Kids have a way of turning your heart inside out and with no warning that this vital organ is about to be shredded. I was texting with his teacher, who happens to be a friend, on a totally unrelated subject and she mentioned Lucas shut down on her at a school assembly for the Red Cross, she thought it odd as he would pretty much jump through hoops for her.
At supper, he talked about the Red Cross and all that it does for people. I asked if there was something bothering him during the assembly and he nodded. I asked if he was mad at someone or why was it he didn't want to talk to his teacher. He said, "I was scared." Hmmm.
I was thinking noise, crowd, different space, what? You know the million things that you think before you remember to ask. He said he thought it was the bad people. What?
A year or so ago we had to have a talk about Neo-Nazi's and swastikas. It was in relationship to things happening somewhat close to us and we felt they needed to be aware of their surroundings. At this particular assembly they didn't have the actual Red Cross symbol, just said they were members from the Red Cross. Digging further into this with Lucas he said he was afraid they might be the "bad sign" people or they could be part of a group in the Philippines that the students were warned about that were driving a big truck with a red cross on it and grabbing kids. They taught the kids how to fight back. Urggh!
The poor kid combined all of that and had a panic attack. So after a lot of talking, drawing the different symbols and his wanting us to call the teacher to let her know he wasn't mad at her, I think he's doing okay...my heart probably won't be the same. It's easy to go from day to day here and let the past slide away....for us...for Lucas and Eli that past is still very much a piece of them, the good and the bad. Makes a mom want to do serious damage to the (insert your choice of words, I have a lot) people who make a child's life scary and leave behind scars that no one should have to face.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Where Do We Go From Here?
Recently we learned that the wonderful teacher who has been utilized for the boys' ELL education will be retiring at the end of the school year. Congratulations go out to a wonderful educator who could have road out her last couple years without taking on and surpassing the challenges of English Language Learners, especially two boys speaking a language that the school district had never heard about prior to Lucas and Eli entering school.
We were so fortunate to bring the boys into our school district with seasoned and willing professionals....who probably freaked at least a little when they learned the extent of our need. I did. But they did and never made us or the boys feel like it's been a chore.
Our principal is also retiring and the first teacher Lucas had in school and the second teacher Eli had. OUCH! I know this is wonderful for each of these teachers and administrator but did I mention....OUCH! The boys are so attached and used to the support of these people who have offered the first acceptance, patience and skills that Luke and Eli have had in a school. They've offered Mike and I the knowledge that we have people at school who are working hard to make it the best place for the boys to learn and the comfort to know they cared. Theirs are the faces that have been consistent through these last 3 years.
There are many still in place at school, who have provided and continue to lead the boys into new worlds in education. It's sad to see part of the team that's been in place from the start go their separate ways. We wish them well and send them off with our indescribable gratitude and a sincere desire for them to know that while they made a difference to hundreds over the years, there are two boys that will remember them and their devotion and are well on their way to reaching their potentials because of the hard work and dedication these individuals put into their lives.
To Leah, Irene and Jim we say thank you and enjoy that retirement. You've been amazing!
We were so fortunate to bring the boys into our school district with seasoned and willing professionals....who probably freaked at least a little when they learned the extent of our need. I did. But they did and never made us or the boys feel like it's been a chore.
Our principal is also retiring and the first teacher Lucas had in school and the second teacher Eli had. OUCH! I know this is wonderful for each of these teachers and administrator but did I mention....OUCH! The boys are so attached and used to the support of these people who have offered the first acceptance, patience and skills that Luke and Eli have had in a school. They've offered Mike and I the knowledge that we have people at school who are working hard to make it the best place for the boys to learn and the comfort to know they cared. Theirs are the faces that have been consistent through these last 3 years.
There are many still in place at school, who have provided and continue to lead the boys into new worlds in education. It's sad to see part of the team that's been in place from the start go their separate ways. We wish them well and send them off with our indescribable gratitude and a sincere desire for them to know that while they made a difference to hundreds over the years, there are two boys that will remember them and their devotion and are well on their way to reaching their potentials because of the hard work and dedication these individuals put into their lives.
To Leah, Irene and Jim we say thank you and enjoy that retirement. You've been amazing!
Monday, January 28, 2013
We Survived The Festivities....Barely
The birthday party week-end has come to a close. Outside of the friend that had to go home due to illness, I believe they all survived....the jury is out for Mike and I. I must confess, Mike took today off from work so I was oh so gratefully able to go to sleep by midnight while he contained the sugared up, ravenous crowd in the family room.
I think you can see from the pics that they were having fun...these were pre-sugar load. Two trips in to the gymnasium of our church for a couple games of basketball helped run it off.
My one surprise that I probably was not expecting? I went into the family room to get a movie started and sleeping bags put out. I walked in to the movie already on and the lights out (it's oh so much more scary that way :) The only light source beside the tv? A remote control car with light up wheels dangling from the ceiling beam of the family room. Maybe that was their concession to not really wanting it quite so dark.
I think you can see from the pics that they were having fun...these were pre-sugar load. Two trips in to the gymnasium of our church for a couple games of basketball helped run it off.
My one surprise that I probably was not expecting? I went into the family room to get a movie started and sleeping bags put out. I walked in to the movie already on and the lights out (it's oh so much more scary that way :) The only light source beside the tv? A remote control car with light up wheels dangling from the ceiling beam of the family room. Maybe that was their concession to not really wanting it quite so dark.
This last shot is his last gift opened. He was so convinced he wasn't going to receive an IPod. I've never seen him so thrilled.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
We Lost One
Even though this is Sunday night, our kids don't have school tomorrow due to teacher in service meetings. I do have school because I work in a different district. For some reason (insanity) I thought sure let's have Lucas' birthday sleep over tonight....I mentioned the insanity right?
He invited 6 friends then with Eli and him that made and even 8...until one of the friends got sick 30 minutes after arriving. Poor kid, I felt so bad for him. He'd only been here one time before and really doesn't know me all that well. I turned around and there he stood, definitely not looking well. He was a trooper and held it together until his dad arrived.
As a kid I still remember this happening to me. You so badly want to stay and not be the "one" that left but man are you ever glad to see your mom or dad. Hope he's better in the morning...hope we don't lose any more. From the sounds of play in the basement they are going strong.
He invited 6 friends then with Eli and him that made and even 8...until one of the friends got sick 30 minutes after arriving. Poor kid, I felt so bad for him. He'd only been here one time before and really doesn't know me all that well. I turned around and there he stood, definitely not looking well. He was a trooper and held it together until his dad arrived.
As a kid I still remember this happening to me. You so badly want to stay and not be the "one" that left but man are you ever glad to see your mom or dad. Hope he's better in the morning...hope we don't lose any more. From the sounds of play in the basement they are going strong.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Son. I Just Trashed Your New IPod
Yep. I did that. Approximately 12 hours after he received his much requested birthday present. His lesson? Never let mom touch anything electronic. My lesson? Understand what something means BEFORE pressing update.
I'm even more appreciative of Lucas' patience, he didn't scream, pout or get mad. Unfortunately it was worse. He looked at me shook his head, patted my shoulder and said, "It's ok Mom you just don't know." Ouch!
No I didn't know much about the IPod Touch....I do now...2 hours later, reading how to reset and reloading everything I won't be making the same mistake again and Lucas won't make the mistake of letting me touch the thing. Overall it was a great learning moment for both of us.
I'm even more appreciative of Lucas' patience, he didn't scream, pout or get mad. Unfortunately it was worse. He looked at me shook his head, patted my shoulder and said, "It's ok Mom you just don't know." Ouch!
No I didn't know much about the IPod Touch....I do now...2 hours later, reading how to reset and reloading everything I won't be making the same mistake again and Lucas won't make the mistake of letting me touch the thing. Overall it was a great learning moment for both of us.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Celebrating A Son's Milestone and Thanking His Birth Family
I told you that I was having a little trouble posting about this particular milestone in Lucas' life....his 13th birthday! No one could anticipate, plan or celebrate a birthday more than he does. Finally becoming a teenager...a goal that he's had since we met him at 9 years old....it's a big deal. Really BIG!
As we all celebrate with him, I also am reminded that he has had an entire Filipino family who has not been able to celebrate the last decade of his life. To track Lucas (and Eli's) life from it's start on a small island off Mindanao, to the orphanage in Zamboanga, to a Manila foster home to their home here with us, to our adoption agency staff, to our friends and community, it absolutely blows my mind to realize all that had to happen for us to become their parents. How many people struggled, agonized, worked and loved these two guys in order to give them a different life, they are forever a part of our lives. Some we know, some we will never be able to name, all have touched their lives immeasurably.
I'm especially drawn to thoughts of the boys' biological mother. Most adoptive parents wonder...a lot...I think. Does she remember the date, does she remember the 3 year old that is turning 13 today? I think about their uncle who may have tried but was unable to care for them, the workers at RSCC-Zamboanga who documented their arrival and were the ones to give us the earliest record of their experiences. I wonder if the care givers at RSCC who saw the boys celebrate 5 years of milestones ever remember. I wonder if the social worker who helped them transition to the Manila foster home remembers or their foster lola...they remember her always. I wonder. A lot.
Realistically I know that not all of these people remember. So we will choose to remember and honor them for whatever part they played in bringing the boys home to us. I will choose to say a thank you to their mother who chose to make an impossible decision. I will say a prayer that her heart is comforted especially on tough days when she remembers.
Although the pictures and scenarios we've pieced together may not always be the most accurate, I do know for sure that on this day...his 13th birthday....we have a son who is compassionate, opinionated, funny, handsome, smart, and aggravating at times. We have a son we love and wish he experiences the most wonderful things in life. We celebrate not only his 13th Birthday but all those struggles, love and work that allow us to do so.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Still Pondering a Post
Can you tell I've been procrastinating writing a post? If I skip a day it's usually one of two things...I've run out of time during the day or I'm contemplating, writing, erasing and pondering a post that's important to me. I want to say something but I need to say it the best way I can.
That's what I'm doing this evening. I've almost got it worked out in my head and know that I will post tomorrow. It's a big day tomorrow. Bigger to our family here and over there then maybe some of you out there. I just never know who may pick this blog out of cyberspace and possibly pass a word along to special people a world away.
So until tomorrow and all the right words (or as near as I have them) are in place please stop back and be a part of a wonderful life that brings a lot of people joy.....and a bit of frustration at times.
That's what I'm doing this evening. I've almost got it worked out in my head and know that I will post tomorrow. It's a big day tomorrow. Bigger to our family here and over there then maybe some of you out there. I just never know who may pick this blog out of cyberspace and possibly pass a word along to special people a world away.
So until tomorrow and all the right words (or as near as I have them) are in place please stop back and be a part of a wonderful life that brings a lot of people joy.....and a bit of frustration at times.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
From the Archives
Today I was fishing around through old articles, documents and posts. I stumbled across this article from the Holt Blog on the Philippines that I wrote a little over a year ago (2011) as an update on Lucas and Eli. I don't think I put the article on the blog but as I print this out in book form every year for the boys to keep I thought it was worth the post. The pictures aren't the same ones from the article but as those are archived on a different computer I put a few substitutes in.
Lucas (Lowie) and Eli's (Towie) referral photo
Names Today: Lucas and Eli
Two years ago this month, our family started a journey with Holt to bring our sons home from the Philippines. Our boys actually joined the Holt family months earlier when they were featured in the Waiting Child section of Holt International magazine.
As we look back at that first picture of two little guys holding on to one another, it is amazing to see our growing sons who have grafted into our family so strongly. The physical changes as well as the emotional growth have been monumental.
Anticipating and preparing for older child adoption was a crash course in examining our parenting skills and views on many fronts — discipline, cultural education, family concerns, and even our ages. We have three biological daughters — Alison, 26, Rachel, 21, and Sydney 18 — so the decision to adopt two older boys was definitely a family decision.
When preparing for adoption, one of the many things an adoptive parent learns is that the story of your adoptive child is theirs to share when they are ready. In the case of our sons, Lucas and Eli, they chose early on to embrace their lives in the Philippines and share almost everything with those who were interested. They also gave us permission to share about our experience with prospective adoptive families.
Eli and Lucas were 8 and 9 years old when we traveled to Manila to bring them home, having spent five years in an orphanage on Mindanao in the Philippines. They spoke a few words of English, but primarily spoke in Visayan and Tagalog. Within six to eight weeks, they had a very practical grasp of English. As English Language Learning (ELL) students, they continue to delve deeper into more complex words and sentence structures. Academic language comes at a slower rate for most ELL students, but Lucas and Eli are gaining in this area as well.
My boys are now in 3rd and 4th grade. They love playing on the school basketball team and also play summer baseball, Lucas as pitcher and Eli in centerfield.
Learning to be a part of a family is an ever-changing process. Suddenly, Lucas was no longer the oldest, and Eli remains the youngest – much to his dismay. They have both learned what it means to have older sisters. Barring the usual sibling issues, all five of our kids have cemented a relationship with one another that is as fun to watch as it is amazing.
From meeting two fragile and scared orphaned brothers on a hot day in Manila to raising two increasingly independent and confident sons, we are so very grateful for the opportunity to love and live life with our family.
We asked the boys: If you could tell people something about adoption what would you say?
Lucas wants people to know that he still remembers the Philippines and the people he knows there. He also wants people to know that he likes living with his family and his new friends…oh, and baseball is great! Eli, who has turned into our philosopher, says: “I just know that I have a family that I never had, and you take care of me. I like my friends and school. I am smart and I am happy. I have a home.”
Lowie and Towie with their family
Lucas (Lowie) and Eli's (Towie) referral photo
First featured in Holt International magazine: Winter Issue, 2009
Names Today: Lucas and Eli
Two years ago this month, our family started a journey with Holt to bring our sons home from the Philippines. Our boys actually joined the Holt family months earlier when they were featured in the Waiting Child section of Holt International magazine.
As we look back at that first picture of two little guys holding on to one another, it is amazing to see our growing sons who have grafted into our family so strongly. The physical changes as well as the emotional growth have been monumental.
Anticipating and preparing for older child adoption was a crash course in examining our parenting skills and views on many fronts — discipline, cultural education, family concerns, and even our ages. We have three biological daughters — Alison, 26, Rachel, 21, and Sydney 18 — so the decision to adopt two older boys was definitely a family decision.
When preparing for adoption, one of the many things an adoptive parent learns is that the story of your adoptive child is theirs to share when they are ready. In the case of our sons, Lucas and Eli, they chose early on to embrace their lives in the Philippines and share almost everything with those who were interested. They also gave us permission to share about our experience with prospective adoptive families.
Eli and Lucas were 8 and 9 years old when we traveled to Manila to bring them home, having spent five years in an orphanage on Mindanao in the Philippines. They spoke a few words of English, but primarily spoke in Visayan and Tagalog. Within six to eight weeks, they had a very practical grasp of English. As English Language Learning (ELL) students, they continue to delve deeper into more complex words and sentence structures. Academic language comes at a slower rate for most ELL students, but Lucas and Eli are gaining in this area as well.
My boys are now in 3rd and 4th grade. They love playing on the school basketball team and also play summer baseball, Lucas as pitcher and Eli in centerfield.
Learning to be a part of a family is an ever-changing process. Suddenly, Lucas was no longer the oldest, and Eli remains the youngest – much to his dismay. They have both learned what it means to have older sisters. Barring the usual sibling issues, all five of our kids have cemented a relationship with one another that is as fun to watch as it is amazing.
From meeting two fragile and scared orphaned brothers on a hot day in Manila to raising two increasingly independent and confident sons, we are so very grateful for the opportunity to love and live life with our family.
We asked the boys: If you could tell people something about adoption what would you say?
Lucas wants people to know that he still remembers the Philippines and the people he knows there. He also wants people to know that he likes living with his family and his new friends…oh, and baseball is great! Eli, who has turned into our philosopher, says: “I just know that I have a family that I never had, and you take care of me. I like my friends and school. I am smart and I am happy. I have a home.”
Lowie and Towie with their family
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Things You Won't Believe
We are traveling down memory lane with Lucas. A lot of discussion centering around the Philippines. He very much wants to look for a friend of his that was adopted into an American family so we have had several days of talking about their time together.
Some people ask if we think their memories are accurate. For the most part I believe so, they are consistent over time, they don't vary and both boys share the same stories at different times.
To our American sensibilities and standards a lot of the situations they relate are slightly shocking. We have learned that we need to broaden our horizons...we try...until we have to explain that a particular activity is not safe or how we deal with things here....in a family....in America and then try and bridge the gap of why it was ok, or not, in the Philippines and why we believe as parents they should do something differently now. It's a delicate line of not pointing fingers or making generalizations about situations we are piecing together. Not an exact science by any means.
After a whole meal of stories about walking to church, home from school, playing with friends, guards, guns and theft, Mike said to Lucas, "Wow, I'm always shocked at the things you remember and talk about." Lucas' reply? "Dad. If you ever go back to the Philippines with me sometime I could show you things that would really shock you." I just bet he could.
Some people ask if we think their memories are accurate. For the most part I believe so, they are consistent over time, they don't vary and both boys share the same stories at different times.
To our American sensibilities and standards a lot of the situations they relate are slightly shocking. We have learned that we need to broaden our horizons...we try...until we have to explain that a particular activity is not safe or how we deal with things here....in a family....in America and then try and bridge the gap of why it was ok, or not, in the Philippines and why we believe as parents they should do something differently now. It's a delicate line of not pointing fingers or making generalizations about situations we are piecing together. Not an exact science by any means.
After a whole meal of stories about walking to church, home from school, playing with friends, guards, guns and theft, Mike said to Lucas, "Wow, I'm always shocked at the things you remember and talk about." Lucas' reply? "Dad. If you ever go back to the Philippines with me sometime I could show you things that would really shock you." I just bet he could.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Pop Tart Conspiracy
Lucas spent a good deal of Sunday morning and early afternoon trying to solve a conspiracy....of the missing pop tart. Lucas does not usually eat breakfast during the week. Week-ends are another matter. I broke down during my grocery shopping on Saturday and bought the guys the cardboard flavored, dry as dirt, much beloved poptarts. You would have thought I'd brought a puppy home.
Lucas is not to take food to his room, he's a pack rat and still occasionally stock piles food in his room. This time he wasn't as stealthy or as watchful as normal. First mistake, I saw him head downstairs with the poptart. Second mistake, laying the prized food item down in his room, third judgemental error....he couldn't find it later, although he wasn't too concerned until I intercepted his second attempt to get a replacement from the kitchen. Thus began the hunt. It began with having to admit he did take the first one to his room and then tried to take a second....ouch.
Finally, after searching off and on for quite some time, he finds the wrapper (in his room). Freaked him out because he knew he hadn't ate it. Eli doesn't like them so he couldn't even accuse him. Luke even questioned whether Sydney ate it. In the end he found the culprite....his dad...no sign of remorse was seen from good old dad. Simply stated, you leave food in places it doesn't belong, it's going to find a new home.....I think Mike may have to learn to like Pop Tarts better or at least tell me what flavor to buy because I'm pretty sure the conspiracy will continue.
Lucas is not to take food to his room, he's a pack rat and still occasionally stock piles food in his room. This time he wasn't as stealthy or as watchful as normal. First mistake, I saw him head downstairs with the poptart. Second mistake, laying the prized food item down in his room, third judgemental error....he couldn't find it later, although he wasn't too concerned until I intercepted his second attempt to get a replacement from the kitchen. Thus began the hunt. It began with having to admit he did take the first one to his room and then tried to take a second....ouch.
Finally, after searching off and on for quite some time, he finds the wrapper (in his room). Freaked him out because he knew he hadn't ate it. Eli doesn't like them so he couldn't even accuse him. Luke even questioned whether Sydney ate it. In the end he found the culprite....his dad...no sign of remorse was seen from good old dad. Simply stated, you leave food in places it doesn't belong, it's going to find a new home.....I think Mike may have to learn to like Pop Tarts better or at least tell me what flavor to buy because I'm pretty sure the conspiracy will continue.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Personalized Birthday Shopping By Eli
Birthday shopping for Lucas took precedence this week-end. Eli hates shopping of any kind. I asked him if he had any ideas of a gift he'd like me to pick up for him to give Lucas....not stupid on my part, much easier than dragging him through the stores.
As he shoveled his 2nd breakfast down (for some reason the week-end requires 2 servings of breakfast) he stopped mid bite and said, "Well you can buy him (insert particular video game - as Lucas reads this I'm not giving him any breaks)." This particular gift idea was not really original as it is the game Eli has been asking for this past month.
When I called him on it, his smiley face said, "I KNOW RIGHT? This way he gets a gift and I get to play it and then we both have something." His method of personalized giving is so warped but well thought out. Guess what item was not purchased?
As he shoveled his 2nd breakfast down (for some reason the week-end requires 2 servings of breakfast) he stopped mid bite and said, "Well you can buy him (insert particular video game - as Lucas reads this I'm not giving him any breaks)." This particular gift idea was not really original as it is the game Eli has been asking for this past month.
When I called him on it, his smiley face said, "I KNOW RIGHT? This way he gets a gift and I get to play it and then we both have something." His method of personalized giving is so warped but well thought out. Guess what item was not purchased?
Thursday, January 17, 2013
How Did You Live Before Us?
As a kid, life is all about you. Nothing happened before you arrived on Earth and everything has revolved around you since your arrival. It's basic KID Mentality 101. Lucas and Eli are firm subscribers to this philosophy and do everything within their abilities to ensure it lives on.
This morning, Eli was "taking care of me". He was instructing me on his schedule, his doctor appointment, what time to arrive to pick him up from school for the doctor's appointment, his practice schedule, what time I needed to leave the house to ensure he is on time and then we moved on to Valentine's party, class achievement celebration and what he needs to bring to each.
Apparently, around the 40th item on his list of things to boss me about, I must have developed a certain "mom look" that either said you've crossed a line or a dazed expression communicating my total lack of understanding. He stopped mid-sentence and said, "How did you EVER know what to do before I got here?" I don't know perhaps your older sisters told me or here's a thought......I'm an adult, an organized, slightly OCD parent who is totally functional on day to day matters.
This morning, Eli was "taking care of me". He was instructing me on his schedule, his doctor appointment, what time to arrive to pick him up from school for the doctor's appointment, his practice schedule, what time I needed to leave the house to ensure he is on time and then we moved on to Valentine's party, class achievement celebration and what he needs to bring to each.
Apparently, around the 40th item on his list of things to boss me about, I must have developed a certain "mom look" that either said you've crossed a line or a dazed expression communicating my total lack of understanding. He stopped mid-sentence and said, "How did you EVER know what to do before I got here?" I don't know perhaps your older sisters told me or here's a thought......I'm an adult, an organized, slightly OCD parent who is totally functional on day to day matters.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Let Us Talk War
It's always interesting to hear what the boys tell us about their school day. The standard question of "what happened at school today?" can result in a multitude of answers, from a multitude of areas, from "nothing" to the more complex, fast paced description that requires repetition to understand it all.
Occupying most of Lucas school information for the past few days, has been war. Somewhere amongst the questions and descriptions I thought he was talking about the American Civil War. I'm sure he mentioned slavery and Abraham Lincoln but last night I received info from his teacher that they were actually talking about the Revolutionary War.
This morning I asked whether he had more information about the war. His response, "I don't get it. America has too many big words in their wars! Mom. It's a fight, you fight not talk!" Ouch. Maybe that is some politician's views too.
Occupying most of Lucas school information for the past few days, has been war. Somewhere amongst the questions and descriptions I thought he was talking about the American Civil War. I'm sure he mentioned slavery and Abraham Lincoln but last night I received info from his teacher that they were actually talking about the Revolutionary War.
This morning I asked whether he had more information about the war. His response, "I don't get it. America has too many big words in their wars! Mom. It's a fight, you fight not talk!" Ouch. Maybe that is some politician's views too.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
What Were You Thinking
After Rachel's photo and video discovery from the last posting, I think the boys have watched and studied the video and pictures a dozen times. As I said last time, Eli is convinced I had Lucas in a headlock and Lucas (and us) are amazed at how tiny they were. At the time we registered all this but seeing it with time and distance really is an eye opener.
Mike asked Lucas this morning what were you thinking when we were walking in the airport to meet everyone. He stopped for a second (thought he'd say scared, worried) his answer? "Man was I tired!" And they were.
At the time we were aware of the stress, trauma and anxiety we were all under, not to the degree that the boys were experiencing. At the time I thought we were doing well, looking at these pictures...not so much. Time and distance allow for a whole new level of clarity.
Now as a side note...I thought I looked remarkably alert...I was not. The prevailing thought running through my head after 3 plane rides and 18+hours of travel? I had to stay awake until I made it to the car, I needed to make sure to put one foot in front of the other. I'm not sure I strung 3 coherent words together. So grateful for the welcome home crowd and our friend who drove us home as I'm not sure we would have found our way.
Mike asked Lucas this morning what were you thinking when we were walking in the airport to meet everyone. He stopped for a second (thought he'd say scared, worried) his answer? "Man was I tired!" And they were.
At the time we were aware of the stress, trauma and anxiety we were all under, not to the degree that the boys were experiencing. At the time I thought we were doing well, looking at these pictures...not so much. Time and distance allow for a whole new level of clarity.
Now as a side note...I thought I looked remarkably alert...I was not. The prevailing thought running through my head after 3 plane rides and 18+hours of travel? I had to stay awake until I made it to the car, I needed to make sure to put one foot in front of the other. I'm not sure I strung 3 coherent words together. So grateful for the welcome home crowd and our friend who drove us home as I'm not sure we would have found our way.
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| Stressed and Exhausted |
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| Growing Up Way Too Fast |
Monday, January 14, 2013
Lost Treasures
This afternoon I had a wonderful surprise via Facebook from our daughter, Rachel. In the midst of her "oh no I start back to classes tomorrow" cleaning extravaganza she uncovered her old camera. She hasn't been able to use this camera for several years due to a missing cord...the cord which was unearthed today.
After charging she discovered a wonderful treasure from 3 years ago. It was many pictures and a video of our arrival back in Omaha from the Philippines with Lucas and Eli. The video is a little shaky but amazing to see...just what everyone wants to view someone's home movie. I have to confess I've watched it a dozen times tonight. The feelings, sounds and people that made that walk so absolutely amazing and continue to share that journey are never forgotten.
After watching it tonight, one of Eli's comments? "Mom, why are you choking Lucas?" I wasn't he was just very overwhelmed and meeting new people took place from behind my back or with an arm around him. I have to say it does look like I've got him in a choke hold. So enjoy our "welcome home treasure."
After charging she discovered a wonderful treasure from 3 years ago. It was many pictures and a video of our arrival back in Omaha from the Philippines with Lucas and Eli. The video is a little shaky but amazing to see...just what everyone wants to view someone's home movie. I have to confess I've watched it a dozen times tonight. The feelings, sounds and people that made that walk so absolutely amazing and continue to share that journey are never forgotten.
After watching it tonight, one of Eli's comments? "Mom, why are you choking Lucas?" I wasn't he was just very overwhelmed and meeting new people took place from behind my back or with an arm around him. I have to say it does look like I've got him in a choke hold. So enjoy our "welcome home treasure."
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Ice It
While this hasn't been the most relaxing of week-ends it has been productive. We've finally packed up all the Christmas decorations except for that elusive Christmas stocking that is still MIA. The Christmas tree was a learning experience for Lucas and Eli. They had their sisters here to decorate it and oh what fun that was, loading it down with every ornament in the boxes and putting the glittery icicles all over it....except now the sisters are at college and work and that left Lucas and Eli with the honor of taking all of it off the tree by themselves.
When I explained to them that the icicles had to come off too, Eli's observation..."You mean that we have to give the tree a haircut?" Took a little while but it's a task accomplished and to be remembered for next year when they think loading down the tree is a good idea.
Sunday saw great cooperation (from everyone at one time no less). Lucas and Mike undertook painting Lucas' room, Eli and I stayed upstairs cleaned and did the laundry. I'm still waiting for someone to explain how boys accumulate more laundry than girls.
The only argument of the day? It came about setting the table for lunch. I had my back turned and I hear Lucas and Eli squabbling about who was setting what on the table. Eli, being the louder therefore must be in the right, said, "I said ice it man, ice it!" Huh? Just his version of telling Lucas to put ice in the drinking glasses. Everyone returned to their respective chores and we may actually be ready for the busy week ahead.
When I explained to them that the icicles had to come off too, Eli's observation..."You mean that we have to give the tree a haircut?" Took a little while but it's a task accomplished and to be remembered for next year when they think loading down the tree is a good idea.
Sunday saw great cooperation (from everyone at one time no less). Lucas and Mike undertook painting Lucas' room, Eli and I stayed upstairs cleaned and did the laundry. I'm still waiting for someone to explain how boys accumulate more laundry than girls.
The only argument of the day? It came about setting the table for lunch. I had my back turned and I hear Lucas and Eli squabbling about who was setting what on the table. Eli, being the louder therefore must be in the right, said, "I said ice it man, ice it!" Huh? Just his version of telling Lucas to put ice in the drinking glasses. Everyone returned to their respective chores and we may actually be ready for the busy week ahead.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Son...Snow Requires Shoes
Neither Lucas nor Eli see any reason for shoes....ever. We count our blessings that they wear them to school. A lot of times they don't wait to get in the door from school and take the offending shoes off in the car.....boys feet smell....that's a story for another day.
January in the Midwest, with snow and sub freezing temps should lend a sense of need to the boys that, if not boots at least shoes, are required outside. At certain points a parent thinks, okay this will be a learning experience and a teaching moment. I thought this...not the case.
One of Lucas' chores is to take out the trash after school. Coming in the door from school I reminded the boys of their chores and then proceeded to start supper. By pure chance I met Lucas coming back inside and glanced down at his feet....his bare feet. Really. We live in the country, our trash dumpster is not close to our house, there is a lot of snow between the house and it.....again he had no shoes on. Urgh!
Lucas! Really! His response..."Mom. It is okay. I'm tough, I'm almost 13, I'm not cold." Well son. You may be almost 13 but you definitely are going to be putting shoes on those feet and it won't matter if you are 85. "but Mom, I didn't wear shoes in the Philippines!" (He pulls out the Philippine card as if that will win the argument). So what is a mature and experienced mom to do?
I opened the door, scooped up a handful of snow and proceeded to stuff it down the back of his shirt. Yep. Mature...not so much but it did effectively communicate that Iowa in January is not the Philippines at any time of year. The shoes have been on his feet when exiting the house ever since.
January in the Midwest, with snow and sub freezing temps should lend a sense of need to the boys that, if not boots at least shoes, are required outside. At certain points a parent thinks, okay this will be a learning experience and a teaching moment. I thought this...not the case.
One of Lucas' chores is to take out the trash after school. Coming in the door from school I reminded the boys of their chores and then proceeded to start supper. By pure chance I met Lucas coming back inside and glanced down at his feet....his bare feet. Really. We live in the country, our trash dumpster is not close to our house, there is a lot of snow between the house and it.....again he had no shoes on. Urgh!
Lucas! Really! His response..."Mom. It is okay. I'm tough, I'm almost 13, I'm not cold." Well son. You may be almost 13 but you definitely are going to be putting shoes on those feet and it won't matter if you are 85. "but Mom, I didn't wear shoes in the Philippines!" (He pulls out the Philippine card as if that will win the argument). So what is a mature and experienced mom to do?
I opened the door, scooped up a handful of snow and proceeded to stuff it down the back of his shirt. Yep. Mature...not so much but it did effectively communicate that Iowa in January is not the Philippines at any time of year. The shoes have been on his feet when exiting the house ever since.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Civil War
School is back in full swing after the holidays. Back packs of homework, testing guides and report cards. Eli is our school reporter of lunch menus, recess going ons and monitor of those who got in trouble.....once in awhile we get actual conversations about the school work.
Lucas is another type of reporter. He's more of the investigative reporter that takes weeks to gather his story and then he will dump the entire story on you at one time. Tonight it was about the American Civil War, the topic that has caught his attention.
It took us a little while to figure out what he was so excited about, he was talking 90 mph and non stop. Finally, he turned to me and said, "You had a war here? In America? Right here? I can't believe it!" Then to top it ALL off he asks me, "Were you alive then, did you see it?" Wow! No, no I was not, thanks son for the age reality check. Think I will call his teacher and ask if maybe they could revisit the time line and establish a better understanding of how many years have passed since that particular war occurred.
Lucas is another type of reporter. He's more of the investigative reporter that takes weeks to gather his story and then he will dump the entire story on you at one time. Tonight it was about the American Civil War, the topic that has caught his attention.
It took us a little while to figure out what he was so excited about, he was talking 90 mph and non stop. Finally, he turned to me and said, "You had a war here? In America? Right here? I can't believe it!" Then to top it ALL off he asks me, "Were you alive then, did you see it?" Wow! No, no I was not, thanks son for the age reality check. Think I will call his teacher and ask if maybe they could revisit the time line and establish a better understanding of how many years have passed since that particular war occurred.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Eye To Eye
A teacher that I work with at my school is also a parent of a boy in Lucas' class. Today we were talking and she mentioned how much Lucas had grown since she had seen him last. I know his clothes are too little and there is never enough meat on the table no matter how much is cooked.
Tonight we were teasing and rough housing with each other in the kitchen and we ended up face to face. Oh my! I was looking that boy right in the eye. I was so shocked that he got the better of me and won the game. I realize 13 is approaching in a couple of weeks but could he just have eased into a teenager than changing overnight? I'm sad, I'm happy and I'm not quite ready for him to be at this point.
I know, doesn't make sense but then again it doesn't have to as I'm a mom and everyone knows we have that privilege.
Tonight we were teasing and rough housing with each other in the kitchen and we ended up face to face. Oh my! I was looking that boy right in the eye. I was so shocked that he got the better of me and won the game. I realize 13 is approaching in a couple of weeks but could he just have eased into a teenager than changing overnight? I'm sad, I'm happy and I'm not quite ready for him to be at this point.
I know, doesn't make sense but then again it doesn't have to as I'm a mom and everyone knows we have that privilege.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Guess Where I Found Our Boys
Tonight I was on after school child care pick up for the boys. We are fortunate that our school provides an on site before and after school kid care center even more blessed to have it staffed by wonderful ladies and support staff.
Usually, if it is nice outside, they will turn the kids free on the playground (which parents appreciate as it runs off the cooped up all day energy), if it's nasty outside they go inside to play games, use the gym or watch a movie. Well as I looked around the playground I didn't see either Lucas or Eli. I was told they were inside grabbing their book bags and to just go in and let them know I was there.
Oh yes, our sons and a friend of theirs were in deed getting their book bags with the assistance of 5 girls. Five giggly, smiling, blushing preteens. Oh my! What were the boys doing? Totally enjoying every minute. The only one who was even slightly mortified that they were caught talking (we'll call it that as it lets me live in denial a little longer) with girls? The friend...who blushed bright red and mumbled a hello.
It is so weird being on the boy side of being a mom vs. the girl side. I think the adoption books should cover this area in more detail. They just don't do a mother's heart or blood pressure justice to seeing this phenomenon in action.
Usually, if it is nice outside, they will turn the kids free on the playground (which parents appreciate as it runs off the cooped up all day energy), if it's nasty outside they go inside to play games, use the gym or watch a movie. Well as I looked around the playground I didn't see either Lucas or Eli. I was told they were inside grabbing their book bags and to just go in and let them know I was there.
Oh yes, our sons and a friend of theirs were in deed getting their book bags with the assistance of 5 girls. Five giggly, smiling, blushing preteens. Oh my! What were the boys doing? Totally enjoying every minute. The only one who was even slightly mortified that they were caught talking (we'll call it that as it lets me live in denial a little longer) with girls? The friend...who blushed bright red and mumbled a hello.
It is so weird being on the boy side of being a mom vs. the girl side. I think the adoption books should cover this area in more detail. They just don't do a mother's heart or blood pressure justice to seeing this phenomenon in action.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Picking Out Colleges
Lucas will be turning 13 at the end of the month. Here I was preparing to have another child become a "teenager" and the child was planning what? Where he wants to go to college. This is what he started talking about in the middle of planning his birthday party.
His idea for higher education? A college close to home. Why? In his words...,"because it's close to home and I just got my home. I don't want to leave it yet." So what is this mother to do? Go over to the computer to type this up and cover up the fact that he can bring me tears at any given moment with his insights.
Well we've got him for awhile yet and I'm sure by the time college actually gets here he will be looking at colleges all over the place. Now I will return to the discussion Lucas and I were trying to have and plan a party for a son that is thoughtful beyond his years and still wants to be around the old folks.
His idea for higher education? A college close to home. Why? In his words...,"because it's close to home and I just got my home. I don't want to leave it yet." So what is this mother to do? Go over to the computer to type this up and cover up the fact that he can bring me tears at any given moment with his insights.
Well we've got him for awhile yet and I'm sure by the time college actually gets here he will be looking at colleges all over the place. Now I will return to the discussion Lucas and I were trying to have and plan a party for a son that is thoughtful beyond his years and still wants to be around the old folks.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
You Know You Shouldn't Tell Your Kids To Hit.....
Yeah, yeah, I know a parent should take the high road and tell their child it's wrong to hit no matter what. I should be one of those parents that don't encourage such things. I should also be a parent that isn't allowed at sporting events where my kid is manhandled. Yep I don't like it.
Thank goodness this basketball season is complete and tournaments are over. It was getting a little bloody on the court. I'm always surprised the restraint that Eli and Lucas show when it comes to getting roughed up during sports. If I were them, I'd retaliate...probably also good I'm sports ability challenged.
Aggressive can be good and intimidating until an adult coach (not ours) encourages and bullies his players into inappropriate, unsportsmanship like behavior...they are kids for crying out loud! Well after yesterdays experiences during tournaments with Lucas, injuries included, I confess I unleashed Eli beforehand. Not to go out and maim and injure anyone but if his games turned ugly to know that it was ok to protect himself from being hurt. The kids just want to play a game...others win at all cost. Yep I don't handle it well at all.
So needless to say, Eli didn't get shoved around, punched, knocked down or stomped on. He gave the opponents several chances and then he chose to give it back. He did not hurt anyone else (thank goodness) and it was one time and then the behavior lessened from the other side but he does unfortunately have a front row view of inappropriate court side behavior from teams, coaches and parents. While we left the game with my blood pressure off the scale...Eli's view on it... "Huh. They sure get mad. Why do they think they play better like that? It makes no sense."
So as I have failed yet once again in following good parenting 101 and encouraged my kid to be defensive, the kid in question continues to maintain a level head and makes us proud.
Thank goodness this basketball season is complete and tournaments are over. It was getting a little bloody on the court. I'm always surprised the restraint that Eli and Lucas show when it comes to getting roughed up during sports. If I were them, I'd retaliate...probably also good I'm sports ability challenged.
Aggressive can be good and intimidating until an adult coach (not ours) encourages and bullies his players into inappropriate, unsportsmanship like behavior...they are kids for crying out loud! Well after yesterdays experiences during tournaments with Lucas, injuries included, I confess I unleashed Eli beforehand. Not to go out and maim and injure anyone but if his games turned ugly to know that it was ok to protect himself from being hurt. The kids just want to play a game...others win at all cost. Yep I don't handle it well at all.
So needless to say, Eli didn't get shoved around, punched, knocked down or stomped on. He gave the opponents several chances and then he chose to give it back. He did not hurt anyone else (thank goodness) and it was one time and then the behavior lessened from the other side but he does unfortunately have a front row view of inappropriate court side behavior from teams, coaches and parents. While we left the game with my blood pressure off the scale...Eli's view on it... "Huh. They sure get mad. Why do they think they play better like that? It makes no sense."
So as I have failed yet once again in following good parenting 101 and encouraged my kid to be defensive, the kid in question continues to maintain a level head and makes us proud.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Military Life As Explained By Eli
From the time that Eli had learned enough English to get even his basic needs understood by us, he has made sure we knew what his dream was for his life. He wants to serve in the military. At the time and over the last 3 years we've talked about it some with him and given him just basic information about what serving in the military actually entails. He's 11 but man is he determined.
His reasoning for wanting to go into the service goes way back to Zamboanga and the RSCC orphanage there. This was not a prosperous, well supplied orphanage by the descriptions we have received. They struggled for most things we think. But one of Eli's (and Lucas') fondest, happy memories were supplied by visits from the U.S. Navy. We believe that the Navy came in at some capacity to refurbish, supply and play with the kids. It made a huge impression on both the boys. Eli remembers them for the good they did, he wants to do that for others.
We've minimally tried to explain what other things the military does, from war zones to peace keeping missions. He always floors me with his explanations of how he would handle these different areas. He has the simplest explanations of an 11 year olds understanding and then the mature beyond his years insights.
The one that quieted the whole supper table this evening was, "Eli, you know you could get hurt and die being a soldier." His reply, "Yes but I could still be a soldier until Jesus came." Well. We will have to wait and see what the future brings in the way of Eli's career path but I'm positive we will be having this military discussion many times more before his final decisions are made.
His reasoning for wanting to go into the service goes way back to Zamboanga and the RSCC orphanage there. This was not a prosperous, well supplied orphanage by the descriptions we have received. They struggled for most things we think. But one of Eli's (and Lucas') fondest, happy memories were supplied by visits from the U.S. Navy. We believe that the Navy came in at some capacity to refurbish, supply and play with the kids. It made a huge impression on both the boys. Eli remembers them for the good they did, he wants to do that for others.
We've minimally tried to explain what other things the military does, from war zones to peace keeping missions. He always floors me with his explanations of how he would handle these different areas. He has the simplest explanations of an 11 year olds understanding and then the mature beyond his years insights.
The one that quieted the whole supper table this evening was, "Eli, you know you could get hurt and die being a soldier." His reply, "Yes but I could still be a soldier until Jesus came." Well. We will have to wait and see what the future brings in the way of Eli's career path but I'm positive we will be having this military discussion many times more before his final decisions are made.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Stalking With A Purpose
At least Lucas believes his stalking of Rachel has a purpose. Rachel, I think goes from thinking it's hilarious to being annoyed. Why is he stalking her? He wants her doctor approved sunglasses. Yep. The kind of sunglasses you get from the eye surgeon after surgery.
Rachel had LASIK done on her eyes today. Afterwards and for a couple hours she got to wear a nifty pair of sunglasses that Lucas has deemed ultra cool. There is a flame on the side so I guess that makes all the difference.
To give Lucas credit he did profess concern that she was ok but some of the concern was negated when he forgot to wait for her answer before wanting to know if she was done with the sunglasses yet. It's probably a good thing she still has some Valium in her as she laughs at him or is too dizzy to aim accurately to clobber him.
Rachel had LASIK done on her eyes today. Afterwards and for a couple hours she got to wear a nifty pair of sunglasses that Lucas has deemed ultra cool. There is a flame on the side so I guess that makes all the difference.
To give Lucas credit he did profess concern that she was ok but some of the concern was negated when he forgot to wait for her answer before wanting to know if she was done with the sunglasses yet. It's probably a good thing she still has some Valium in her as she laughs at him or is too dizzy to aim accurately to clobber him.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Too Tired To Move But Not Too Tired For Eating
Never in my wildest imaginings would I think to hear the words, "I'm too tired to move" come out of Eli's mouth. Today was the first day back to school after the holiday break and the first day back to basketball practice. It was a lot apparently.
He wasn't so tired that he couldn't eat. We are definitely headed for another growth spurt. I should just stop cooking anything but meat. I looked over at his plate a couple nights ago, having fixed tacos for supper, did he have a taco shell, lettuce, cheese or tomatoes anywhere near his plate? No. It was one gigantic mound of hamburger.
What I found to be even more amazing was that his dad sat there, watched him load his plate and didn't think that possibly there could be some moderation involved. But I shouldn't complain because, later, once again I turned my head, looked back and there was a second plate of hamburger. I should have known by the shoveling involved with eating the first plate, a second would follow.
I guess we are lucky he hasn't developed an affinity for steak or we'd be having to start raising cattle. I'm too tired for that.
He wasn't so tired that he couldn't eat. We are definitely headed for another growth spurt. I should just stop cooking anything but meat. I looked over at his plate a couple nights ago, having fixed tacos for supper, did he have a taco shell, lettuce, cheese or tomatoes anywhere near his plate? No. It was one gigantic mound of hamburger.
What I found to be even more amazing was that his dad sat there, watched him load his plate and didn't think that possibly there could be some moderation involved. But I shouldn't complain because, later, once again I turned my head, looked back and there was a second plate of hamburger. I should have known by the shoveling involved with eating the first plate, a second would follow.
I guess we are lucky he hasn't developed an affinity for steak or we'd be having to start raising cattle. I'm too tired for that.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
And You Thought?
We've had a lot of count downs this past month. Count down until Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years' Eve and so on. But in Lucas' world right now there is only one count down that is first and foremost. Countdown until his birthday at the end of January.
At least 4 times a day we hear how many days until his big day, any day now I expect it to be broken down into hours. I have to say there is probably no kid (unless it's Eli) who looks forward to, anticipates and plans for their birthday more than Lucas.
We don't really hear all that much about what he wants (although there were a few suggestions) it's just about it being his birthday and celebrating with friends. Remembering back to that first birthday (his 10th) that we celebrated 8 weeks after arriving home and his 13th birthday coming up it really makes me pause to think. In the 4 birthdays that we will have celebrated with him, he has covered more growing, learning, independence and achievement than most people do in twice that time.
Having said that there are still so many hurdles in front of him. While RSCC (the orphanage in Zamboanga) did what they could, it is still an institutional start that he works so hard to move past. He does amazing and never frets (at least not as much as me) about those hurdles that are still in the path. He moves forward, stumbles and moves on. My birthday wish for him would be for him to never lose that drive to clear the next hurdle and to always be happy for that next birthdays' arrival as it is one year more that he has mastered, learned from and is looking toward a wonderful new year.
At least 4 times a day we hear how many days until his big day, any day now I expect it to be broken down into hours. I have to say there is probably no kid (unless it's Eli) who looks forward to, anticipates and plans for their birthday more than Lucas.
We don't really hear all that much about what he wants (although there were a few suggestions) it's just about it being his birthday and celebrating with friends. Remembering back to that first birthday (his 10th) that we celebrated 8 weeks after arriving home and his 13th birthday coming up it really makes me pause to think. In the 4 birthdays that we will have celebrated with him, he has covered more growing, learning, independence and achievement than most people do in twice that time.
Having said that there are still so many hurdles in front of him. While RSCC (the orphanage in Zamboanga) did what they could, it is still an institutional start that he works so hard to move past. He does amazing and never frets (at least not as much as me) about those hurdles that are still in the path. He moves forward, stumbles and moves on. My birthday wish for him would be for him to never lose that drive to clear the next hurdle and to always be happy for that next birthdays' arrival as it is one year more that he has mastered, learned from and is looking toward a wonderful new year.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Reinforcement Has Arrived
Yesterday was the day of "let's torture, harass and generally annoy our sister." Lucas and Eli excelled in this as usual and enjoyed way more than Sydney. She survived, held her own but was a little weary by the end of the day of sisterly harassment.
Today was a new day. More to the point this evening. That is when Rachel arrived back home a day early, fully recovered from her previous Christmas endurance run with her brothers and ready to provide back up to Sydney. As I also said in my previous post.....our daughters can hold their own.....the dynamic duo is periodically reminded of this.
How did the evening turn out you may ask? Well both boys were in bed (voluntarily) and well on their way to sleep at 9:00 p.m. It sure is a good thing that they all have a good sense of humor and that Mike and I are partially deaf. It does bring up the question when they are all in their 70's and 80's what in the world will their teasing look like?
Today was a new day. More to the point this evening. That is when Rachel arrived back home a day early, fully recovered from her previous Christmas endurance run with her brothers and ready to provide back up to Sydney. As I also said in my previous post.....our daughters can hold their own.....the dynamic duo is periodically reminded of this.
How did the evening turn out you may ask? Well both boys were in bed (voluntarily) and well on their way to sleep at 9:00 p.m. It sure is a good thing that they all have a good sense of humor and that Mike and I are partially deaf. It does bring up the question when they are all in their 70's and 80's what in the world will their teasing look like?
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