Buffalo Hair Do

God must have known our daughters were going to need senses of humor, thick skin, moderate (they are women after all) patience and an extra dose of humor.  Why?  God knew their brothers were coming along and they'd need those traits and a whole lot more.  He also granted our girls the complete and total understanding of retribution and it's implementation.

Sydney is currently outnumbered on the girl to boy ratio.  Rachel and Alison headed back to their places so she's a one sister target for the Filipino Fire that are Lucas and Eli.

This morning her ego took a direct hit as she was drying her hair and getting ready for the day.  First to take a swing at his sister was Eli with the statement of, "Wow, Syd your hair looks like an alien's head!"  Ouch.  Sydney having dealt with the deadly duo since day one, ignored and continued on. 

Then came brother two, Lucas, "Oh!  Man!  Syd!  Your hair it looks like a buffalo hair!"  Okay.  (In their defense, Sydney does have a lot of hair and during the drying process...well it's large.)  After that there was a whole lot of screeching and tattling.  Mainly from the boys.  I think the repercussions to their statements were justified and appropriate.....someday the Filipino Fire will learn it doesn't pay to mess with any member of their sister tribe.

Comparing Notes

You know those times as a parent where you know your child is doing something that they shouldn't, know that they shouldn't and have been told not to?  Yep.  Figured you all could relate either from the parent or the child point of view.

The boys received an XBox for Christmas.  They've been very excited but as with all video game related things we have to really put the restrictions on it.  The type of games (whoops, yes I did buy but not give an age inappropriate game).  The biggest restraint that rubs the boys is the time allotment.  Too much video equals crabby, fighting, argumentative kids.

Fortunately for us...not so much Lucas and Eli this isn't our first parent rodeo.  We know the tricks and games kids play to "sneak" by their parents....do kids actually think any of these ideas are original or that their parents didn't try ALL of them as kids?

We knew the boys were getting up to play in the middle of the night.  Usually for about 30 minutes.  Until last night when apparently they grew brave and by the looks of them this a.m. played for a looooong time.  We thought we'd give them long enough to make them good and tired before we let them know that their parents are not totally out of touch.  

Sitting at the lunch table they could hardly keep their eyes open.  I looked over at Mike, grinned and then said, "So Eli, what time did you get up and play the XBox last night?' 

Because he was in a self induced sleep deprived coma he answered me....truthfully.  He said from "3-11".  Then Lucas, never to be outdone said, "No, you got it backwards it was from 11-3."  Click. Click.  They both realized at the same time that they'd confessed.  Lesson learned?  Probably not.  XBox in lock down...you better believe it.

Tears For The Philippines

Last night brought something home to Mike and I that we "know, knew and became lax about".....the boys have a lot of unresolved feelings about their lives in the Philippines.  Lucas has a lot of memories that are good for and about his life there, Eli does not. 

This difference in their experiences was probably the first and only divisive thing they brought with them to their new lives....don't get me wrong, since coming home and learning that they can have separate opinions and experiences they disagree a lot....that's good.

We've watched several movies and tv shows that were set in or talked about the Philippines.  Some showing Manila and others the islands of the Philippines in general.  It always brings about conversation about them living there and memories.  Last night, we watched a movie where it was primarily set in Manila.  The boys lived in foster care there for 4 1/2 months while waiting out the final paperwork process for us to bring them home.  That transition time between orphanage, foster care and our home was valuable.  The two strongest memories the boys have talked about are the school they went to in Manila and their "Lola" there.

While watching this particular action movie usually we would hear a lot of sound effects and general mayhem out of Eli.  Suddenly it was too quiet, I looked over and he had tears.  Eli is not a kid to show emotion easily unless it's to be a total goof ball.  I asked if he was ok and I got the guy response of "ya, ya" and a wave off. 

After the movie he came into the kitchen and I asked what it was about the movie that bothered him.  He said he missed the Philippines sometimes.  Then he went on to clarify "not the busy part, the pretty part.  The Philippines were really pretty sometimes."

This got me to thinking about the conversations we've had and do have with Eli about the Philippines.  I would say it's safe to say that 80% of them are about the Philippines itself, not people but the actual land.  When he wasn't allowed or couldn't attach to the people who were caring for him he seems to have directed that need for connection to the land.

I wish his birth family could know this about him as they were farmers and fishermen.  People who also could probably understand that connection to the land.

"You Better"

Sometimes your kids can say or do things that embarrass you.  Sometimes....that can be reversed and your kids are the ones who are embarrassed by you.  I like to think of it an equalizing phenomenon. 

Yesterday (with 80% family approval - all the females) and something I've thought about for 5 years (procrastinator, planner or chicken that I am) was the day that I went to get a tattoo.  In Eli's words,  "Ya, I know right?"

It's nothing huge, inside wrist (under my watch band for work).  It says Blessed and has 5 bird silhouettes in flight, one for each of the kids.  When I left the house it was to Eli and Lucas shaking their heads.  Apparently, things of this nature are okay for them when they are older not mom.  I'm not sure a tattoo is in either of their futures as they would run or pass out at the sight of the process.

When I got back home Eli looked at me and said, "Well.  Do you like it?"  I told him that yes I do and I was really pleased with how it came out.  He took a look, looked up at me and said, "Well you better cause it's going to be there for ever and ever and it will NEVER EVER come off."   Hmmm.  Thanks son.

Nice Cooking Dress

Today...all day...saw more Christmas baking at our house.  Last year Lucas was interested in learning how to make certain things for the holiday, this year he's more into the eating so it was Eli's turn to create.

We made 3 different kinds of cookies, 2 candies, a cake and dipped pretzels.  Eli was in charge of the pretzels, he helped with other things but the pretzels were his domain.  He was quite nervous on getting just the right amount of dip on each pretzel stick.

The first two came out without incident...the third, he was so confident he forgot to pick up the pretzel and just stuck his fingers in the chocolate dip.  He was soooo not happy.  After being reassured that we had more chocolate he washed up and tried again.   Two boxes later I think we have enough dipped pretzels for quite sometime.

As he was finishing up (not necessarily cleaning up) he looks over at Rachel who is now on her 2nd recipe of cookies and gives this parting shout out,  "Hey Rach!  Nice cooking dress!"   Guess we forgot to introduce and explain the word "apron."

Sharing His Story, His Way

Last night Lucas and Eli had some friends over to spend the night, go sledding and pretty much see who could stay awake the longest....I did not win that contest.

This morning, Mike was on breakfast duty in the kitchen and while the boys were eating I took 10 minutes getting ready for the day...I swear it was no longer than 10 minutes.

I came back into the kitchen to hear Lucas telling their friends about aging out of the orphanage and what that meant.  His friends were having difficulty understanding or believing the whole idea.  Lucas spotted me (frozen in the doorway - just shocked as this is the first time I've actually heard him explaining it himself to peers) he says, "Mom.  You tell them, I wouldn't live where I used to anymore, I'm too old.  Eli and I wouldn't have been able to stay together."  At which point five sets of eyes (including my husband in this as he was clueless until this point :) for further explanation.

So......I pulled out the mini lesson on orphanages, the boys' life there, at which point Lucas stepped in and added more details.  Lucas and Eli have always asked we share their story, they wanted people to know but either didn't have the words or were too shy so they'd ask us to share.

I know they have talked with their friends about certain things about their lives in the Philippines, I've just never witnessed it.  Lucas did really well, only needing some back up to let his friends know he wasn't making it up.  It's hard to believe for adults let alone kids.  As for their friends?   I'm pretty glad these 2 young gentlemen were the ones he shared with.  At the end of the conversation, one of them slung his arm around Luke's shoulders and said,  "Well.  I'm glad your here now otherwise you wouldn't be my best friend."

What's a mom to do?  Invite them both back for sledding and a pizza party after Christmas and smile.

This Can't Be Happening

7:50 a.m., threw the kids in the Yukon (snow day for schools) and took them to do grocery shopping and last minute Christmas shopping.  All of those things could account for Eli screaming, 20 minutes into the ride..."This can't be happening!"

Nope.  It was the fact that he noticed the outside temperature on the read out.....4 degrees above zero. 

Christmas Baking or Should I Say Snacking?

Rachel decided to conquer a simple baking item with Eli's help.  Two minutes into the project I think the score was 3 on the baking pan, 2 in Eli's mouth......but the laughter was winning by a long shot.  Happy Holidays!



It's Finally Here!

What could possibly cause this to be exclaimed when I walked in from work?  Snow,  heavy, wet, accumulating SNOW!  Last winter was a very light year for snow, the boys did not approve, extreme sledding is their favorite. I say favorite even though they complain about the cold, the wet and aren't really good in the steering department.  They want snow boards....I think we should master the sled first....I'm not explaining another concussion.

I think Lucas and Eli thought it was a joke on them, the first year home we had a lot of snow, last year hardly any....they probably thought it was a gimmick to get them to like winter that first year home.

As we are in a blizzard warning for the next 18 hours pretty sure they may have to hold out that long at least before breaking out the sleds.   They don't think it's a problem to sled in a blizzard but once again their mom has other ideas.

Say The Words

This past week has seen a lot of tragedy for the United States and for people around the world.  The murder of innocent school children is unexplainable to a child that survived an early life in an area of the world that has more than its share of violence and death.  It's unexplainable to any child or adult.

A few posts back I wrote about Eli telling me how he liked school in America because it was safe.  I was so happy he felt that way about school and his new love of learning.   That was then.  Now, we are left trying to explain and make sense of an abhorrent act, to try and convince two boys who have seen first hand acts of evil and now realize they can happen even here in America....even a school.

Working in the office of an elementary school has left me with a lot of questions, anger and yes, fear.  As hard as I tried to work through all that before returning to work on Monday...I have to say I didn't succeed....nothing is as it was before....nor should it be...it's hard for everyone.

As I was literally opening the door to leave the house, Eli came up and said very quietly,  "I love you."  All that time I was trying to make him and Lucas feel okay about going to school and making sure they know we love them, those three words helped me head out to my school, face all those little faces and parents too.  Not only the children need to hear those words, all of us can benefit from the act of telling our loved ones that yes we matter, yes I know what you mean to me and yes I love you.

So to Eli I say thank you for sending me off with that knowledge and thank you for realizing I needed to hear it.  Most of all to all my kids I say, "I love you, you are precious, you are truly a blessing." 

Sing What?

Tonight was the 3rd Christmas concert for our kids, Sydney's college concert = 2 hours (survival of the die hards), Lucas' was tonight = slightly over 1 hour (5-8 grade...ummm we too survived) and then Eli's is on Thursday. 

Lots of new songs, fast and slow for Lucas and Eli to learn.  Christmas songs blow their collective minds.  They both came home complaining about how fast the words were and they didn't know them.  So their music teacher emailed us the words and being the ever independent (bull-headed) young males they are, decided they could read and learn them themselves.

Well on the way home tonight they were both singing the songs at the top of their lungs with words that I'm not sure what language it was in.  We knew the tune, they have that down but the words....not so much.  How could their parents and sister possibly know the correct words because they KNOW it ALL! 

Well I'm pretty sure their is no evergreen with changing leaves and their is no king in Frosty the Snowman.  But what do I know.  Band, now that went well.

Tails of the Hairy Nature

Sometimes I wish I could climb inside the mind of these two boys.....oh wait, I'm not that brave or crazy yet.  What possesses them to come up with certain conversations and thoughts is dumbfounding to me.

Sitting in a restaurant after a marathon day of Saturday basketball games, Lucas looks across the table at Mike and says,  "Dad, does it hurt to get your hair cut like that?  I want my hair cut like that."  Huh?  Mike usually wears his hair in a flat top and fairly short, so I'm looking at Mike thinking what on earth is Lucas talking about.

Lucas went on to explain he wanted his hair to go back on the sides in the front like his dad's does but was concerned it would hurt to have his hair all "shaved" off......Mike's hair isn't shaved off...it's called a receding hair line...try explaining that and not laugh.

Hall Monitor?

This week Eli informed us that he was the "name writer" in the hall.  Huh?  After much explaining we think he was chosen for the hall monitor to write student names down that were talking as they passed through the school hall.  Huh?  Eli?  This child has not stopped talking for the past year....that's a good thing but hall monitor?  Really?

He was very dignified when explaining his duties and how and whose name he had to write.  Then he named a boy who is a friend of his.  I asked how he handled getting his friend in trouble.  Eli's kind of looked sideways and said,  "Mom.  I gave him the warning sign first.  He stopped talking so I was ok, I didn't have to write his name down, besides he has a hard name to write.  The quiet sign was better." I think I need to learn the quiet sign for home use.

Being a Grandma

Today's lesson from Eli...he could teach everyone a thing or two....when he came over to me as we were all cleaning up the supper dishes.  I figured I was in for some large epiphany when he cornered me in the kitchen and very seriously asked, "Mom.  When I have children....when I am a dad....will you be my kids grandma?"

Family relationships are a big deal to him.  Lucas knows the relationship tree (dad's brother is his uncle, aunts are his mom's sisters, cousins are aunt's & uncles' kids and so forth.  Lucas doesn't dwell on this area so much. Once he figures out the relationship he's good to go.

Eli....well he ponders on relationships a lot.  We take his need to define the pathways seriously.  He seems to have to identify everyones family membership then he has everyone in their family slot.  He has now moved to the point of realizing that the roles and labels we have within a family change as life goes on.  Yes we are mom and dad but we are also aunt and uncle, brother, sister and someday most likely grandparents.  Needless to say it warps his brain but also teaches him that relationships evolve and change and he is not always going to be able to label someone or something and have it never change.  Change is tough for him, he prefers status quo.

I thought that was the direction of this particular conversation.  It was for a part of it but as I told him,  "Yes I would be his childrens' grandma."  He started to turn away and then looked over his shoulder and said,  "Good.  I would like that."  I know his straight forwardness will not always be there, he will turn into a teenager who probably won't want his mom within 50 yards but for right now he's okay with telling me it's ok to be his kids' grandma....I'll be happy to wait awhile for that to happen but when it does I know that even if he doesn't happen to voice it,at one point in time the boy who didn't have a family to call his own for the first 8 years of his life has become aware of family and all the people in it.

Again, it's another one of those areas that a person takes for granted (I did) that family is family and for those of us raised in the same family from birth, we know early on who fills what slot in our family and what those roles are.  This is something Lucas and Eli are learning just like everything else they've learned and continue to learn over these last 3 years.  A lot of the time I can't help but marvel at all they have absorbed,then I will come up short and think have they learned as much as they've taught?

The Sisters

College exams are finishing up this week for Rachel and Sydney.  They will be coming home over break and let me tell you the boys are excited.  Not sure if it's good excited or "random, havoc will fall upon the heads of the homecoming sisters" kind of excited.

I only know that throughout our days for the past week we have answered the question, "When are the sisters coming home?"  They don't say Rachel and Sydney, just the "sisters".  I think we all may have contributed to this, me especially, as I often refer to Lucas and Eli as "the boys".

Either way, our house is about to become a whole lot busier and louder.  I'm not sure if that's good to realize your college aged kids are going to have to adjust to the louder volume than they deal with at school.  Happy Holidays and pass the ear plugs!

Is It Okay If I Forget?

In late November we celebrated Lucas and Eli being home for 3 years.  Wow!  Time flies and stands still at the same time....if that makes sense.

This morning Eli asked me how long have they been home.  I told him again.  He sat there and thought it over  then turned very serious eyes on me and asked,  "Mom, is it okay that I forget how long it is now?  I don't always remember is it okay?"

Oh.  How to answer?  I want to say it's okay, relax and let go.  Then I think no I should let him know that memories of the Philippines and his life there are important because he may have questions later.  Then I look at his too serious, worried eyes that he's forgetting things and time.  So I jumped off the adoptive parent ledge and went rogue and told him it was fine to let go.  That I would try to write as many of his stories and memories down so that he could read them and remember later.

It's probably not the most politically correct, adoptive parenting answer but it's a mom answer.

Do I Have An Accent?

The question of the night, posed to us by our youngest son?  "Do I have an accent?"  Hmmmm.  "To us, yes you have an accent."  His next question on his search for information, "How do you know?"

Well son.  I have tried for over a year (approximately how long he has understood what accent means) to answer his questions.  Today was the first time he actually thought that maybe he does have an accent...not something he got on his own he had a friend enlighten him at school.  

I've tried to give him examples of accents but when you live in the Midwest of the United States, our "accent" is pretty mundane.  We don't usually consider ourselves to have accents but I have friends from other parts of the country who describe our accent as flat or no accent.   That's how they know we are from the Midwest.

Eli went on to ask when he would be getting his English accent.  I think we have a ways to go on this subject.

Old School

As a parent I should know that if the thought of..."wow, it's really quiet"...as it regards to Lucas and Eli, I should know to not count on it lasting too long.  The trip to school this morning was one of those occasions.  

As we pulled into the parking lot, the errant thought of quiet passed through my brain just as Eli announces,  "Mom, you need to see our school in the Philippines.  It was huge.  A college, a high school and us little kids.  It had a big yard with a fence and a gate....and lots of guards."  Then we had 10 seconds of silence as he processed what he said.

He followed his thought up with,  "but we don't have guards here.  I like this better, I'm safe and it's good to come to school, I'm not afraid here."

Silence.  Sometimes it opens a door for a whole lot of meaning.  Puts a mom's whole day in perspective.

She'll Never Marry Me

I don't know where certain conversations begin with the boys.  Suddenly I will find myself embroiled in a soul searching, philosophical conversation for which I am totally unprepared for.  You just never know which road Lucas and Eli are going to travel.

Some where Lucas began talking about changing names and was my last name Pickle when Mike and I married and why did I choose Pickle instead of Mike taking my last name and so there began the social/cultural custom of names after marriage.

At the end of this whole conversation (which took a loooong time) he flops back in the chair with the most pitiful look on his face and says, "But it's not fair!  I will never get a girl to marry me cause she would have to be a Pickle and she won't want to do that!"  I said, "I changed my name when Dad asked me to marry him." He said,  "But your the mom you have to say yes."  No son.  I was not always a mom, I did have a choice, even in the dark ages when I got married and yes you will find someone that says yes.....just not for awhile.