Disney, Air Boats and the Beach....

We made it, we enjoyed it and we are still recovering from our summer vacation to Disney and beyond.  We all managed to arrive in one piece, some by plane and some of us (Mike, Lucas, Eli and myself) by car.  I was very proud of the way both Lucas and Eli handled two and a half days in the car, both down and back. No fights or arguments and blessedly no car sickness.

If you ask them what the best part of the trip was they will both say, "All of it."  I figured it would be Disney but they actually talk about the road trip, beach and air boat excursions equally.  I think at the time everything was hitting them at a high speed that they've had to take this past week to think it all over.  I've had to take this last week to recover.  Disney was a whole lot easier with 3 kids and 15 fewer years of age on our part.

For now I will leave you with a few pictures and say that we are glad we waited a few years since the boys arrival before tackling this vacation, it definitely would have been too much for them even a year ago.

We were all very glad when we saw this sign!

This was just outside of Magic Kingdom on the first day...yes those expressions are genuine awe!

Study of the park maps was Lucas' self designated job. 

Better than drumming on each other's heads.

Fans and a spray bottle, good for 100 degree weather and for irritating your brother.

Alligator hunter Lucas.

They have been waiting to return to the ocean for almost 4 years.  They were thrilled to see dolphins, swim with sting rays and play in the sand.

"Amazing" was Lucas' word of the day.

Eli was so thrilled to be able to swim, his last experience in the ocean was not so fun.

Lucas taking one last look at the end of the day.

Five Little Ponchos

No trip to the state of Florida and especially Disney goes without rain showers.  Once we made it into the great state of Florida and experienced a few of the thunderstorms (brief but mighty) I told the boys that we needed to buy some rain ponchos or suffer from soggy clothes.

They were both remarkably agreeable.  This is the conversation from the back of the car:
  Luke:  "You know Eli we had ponchos in the Philippines, when we walked to school."
  Eli:  "Oh ya, I love those things, they covered the backpack and kept stuff dry."
  Luke:  "Yep, but we only had 5 ponchos and there were six of us walking so one always got wet."
  Eli:  "Not me, I got in line first!"
  Luke:  "Oh ya, you did that a lot."

Needless to say once we checked in and got things around we went poncho hunting and we made sure everyone (except a couple of our older ones - Ross and Mark who probably are a little past the age of having Mickey Mouse plastered on their chests) has a poncho and all is good...now watch there won't be a rain drop in sight!

Disney Here We Come!

We have been holding our boys hostage....in a vehicle for 2 1/2 days on the way to Disney World...life is tough.  Actually they are doing really well.  Only one argument and that was about how to pronounce Chattanooga.

We had a "real" talk about what a family vacation was for, how we can all have a good time and also how that good time can be ruined....they are listening so far.

Lucas was a little worried about leaving home for this long.  It's the longest he's been away.  We assured him that Grandma and Aunt Debbie are taking care of the house sitting duties and the  pets for us.  He keeps asking every so often if they need reminded, so far he hasn't actually demanded we call them to check.

They both have a much better perception of how big the United States is, traveling from Iowa to Florida, helps with that lesson.  You should have seen their faces when we told them this is only half of the U.S....hilarious....okay funny but again 2 1/2 days in a car most things turn hilarious.

Such as traveling through Atlanta, Georgia at 80 mph with Lucas and Eli playing Old Maid/Slap Jack/Slap Your Brother and laughing like hyenas...it was an experience and all survived.

Lucas became quite concerned when we traveled through an "unidentified" city and he said, "Mom!  What happened?  It looks really bad."  Up until this particular city both Eli and Lucas had oohed and ahhed over cities....this one freaked Luke out, he didn't know there are places in the U.S. that look a little tough, thus a need for a massive road trip education.

So far their favorite cities have been Nashville and St. Louis one reason being as they were able to see the sports stadiums they've seen on tv and then the St. Louis Arch was "really cool".  Well on to Disney, the rest of the crew will be flying in so it will definitely be an adventure and an education as to how well "the old people" can keep up.

Having access to dvd's and Ipods for 20 minutes every hour does help with the 27 hour trip.  What is even cooler is that they are self regulating the time.  They could not have done this road trip even a year ago.  So far, so good no motion sickness!  Things may look up for riding the attractions at Disney without motion sickness meds.

Turn Around Is Hair Play

Both Lucas and Eli periodically ask to grow their hair out....that is until it gets to a certain length and then we are back to a short cut.  Their sisters have a "knack" for teasing them and rubbing their hair just to irritate them.  Eli especially doesn't understand why people rub their heads.

Today he caught himself doing the same thing only to Sydney's boyfriend who recently cut his hair short.  When we pointed out that Eli doesn't like it when people rub his hair so he shouldn't do it to others...his come back?  "Well, just cause I don't like it, they still do it, so I will too."

We may have a little training on the concept of "do unto others as you'd have them do to you."  

Mt. Dew Laced Baseball

 I have no excuse.  I am a bad mom.....at least at Lucas' baseball championship game.  His team fought their way through a tough season and then continued to fight through the tournament games until they made it to the championship game.  After a billion trips to baseball practices, games where we didn't get home until after midnight....I wanted to watch this game.

Eli was with us (his team was eliminated earlier in the week) and usually pretty good about watching the game.  Until this game.  He wanted everything the snack stand had to sell plus all the food and drink I had in the cooler.  I wanted to watch the game so wasn't a 100% focused on all that Eli was yammering about.  He asked for a soda, I reached in the cooler and handed him one, a couple minutes later I looked over at him and realized that I handed him a Mt. Dew.   

This soda and Eli are not a good combination unless you are running an experiment of some sort as demonstrated a few minutes later as he catapulted off the top of the bleachers, leaping sideways about 15 feet and snagging a foul ball in mid air, tucking and rolling to come up off the ground to hand it to a little girl.  The crowd didn't know which way to look, at the field or in Eli's direction.

Yep.  Bad Mom.  I paid my dues because it is now 10:45 and he's still running full steam ahead.  The makers of Mt. Dew are missing out, they should figure a way to get cars to run on the stuff unfortunately I will no longer be contributing to their corporate coffers.

Saturday Morning Conversations

I will be the first to admit this was not so much a conversation between Sydney and Eli but their version of good morning to one another.  While enjoying a nice (quiet) cup of coffee in the kitchen this is what I hear:

Eli:  "Hey Syd, what happened to your hair?" (She'd just spent an inordinate amount of time on it)

Sydney:  "I don't know Eli.  What happened to your face?" ( Ouch! But not to be out done....)

Eli:  "I don't know Syd.  What happened to your feet?"  (Huh?)

Sydney:  "Dude!  What is your obsession with my feet.  Stop talking to people about my feet."  (Who is he talking to?)

Eli:  "They aren't right, they are too small!"  (apparently there is an appropriate size in Eli's world)

Sydney:  "That's just mean!"

Eli:  "I'm not mean.  I just tell you they aren't right."

I think Sydney may have gotten the last word though......she's in there pestering him about which dress she should wear for her date tonight.  Someday he may understand that it does not pay to critique a lady, especially the sister who is majoring in communication and is REALLY  good at it.

When You Leave Guys Home With No Babysitter....

....stuff happens, like they decide between them that the new kitchen sink can surely be put in with no big problem....yep that does not end well for them, my kitchen or my ability to do much cleaning on a Saturday.  I am however glad I missed the first 4 hours of installation and opted for a nap during the rest of the installation....it just worked out best that I should vacate the area.  That's what smart wives and moms do on a Saturday that the guys decide to be "helpful".
    While this "helpful" guy activity occurred a week or so ago I thought it was worth a note and the possibility that I might need proof of such enthusiastic initiative at a later date.

In appreciation of their efforts...the sink was eventually installed and I do enjoy it on a daily basis.  Thanks guys!

Remembering The Past

During our trip to the Philippines to bring Lucas and Eli home we were pleased to have their orphanage and the foster agency give us the only pictures they have from their lives both in Zamboanga City and Manila.  The first month we were home Lucas would quietly look at the photos but did not want to ask questions or talk about them.  He said they made him sad.  Eli....didn't want anything to do with looking at them.  Each of them finding their own ways to deal with the past.

Over the past 4 years the albums and documents were stored until today, being brought out occasionally and then put away.  Over the last month both Lucas and Eli have asked to see the "youngest" picture we have of them.  So in midst of the house cleaning we dug out the photo albums and paperwork.

Needless to say housework came to a complete stop and they dove into those memories and a whole lot of questions started pouring out and even more information about their lives prior to coming into our family.  Lucas has often been able to fill in blank areas of our knowledge but this time Eli added his perspective.  It was remarkable to watch them as they looked back. 

Rediscovering their memories together.

 Eli's comments..."Huh.  I remember this, Hey Lucas what was this place?"

"See dad, let me tell you about this."

Wow! We're Not 2

I spoke about doubling the number of children (today I am calling them ALL children) we have in the house during college summer break.  The view has switched from introducing boys into the household when Lucas and Eli came home to reintroducing girls back after being away for college during the year.

So far everyone has done fairly well with a few bumps in the road....no one has locked anyone in a closet...it's been a successful transition.

This morning was the day for an all out house cleaning project which involved every child in the house.  It didn't take long for the bickering to begin.   We all range from those possessing OCD tendencies to the easily distracted (unmotivated).  

I have to say I'm pretty good at keeping 2 kids (Lucas and Eli) moving constructively forward, add the 3rd and 4th adult children (Rachel and Sydney) and things become more opinionated on how things are being done.  At one point the boys were breezing through tasks and I was working in the laundry room with Lucas.  The girls apparently hit a snag (also known as two college kids learning to live together) and as sisters do they disagreed....vocally...and loudly.  Lucas looked over at me and said, "Wow Mom!  They sound like Eli and me but we aren't 2 years old anymore...how old are they?"

I'm pretty sure it was a good thing the girls couldn't hear us laughing....that would have been another issue.

Proud of Himself

The evolution of Eli's journey these past 3 years since coming home is something to witness.  He did not have it easy starting out his first 8 years in the Philippines.  He was not the people pleaser that Lucas was.  He did not conform.  He was (and can still be) a very black and white personality.  There is right and wrong in his book and he does not trust easily.  You prove yourself before you are admitted into his trust.  Those first 8 years he survived and didn't have many reasons to build his confidence or trust.

You would not have heard him ever say something good about himself.  The first time I remember him saying anything close to bragging was one day after school when he announced, "I'm not dumb!  I can do this!  They don't think I'm stupid."

It can be a fine balance between building confidence and walking the line of arrogance.  Last night after his baseball game he was so excited.  The kid is good at sports.  He's found something he loves and knows he has talent and skills in sports.  

He was getting cleaned up after the game and kept appearing in the living room (longest shower/bedtime routine on record) to talk about the game.  Finally, right before he went to bed, he came up to me and said, "Mom.  I did good tonight.  I'm proud of me."  Off to bed he went.  Good thing I was sitting down.  I don't think I've ever heard him say those words.  We are pretty proud of him too...for a lot of reasons but mostly for the tremendous journey he's traveled to get to the point of being proud of himself. 

Are We Driving By New York?

This summer we are taking a road trip....a 1500 mile one to be exact.  Disney World here we come!  This trip has been talked about since the boys came home but with everything about Disney (crowds, confusion and overload) we wanted to make sure that Lucas and Eli could handle it....now I'm wondering if positions aren't reversed and it's the rest of us that are unprepared.

Part of the family is flying, Mike, I and the boys are driving.  There is just no way to explain this country and the size as well as enjoying (enduring) a 2 1/2 day road trip.  Lucas and Eli think that the 45 minute trip into Omaha is f..o...r..e...v...e..r!  We have driven to New Mexico which is about an 1000 miles from home....they seem to have blocked the actual riding in the car part from their memories.

Yesterday Lucas asked if we would be driving by New York.  Now let's give his teachers credit they have taught him where New York is in relationship to Iowa.  He just does not see the need to drive from Iowa to Florida via the shortest route...yet.  I'm guessing by hour 3 of the drive he will appreciate not driving by New York.

Both boys have repeatedly asked about New York since coming home.  They tell us that they used to talk about New York when they were in the Philippines.  I'm not sure why just that state, I'd think maybe California too but no, just New York.  Unfortunately for their curiosities we will opt not to do a drive by of the great New York and head in the most efficient route to the land of Mickey Mouse.  By the way they've informed us that they are too old and therefore to cool for Mickey and are only going for the rides.  We'll see.

Teenage Boys Are Not Humorous

With the massive amount of time we are spending in the car running to baseball games, we have been made very aware that pre-teen and newly turned teenage boys are not funny.  They think they are hilarious....they are not.

They tell jokes....that aren't funny....they think they are hilarious too.  They can make more body noises than any mammal alive and think they are geniuses in the making....they are not.  They think bickering is an art form that is also funny.  I've effectively communicated that this "humor" is a sure fire trigger to my mom button that if pushed too far will result in lost Ipods, tv, privileges and pretty much anything else that pops into my fried brain.

Tomorrow come rain or shine, double header or not, I know two young men who have an outside chore list that would make my "rise before the sun and work all day" father proud.  Hopefully it is a start to their understanding that the time to push your moms buttons is not in the car, late at night as she drives your carcasses home from the billionth game of the week.  They will learn this lesson well.

Birthday Underwear!

Yesterday, Eli celebrated his 12th birthday.  On Friday he will celebrate again.  Again on Saturday and by the looks of it Sunday too.  We just can't get everyone in one place these days.

He was so excited when I called home from work to check on his day.  I said, "so do you feel any different?"  His resounding answer?   "YES! I'm 12!"

I mentioned earlier that the favorite past time at our house these days is sibling torture.  Rachel and Sydney decided to have a little fun with Eli.  They told him that all of them were meeting me after work to go buy his birthday underwear.  You also may need to know that both of these girls have been in drama for years.  They are good. 

By the time they picked me up at 3:30 he was hollering from the backseat, "I don't want birthday underwear, I have underwear, I like my underwear, I'll wear my own."  Lucas also bought into the act because let's face it the only thing better than torturing one brother is torturing two.

We started out the 30 minute drive with him asking why I was in a hurry.  I of course had to contribute, "Well the underwear sale ends in 30 minutes so we've got to get there."  They both bought the story until the parking lot of the movie theater.  I wish I could have recorded Eli's scream.  Hilarious!

Rachel said that it was even worth enduring Iron Man 3 for the second time, just to see his smile.  

School Is Out...Let The Sibling Bickering Commence

Summer school break must be a little like labor and delivery.  You forget about the painful part and just remember the good parts....just like summer break.  Usually I get about a 1 week span between the end of school and the first "sibling" issue...this year it started 2 minutes before the official end of the school year.

Needless to say and saving a few of the "participants" embarrassment, it is not easy to move home from college for the summer (Sydney) or in preparation for months of student teaching (Rachel) or to have 2 of your older sisters re enter the household (Lucas and Eli).

The issues could all probably be solved with the addition of two more bedrooms with separate entrances, all of which would be on different floors preferably with their own bathrooms and kitchens.  I have 4 more work days left until I'm off on summer break.  I just hope the house survives and I still have all kids present and accounted for when next Thursday rolls around.

Someone To Remember

Today is Memorial Day here in the United States.  Over this past week-end our family took flowers to the cemetery in memory of my dad, grandparents and sister.  Taking flowers to the cemetery at this time of year was a huge thing for my parents and something that we've continued on with our kids.

The kids all know that a cemetery is not the end but a new beginning.  They are a place however, that we can go and remember and think a little more in depth about those we've loved who have died.  The good, funny and not so fun times we may have had with that person.

I always remember back to a friend of ours that told us he thought Memorial Day and visiting cemeteries was useless and unnecessary.  Yes, you remember people no matter where you are or what time of year but his statement has always bothered me.  Visiting the grave sites of those we love lets our family share together those memories and open up conversations that I'm pretty sure people don't have anywhere other than a cemetery.

This is one tradition that Lucas especially takes an interest in.  Anything or anytime he has a chance to learn about family members and how they are related and what they were like is of interest.  When I told him we were going this week-end he started asking questions much as he's done the last 3 years since they've come home.

He was very worried that we could not take my mom to the cemetery, her health is not good.  He talked about grandma telling him stories last year and that she would be sad that she couldn't go.  I told him that yes she would be sad but that she knows that we will go for her and that we will remember all the stories she has told and add some new ones that he hasn't heard.

He thought it over and said, "Ok, I guess that will work.  I can go and remember because grandma told me stuff and I don't think I ever had anyone to remember and now I have family here so I'll do my remembering here."

I have no doubt that this grandson from a half a world away, that didn't get a chance to know his grandpa will be able to say to his children, "let me tell you what I remember about my grandparents."

Parenting a 40 Year Old Eli

A common occurrence at our house is the brief glimpses into the future of what Lucas and Eli will be like as old men.  They will have these detailed conversations that would sound more natural coming out of 80 year olds than 13 and 12 year olds.  

I arrived home from work this week to be treated to a glimpse of what Eli could look like at 40.  He walked out of his room as I came in the door looking like this....

He thought he was pretty tough looking...I had another description...then he showed me his tough face....

Then I had to tell him if he showed up at the baseball game looking like this, we would have to pull his birth certificate to prove to the other team that he was almost 12 instead of 40.  Reluctantly the mustache was removed.  

A First For This Blog

I've never done this here on my blog.  I want to recommend another's blog for you to read.  I don't know why I haven't done this before, I read a lot of adoption blogs from around the world and find such a wealth of knowledge and met a world full of wonderful people through them.

I stumbled on this blog, can't remember how.  It is written by a sibling of adopted children.  The post that I would like you to read is dated, May 22, entitled "Siblings".....read all of them if you have the chance.  It is such a heart felt, well written and though provoking piece, she deserves to have her thoughts read.

Please take the time to go to:  www.thankfulforthecrazy.wordpress.com   It will lift you up, it will make you think and possibly make you consider your possibilities.

The Meaning of a Hug

In the hectic after work, hurry clean up the house, start laundry, fix supper, clean up supper of last night, Eli managed to stop me in my tracks.  I was putting away the left over food and cleaning up from supper when in the middle of the kitchen, Eli stepped into my path with his arms out.

I said, "What's up?"  This is not the child that hugs without a well thought out or deeply felt need.  It took a long time for him to be comfortable with hugs and his initiating a hug is a well guarded luxury.

His answer,  "Just thanks for taking care of us.  I love you."  

For all the milestones this child has crossed and the progress he's made, his hugs are probably in the top 3 things that I love about him.  You know that when you are on the receiving end of them, they mean something.  They mean a lot.  They aren't given in passing, they aren't manipulative, they are amazing.

Next time you give a hug....make it an Eli kind of hug.  They mean a lot.

Who Is That Boy On The Pitcher's Mound?

Baseball season is in full swing.  We had 3 games, in 3 nights last week, one rain delay and really late nights especially for school nights.

By night 3 we were treated to a different side of Eli on the pitcher's mound....his irritation factor had been reached.  The team we were playing was tough....mainly due to the poor sportsmanship screaming out of the dug out.  Very much against league rules which are supposed to be strictly enforced...that did not happen.

Eli is usually on remote control on the baseball field.  He sees the challenge, he meets the challenge.  You don't hear a word or usually know what is going on in his head, he is ice.  Well.....the ice melted about the time he decided he'd had enough heckling and then the "Filipino Fire" lit and he visibly changed into a pitcher that was not going to allow one more lead off, attempted steal or run.

I'm not sure how many runners he had eating dirt or eventually giving up and staying put.  No it didn't help him out with the other teams heckling but it did get him to smile...a little wickedly.  I have to say from my mom's eyes, it was a slightly (no hugely) proud moment and slightly scary to watch him come off that pitcher's mound and run or throw an imposing player out or back to base.

The self control and confidence he has developed is amazing.  He's usually very careful with who sees his emotions and controls them in public....yep I think it's safe to say that he's comfortable with baseball and the rest of the season should be really interesting.

Read Everything Even If You Think It Won't Be Useful

This is directed mainly at those pre-adoptive parents but I think every adult with children in their lives could benefit.  All those books, pamphlets and materials that you are asked to read throughout the adoption process can be really repetitive, somewhat scary and contradictory.  Read them anyway.  It will prepare you even if you don't think you will encounter any of them, I'm assuring you that sometime in your journey you will.  Maybe right after your child arrives home, maybe years down the road, maybe not even in relation to your own child.

I am constantly running into circumstances either with Lucas and Eli or with others, that directly relate to items that were covered.  Things that at the time I was reading didn't hit home or I couldn't relate to. 

The single best thing I learned from all of it was to view motivations for actions and behaviors from a broader  base of knowledge.  Don't judge and react from the surface level.  When you have that "Ah! Hah!" moment of understanding a child's (in some cases - adult) behavior for more than it's appearance, every book, article or conversation clicks and you are glad you had the tools in your tool box.

Another piece of my mind:  If all parents were required to study, read, undergo inspection and navigate the bureaucracy that adoptive parents do.....children and the world at large would be a better place.

Tuna in the Philippines

We attended our last school concert for the year last night.  According to Eli, "he'd rather go see Iron Man 3 with his sister" but I digress.

During the performance when Lucas was supposed to be watching his brother's class sing, he leaned over to me and said, "We have tuna in the Philippines." Huh?  Random thought...or so I thought...where did that come from.

As we were walking to the car he starts singing, "oooooh tuna ma tata", the song Hakuna Matata that Eli's class sang except with a play on words, making up an elaborate song about the Filipino tuna fish and he not only sang about this fish of great standing (in his mind) when I tried to curtail his raucous rendition he took it as his personal mission to continue and to serenade the parking lot.

Crazy kid...hope he never loses that love of humor.

Pleased With The Outcome

Mike and I met with the principal of Lucas' school yesterday and were very impressed with how he has chosen to meet the bullying issue, that Lucas was dealing with, head on.

I think the situation was handled with appropriate concern, understanding and dealt with in a fashion that left both boys with a clear picture that this behavior will not be tolerated.  The principal was able to reassure Lucas that it is unacceptable for anyone to bully him.

I was pretty proud of Luke for being able to go in and talk with the principal and not be too scared to speak or that he didn't think he was in trouble.  Going to the Principal's office, no matter if you are on the right side or wrong side, child or parent, is not a welcome time....even when the principal is supportive.  

One of the Good Guys

After the rant from my previous post, today was a day that Lucas and Mike and I all needed.  It was the track and field day for the elementary.  Lucas had a great day outdoors with his friends, 2 first place finishes and a third place in relay.  Eli had 2 first place finishes and a 2nd in the relay.

It was good to be out in the sunshine and see the smile on Lucas' face and those of the kids that you know are his friends and appreciate his friendship.  It was a good day.

Lucas and his buddy Ross

Surviving An Orphanage Feels Easier

Let me start by saying some days I absolutely detest the nasty, mouthy, mean, conniving, sneaky, little poops (that's the clean version of my true words) that can surround our children on a near daily basis.  Then I need to stop and think about all the wonderful kids that are great and try to hold on to those thoughts as I try to explain to my 13 year old that he doesn't have to be friends with every kid and not every kid wants to be his friend.

I need to also say that we whole heartily embrace the fact that no child including ours is perfect and therefore we strive very hard to view issues from all sides, knowing that there can be more to the picture than what we are seeing or hearing.  This approach can have as many drawbacks as being an over protective, over reactive parent.

We've been working with Lucas on different ways to deal with bullies and trying to get him to speak up when he encounters these problems especially at school.  Tonight after yet another encounter with his tormentor we were left to try to explain the unexplainable.  Frankly, I'm done.  We have tried to give him the tools he needs to be able to handle conflict, now I think it's the parents turn.

I'm am not in favor of running to school officials about every scrape, conflict or issue.  Schools should be able to concentrate on education.....unfortunately today's society does not allow that luxury.  I suppose it could be said that, "if it happens on your watch it's your responsibility".  Thus we will be heading to school.

Meantime, we set at home for over an hour and explained to our 13 year old son, who survived abandonment, lived 5+ years in an extremely impoverished Philippine orphanage protecting and providing for his younger brother, willingly moved to a large city to a temporary foster family while waiting to join and travel with "strangers" who were to become his family, moving 1/2 a world away from everything he'd known to a culture, language and world he knew nothing of and who has embraced, achieved and grown into an incredible young man.... that the "little crapper" who isn't worth the dirt on Luke's shoe would not survive or thrive through those same type of struggles nor be half the person Lucas is right now.  Little we say, touches Lucas' "kids" heart, whose desire is to be liked by everyone.

Hearing your child say that life wasn't so confusing in the Philippines....knowing how hard their lives were in the Philippines....really makes me want to explain a few hard truths to a certain spoiled and manipulative classmate.

If you have read this blog from the beginning of our journey you will know that there aren't often times that I say a whole lot of negatives about adopting and this isn't intended to be one of those times.  It's not a frustration with adoption it's a total meltdown over some privileged, culturally and socially unexposed kid who has decided that Lucas and his gaps in understanding are free game for harassment and bullying....they aren't and this is not acceptable.

It's hard to hear your kid miss the years spent in an orphanage because understanding "mean kids" is too hard, it's heartbreaking and infuriating.  Nothing should be that tough and no bully deserves to detract from Lucas' joy of life.

The Silent Treatment

Apparently silence is not so golden after all.  A certain son (Eli) has decided that it's only fun for me to have laryngitis for 24 hours but 72 hours hinders his lifestyle.

Tonight he told me, "Mom, you start talking now.  I not hear you and I'm tired of it."  Yes.  That's right.  My son just told me flat out he missed the sound of my voice.  Too funny because I know that give him 1 hour of having a mom with voice enough to give him chores and tell him to pick up his room and he will be wishing for the silent treatment again.

I'm Going To Jail!

Hearing your son holler this at you at 7:00 a.m. is an eye opener to say the least.  Yes, he is going to jail....for his class field trip.  The 5th graders are touring the county jail and courthouse and having lunch in the park.  He's very excited, now if I can keep him from screaming announcements so bright and early we'd all be excited and if I were to never hear those particular words come out of his mouth again I will be super excited.

Baseball, Concerts, Field Trips, Graduations and A Wedding

Well spring has arrived...you can't tell it by our weather but it has by the calendar.  The month of May is so packed with activity that we have to have a spreadsheet with our calendar in order to hopefully keep track of  everything.  Even with that there is massive juggling and having to choose between things.

This week alone we have 3 baseball games, 2 field trips, a track and field day, 6 graduations and a wedding.   I asked Mike the other day if he'd ever thought about what life would have been like if we hadn't adopted Lucas and Eli.  How quiet, slow and non rushed everything would be.  He said he couldn't imagine it and didn't want to as this is better than anything that may have been.

It is something that strikes me as an older adopting parent.  Our friends that are our age and whose kids, our older kids grew up with are now empty-nesters.  We are not.  We have (if possible) more going on than ever before.  It's something we talked about before we brought the boys home as a consideration.  It's not that our friends are sitting still, they have a world of stuff going on it's just not the same as what is happening in our home.  

I was watching television the other day and saw a commercial for a website on "training your brain" in an effort to keep your mind sharp.  It made me laugh, all you'd have to do is keep an active sports, school and social calendar and your brain would be screaming for a break.  Then I have a week-end like this past one.  I've been laid low by some spring "bug".  Eli and Lucas have taken care of "sick mom", as I am currently referred to, cleaned and cooked and played without killing one another.  They also frequently assured me that they'd take care of me when I'm old and will take care of things when we are dead.....nothing like incentive to get better when you're sick....boys are blunt and inspirational.

So if our lives no longer resemble what was or what may have been, I know that it is still a good path and one I'm so glad we are on.

Mom? You Look Like Dirt

Some days boys can be tough on a mom's ego.  Today they were probably right in thinking I looked a little rough coming home from work.  It was an intense day.

A five hour software training (not fun), a tragedy with a students' family, cranky people ALL day long and I wasn't feeling the best to begin with.  But there was a silver lining....hey I'm looking for a bright spot in this day.

When I came in the door, both boys and Mike took one look at me, got me a pillow, the remote and a blanket, topped off by a pat on the head from Eli.  As the boys were moving off to the family room, I heard Eli say, "Wow, it must have been a bad day for mom."

Here I thought I was holding it together fairly well...guess not.  Really grateful for my guys tonight...even if they seem to be giving the "crazy" mom a lot of room.

Be More Like The Philippines

Today is May 2, 2013.  Today there is a two hour late start for school due to.......snow and ice.  I mentioned it's May 2nd right?  No one is happy in western Iowa this morning least of which is Eli.  This very uncommon (last time was 1960 something) snow event has schools delayed this morning.  That is not why Eli is disgruntled.  He is a kid after all.

Number one thing to make him unhappy?  Having to take the dog outside for his business.  It's cold, it's icy and being the "he man" he thinks he is, he refused to put on appropriate clothing.  Shorts and snow boots were his choice for the chore.....yep he was cold.  As all our neighbors can testify because they probably heard him complaining a 1/2 mile away.

Once he and his much chillier self got back inside, he went to the kitchen window and with hands on hips thought to teach me how inappropriate and wrong it was for us to have snow.....again.  According to him, the Philippines don't have snow right now and why does Iowa have so much and we never have had snow before in May, we should be like the Philippines.   I think he may believe we've pulled a fast one on him and that this freaky May weather is the norm and what he's experienced since coming home is actually unusual.  It's probably a good thing he wasn't adopted into a family in Alaska.

It Makes Me Sad

Last night was a full night of baseball practices for both Lucas and Eli.  Quiet night for me...2 hours of mom time as Mike helps out at practice so it's just me, me, me.

After practice and the required clearing of all food in the refrigerator, all three congregated in the living room to rehash practice and talk about Eli's Tuesday night game.  Lucas was talking and I happened to turn my head to listen and I would not be able to tell you a single thing he said...I was dumbfounded as to who this young man sitting in my living room was and what on Earth had happened to my son.

One of the hardest things for me in adopting older children is how fast they grow up.  I felt that way with our daughters but with our sons it is like warp speed parenting and growth.  Yes, we have the fluctuation between boy and teenager....but last night was a whack us side my head that the future is here and the little boys we brought home from the Philippines are disappearing and becoming their future selves.  Makes me sad and happy at the same time if that is possible.

Disney World Needs Funding

Everyone can rest assured that Disney Incorporated does not have financial concerns at this point.  Lucas and Eli's "funding" for our summer, family Disney World trip does.  They are totally in the mode of earning money in order to have money to spend at Disney World.  I am totally on board with supplying the chore list.

Today's chore was yard clean up.  Of course the fact that they got to burn the leaf piles may have been as much incentive as the money earned.....or the challenge of who could hold the rake with one finger the longest.  Either way the yard is getting cleaned, they did it without complaint and their Disney fund has money it it.  A winning start to spring clean up!

......and yes Eli is wearing snow boots and Lucas has sweat socks on with sandals....whatever gets the job done and I'm so saving this picture for later embarrassment.

Have I Mentioned I'm Proud of Our Son?

Lucas.  He is a constant work in progress.  Initially he was our great communicator when the boys came home from the Philippines.  He was the "favored" brother for many of the people  he dealt with on a daily basis.  The easy going, people pleasing kid.

While he still is all that (most of the time) I think it's more for the reason it's good to be those things rather than his life situation being so desperate, using them as a survival technique.

One of his huge hurdles these past 3 years was Eli's evolution as not the person he had been pegged to be in the Philippines.  Eli coming out of his shell, learning independence and his abilities has put Lucas in a new spot.  He no longer has to survive for the both of them.  Lucas is finding out who he is and in a lot of ways it makes him self conscious and shy, shaky in certain environments.

We've been working for two weeks to get him to ask questions in school....every time he doesn't understand...anything....pretty annoying from the teacher side of things....or it would be if we could get him to do it consistently.  Everyone needs to understand when he doesn't understand (including us) because it very easily looks as if he's spacing off.  It's a work in progress.

Last night I was so proud of him.  We were with a group of family members from out of town that Lucas was meeting, some for the first time, some he has met once before.  During our visit something was said and we all laughed.  I couldn't even tell you what it was but what really came home was that Lucas said, "that was a joke right?"  Most people and some reading this probably think, so what?  It was a big deal to him.  Humor is hard for an English language learner on a good day.  For Lucas to stand there and ask a question in a group of people he doesn't know well and then wait for the answer and not duck his head is amazing.

I have to keep reminding myself even now.  Even though he visually looks like he's doing ok and sailing along, he still needs that twice over look from all of us to make sure.  Appearances are deceiving.  I can remember reading on the Philippine Yahoo parent chat group about families that had been home for 3, 4, 5 years and were talking about these types of things and couldn't believe that it was still a work in progress.  Three years down our journey.....I know it to be true.

Retraining Mom

I have been very lucky the last several weeks as Mike has been home in the morning to get the boys around and run them to school.  This morning my "mom" luck ran out, he had an early morning call and the boys and I were on our own.  I'm also pretty sure the boys "believed" they were on their own.

Every step that you can envision in getting a teenager and preteen ready for school was diligently and repeatedly explained to me....loudly.  You would imagine that I had just materialized from space with no prior working knowledge of the routine or them.  

Even as we pulled into the school parking lot, I was being instructed which lane to take, speed limit posting, drop off point and what I needed to do in order to pull out of the school parking lot.  To top everything off Lucas says, "Pooooor Dad.  He has to go to work.  I feel bad for him."   Excuse me!  I'm going to work too....every day....Dad works every day.  Apparently I missed the calendar posting of today as "Feel Sorry for your Dad and Harass Your Mother Day".

Bring On The Homework

Some days a mom just knows that when you see your child approaching you should be taking a seat.  It's just self preservation.  I was sitting at the computer on Sunday when I have a very ratty, purple school folder shoved under my nose by Eli.  "MOM!  I've got papers."

Eli always has papers but for some reason yesterday morning he did not have to be asked if he had papers or homework.  He left me with a pile to review, pulled out a chair and said, "I have homework.  I need to get busy."  And busy he got.  I was totally in shock.

He set in that chair for two hours solid.  Much erasing, sighing and writing.  Never once did he stop.  He wouldn't take a break for anything.  It was amazing to watch.  I couldn't help but think about his initial report on short attention span and educational concerns.....yep, I'm thinking that was not an accurate assessment of what he can do...at all.

Your Sister Can Still Take You

It's been a few weeks since either Sydney or Rachel have been home from college.  To say that Eli and Lucas have become used to being in a primarily male household is an understatement.  The house is louder, messier and very busy schedules....I mentioned louder right?

Sydney came home for a quick visit this week-end before she goes back for her final few weeks of the term.   I think she was genuinely excited to see her brothers....for the first evening anyway.  After that I think the boys got it into their collective brains to tease, torture and TEASE her.

She handled it well, I thought about intervening but when witnessing a couple of "instructional" encounters which let me know that she was not out of practice in sister to brother communication I let her handle it.  Needless to say before going to bed Saturday night, Eli came up to me and said, "Sydney is coming home for the summer?  Man!  She's going to be the boss again."  I just didn't have the heart to remind him that Rachel will be moving home mid summer also.  Enjoy "boy" world guys now, the sisters are coming home soon.

Doing The Math

Did you know that working on homework at the same time as your brother requires arguing every 7.8 seconds?  It does if your sons are Lucas and Eli and you mistakenly put them at the table to work at the same time.

Now keep in mind they aren't in the same grade and were not working on the same subject....it does not matter.  Arguing with one another is the same as breathing to them.

After surviving the homework, Eli closes his folder and came over to stand in front of me.  He proudly announces, "There.  I am done with math.  I know how to do American math now.  Am I done learning?"

"Number one, math is math regardless of country and no son you will never be done learning."  To say the least Eli was greatly disappointed.  Lucas.....laughed his head off resulting in another "loud" disagreement between brothers. 

IPod Is The Devil

To say that both Eli and Lucas are easily lured into video games, videos, movies, etc. is a simplification.  It is something that we monitor (or try) and frequently ban.  We keep trying to increase their personal responsibility in an effort for them to understand their own actions and bodies telling them enough is enough....yep so far that works better than other times.

Self regulation and understanding how their bodies and behaviors are affected is a big learning thing for both of them right now.  We don't think us taking every video related item away and banning them is the answer, it makes them crave it more, doesn't teach them self control and being able to "feel normal and like all their friends" is huge.  

I work in an elementary school and am astounded at the expensive electronic devices kids have at school.  We've never allowed any of our kids to take toys or games to school.  It's a pain for everyone.  That's not saying that our kids didn't and don't "sneak" it to school.  They are kids and kids try things.   I'd hate to know how much money walks into a school every morning in the form of student electronics....I always think..."Who can afford to have their kids walk around with that much equipment?"

The one and only thing that Lucas asked for on his birthday in January was an IPod.  We debated, we saved and he did get one.  After a few learning experiences where the IPod was grounded from him and parental restrictions installed he does well self regulating most of the time.  Not all the time.  He really, REALLY wants to take that dumb thing to school....."Everyone else does" is frequently heard.

He tried taking it awhile back, got caught by the mom patrol, grounded, served "no IPod" time and retained the experience for 6 weeks.  Last night, mom patrol discovered it again and now the IPod is in my purse.  Perhaps Lucas is not the only one having to learn a lesson.

Eli's birthday is in June.  IPod is the only thing on his list.  Thinking, thinking, thinking......we'll let you know.

Did You Know Shoes Were That Important?

Last Saturday I took Eli and Lucas shoe shopping...by myself.  Their feet are the latest body item to explode into a growth spurt.  I know from shopping for baseball shoes that they have now entered the world of men's shoes.   Big time for them, expensive for mom and dad.

I had to laugh as we were entering the store, Lucas says "Hey mom those are shoes like we wore in the Philippines."  Eli's comment, "I'm NOT getting those!"  We made it in the store after promising that no we were shopping for tennis shoes. 

Who knew that two boys from the Philippines, who only wore shoes when absolutely necessary and took the first entire winter they were home that, yes they did need to wear shoes in December in Iowa, would become such label conscious and status aware of their footwear.  Let me tell you in 10 seconds they had spotted Nike, Reebok and Adidas.

After a quick lesson that all brands were not the same size no matter what the number said, they had picked out their shoes and were trying them on.  I was slightly suspicious when Eli said he had the right size on the first try.  I walked over to see a 2 inch gap between his heel and the shoe back.  I said, "Eli, you need a smaller size that doesn't fit at all."  Oops big mistake, he looked like I had just set the shoe on fire.

Needless to say, we purchased shoes and everyone was happy.  I asked him later what he was thinking when I told him the first pair were too big.  He said, "Mom.  When we used to get shoes (in Philippines) there wasn't always enough.  If they didn't squeeze my toes I kept them cause there weren't any others and if I complained I didn't get anything."  That noise you heard was my heart cracking.  I said, "Eli, you understand that you will be able to have shoes that fit here, right?"  What do I get for his response, "Yep I know but sometimes I get that funny feeling that there won't be enough.  I know it's different but it still feels funny sometimes."  Again the kid has the ability to absolutely break my heart with his struggles that we probably don't always pick up on.

You're Old When.....

You are old when your youngest son (Eli) is explaining old age to his oldest sister (Alison).  He has a definite view point...do not try and dissuade or realign his thinking.

He explained very precisely to Alison that a person is old when the veins in your hands stand out and are green and blue.  His reasoning was that his great grandmother's hands were that way.

Unfortunately, Eli's explanation took place in the middle of a busy restaurant that caters to the elderly.  When Alison questioned him, he began looking around and scared me to death that he would want to point out those elderly with "large" veins.  Lucky for me, he zeroed in on my hands instead.  I was so relieved to not be designated among the elderly per the "Eli Scale of Aging".

People Ask The Most Amazing Things

Mike and I are somewhat used to being asked amazing, thoughtful, outlandish and heartfelt questions about Lucas and Eli's adoption.  We've had a lot of practice in the past 4 years of answering, not answering, deciphering the motivation behind questions and being amazed at people's overall interest...good and bad.

For the most part Lucas and Eli don't generally experience questions from adults, there have been a few but not many and generally with one of us there to direct or deflect as necessary.  Their friends are another matter.  

Usually they come home from school and tell us questions they were asked and how they answered and then check to see if they answered the question accurately or will talk about things that the question may have started them thinking about.  We've not had that many chances to hear these questions from their friends.  Generally when friends come to play it's about playing not question and answer time.

Recently on the way to a movie we were able to glimpse a picture of the kinds of questions they are asked by friends.  It let us hear what other kids are thinking and wondering about the boys' lives....let's face it kids have their own thought process and when any of you figure it out please let the rest of us know.

This particular friend of Lucas is very bright, inquisitive and a sponge for knowledge.  He's just curious not malicious. Totally out of no where,  Mike and I hear him say from the back seat, "Lucas did you have a dad in the Philippines?"  "You lived in an orphanage right?  What's that gotta be like?"

We listened to how Lucas chose to answer, not answer and talk about the pieces he was comfortable with.  Later after we got home, he wanted to know if he answered "right".  I told him there isn't any right or wrong just what he wanted to share and what he wanted to keep private.  I asked him again if it was ok for me to continue sharing as much as I do.  His answer slays me, "Yep.  You do it, you talk a lot and I don't like to say that many words."

We all know that the early life experiences of Lucas and Eli and that of their friends have little to nothing in common.  It will be interesting to see at what point if ever their friends have their curiosity and questions met and we experience less questions of what was and more what is.  Time will tell.

The Big Words

Frustration.  I can't even begin to estimate the amount of frustration Lucas and Eli experience in the course of a day.  Eli takes his frustrations in stride most of the time.  He shrugs and says he will learn, whatever the subject is, later.  Lucas blurts his challenges at random and spontaneous times.

One night this week after baseball practice, he plopped on the couch beside me and with a huge sigh said, "How do you learn the words?  You know the big ones.  Did you go to kindergarten and they told you all the words and you remembered them?  I didn't go to kindergarten here so I didn't get those big words told to me.  Where do you get them?"

Wow.  I asked if there was a particular word he'd heard or was it a matter of not having a word for what he was trying to say.  Nope.  He said he just got to thinking and he decided that "we all" must have learned every word we know in kindergarten.

Eli, ever the supportive brother, chimed in, "Dude.  Just go with it, make it up, it all sounds funny when we say it any way."  After I stopped the inappropriate parental laughing, I explained that everyone has to learn little words and then over a long time we all learn bigger and more complex words.  

What did I receive in response to my improvised English lesson?   "Huh."  Guess Lucas is staying with the little words as they express what he thinks pretty clearly.

Disney Here We Come

We are planning a huge family vacation this summer, to Disney World.  It's quite a trip for us as getting our family all there in a timely fashion is an undertaking in logistics.  Mike and I are driving with Lucas and Eli.  Thought it would let them see the country between Iowa and Florida.  The girls and their friends are flying, of course not on the same flights as that would be too easy. 

We've wanted to take the boys for some time but also wanted to make sure that they were better equipped to handle the hectic schedule, chaos and crowds.  They are better prepared, we....will never be totally prepared.

The trip is supposed to consist of 4 days of Disney, a beach day and an air boat trip in the Everglades.  We tried to delay telling the boys about the trip because they are now wound beyond all reason.  The next 2+ months will not go fast enough for them, it has even eclipsed Eli's plans for his birthday.

We have also tried to explain how long the trip is..2 1/2 days...that we are all confined in a car for however long it takes.  They've had two other road trips, 18 hours to New Mexico and 7 hours to the Black Hills in South Dakota.  They also do not understand that we won't be close enough in Florida to visit our relatives in New Mexico.....no maps do not help thus the road trip to hopefully give them an idea of the size of the United States.

I'm sure I'll bore the blog world with more vacation trivia as we get closer to leaving...sorry about that.  I have just found it to be another aspect of the boys' learning curve.  Distance, space and time are very hard things to get them to understand unless they physically experience it.  Unfortunately they both get car sick so I'm thinking the physical aspect will be all too real.

Learning About Their Adoption Story From Friends

By the previous posts you've probably gathered that we've been talking a lot about adoption with the boys.  Periodically one or the other will come up with questions or go through phases when remembering is very important to them as they worry about forgetting their lives before adoption.

This past weekend our talks took an unprecedented turn.  Lucas came up to me and asked if our church helped to adopt us.  We've talked about this a lot.  They know that our church family as well as others were vital in bringing them home, from the very start without our community and church they would most definitely not be here in our family today.  So I once again waited and wondered where this conversation was headed.

Didn't have to wait long.  Luke said one of his friends told him that she knew about him before he ever knew any of us.  That she got to see pictures of him in church before he saw pictures of his new family and that she helped bring him home.

I asked if he thought she knew what she was talking about.  His wise response?  "Yep.  I know she did and the church people too but it's really weird that she knew me first cause I'm older and older people are supposed to know things first.  Right?  Cause your old and you know stuff I don't know.  So that's just the way it's supposed to be.  Old people know stuff."  

I asked what he thought old was.  "You know mom like 35."  Made this old mom feel slightly better but we did go on to talk about how even some of the small kids from church remember when we were all working hard to bring them home.  That even small kids have the ability and understanding to affect the world around them.

Alternate Views on Adoption Through The Eyes Of Lucas and Eli (Short Version)

Before we start let me (hopefully) stop any negative comments by saying the boys have a pretty good grasp of adoption, theirs in particular.  I will say they bring laughter and light to a lot of conversations that we, as adults, tend to over think and complicate.

Take the "adoption" of our dog Jack.  They began comparing their adoption story to Jack's adoption, more important to them was to find how many types of things they could find in common.  Ok, as a mom I was slightly appalled.  I tried to redirect the conversation as my "adult" mind thought to be acceptable.  

That was right up until Lucas said, "Mom.  There's nothing wrong with saying us and Jack are adopted...we are.  Except this time we got to be in the family when he was adopted cause we weren't when you and dad adopted the last time."  

Eli's perspective?  "Mom.  It's only fair we got to be part of adopting Jack...except this was a lot easier.  I didn't get so tired from flying home from the Philippines,  we just had to drive to town."

I told you it was adoption...the short version.

Wake Up Call

You know those Saturday mornings when a parent (delusional parent) dreams of sleeping in a little later, enjoying a relaxing cup of coffee and just having a lazy morning?   Yep, I still have those dreams....just not the reality.

Not complaining because in exchange for missing out on this particular dream, Mike and I are treated to dancing, singing and yelling in the kitchen from Eli.  His favorite morning song?  "I'M HUNGRY, I'M HUNGRY!"  I feed the dogs, now it's MY TURN!"  or variations of this theme.

One of the discussions Mike and I had when we were talking about adopting at our ages with the girls almost on their own, centered around what were we planning for the next 25 years.  As I sit in my kitchen this morning listening to "full volume Eli" I did not contemplate this particular activity.  Still glad we didn't miss out on it even though we occasionally reminisce about sleeping in.

You Explain It, I Can't

American humor is one of the hardest things to explain to Lucas and Eli.  First you have to get by the language frustrations, then you have the concrete thinking of English Language Learners and you have to discuss humor, teasing and where the boundaries are to no longer humorous but bordering on bullying.  Yep, it's not easy.

There are some days the one or both of the boys come home and have to ask about something someone said or did that they didn't understand.  It's hard sometimes trying to judge the context in which the original conversation or action took place.  Sometimes humor is humor but there are times when it's necessary to explain that just because the other kid was laughing doesn't mean it was funny.

Tonight Lucas came home from baseball practice saying that a team mate tried to take his new batting helmet.  They each had identical helmets....old mother experience...I put Lucas' name in his.  Apparently, the other boys' helmet was older and I'm not sure if he was teasing Lucas or if he was serious he argued that the new one was his.  Lucas is very, very protective of anything that is new and solely his but he is also the youngest on the team and conscious of not rocking the boat.  

Long story short, Lucas came home with his helmet but was really confused, "Mom?  Was he kidding me or not?"  I didn't have the answer.....again.  I don't want him to be taken advantage of but not leery of people.  Humor is not easy to explain....bad humor is worse.....teasing impossible.  Think I've found another missing chapter to the adoption books.....Explaining the Unexplainable.

Because I Said No

You know you have reached the low point in a conversation with your child when the only thing you have left to say is, "because I said no."   Lucas and Eli are both master bargainers and don't take no for an answer easily, not out of disrespect, it's the challenge.  I think I'll take them to flea market sales this summer....that would be an experience for sure.

Tonight the bargaining was over whether or not "the boys...include my husband in this" could have permission to sell the go cart....and buy a dirt bike.  The go cart was a huge concession for me.  It has roll bars, motor cut off, speed controlled (by the parent) and seat belts...I mentioned the roll bars right?  Dirt bikes possess none of these therefore my vote is NO DIRT BIKE at this point in time.  Much more skill, judgement and SKILL followed by more good judgement needed.

I told Lucas that he didn't know how to ride a dirt bike. He informed me that it's his Dad's fault (remember the good judgement requirement?  Not shown here as he threw the parent in his corner under the bus) as Mike won't let him drive his motorcycle...a full sized Kawasaki 1700 Nomad thus proving the child has no concept  of what he'd be dealing with even in a much smaller version.  This conversation continued until I hear the words, "because I said no" come out of my mouth.  Apparently not something he could bargain or argue with cause I got a humph and he went to tell Eli how they would have to "get along" with the go cart until mom stopped being scared.  Wonder when that exactly is scheduled to happen....probably the same time the good judgement arrives.

Mom's Sick With Lots Of Help

Mondays are tough, tougher when you feel cruddy.  I survived work, came home, my head met a pillow with a chaser of Tylenol.  It was a glorious time.....for approximately 10 minutes.  That's when my worry wart helpers arrived or at least realized mom was out of commission.....they hit the panic button.

Every 5 minutes either Eli or Lucas would appear in front of me, wake me up, ask if I was ok or needed something.  Now please understand that I really appreciate all the love and care and concern.....after the fact.  All I could think of at the time was that if they didn't leave for baseball practice soon, my head was going to explode.

A two hour rest after I achieved quiet and solitude helped somewhat.  Being under the weather definitely limits the boys arguing....again much appreciated.  Before going to bed Eli asked, "Are you better now? Cause you should be cause I need you to feel better.  Good night."  Guess I'm better.

Easter At Grandma's

My dad died in September 2001.  Alison was 16, Rachel 9 and Sydney was 7.  At the time I very vividly remember thinking (with me being the youngest in my family) that my kids would not get the opportunity or privilege to grow up knowing their grandparents in the same way that my nieces and nephews did.  

My dad was not the most politically correct, educated or sophisticated man.  He had an 8th grade education, raised 5 kids, farmed his entire life.  Born in 1915 he saw a lot in his life.  Good and bad.  I also know that grandkids meant the world to him..

He never got to meet Lucas and Eli.  We had never discussed adoption during his life.  I often think (usually when the boys are cracking jokes or speaking the blunt truth) that he would have had a blast with them.

One of the special things that Lucas and Eli missed out on was going to Grandma Plummer's house for holidays.  She has been in a nursing home since before they came home from the Philippines.  It doesn't phase them in the least.  They listen to the girls' stories of grandma's house and seem to file it away in the drawer with "things that happened before they arrived".

Mom is no longer able to come to our homes so we bring pieces of home and holidays to her as much as possible.  As I watched all our kids gather around her for this photo I couldn't help but think of dad.  It's moments like these that bring him close and even though he's not in the picture he's smiling as big as his grandkids.