Answering the Questions

If you look at the post time at the bottom you will see it's the middle of the night.  Yes insomnia...the kind your kid gives you.  It never fails to amaze me how Lucas can systematically blow you away with a remark or question out of the blue.  This passed week has held many instances.

Last night 20 minutes until bedtime we were winding up watching a tv show.  A commercial was on and it showed a highway in China.  He turned to me and said, "I used to live close to China."  He's fascinated by all things and people Chinese.  He has been for as long as we've known him.  He continued, " Do you want to go see China?"  I said yes that is somewhere that I'd like to visit.  Lucas,  "Why didn't we go see China when you came to get me in the Philippines it was right there?  Cause it was expensive?"  I said yes it would have been more money and really wasn't the time as we had to come directly back to the United States.  "why?" was the next question.

I said (not really thinking this out) that we had to come directly back because we needed to finalize the adoption and to do that we had to come home....hmmmm thinking, thinking and then he sat up straight and said,  "But we're adopted that's all done right?"  I said yes, no more paperwork.  Then he sat back and said,  "whew I don't ever have to leave."  Nope buddy you don't have to leave....that why it's 2:30  in the morning and mom is wondering what else you are thinking about.

Filipino Chicken Recipe

Having the usual problems with Blogger.  Sorry for those who were mid recipe and it disappeared.  I used coconut for our recipe and it was fantastic.  Hope you enjoy and that this post publishes right this time.

8 chicken thighs (about 2 pounds)
1 T. cooking oil and olive oil
1/3 c. water
1/4 cup white vinegar
1/4 cup soy sauce
2 bay leaves
1 t. bottled minced garlic or 2 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 t. pepper
2 T. sliced fresh red chili pepper or 1/4 c. toasted shredded
         coconut (optional)

1.  Remove skin from chicken. In a 10 inch skillet brown chicken thighs on all sides in hot oil. Drain off fat.
2.  Add water, vinegar, soy sauce, bay leaves, garlic and pepper to skillet; stir gently.  Bring to boiling; reduce heat. Cover and simmer for 30-35 minutes or until chicken is tender and no longer pink. Transfer chicken to a platter; keep warm.
3.  Bring liquid in skillet to boiling; boil, uncovered for 3-5 minutes or until reduced to about 1/2 cup. Skill off fat. Remove and discard bay leaves. Drizzle juices over chicken. Sprinkle with chili pepper or coconut if desired.  Makes 4 servings.

Not All Presidents Are On Money

and neither are they all dead.  Eli watching tv and unfortunately watching all the billion political ads suddenly sits up and says, "It's just so sad."  Of course I'm thinking, yes it's sad we are subjected to nasty politics and phone calls and billboards.....(you get the idea of where my brain went).  That is not where his brain was.

I asked him what he meant and his response was pretty eye opening as to what he's been working on in school and what ground still needs to be covered.  He said, "It is so sad that the president will die."  What?  Yep he thinks that President Obama is dieing and that's why there is an election.  That was a good 30 minutes of conversation that probably didn't do our governmental system justice and I'm also confident that I've confused the child beyond repair.  At least he now understands that presidents don't necessarily die at the end of their term or during elections.

Only The Sister Knows For Sure

Lucas and Eli went to a birthday party this past week-end.  They had a great time but as most "great" things and boys it involved full contact sports.  Lucas came home a little banged up and complaining that his wrist hurt.  I looked it over and did the ice pack and "you'll be ok" route of distraction.  He really was alright and had a full range of motion and no swelling....didn't stop him from playing video games (I'm just saying).

All the kids were home for supper on Sunday and he complained again.  I said, "Ok let me see it."  His reply?  "No.  Alison will look at it.  She knows.  She's the doctor."  Ummm no buddy she's a nurse and I think you will be fine.  I've just been relegated to band aids and aspirin.  Since Alison lives an hour away from us he may want to rethink this plan.

Who Said Girls Argue More?

Adjustment 978 to having boys in the house as opposed to girls.  Girls get a bad wrap for being the more vocal of our species.  Whoever made that generalization needs to meet the two young males in our household.  They are one continuous, loud, irrational argument in progress 24/7.

It doesn't matter what the subject.  They don't even have to be in the same room.  They just scream the argument from room to room.  Not fighting just taking two opposing sides to everything.  Most of the time they don't even think about what it is they really believe about the subject, it's just necessary to be on the opposite side as their brother.

They may try to argue with a sister, not as much as they used to (that didn't work out well for either of their male egos).  The thing that truly amazes me?  They never finish an argument.  Nothing is resolved.  The end does not matter.  It's simply that act or art, depending on your view point, of the argument itself.  I think the girls are amazed that there are now members of their family who can effectively talk more than them.  Their names?  Lucas and Eli

Chicken of the Philippines

Friday night I thought I would try out a new recipe I had found on line for Filipino Chicken.  I have tried over the past 3 years to cook Filipino recipes but have only hit on a few that the boys recognize.  We quickly learned that even though these particular foods were authentic to the Philippines the boys did not have the opportunity to enjoy them.  They simply had the barest of staples.

Except for chicken.  Chicken is the absolute best no matter what according to Lucas and Eli.  It's really hard to mess it up in their book.  This particular recipe called for soy sauce (another of their loves) bay leaves, vinegar and toasted coconut.  Fairly simple and all ingredients my Midwestern cooking skills could handle.  It was a success, at least once they tasted it.  Apparently it did not look quite the way they thought it should.  We had to refer back to the picture several times before they tried it (ok we've had a few experiments that went a little off but come on it smelled wonderful!).

Final verdict?  There are 2 pieces left only because I made them keep some for their sisters to try.  It had to be one of the quietest meals to date as they were shoveling it in their mouths.  Who knew?

Hey! I Know That!

We took Lucas to school for a band instrument demonstration.  Our school starts the students that are interested in band in fifth grade.  What else would any fifth grade boy want to play but the drums.  After convincing his dad that drums were a musical instrument, he got his practice kit.

The kit includes a drum pad and bells both.  They teach all the kids to read music not just rythym (much to Lucas' dismay during the presentation).  We took the kit home and he systematically took everything out of the case and much to his astonishment he pulled the bells from the bottom of the case.

He must have gotten distracted during the presentation because he had no idea they were in there.  If I'd only known to have the camera ready.  He saw those bells and his face absolutely lit up.  He said,  "Hey!  I know these!  I did this before!"  and then he proceeded to start playing us songs and telling us each of the note names as well as telling us that he used to play it for "those one people" from the orphanage.  He doesn't know the names of the songs but it was so cool to see and hear something that he remembers that he didn't even know he knew until he saw that bell set.  So there he was playing away in the livingroom while yelling at Eli to remember this song and that song.  So totally worth the evening of screeching horns and banging drums at the demonstration.  Today memories were a good thing.

Reading, I Love It!

When Eli came home from the Philippines he had never experienced a consistent level of schooling.  It was definitely not the place he enjoyed.  In the beginning we wondered if he'd even remain in the building.  Much to our relief and the schools he stayed and he is thriving.  This kid is far from the "below average" student that was in his paperwork.  

Recently he has discovered the world of reading.  Of course this would have come about after his teacher and I had a discussion about his reading goals, the reading program our school uses for all students and my overwhelming  lack of support for this program.  Basically, I told his teacher that my goal for him was to come out of elementary loving to read and comprehending it.  This did not happen with any of our 3 daughters, mainly I believe, because of this reading program.  The teacher was very accepting (educators have opinions that they can't always express) of my views and we came up with an alternate method.

Four days later and two books read, he has to have books pried out of his hands and is constantly walking around saying, "reading, I love it!"  He's not necessarily saying it to us or anyone in particular more to himself because I think he is just as awed as we are.   He can't get enough of it.  Now we hear about the Titanic, comic books, islands and so many other things that I would think his brain would be tired....mine is but it is such a terrific tired who cares the boy loves reading!

Oh Man!

Our days are busy.  They are packed with field trips, class projects, spelling tests, reading (a new love of Eli's....more on that later) and work.  We don't stop until it's time to go to bed.  Yes I have more grey hair than I did 3 years ago...who doesn't.  

But when I hear the following words come out of Eli's mouth before bedtime...I could have a head of grey hair and it will be ok.  Mike was out of town last night for a class.  He's not gone overnight very often.  

I had the boys in bed for the night with the lights out.  Sitting in the living room, I hear Eli say to himself, "Oh Man!  I miss Dad."  Oh. My. Heart.   I know it has been nearly 3 years since we brought the boys home but you can not imagine what it has taken to get to this point with both the boys.  All I can say is "Oh Man!  Am I glad they are here!"

We Almost Missed It

You know those lazy, rainy mornings where you just lie in bed and listen to it rain?  Or you lie in bed and go back to sleep?  I was so enjoying the morning - until I realized it wasn' t Saturday.  It was Thursday.  You know.... work, school, life.  Oops!

I jumped out of bed and hit the hallway at a run.  Eli stepped out of his bedroom door and grabbed me around the waist.  "Good Morning!  I think we forgot to get up."  Yep buddy we sure did.  He continued with, "I don't think we should do that again we almost missed the day!"  You'd think with 3 alarm clocks and 4 people that one of us could ensure we don't miss the day....there is just some mornings that encourage us to "miss the day."

Do You Know What Today Is?

That is the opening question from the boys when I got home from school.  I knew they were in a serious frame of mind by the looks on their faces.

I said, "Well yes I do, do you know about something that happened today?"  Eli said, "It was very sad.  They shouldn't have done that."  Lucas said, "We weren't here, I was a baby in the Philippines but "they" shouldn't have killed all those people."

They both went on to talk about the specifics of 9/11.  I was amazed how much they were able to absorb and process from the conversations at school.  I probably wouldn't have been able to give them the essentials and then let them form an opinion.  Needless to say, "they" shouldn't have done that and even though our children may not have been more than infants they can appreciate the bravery, sacrifice and sheer wrongness of such senseless brutality.

Do You Want To Learn It? Well You Should.

Thus is the conversation of Eli speaking to Lucas.  From the sound effects behind me, I know exactly what it is that Eli has deemed necessary for Lucas and his survival of the next few minutes.

Guess what it is?  Well here is some more comments...Lucas, "Wow who teached you that?"  Eli, "I just know." (Wrong I had just spent 30 minutes teaching him)  Eli, "You have to hold your tongue like this."  (Ok my family has a trait of sticking out our tongues when we are in extreme concentration - guess it's rubbed off).   Lucas,  "That sounds like a fart!"  Eli, "Dude!  Come on this is SWEET!"

Guess what it is yet?  Shuffling cards and learning to bridge them.  Pretty sure I've won cool mother points tonight!

No! That Is NOT a Pet

and it never will be as long as I'm the mom.  What is this wonderful, recently found, lovingly put into a carrier (ice cream container) "I had one in the Philippines" pet?    A field mouse.

YUCK!  Two days of Eli begging to keep his friend and many sneak attempts to get it into his bedroom, I think it has remained outside....it better have or he will need to figure out how to stuff his mattress into the dog house....not happening no matter how many Filippino mice he's had previously.

A Moment to Stop Your Heart

You know those moments, as a parent, when you see your child in a situation that is nerve wracking (piano contest - my least favorite event as the girls will tell you) or the moment you hear the noise of the lawn mower hitting something and stopping....you run around the house to find your youngest son on the ground beside the mower with his arm wedged under it?

I think my heart exploded.  Poor kid was just trying to clean something out from under the shut off, no blade spinning mower.  None of those things registered to my mom brain.  Kid on ground, under mower and me screaming my head off.  Way to go mom!  He was perfectly in control of the situation, he's been mowing for over a year, he knows safety precautions....again not registering with mom brain.  He was also uninjured until I hollered and then he raised up and cut his finger.  Is winter here yet?  I think snow shoveling is safer for both of us!

Little Drummer Boy

He's not so little any more but a drummer in the making for sure.  Lucas and his classmates are starting into band.  Probably 1/2 of who join will not make it through high school graduation as band members but for right now he is so proud to have this gift from a close friend.  Mike brought home new drum sticks last night and he gave us a little sample of things to come.  No lessons yet...just ear plugs.

Child Care Guilt

I'm still playing catch up on all those posts that I wanted to write during our hectic summer and start to school.
I remembered this one as I dropped the boys at our before/after school daycare program.

Once again I realize how spoiled we were when the girls were little as I was able to be a stay at home mom and was there to take them to school and be home when they were done for the day.  SPOILED!  For anyone out there who has the luxury please know you and your kids are fortunate.

We planned for the boys to attend the school child care program when Sydney went to college.  She has graciously and sometime reluctantly provided chauffeur and chaperon duty since the boys came home 3 years ago.  On August 15 that came to an end and we all experienced our first daycare situation from a non family member.  

How did it go?  The boys left me in the dust at the doorway, off to play with friends.  As I drove out of the parking lot I felt like I had just put them back into the orphanage.  Irrational, I know.  Not the same at all, I know.  Mom guilt big time!  Needless to say 2 1/2 weeks later, they are still thrilled to go everyday.  As for my guilt, lessened a lot but still that little bit of sadness as I head to work.  Eli's view of the whole thing?  "Mom!  I am fine, go to work, I will be here.  Goodbye!"

Boom, Boom, Boom!

No that's not the sound of the latest musical instrument added to the household (although Mike and Lucas did just leave the house to pick up a snare drum from the boys' honorary Godmother...thanks a bunch Lynn!).  The latest sonic anomaly to hit our house and the neighborhood is the dueling set of stereos the boys unearthed today.

Lucas inherited his from his sisters as they left for college.  This didn't worry me so much as his room is downstairs and fairly well soundproofed (ha!).  Eli who was feeling a little left out of the music world and has developed a new appreciation of all music as long as it's earsplitting, turned his mournful little face in my direction and that of my unused kitchen cd/radio and therefore acquired his stereo system.

Then they decided that it would be a good idea to start their own collection of cd's.  Guess what is more excruciating than the Lego aisle of Target.....the cd aisles of Target.  Couple that with their total lack of knowledge about who sings what and what is appropriate music in their parents view vs. their friends and you have 30 minutes that will never be put back into my day.

Arriving home both boys went to their respective rooms, put in the cds and proceeded to chase the dog out of the house, their dad into a coma and me wondering why I thought it was important for them to learn an appreciation of music.  One good point....they didn't argue with each other this afternoon and by evening they were both deaf to the point that they ignored one another.

We're Still Here

We are still here.  Thank you to all the readers, friends and family who've asked if we dropped off the face of the Earth.  We have not.  Just a summer of hectic activity that has left little time to blog.  Two daughters headed off to college, two boys adjusting to being the only kids at home and having the one sister who has been at home with them, move to college has caused a lot of anxiety for them.  We are back, we are in a routine (ha!) and hopefully posting will resume.  Thanks to all of you who have emailed and called to see what's up....friends near and far are a treasure.

Mom...How Much Did I Cost?

Surprises with Eli never stop coming.  Especially when driving with him by myself.  I have come to realize that on any solo journey with him I am most likely going to hit the brakes or nearly run off the road....I'm just saying, "People...if you see a black SUV hang back, it could be us."

We were so close to making it all the way home last night without one of his deep thought provoking, soul touching, make your heart hurt comments....we didn't make it.  Looking back it was probably 3-4 minutes of silence leading up to this, I should have keyed in. 

He pivoted his head toward me from the passenger seat and said, "Hey Mom."  We have been trying to break this habit of starting out everything with Hey....so I zeroed in and said, "There is no hey in front of my name."  Undeterred he replied, "Hey Mom, how much did I cost in the Philippines?  I mean how much did you have to buy me for?"

So for the next 5 miles I had to explain the cost to governments, the cost of paperwork, the cost of travel and no we did not buy him or Lucas.  No I cannot take the simple explanations to him....he is tenacious when he is serious.....let me clue you he was serious.  I'm not sure how this one popped into his mind.  I asked if he'd heard someone talking, he says no but from the quiet after my answers I'm guessing someone (adult or kid) said something.  I asked later if he had other questions about his adoption his answer, "Not now but I will."  Please oh please may they be somewhere other than a motor vehicle.

This What They Said About Raising Boys

This week has been a little rough for Lucas in the sport of baseball.  On Monday night he took a chest hit from a wild pitch, knocked the wind out of him but in usual fashion he kept going, iced it over night but he is absolutely convinced that his heart is "beeping" funny.


Then at last night's game he took a ball to the mouth, adding insult to injury, the ball was thrown in warm up between innings by a team mate.  This one put him down on the ground which let me tell you takes a lot to knock him down and more to keep him there.  Accident but bloody and scared us, the coaches and umpires.  A couple loose teeth that tightened back up over night, a split lip and a couple impressive holes in his lips from the teeth and a whole lot of swelling. His viewpoint after viewing the damage a couple hours later?  "Oh crap that hurt!"


I have to say that when we told people we were adopting boys into our daughters only household, I received so much teasing about whether or not I really thought I could handle the "world of boys".  Needless to say, those remarks are forever going through my head when some boy thing happens.  I hear my adult nephew talking about how his mom embarrassed him when he was injured in basketball by going out to check on him....that was going through my head last night as I'm looking at the coaches helping Lucas off the field.  I sat as Mike went to the dugout, then another mom headed over with more ice, then my sister (who was the offending mom to have dared go out on the court for her injured son) says that maybe I should check it out....I sat...for awhile....Mike gave me a couple updates and then I decided too bad he has a mom and he can just live with the embarrassment of having mom in his face...his bloody, swelling, misshapen face.  


Do you know what he mumbled at me when I said I wanted to look in his mouth? ......"No mom.  You don't want to look.  You don't like teeth!"  (I don't do wiggly teeth or pulling them...yuck!)  Well I put my big girl mommy pants on and said I could handle it.  We both survived the embarrassment and the grossness.  So for all those who thought I couldn't handle the "boy stuff"...ha I did and then I did what I wanted.  I probably will embarrass our boys but that's probably something they will just have to get used to, it comes with the territory.

Eli's 11th Birthday

Create a digital collage

"When I First Came Home"

This past holiday week-end was slow for us.  We didn't have the usual week-end ballgames, sleep overs or huge meals.  We simply relaxed.  With relaxation came a lot of conversations.  One in particular, with Lucas, really made me rethink how fast time is going by and how the ground we have covered still needs to be talked about.

Lucas and Eli were talking with us at supper about the Philippines and their friends.  These conversations have gradually tapered off and only pop up when a memory is triggered.  I suppose it's a little bit like how they've acquired English and lost a lot of their native dialect.  The specialist said as their brains become filled with more and more English and current memories they would, not necessarily take the place of, but push back and file those earlier experiences and knowledge in their "lower file drawer" and those files would be accessed less and less.  It's definitely true for Luke and Eli.

For some reason Lucas began talking about the first and second day they were home.  I can not believe how vivid that memory is for both of them.  Once they started talking I could remember the things they did but to hear about how they felt those first days when they knew 3 words of English and couldn't tell us what they needed or how they were feeling, how scared they were to go anywhere because they didn't understand if they would be back, they were scared to go in the car because they didn't know how long we were going to be away from home.  They even talked about how they thought our dog was a werewolf dog because she was so big.  Scared, scared, scared was the overwhelming theme. 

This isn't a surprise to us.  I'd have been terrified in their shoes.  At the time we all tried so hard to communicate and ease their fears but fell short.  To have them to be able to verbally express to us those feelings, even after 2 1/2 years really is amazing.  Because even though it took 2 1/2 years they did get to express those initial feelings and we did eventually get to have our questions of those first few days, weeks and months answered.  We wondered at the time if we would ever really know but now we do, now we tackle the rest of the "firsts".

Child. Remove Thy Foot

It finally happened this afternoon in the parking lot of our grocery store.  Eli realized he had said something and very accurately placed his foot in his mouth.  It's a milestone.  Most times Eli is in your face honest, blunt and rarely if ever means to insult or hurt anyone but with straight forwardness comes the very real possibility of coming off that way.

Today's statement that he actually caught himself and tried valiantly to remove his foot and back the conversation up?
I came out of the grocery store to find that Mike, Lucas and Eli had taken the Yukon for a much needed car wash.  I said, "Thanks guys for washing the Yukon, I appreciate it."

Eli from the backseat pipes up, "We didn't wash it.  The old man did."  Dead silence ensued as I was valiantly trying not to laugh as it would be inappropriate to refer to their dad as the old man....I lost the battle.  Eli, realizing what he said, sputtered,  "NO! NO! I not mean old man dad, I mean the REALLY old man at the car wash!"

Older Child Adoption and Mentors

This past week I had the opportunity to speak with a perspective adoptive parent as part of a mentoring program through our former agency and now hers.  We've done this several times over the past year or so and it always amazes me what memories these phone conversations bring, how they make us stop to realize all the changes since we were at this stage in adoption and how very different the boys are now from the two little guys we brought home from the Philippines.


Usually these conversations follow a certain path with questions and concerns and telling how our journey was and continues to be today.  Mentoring definately gives as much as you give.  This particular conversation brought back a lot of those initial doubts, questions and concerns that were thrown in our path.  Some our own but not necessarily. The doubts that were "offered" by family, friends, professionals, were the ones that are hard to reconcile.


As I was speaking with this mom, who happens to be an experienced adoptive parent, I was watching Lucas warm up on the baseball field.  It made me wish that all those doubters, all those "well-intentioned" people, all those in the boys early lives could see him at that moment, team member, confident (cocky) 12 year old, who is growing more comfortable with himself and his new world, enough so that he can grin on home plate before slugging it into center field.  I wish they could see Eli, the kid who was a "touch me not" when we met, meeting me at the door for a hug and talking on and on about his day.   How far they have come, how far we as parents have grown and stumbled and learned, how far our family has expanded....not even describable.


Yes, mentors should give realistic views on life with an older adoptive child.  Absolutely.  I also believe mentors have as much responsibility to give the positive as the problems encountered.  I remembered just wanting to talk to someone who could shed some positive into our early adoption journey.  You can read and hear a lot about the negative issues supposedly in an attempt to "make sure" you know what you are getting into....hey I'm all for being as prepared and realistic as possible, just pull back long enough to see the huge milestones, the little milestones and all the smiles that are encountered too.  Be a mentor, be a support, be realistic, be a parent who sees the huge and the little successes and then go give your own kids a huge hug, stop long enough to see the smile at home plate and enjoy this huge gift you've all been given.

Brotherly Wisdom Number 1429

Eli to Sydney, "Syd. Do you like coffee?"
Sydney, "Not really."
Eli, "you ever drink some coffee?"
Sydney, "I've tasted it."
Eli, "Hmm.  You drink to much of it that's why you are so short!"  Thus rolling on the floor hysterically laughing at his latest and greatest bit of "wisdom".  Sydney calls it "brotherly self humor".

Sydney is 5 foot and both Lucas and Eli's main goal right now is to pass their shortest sister and/or torture her about her height challenges.  Mike graciously explained to the boys that they weren't allowed to drink coffee and in true dad impatience with the billion questions of why not told them that it would stunt their growth.  Thus Eli's wisdom of the contributing factor in Sydney's case.

Work Like Never Before

That is Eli's estimation of how much work he and Lucas are helping to get ready for Sydney's graduation reception.  They have mowed, trimmed, weeded, planted, painted, picked up and generally had to lay low at times.....not all were done without complaint...but are done.


The motivation to keep them going....assurances that, "Yes you can eat a lot at the party."

After All This Time

When reading all those books on adoption and taking classes on adoption and talking to adoptive parents, one of the recurring subjects is that change of any kind can be very stressful for adopted kids.  

Our house is all about change, our lives are in perpetual motion and more changes are on the way.  Lucas and Eli are holding on by their fingernails and nothing we do seems to slow things down for them.

This year the boys are on separate baseball teams which equates to double the practices, double the games.  We are getting ready for Sydney's graduation in less than 2 weeks equates to painting, cleaning, out side spruce up and did I mention MORE cleaning?  Sydney is visiting the college she is attending in the fall, the family has visited which drove the idea home to everyone that Sydney is leaving the nest.

Change is not a welcome visitor with a lot of people but for Lucas and Eli it boils down to loss.  They are losing the normal that has taken root in the last 2 1/2 years.  They are losing the every day contact with the sister that has been here nearly every day since they came home.  They are losing the consistency of each other on their baseball teams. 

For us it's a little like watching a rubber band stretch and you wonder if it will hold or when it will break.  I also know that these stretches in their abilities to cope are how they continue to grow.  If I take a really good look at the squabbles, the out and out brother fights, the back talk and the general orneriness...they are doing better than 2 1/2 years ago...not even in the same ball park.  We just have to keep reminding ourselves and others that even though they have been home a few years there are still issues, new and old, that occur, there are things that will most likely always cause them to stumble and trip but they don't actually fall down or apart as often but it does happen, sometimes with fireworks and atomic explosions and the rest of us just need to deal....even after all this time,  They both make the effort each and every day to learn coping skills and a different way of handling their emotions and probably examine their motivations and feelings more than most of us...even after all this time they continue to educate us.

Urggh!

This post had absolutely nothing to do about the boys or adoption or anything other than a mini rant on my part about the changes that are occurring with BLOGGER.  I wonder if the "techie" people who think it's hilarious to mess with us out here on the other side of the computer have a clue as to what they are doing or are simply changing things to justify a job. 

I can handle change, really I can....stop laughing.  I handle change when change makes life easier, improves the overall picture of whatever but tech people "improving" need the guidance of a non-tech person to say, hey if it ain't  broke don't fix it.

BLOGGER has managed to update their site to the point of non use, it's difficult to navigate and for those blogging it's kind of utilitarian on this side of the blog.  Very institutional.  Not high tech, plain yuck.  I live with a tech person (sorry Mike) and he's not always right the first time either,  BLOGGER you need to go back to the drawing board and maybe come out from behind your "big idea people" and ask the people who use your product....don't fix it if it ain't broken.  There.  Done with my rant.  Thanks for the therapy and now I will go forward and relearn this site so that once I have, Blogger can change it again.

All God's Creatures

This past week-end has been a little rough on the boys. We are massively cleaning and painting in preparation for Sydney's high school graduation. Lots of changes plus it drives home the idea that Sydney will be leaving home for college and they don't do well with change. Rachel was already living at college when Lucas and Eli came home from the Philippines.

As you can probably guess their stress level is high, my stress level is high...never a thing that should occur at the same time....ever. We've experienced a high amount of time outs, pouting, fit throwing, crying and general all out warfare....no not from me but it was close.

This morning we ran down to see my mom for a little bit and on the way home the boys were still in a (shall we say) contemplative stage....you make up your own details. As we were driving out of town on our way home some crazed robins decided to fly out in front of us. From the back seat we hear Eli say, "Dad. You must not hit the birds, they are God's birds, he made them, do not hit them. Do not run over any of God's animals." This was said in a very serious tone which coming from Eli doesn't happen often. Then Mike received a 2 minute lecture on what was made by God and what Mike was not allowed to run over in case he was overcome by mayhem.

Oh but that did not end our Godly talk. We were then subjected to both Lucas and Eli's definitions, descriptions and categorization of.....heaven and hell. What type of people go there and when. Needless to say Mike and I probably weren't the most "adult" about the conversation. I don't understand where they get this stuff, is it boys or just these two?

Needless to say after safeguarding Gods' creatures from Mike's careless driving they are (for the moment) happily helping with the preparations. Hope there isn't a squirrel out in the yard that needs saving!

A Wonderful Lady Who Will Be Missed

I know that title sounds like someone has died. No. No one has died in the true sense but it sure feels like a death of sorts. Two and a half years ago we were on our way to finishing our home study and traveling to bring the boys home. At that time we were working with the local school and a wonderful English Language Learning consultant.

Mary, the consultant, holds a doctorate and probably more degrees than a thermometer but more importantly she has a passion for kids who are undertaking an overwhelming task of learning English. She not only cares for the kids but for the families. To sit across a table from her and listen to her speak about the brain of an ELL student, their learning hurdles, their native language and the steps a child will take on the journey to English is humbling to say the least. It is an experience that I could wish for any internationally adoptive family.

This devoted lady learned recently that at the end of this school year she will no longer have her current job, serving ELL students and their families. Our legislature here in Iowa, in their infinite (not) wisdom and total understanding (not at all) has decided that this is an area to cut the educational budget.

At a time when law makers are making derogatory noises about our education system and teachers, they choose to cut a dedicated, professional person from the herd. You may argue that these lawmakers did not personally single out Mary, I disagree. I think that the legislature cut the employment area that has the least likely chance for backlash. Struggling families who are concentrating on their child's needs or who themselves are trying to master the American culture and English language are not constituents that they are too worried about.

As a true educational professional, Mary has chosen to take the high road with grace. Before leaving she is speaking to, training and providing materials to as many of the local teachers, school offices and families as possible. Even though she is leaving us, she has left us with a wealth of knowledge and most importantly a piece of her heart. We wish you all the best in the future, Mary, thank you for helping our specialized families.

I Think He Missed Her

Our youngest daughter, Sydney, went to St. Louis last week-end for a choir/band school trip. She left at 4:00 a.m. Friday and returned Sunday around midnight.

Lucas and Sydney's bedrooms are downstairs and we figured that he may not like going to sleep downstairs by himself but he was convinced he could do it and who are we to contridict him...what do parents know?

Friday night he finally sacked out at 10:30, Saturday about 11:00 and Sunday because we promised Sydney would be home when he woke up he finally went to sleep at normal time.

Last night Sydney came up to us and asked, "Did Luke miss me?" I laughed and said, "You could say that." She said she wondered because he apparently checked on her location and what she was going to do next....all day....before school, after school, before supper, after supper, while she was studying. It was a little out of character as he's in the "I'm too cool for a big sister" phase for the last 2 months. I do believe he missed her....yep it won't last.

Gesturing to a Flashback

The longer the boys have been home, the more and more their memories and thoughts of the Philippines have become fuzzy. We still have in depth conversations about the Philippines and the people that are there but it is more of Lucas and Eli touching base with us to ensure that what they remember is the same as they remembered last month.

Every once in awhile we can see a deja vu moment cross their paths. Tonight after work, I arrived home to find Sydney packing for a 3 day school trip to St. Louis, Lucas celebrating passing his timed division and Eli sitting on the floor in his room trying to untangle his kite line....yep that was so not happening. As I passed the doorway he said, "Mom! You have to help me." This kid does not ask for help often and since the kite is the toy of all toys this week, I set down and gave the impossible knotted line 20 minutes of my time. We came to the conclusion that we'd put a new string on it and not worry about the old.

As I went out of the room I told him to go ahead and put his things away and straighten his room while I changed. He came and found me 10 minutes later and wanted me to check to make sure it was done right. I did and he did great....picking up his own room is a lot harder since Lucas has moved to his own bedroom....big brother did a lot of the work before moving. I usually give him a high five for a good job but this time I gave him a thumbs up and he gave me a thumb bump with his.....that's when the deja vu moment happened.

He gasped, yelled "MOM!" We did this in the Philippines. We did this before. We did this in the Philippines!" And then he graced me with the most absolute joyful smile that lit his entire face. He said, "I remember this from before! YES!" and to top it off... a huge hug from my youngest son. Who knew the power of a thumb?

But She Was Nice To Me!

Rachel headed back to college and that has left a big "worry spot" for Lucas and Eli. Before she left they gave her the brotherly interrogation that if you've not lived through is amazing. It generally consists of no less than 1,000 questions involving eating, sleeping, school, driving, friends, teachers and apartment living.

The big catch this time was worrying that Rachel would be lonely....ummm....I'm thinking she's looking for some peace and quiet recovery time but that's just my educated mom guess....and possibly a little selfish wishing for myself.

Between them, Lucas and Eli decided that Rachel needed a pet. Rachel actually needed this conversation to end so she said, "Well I'd like one but Aunt Kathy (also her landlord) says I can't have one." We should probably apologize to my sister for throwing her under the bus...oops!

This totally shocked both boys silent....something that has only occurred a handful of times to date. Eli finally recovered enough to say, "But, but she was nice to us!" Pretty sure this may need some repair work before we see Aunt Kathy or the "Filipino Fire" may go on the offense for pet inclusion in her rental policies.

Salt and Pepper/Brown and White

We've been so lucky this past week to have Rachel home from college for spring break. I'm quite positive the longer she lives away the more culture shock she experiences when she comes home. The boys ask and ask about her the whole time between visits, then when she gets home they completely ignore her.....little brothers!

They figured out she was leaving soon and that has generated a lot of meal time conversations. You know those types of conversations that you know are going to generate a lot more than what they started out to be. Below is one of those conversations.

We have to greatly limit the salt intake for Lucas and Eli. I think they'd lick a salt block if we had one in the kitchen. We've explained that too much salt is not good for them and that it can lead to blood pressure and heart problems.....their understanding of this?.....Salt is bad for Filipinos. If you eat a meal with us and pick up the salt shaker you will be bombarded with their reasoning of salt intake.

How exactly limiting salt intake moved into an ethnicity education is beyond me but Eli was definitely the liaison of the conversation and took it upon himself to discuss the Asian/Caucasian mix of our family.

You probably should understand that he has no concept what so ever of this topic. He knows he is Asian we've always said we were white (easier than Caucasian). His wording is, "I'm brown, you all are white." Yep. His next leap in this conversation (he really does know better) was to pick up the salt shaker and proclaim, "I eat too much salt I will be white." Ummmm, no. I think we missed the part about blood pressure and heart disease, reviewed that part again and tried to be responsible and appropriate to topic. His next move was to look at Rachel, hand her the pepper and say, "Here, use the pepper then you will be brown like me." Sometimes a parent's best course of action when asked to explain the mysteries of the universe should be......"because I said".

How'd I Do?

Spring is finally here and with it comes parent/teacher conferences! Yeah! I'm safe to say (sarcastically) that's the feeling of kids, parents and teachers in most places.

I remember when we attended the girls' conferences, ages ago, that we went and spoke to the teachers and maybe the girls would ask if they had good grades...maybe.

Not that way with Lucas and Eli. First we go to school and meet with the teachers, last night that was a total of 1 1/2 hours then we come home and have another hour long meeting with the boys, arranged by them. Let me tell you we better know exactly what the teachers had to say, explain all the paperwork that was shown, what they are good at, if they are smart and when will they be done going to school. No not as in when is summer break, more like never ever going back. Their biggest hang up with continuing on into Jr/Sr High? No recess. It's a big topic and they think that is just asking too much.

Amazing Intuition

Rough day at the old work place....I really question people and their belief that because a person works at a public institution it gives them the right to annihilate those people at their whim....long story not for here. Mike brought the boys by school as he was called in to work at the last minute. They took one look at me and went quietly to the car, good as gold on the way home. They came in the house, changed their clothes, did chores and are outside playing (yes I checked!) nicely with no fighting.

I'm thinking I must look like the scariest, craziest person on the planet to have this kind of unprecedented, non-bribed, simultaneous behavior. I also know that I've successfully jinxed the golden attitudes by posting this. Oh well it was most appreciated while it lasts.

The Most Important Meal of the Day

We are experiencing another "transition" with the boys. They've decided that they don't need to eat breakfast. Their mother (me) says differently. Mom still trumps boys. Probably not winning a whole lot more of these food battles but this time, this issue I win.

In the whole "discussion" I explained that breakfast is important and why. Their argument, "our friends don't eat breakfast". Then I told them about kids who only get to eat when they are at school and they don't have enough to eat at home.

Lucas was absolutely floored. He said, "No only in Philippines. America everyone has food." That was followed up with a talk about how there are children in every country that don't get enough to eat, even America. I think it diminished the glitter of America in his eyes a little bit. But we haven't had any more arguments on breakfast consumption.

English Acquisition Includes Swear Words

I suppose the title is pretty self explanatory. We are so proud of how far the boys' English has come....unfortunately today (I am not so naive as to think this was the first time) one of our sons, who shall remain "anonymous", decided he should practice his English in the area of swearing....at school.....being heard.....and paying the consequences.

"Anonymous" did not waste any time with the petty ones, he mastered the really bad one right off the start. So this evening we talked about good words and bad words and words that we hear and don't understand but think they sound neat. We talked about not using a word unless we ask the meaning of the word first...preferably asking dad and mom.

I find it so hard sometimes to have these types of conversations with "anonymous" because he has the most unique way of talking out issues. I can't say it's a small adult conversation, more of a new perspective on an old issue that leaves me spinning to come up with the "correct, responsible parent response". He has his points.

Don't get me wrong.....swearing...not okay but in trying to explain which words are bad and which are okay (without pulling out every swear word I know) I simplistically said, "If you think saying a word would make someone feel bad, don't use it, it is probably a bad word. If you wonder wait until you come home and ask us." He sat quietly for a minute and then asked, "Ok, but you need to explain the rules better and not just bad words. Some kids take toys to school, some have bb guns (not at school), some have shooting video games. You need to explain why their parents say ok." And for those of you thinking it....no, because I said so does not work here.

You think about it for a minute, how would you explain the degree of "badness" to words? And when you think you have that figured out contemplate how you explain that another student "saluting" another student under the lunch table is not acceptable even when they aren't caught. "Anonymous" is pretty black and white and in your face. He doesn't really see the need to hide these types of things. Thus when saying a swear word, it really doesn't cross his mind that:

1. bad choice to say a swear word


2. bad choice to say a swear word in hearing range of adult supervisors (never a good choice)


3. just because a friend may whisper a word unnoticed that he should not repeat it let alone scream it.

I don't know. I don't have a cut and dry explanation for a "black and white" child. I do know that we had a pretty good talk about a lot of things for an hour after supper. Do I think he will swear again...yep. I'm not dumb. Did we both learn a little more about rules, explaining and the worry of a kid who just doesn't quite grasp what is acceptable and what's not? I sure hope so.

Living In A Dictatorship Part 2

If you read my previous post you will know all about the newly formed dictatorship of Eli. The latest from inside the realm is the establishment of and no deviation allowed from the approved language of his regime....that being English! ONLY!

He is very proud of his English, as he should be, he's worked hard and has learned so much of a tough language. Unfortunately, his success has left little patience or acceptance of those of us within his kingdom who deviate from the "correct ENGLISH!" He is a one man language enforcement agency.

He corrects his brother (which does not go over well), he corrects his sisters (which he's been informed have been speaking English long before he could speak any language), he corrects us but so far respectfully as long as we comply, he corrects the tv (he may have to take over all communication networks as they are totally NOT SPEAKING English only).

Before everyone goes politically correct, we've had the talks about not everyone speaks English and that is perfectly fine. His answer....true dictator that he is...."I speak English now, only English, EVERYONE speak ENGLISH!"

So my warning to all of you, once he succeeds in taking over the networks, your diversification of language and the proper usuage of such is going to be, shall we say, affected.....except for his favorite word.....DUDE!

Apparently I Need A Keeper

I need a keeper. I have one. I didn't really want one. I have no choice. I am totally at the mercy of my keeper. His name is....Eli.

I also think my keeper may be heading up his own private dictatorship. So far he is a benevolent dictator/keeper. At what point do the oppressed realize their dictator is not what we think?....I may need to keep a close eye on this part.

My realization that we'd entered Eli's regime was this morning as I was getting ready for work. I came into the kitchen and looked at the clock to see how much time I had before needing to leave. Eli spotted me and "oh so thoughtful keeper" informed me, "Don't worry. You have plenty of time." Ok, thanks for that. A few minutes later I hear, "Ok you need to go, you leave now." However did I manage before him? I also need to know how to direct his organizational skills to entail cleaning his OWN room, brushing his OWN teeth and remembering to put his OWN deodorant on. I'm also considering a coup.....it may be time.

Unique If Nothing Else

Sometimes I'm not exactly sure what takes over Eli's mind and body. He is definitely a unique individual and never boring.

We have been trying to get him to read more....it's not his favorite thing as it involves having to sit still and concentrate without pestering his brother, his sister or a dog....it is not easy...on anyone.

Except for the breakthrough we seem to have made tonight. He found a book that he was absolutely enthralled with, wouldn't put down and I have had to confiscate from his bedroom at bedtime. This book has no plot, no testing value for school (at least that I know of) and has probably not ever been read front to back.

The name of this wondrous, Eli appealing piece of literature? Our local phone book. Yep. The phone book. He spent 2 hours on the couch reading the town names, finding our town, finding his friends names, family names and talking about the other town names he recognized.....TWO HOURS! and I'm not kidding about having to take it away at bedtime.

I'm probably in the running for bad mom again as after the first 30 minutes of answering his questions, spelling names and giving him a local geography lesson, I banned him from talking to me about it. No, it didn't stop him talking to me about it but it did make me feel less inclined to hold my own book burning. I'm moving the phone book out of the drawer in the kitchen and hiding it....hopefully if we really need it I'll be able to locate it or maybe Eli will have it memorized.

Racism or Ignorance

I have to be somewhat careful with this post as to not identify too many people or places...protecting the innocent. If that's possible because when racism is involved the innocent are no longer ...so innocent. Their world is forever changed by the ignorance and hatred that has touched them through others.

We have dealt with racism on a pretty regular basis from almost the first day that we were in Manila to pick up the boys. A Filipino lady confronted Mike and the boys in the hotel elevator the 2nd day after we'd arrived, looked at the boys and then turned to Mike and making (in Mike's words) a very ugly, nasty face towards the boys and said, "Hmphh! Africaans." Well, who ever said racists were smart?

Anyway, these types of remarks, looks and actions of all natures are too many to relate and only give them more power to describe them. We deal as they occur and the boys deal in the ways that they can relate.

Fortunately our family friends and relatives have been spared these comments and behaviors when we are out together. During a recent conversation, one of our friends (I was with her and knew that the person she was speaking to had "issues") ran smack dab into a highly verbal, opinionated person who is anti - anything to do with "those people who come to our country from somewhere else and don't try to learn English, pay taxes, bring all their kids with them and we pay to educate them, America should remain for Americans". She is not someone who would learn or think about anything differently if you were to try to broaden her horizons.

The tirade was offensive from so many standpoints....and ignorant. I know I can't advance this persons' thinking. I simply stand there and stare people like this down until they have run out of steam and then continue to stare at them. It's amazing how uncomfortable you can make someone by looking them in the eye and not saying a word. Sometimes the loudest argument is that of total silence and dismissal thus relegating both them and their views to a position lower than a snails' butt.

Our friend who had not run face first into this wall was appalled. As we were leaving the area, she was in total shock. Later she said, "I know you've told me about this but I can't believe people do that and in front of you especially when they know about the boys!" While I feel bad for her, worse for the people that the abhorrent person will encounter, I did feel somewhat better having had this friend witness this first hand. Often times when this attitude gets to me and I've tried to explain it to people they dismiss it as a once in a blue moon, never around here or that's just me being over sensitive. I wish that were the case.

Sometimes in these situations it's hard to be objective; is the person racist or ignorant? It's easy to tell at times and harder at other times. I suppose in some areas we've done our friends and family an injustice by not making them more aware of the prejudices within our communities. This is not to say that we have been extremely blessed by our community and friends. As a whole they are unbelievably supportive which makes it even harder when these special people lose a little of their innocence when blindsided by hatred.

In parenting classes before the boys came home we talked about the issues of racism, stereotyping and prejudices. At the time we were thinking more of the small picture...how it would affect us, our children and families. Racism affects everyone. The innocent and the racist. Whether it is acknowledged or disregarded because you personally have not been on the receiving end of such entrenched hatred, know that even in the face of such disregard for other human beings there is love, acceptance, understanding and an increasing support system for families like ours who will not let our children fight this battle alone. So, thank you to all our friends, family, co workers and community for stepping into the circle that surrounds our kids until such time that they are able to join with us and face head on those who would hate them with such ignorance.

All Is Not So Quiet...Just Breathing

Well it has been almost a month since my last post...oops! We have had multiple birthdays and illnesses and school contests and .....LIFE! I've gotten several emails and calls from some who stop by here and were wondering if we are doing ok.

One of the goals I had starting into this blog (2+ years ago) was to NOT be one of those bloggers who shared and allowed people to travel along our journey and then just disappear. Perhaps a little like a book that you are really into and then the final chapters are missing. Urghh! For an avid reader that really drives me crazy.

Unfortunately, it's really easy to get consumed with the day to day and let posting slide. I'll do better. Thanks for checking back with the blog and checking up on us in general. It means a lot.

Today Lucas Turned 12

Yep. That's right. Our son of 3 years is 12. He would tell you that he's quite capable of everything an 18 year old is but his parents would probably have to put a few qualifiers on that.

He is all about his birthday parties....yes....parties. Tonight it was Red Lobster, Friday it's a sleep over and Sunday is birthday cake with more family. As Eli frequently screams, "It's everything I WANT!" for Lucas this week.

I'm pretty sure the diners around us at Red Lobster were wishing they'd gone to McDonald's because Luke was in fine form. From telling Mike, repeatedly, that he was old, telling Alison he would find her a boyfriend, to telling Sydney that she was marrying one of our friends sons...in front of Sydney's boyfriend then telling us his view that in all couples the man was older than the woman, the man would die first and the ladies are always right. What can I say....I may have influenced that last opinion. Then he proceeded to tell the friends that went with us that the man was very lucky cause he had a good wife....he hasn't lost the ability to schmooze the women.

I can't believe how much this kid has grown, it's great, it's sad but most of all a joy to see him growing and happy. Happy Birthday Lucas!

Long Ways To Go

This morning was the first Saturday we've had where we weren't running out the door to basketball or holiday shopping in forever. So what do the menfolk decide to do? Get up (loudly) and destroy the kitchen while creating breakfast. Does anyone know how making pancakes can encompass 3 counters, a stove top, the table and unfortunately the floor?

Once the feast was on the table our usual table time discussions ensued. Lucas is fixated on his 12th birthday in a couple weeks....Lucas is fixated on all his birthdays 12 months of the year....and thus began the discussion of how old will he be in what grade, when he graduates, when he goes to college, etc.

Sydney received her acceptance into her college choice this week so that is preoccupying a lot of his brain. Once again we tried to explain why people go to college, what college is and that not everyone chooses to attend college and why that may be.

Lucas' breakfast ending epiphany, "Huh. I got a LONG way to go!" Then he assures his dad that he (Lucas) will have a job and that dad can live with him when he's old....in about 10 years. Well. That must mean Eli is taking care of me? Why am I slightly concerned?

Spelling Words

Perhaps you have drilled your child's spelling words one time too many when he has the following conversation with his sister on the way to school.

Sydney to Eli - "Hey can you spell count?"
Eli to Sydney - "YOU spell it!"

End of spelling.....except count wasn't one of his words....she was just messing with him. Needless to say we skipped the spelling portion of tonight's homework, it's time for a night off.

Solution

I really knew that the solution to the sibling bickering that has taken place this holiday break was to send them back to school. I'm not new at this. I'm simply amazed each and every time how thoroughly the first day back to school exhausts kids.

Lucas and Eli were both sacked out on the couch when I got home at 4:00. Pretty much stayed that way until supper, then ate, showered and climbed into bed. No fighting (except when it came to who was going to wrestle with the dog....our bassett hound was declared the winner) no annoying the sisterly units and no arguments at bedtime. Unfortunately experience tells us that they will quickly adjust back to school schedule and the sibling squables will once again ring throughout our unfortunate neighborhood.

Sometimes I need reminded that this in fact is a good thing considering for about the first 9-12 months home they were not comfortable enough to argue with each other....trust me they are now quite comfortable and excel in this area beyond all description.

How Soon They Forget

Christmas break is great. Until boredom set in. Until they are tired of their brothers' face. Until the Christmas toys need to be shared. Until they have a Christmas toy removed for fighting.

Then it's all about, "Is it school tomorrow?" "Can I go back to school tomorrow?" "I want to go to school."

Well that much demanded and sighed over day arrived this morning. Christmas break ended for the boys and Sydney. Can you guess their latest line?

"WHAT! We HAVE to go BACK!" ............now to survive until spring break....(sigh)

You Do Know.....

I've talked about how Eli possesses (or thinks he does) the "World's Best Back Seat Driver's License". Last night we were in the car and he was doing the usual..."go straight, go right, go left..yadayada".

Then we hear. "You do know there is a car behind us, right?"

There is no comic alive who can deliver a straight line like this kid....it's dangerous to everyone within our driving area.

The Best Lie I Ever Told My Kids

As a parent it is always a step forward when you recognize when to and not to lie to your children.....jolly old man in a red suit would be a good example.

The absolute best lie (let's call it what it is) I ever told any of my kids ....older and newer....was that mom's have a special superpower and have invisible eyes in the back of our heads. Creepy...kind of, underhanded....most definitely....sure to make your child think two or three times before trying something behind your back...absolutely.

This is the lie that I told the boys approximately 6 months after we brought them home. They never did figure out that the eyes in the back of my head is the rear view mirror. They also can't connect that just because they may be out of sight I still possess pretty good hearing abilities.

Today during the "last day home before we return from holiday break cleaning extravaganza" Eli was overheard telling Lucas...."Dude keep going, clean, pick up..;..you KNOW mom has those special eyes. She SEES EVERYTHING!" Yes. My best lie ever!