarded because you personally have not been on the receiving end of such entrenched hatred, know that even in the face of such disregard for other human beings there is love, acceptance, understanding and an increasing support system for families like ours who will not let our children fight this battle alone. So, thank you to all our friends, family, co workers and community for stepping into the circle that surrounds our kids until such time that they are able to join with us and face head on those who would hate them with such ignorance.
Great post, Lori. You know this is a topic I've touched upon quite a bit over the past few months. I agree that it's often difficult for those who don't encounter racism to imagine that it goes us to and with our kids. Hopefully, experiencing it for themselves will help empower them to step up the next time some ignorant idiot starts to go on...and on...and on...
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing. i agee with your statement that sometimes the best answer to ignorant tirades is to keep silent and looking their eyeballs straight. i learned from your sharing and would be better equiped when things like these happened. blessings.
ReplyDeleteallan
What a way with words you have!! So true...so true! I'm so thankful that the boys have found such a wonderful family and home with you. Sometimes I can't keep my mouth closed, however. I've found that when I say, "Shame on you" and walk away, it leaves them thinking. Something they apparantly have never been taught to do! You are doing a great job. Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteKathy