She's Impressed "The Brothers"

I once again had a post forming in my mind of Easter preparations....they were interrupted by a life moment. Imagine that.

We finally had everything under control in the kitchen on Saturday, Eli was getting cleaned up to go to a birthday party, Lucas was on dog walking patrol and Rachel and Sydney were finally free to go about their day (having been chained to the kitchen for cooking duty :)

A person knows they have a performing arts college student in your home when everyone and I mean everyone (I apologize to the surrounding community) can hear her screams as if she has just sustained a compound fracture.

No there were no limbs severed, blood or fight involved.  It was Sydney spotting the smallest field mouse on the planet....thus the ear shattering screams.  Mike ran in from outside, by the time Rachel and I made it to the top of the stairs, Lucas and Eli had it all in hand....literally.

Then we hear, "don't worry Syd, we'll get it, jeesh!"  "see look Eli catched it"  "jeesh Syd, it's just a tiny mouse".  After Sydney's heart reentered her chest and the rest of us were able to hear better and Eli had washed his hands (by mom demand) he (on his way out the door to the party) says,  "Wow! Syd, that was a good scream, I've never heard ANYTHING like that before."

All I could think was my dad would have been so impressed by Eli's ability to catch a mouse with his bare hands cause I'm pretty sure he heard me scream like that a few times and would have appreciated a kid who could take care of the problem instead of screaming down the house.

Someone Thinks You're Special

On Thursday of this week Lucas and Eli's school held "grandparent's day".  Usually Mike's parents are able to attend but this year they are out of town so big sister Alison and her boyfriend Mark along with Aunt Gail did the honors.

Not everyone is able to bring grandparents so it's evolved into "special person's day".  Aunt Gail went with Lucas' class and Mark and Alison went with Eli's.  As usual it was hard to get much information out of either Luke or Eli until everyone was on the way to bed that night.  Then they had a lot of stories.

Alison on the other hand started talking the minute we all got home.  I was a little worried what she and Mark might encounter at school, if you've never been in an elementary school as anything but a student it could potentially have the makings of overload, miscommunication, total and complete honesty from the mouths of kids and general organized chaos.  Not an environment that most 27 year olds will volunteer for.

Alison learned many things from Eli's friends and even more from her littlest brother.  Below is a couple photos from the afternoon.  The special part is the letter that Eli wrote to her.  Hope you can read it.  When it's important to Eli he is a man of few words.   But how he wields those words can hit you right in the heart.

The letter reads:  Dear Sister,  Thank you for coming to Grandparent's Day.  The three best things I love about you are going shopping with you and going with me.  I love you sister, Love Eli
Sentiment doesn't come easily for Eli...you have to earn his trust and then wait.....for a long time which just makes it that much better when you receive such pronouncements.

I think the third thing he mentions is that she's dating Mark whom both Lucas and Eli worship for his height and basketball skills....and the fact he's pretty nice to their sister.

Lou Gehrig's Life As Told By Eli

Baseball season has begun....yeah...YEAH!  Lucas and Eli will once again have practices every night.  Our practice free time frame?   3 nights, one of which was Sunday with no practice to rush off to.  This year it looks like we have two designated pitchers, on two different teams.  We've had one injury so far (Luke bruised up his forearm....lesson learned, pitchers have to move).  

We watched a movie with a sports announcer as one of the characters.  Afterwards as we were picking up and putting everything away, Eli starts to tell us all his knowledge of the famous baseball player Lou Gehrig.  The kid was a total fountain of knowledge concerning everything about the man.  If he were giving an oral book report he'd have achieved an A+.  

I know it would have received such high marks because I had to go check some of the facts Eli was telling us.  Granted, most of what I know about the man came from an old black and white movie but Eli was correct even on the most obscure things.

Now we get to the part where I messed up as a mom....I know, again.  I wanted to know where he learned all these facts and try to figure out how we could apply whatever method was used to other areas of his education.....guess what answer I got?   A hand wave over his shoulder, a shrug and a grunt.  Don't think I'll be learning any more specifics about the matter.

Are You Sure?

Sometimes a mom can make a mistake.  Never will a child forget when mom makes the mistake.  Ever.  I truly believe that if children would direct this memory skill to educational materials they would all be brilliant.
Unfortunately this skill is solely held for the purpose of reminding parents that we are fallible.

Most of the time I like working in a different school district than the one our kids attend.  One of the major drawbacks to it is that the two district calendars don't always coincide.  This week I'm off a day earlier and they have a day off after I return to work.

On Monday we go over the schedule for the week, practices, early outs, doctors, etc.  This Monday I messed up and told Lucas and Eli they didn't have school on Thursday, on Tuesday I had to tell them I had it mixed up and yes they did have school...oops sorry!  They have not forgotten nor forgiven my mistake to the tune of telling me about it numerous times a morning, afternoon and night.

As I headed out the door this morning, Eli was still saying, "Mom.  You know we have to go to school Thursday, right?"  I said yes that's right.  His immediate response, "You're sure right, cause you know you messed up."  Thanks son.  You have a good day and turn your long memory into a positive thing.

Your Room Is Right There!

We have a new member to the family.  This one has 4 legs, a tail and long floppy ears and is seriously in adoration of Eli....his name is Jack.  He is a long haired dachshund and is five years old.  Did I mention that Eli is his main bud.....really mean it.

Jack is kennel trained although not his favorite place as Eli does not fit in there with him.  Eli thinks Jack is pretty special too...up to a point.   Jack loves Eli's bedroom also.  Eli is fussy about what and who comes into his room, it's his and he will tell you.  He tells Jack a lot.  Jack does not care.

As I was doing laundry and getting supper on the stove, I noticed Eli making several passes through the room with Jack trailing after him I knew some serious, one sided talking was going on.  Finally, after the fourth or fifth trip by me on the way to Jack's kennel I hear, "Jack!  Dude!  This is your room, that is my room, don't you speak English,  this is yours, that is mine.  Mom!  What language does Jack talk?"

So tonight after getting everyone in bed, you may wonder where  Jack ended up?  On the floor under Eli's bed with his nose sticking out with Eli's hand on top of Jack's head.  I had to wish it wasn't so dark in there it would have made a cute picture.  Oh well, I'll leave you with this one we took when we got home from the Humane Society....got to think the dog was happy with his new home.

What's Your Accent Sound Like

I have to admit that I don't hear the boys' accents anymore.  I think I stopped noticing it 3 months into their being home.  I realize it when I notice other people "listening" closely to them.

As we were all talking at the supper table (yes, simultaneously and loudly) I catch an unfamiliar voice.  I had to stop for a second to locate the voice.  It was Lucas speaking to Eli......in a British accent.....perfectly.  Weird to hear that voice coming out of his mouth.  After investigating we found out that he also copies Spanish, French and a little German.

Eli especially found it to be strange as he was arguing with him that he should stop because that is "not the voice he came with".  Guess I wasn't alone in thinking Lucas should sound like the Lucas we know.

Holt Omaha Gala and Auction 2013

This year the Holt Gala and Auction in Omaha will benefit special needs adoption and the Philippines.  As part of the Philippine program when the boys were adopted I can't say enough good things about the support we received from everyone on the staff and on the ground in the Philippines.

If you read back during that time when we working hard to get the boys home, we had our share of struggle, impatience, forces of nature and a battle with Delta airlines.  But hindsight is 20/20 and I know that there were many people working hard to bring the boys home and most importantly God cleared obstacles at a record pace throughout.

By request we sent in the first photo we saw of Lucas and Eli and the most recent one taken this week-end.  How time flies on this side of adoption and drags excruciatingly slow at the beginning.

When I'm Tired Of Explaining

Sometimes I get stuck on a post.  I try and try to write about something else and it isn't what's on my mind.  No matter how many other pieces I try to write I just erase it because it's not what is in my head.

A couple different times over this past week, Mike and I have been in situations where we needed to share/explain some or all of the boys' life stories to this point in order to help meet their needs in different areas.  

Some for educational reasons, some for those wanting adoption information to help with their decisions and some for updates.  It's part of life as we know it.  When we decided to be as open as we are with our journey and after discussing things with Lucas and Eli and having their seal of approval to share, that we do most of the time without a second thought and most times don't mind.

Then there are the times when I think if I have to explain this or that one more time I'm going to snap.  Neither Mike nor I, ever have a problem sharing when it comes to pro adoption conversations or supporting other parents walking a similar road as we do.

The conversations that sap my patience are those of people who ask and really have no intention of either listening or absorbing the information.  Realistically I know that not everyone has the same investment in my kids or adoption that we do.  Usually I'm pretty good at reading a person's intent for asking unless like this past week, I'm exhausted.  These are the week's that I really hope we don't run into too many situations where it's necessary to explain life as we know it.

I'm worried about someone approaching that will genuinely have an interest or reason for the questions they ask and I just don't have it in me to do their interest justice.

I've been asked several times what is the question that throws you most.  It would be that of explaining what does institutional behavior look like.  Until 4 years ago I didn't even know that such a thing existed let alone what it means or could potentially look like.  It has such a broad range that differs from child to child, situation to situation and can appear at the strangest times.

Someone looking at either of our sons at any given time will think they "see" one thing and we are all too aware that it could actually be something else that they are experiencing.  

Here's a question I absolutely detest:  "When do you think they will be over it?"  WHAT?  No seriously, people say this.  Unbelievable.  These are the questions I pray don't appear when I'm exhausted, it wouldn't be a teaching moment, it would be a tirade.

If you couldn't tell by reading to the end of this post on exhaustion and it's impatience...I'm tired, I'm frustrated and I need to stop the pity party and hop back on the bus for educating those around our sons to hopefully smooth the path for them and hopefully open the hearts of others to adoption.

If you should ever run into an adoptive parent who customarily, openly shares and answers questions, that for a brief period of time, snaps, shortens an answer or doesn't answer at all, please try to understand they may just need a little break before moving forward again. 

Adoptive parenting is one of the most joyful, hardest, confusing, interesting and sincerely blessed journeys a parent can make.  It is also exhausting and invigorating at the same time and at the end of the day it really doesn't matter how tired I am, what counts is the two sons that are sleeping in their rooms and that they no longer wake with nightmares, they do get into mischief "just like other boys" and no longer fear we won't love them if they aren't "perfect".  That's all that matters...now we move forward again.

Warm Weather Needs To Make An Appearance

We may only have a week of March left to go but our corner of Iowa feels like it's early December.  Negative wind chills and more snow predicted.  Urgghh!  Unless you are Lucas and Eli.....the more snow the better.

I need for it to warm up quickly.  Last night when I told the boys to lay out their clothes for school today, we had to go through several pairs of jeans and veto more than one shirt to find something.  Everything is either too small or has holes in the knees.

Both guys are experiencing another growth spurt and shorts would be a lot easier to manage (and less expensive).  We've also had to explain to slow down as their feet have out paced their  ability to control them.  Huh, there is another thing warm weather has going for it.....no shoes required.  Suppose I could talk Mike into moving to a warmer climate?

An Adoptive Parents Eyes Tell Their Story

I am an avid reader of adoption blogs, from adoptees, their families, from all countries.  It's a connection to a world that not many of our closest friends belong to.  I learn so much from these generous people on line.  The trials and triumphs, the love and the struggles.

I can look back over this blog and especially the pictures (I need to post pics more I know, thanks for the reminder Teri) and see the fear and absolute weariness on Lucas and Eli's faces at the start of our journey home and I can see the evolution to the outrageously loud and active boys today.  I see weariness in our eyes from a nerve wracking trip and months and months of hurdles.

Today I was reading a post from a family in China who are meeting their 3rd and 4th adopted kiddos.  And while their story is so wonderful and exciting to view from afar, the pictures tell a story that no words can do justice.

Their blog allows for readers to view the pics and stories from their 1st and 2nd adoptions.  For some reason today it wasn't the photos of the children that captured my attention it was those of mom and dad.  The first adoption shows excitement, fear, weariness, awe, uncertainty and love.  The second were more relaxed pics but still that unknown showed through.  With this journey to numbers 3 and 4 what I see is two parents who are experienced, less nervous, in love with their newest children and faces full of light.  It's the light that struck me most.

The light in their eyes tells me that they truly understand (as us newbies don't really get at the time) that these two precious treasures are about to discover such a world of love in their new family and that as their parents they are in for more joy than can be expressed.  Yes, they know there are rough roads ahead, yes they know they won't always have the answers and yes they know that it is all worth it.

When you first start down this road of unknowns it can be frightening and frustrating.  When you have your children in your arms for the first time it is so overwhelming I think, for us anyway, you are in shock and it takes everything you have to just make it back home.

I'm in awe of those parents who travel the adoption road multiple times.  That light shining out of their faces is the light that will lead the way to orphans becoming family members.  It's a light that God gave them to shine to the world and leads the way to bringing His children home.  Do you have that light inside you?  You might want to start the conversation.

Finger of Difference... Bullying

Bullying.  You've heard the word and know the concept, I'm sure.  It has become the "It" topic in today's society, especially schools.  I'm so disgusted when society latches onto a cause and drills it into every one's collective brains to the point that people become anesthetized to the issue and contributes to peoples' belief that the problem is so huge that no one single person can make a difference.

I'm struggling with this right now as I would really (and very inappropriately and illegally) like to ring the necks of some of my children's classmates.   You know that each child is different.  They each handle conflict differently, some deal with it head on and in the face of the perpetrators (Eli) and then others are more timid and every comment and action goes straight to the heart (Lucas).

This last year Lucas has a particularly nasty set of girls and a couple boys at school that have realized the vulnerability and latched onto making his life cruddy off and on.  This teasing and bullying and ridicule have not reared every day until recently not every week.  

Kids are mean.  They (including my own) have the ability to be nasty little creatures when the mood strikes.  Don't criticize the statement think back to when you were little....yep I bet you can name at least 3 kids who were horrible to you or maybe you realize you were that mean little kid.

Up until this last incident we've been, hopefully, giving him the tools to deal with bullying.  Now the bullying has turned in to racial remarks.  Bullying is bullying but when the tone turns racial that is a whole new ballgame and one we are a little at a loss on how to combat.  Yes teachers and school are aware and doing everything they can but really?

Lucas has lived a life that these little "monsters" could not even fathom nor survive.  They are fortunate to have led such a sheltered life that they have no concept of hardship and perseverance.   If they could experience 24 hours in the life that our kids walked, they would come out the other side a different and better person.  

When it comes to the racial side of this whole thing, I am amazed that some of the worst is coming from kids that are Asian themselves and adopted.  I suppose that if they point the finger of difference away from themselves and towards someone else that gets the heat off of them.

Living in a small community that overall has been extremely supportive these past 3 1/2 years, through our adoption process to bringing the boys home to their adjustment into their new lives, it is really hard for me to let this type of harassment rear it's ugly head.  Harassment and bullying are ugly anywhere.  The people whether they are adult or young, do not deserve to have the kind of power that overshadows the good people in life.

Where do we go from here?  We go to school.  We draw the line.  We become "unpopular"  We stand with our kids to meet the harassment where it originates.  We walk the road that leads to our kids futures, if not free of harassment, the road that has the guardrails and guide posts on how to deal with the less then enlightened people that cross the road.

Blog Interrupted

Sorry for the lack of posting, work interrupted all our lives these past two days with late conference nights at school.  I always find it amusing that the "guys" Mike, Lucas and Eli do remarkably well the first night when I work late, the second night I believe the scavengers possess them and it's a free for all.

The kitchen is all cleaned up after supper, everyone has been through the shower, homework done and clothes out for next day.  Great and appreciated.  

The second day the kitchen looks like the cupboards and refrigerator exploded, everyone is on a couch, computer or video game, the shower is bone dry and homework is out on the table but not done and forget about preparing for the next day, it's survival of the fittest and Mike looks like he's been run over by a truck. 
Amazingly hilarious.  

I have a goal that given a few more years (ten) they will be able to make it through both conference nights with flying colors.

Just For The Girls

Yesterday was a "glorious" day as designated by Eli.  Why was Saturday, March 9, 2013 so gloriously worth a special notice?  

It was the day the Eli's basketball team won a 2 day tournament.  First place for kids who have had a really long season but still love to play.  Soon enough we will be switching into baseball mode.

Saturday's victory was also tremendous because each player received their own trophy and the team won a large one that will go into the elementary school trophy case.  This is truly why Eli was so excited.

As we were walking to the parking lot after the games he shouted, "YES!  We got a trophy and it will be at school and ALL the girls will see it!"  Really?  Oh yes.  He stated it frequently on the ride home.  He would be talking over all the plays and shots and fouls and in the middle would come, "and all the girls will see the trophy!"

Think he's a little preoccupied with girls?  Teenage years are quickly approaching.  Urghhh!

I Wish

Nothing like an hour road trip for bored kids to make up games.  Loud and annoying games.  Games with out any explainable or reasonable rules, no official start and stop.  Just goofy antics.

Tonight's game was deemed "I Wish".  It consisted of an hour (let me reiterate) an HOUR of back and forth between the boys of telling their wishes.  While this was very enlightening as we learned a lot of things Luke and Eli wish for....it was an hour of one upmanship interrupted by arguing and noises.

But in case we didn't have our fill we have the opportunity for another hour road trip as Eli is involved in a basketball tournament.  I feel a little guilty as we are happy Lucas is feeling well enough to go along but wow! They didn't even have a chance to play the Ipod.  Guess it wasn't all bad.

He's Found His Voice

Finally about 3:30 Thursday afternoon Lucas woke up, sat up, said he was hungry and proceeded to eat and eat and eat.  There were 2 quart bottles of Gatorade consumed at which point I said enough.

Then he talked as if he hadn't talked in 4 days.....he hadn't.  He has a lot to say, have to admit I may have stopped listening after hour 2.

I think Eli was beginning to think he was going to have to find a new argument partner.  That dilemma is solved. 

After a couple of hours of sitting vertical, eating, fluids and talking.  Lucas is once again asleep and snoring.  At least this sleep looks restful unlike this past week.

Doctor wants him home another day...Lucas was quite appalled to realize that he's missed an entire week of school.  Thank you to all who have checked on him and us this past week. 

When The Brother Gets Concerned

This is Lucas' 4th day out of school, yesterday the doctor finally diagnosed him with influenza.  How very disgusted I am with our doctor's office right now is another story.  Since there is an outbreak of 3 different illnesses right now I'd think those would be the 3 they'd look closely at....even when we tell them that three of the kids sitting close to him at school have these illnesses......but what does a mom know, right?

The kid is absolutely wiped out.  He sleeps the majority of the time, his fever spikes at 103 and then drops to 101.  It's hard because neither he nor Eli complain when they don't feel good.  This above anything tells me how sick he is.

This morning I drove Eli into school.  He was overly quiet.  As we pulled into the parking lot at school he looks over and says, "Mom.  I don't like it when Lucas is sick and he is really sick this time.  Will he have to go stay somewhere else for a long time?"  Huh?

As we were sitting in the drop off line, I scrambled to figure it out.  He was talking about Lucas going to the hospital.  They both refer to it as "that place."  He had several hospital stays when he was in the Philippines.  I told Eli that no the doctor said he'd just need to stay home from school and we'd take care of him, he said, "I don't think so, he probably should go to that place so he feels better cause he's not doing so good.  I don't think that doctor knows much."  He slammed the car door and off he ran to the school building.

So begins another day of medication, temperature taking, fluid pushing and a whole lot of wishing that I'd been more forceful on Sunday and Tuesday so we could have started Tamiflu and maybe gotten him over the hump sooner.

Call Of Nature

We had another quiet night at home last night.  Thank goodness no sports practices as the March winds are blowing full force and I just didn't want to go back out.

After supper we had a family movie night and boys being boys what did they pick?  An old war movie.  Now when I say we have family movie night it really translates to we put a movie in the dvd player and then we play "parents answer a million questions about every topic that is not in any way related to anything in the movie."

Somewhere about 1/2 way through this movie Eli pops up in front of my face (literally) and says, "Mom.  Where do they go to the bathroom?"  (The soldiers were hiding in a cave).  I said outside.  Now this really should not have been a shocker as more than one time I've yelled from the back door that we do not go to the restroom outside even if we live in the country.

Apparently I was wrong.  Eli then screeched.....in my face, "WHAT?  GROSS!  They don't have any toilet paper!  What do they use?"  Whereupon the all knowing brother, Lucas, says, "Dude!  They use leaves!"  Eli's face.... priceless.  So I have no idea what happened during those lost 20 minutes of the movie because we had to go through why Mike will have to show the boys what poison ivy and nettles look like because I can pretty much guarantee there will be an experiment when it finally warms up in Iowa.

Learning a 13 Year Old Medical History

The lack of a good medical history on the boys is frustrating on a good day.  You know going into international adoption that it's great if you get anything in the way of medical history and then if you do luck out with some information, it might not always be accurate.

Eli appears to be the one who was healthy from the start and still is.  Outside of a bean in his ear at the age of 4, falls (multiple) from bunk beds requiring stitches and the usual boy things, he's good to go.  Lucas is the one we worry about.

He seems to have had every childhood illness that you can imagine.  Add to that he has had multiple bouts of pneumonia from the age of 4-8.  Thank goodness he's been relatively healthy since coming home (outside of the baseball he took to the face last summer).  This winter has been a tough one it seems like the flu bugs and the strep throats and yes even a case of mumps has been hitting our area hard.

We watched and waited, no fever, a cough and sore throat.  Wouldn't you know it, Sunday morning he spiked a fever and can't speak above a whisper and sounds like a barking seal.  Complaining that his chest hurts.  We don't have an Emergi Care Center close so Mike  packed him up and took him the hour trip into Omaha.  At the end of the day we were waiting to hear back from a strep test but doctor thinks its a virus.

He spent a miserable Monday on the couch, didn't even bother to beg for video games or tv.  The mom's one sure fire method of knowing the kid is seriously sick.

Reading and Road Trips

I suppose it's one of those mom moments.  Do you remember when your child crawled for the first time, first word, walked or the first day of school?  For some reason with each of our kids my "remembering moments" are different for each one.

I remember when our oldest daughter was in the car and for the first time read a business sign...it was McDonald's...but she did read it.

Yesterday I wrote about Eli's trip to the grocery store....the tale didn't stop there.  He read all the way home, EVERY road sign, EVERY billboard, EVERY business.

Don't get me wrong, he's reading, GREAT! But we live an hour from the grocery store...an hour of reading is GREAT!  An hour of sign reading is less so.

I'm so glad that he can read all these things that he hasn't practiced sounding out.  He's come so far.  But there are down sides to this (I remember this part from Alison too) once they can read all these wonderful ads and store signage, they want to go to all these new and wonderful places.  Which leads to, "Mom! Can I, can we, look at that!, there's one there, and so on."

I thought it was bad when Alison could spot a McDonald's sign a mile away but this may be worse.  Now it's Game Stop, Sport's Authority, Family Fun Center and the China Buffet.  He even has his route planned and tells me that we can go to all of them in just ONE day.  Wonder if we could plan it for a day when the signs all read CLOSED?

Stock Boy at the Grocery Store

I've learned my lesson.  I've learned it several times over.  I did not intend to spend my grocery shopping in the presence of the three males in the household.  My car broke down on the way to the store, Mike and the boys had to pick me up and as the store is some distance from our home we went to pick up groceries.  

This is where Mike and  I thought to divide and conquer.  Eli and I would pick up groceries while Mike and Lucas took care of the other errands.  Next time I volunteer for errand duty.

One on one time with Eli is an eye opening, hilarious and at times frustrating, not necessarily, things that work well during grocery shopping in a large city store.  I thought (goofy I know) that I'd keep him busy reading the shopping list and marking off items.

I have a few OCD issues myself so I recognize them in our youngest son and he fully embraces this part of his nature as well.  Two OCD people should not be allowed to shop together.  My list is typed, it's organized by aisle and when in the proper hands works wonders for getting through the store as quickly as possible.  This is where the problems began.

I organize it by aisle not in the EXACT order the items appear in that aisle, I'm not that good.  Eli,being in charge of the list, was insistent that all items be picked up in order and was totally out of sorts when I would find a sale item in a totally different spot or .....wait for it.....picked up something not on the list.

After the first 5 aisles of battling his mom on the correct order in which things must be chosen, he moved on to rearranging things in the cart to "fit" better.  This did not necessarily take into consideration if the item was breakable or squishable.  Once I found the eggs under the milk and laundry soap I "convinced" him to leave the cart alone.  We were not making it through the store quickly that's for sure.

The last 3 aisles were going really quickly until I had to back track to where Eli had stopped to "fix" the shelves.  He was lining up the cans and boxes to the front of shelving and turning the labels to the front.  His explanation?  "People are messy."

We made it to the check out and I count myself and the cashier lucky that he didn't try to tell her how to scan the items and place them in the sacks.  

The best thing about this shopping experience?  With Eli in charge of the list I did come home with every single item on the list.  I also brought home a head ache....free of charge.