The Field of Medicine

One of the areas where we've been making slow if not backwards strides at times with the boys is with needing to take medicine.

Their orphanage did not have access to a lot of things one of those being medicines that most of us take for granted. Medicines they did have were used sparingly and some out there may argue that we'd all do better if we didn't rely on over the counter meds as we do....debateable for sure.

We talk and talk to the boys about the need for them to let us know when they aren't feeling well. I hate walking in to tuck them in at night to find Lucas crying cause he has a nasty headache or the knot on his shin from baseball has doubled in size since I'd looked at it earlier. They cover any illness or injury very well. What we've learned over time from Lucas is that when you were sick in the orphanage the sick one would have to go to the infirmary which was not a good place and they were split up, they never knew for how long. It must have scared them to death because we have to play 400 questions to figure out the problem (that's assuming we catch that they aren't feeling well.)

We are making progress, Lucas now knows that a headache won't mean he suffers in silence, Tylenol is his friend and Aleve helps with muscle pain. He's not a frequent requester by any means but he no longer suffers in silence. Band aids are another matter, I'm investing in stock.

Eli....not so much progress.....the quickest way to know he doesn't feel good; he either ends up sitting as close to you as possible or has a pinched looking face. That is until the middle of supper the other night. He looked up from his plate...that by itself should have warned me.....to announce, "Mom. I need that medicine. My arm no good from baseball. I cannot move it right. I need it to feel better." We did try some ice and a warm shower which alleviated the need for a pill but hey it's progress in the field of medicine.

Spider Man Bites

We were outside trying to mow the yard before the next rain storm hits...seems like it's a daily occurrence lately. I'm mowing, Rachel is mowing, Sydney is fixing us lunch and Lucas and Eli are suppose to be picking up sticks and limbs from last nights storm.

What the boys were actually doing was picking up a couple sticks and then playing, picking up a few more and riding bikes, picking up some more and then playing in the mud. Little do they understand that even though I am on a riding mower I do know what they are and aren't doing. So for every round of the yard I made I'd have to scream over two mowers' noise and tell them to stay on task.....it's a whole lot of yelling going on in the Pickle yard.....pretty sure the roofers repairing our neighbors roof 1/4 mile away wondered what kind of people make so much noise.

So in one of my many stops for instructions or maybe it was when the boys flagged me down, Lucas informs me that he has been bitten by Spider Man. Ok. I had seen Spider Man in the mud puddle earlier so .....who knows. Finally he explains that no, it was not Spider Man but a spider that he picked up in the garage. Urgghh! So mowing stopped, disinfections, bandaging and observation begins. I'm waiting for Mike to get home so I can finish mowing cause it's just not happening with the help of the spider bitten, mud balls that are our sons trying to help.

Eli Has a Calling

His calling ....to become a driving instructor. Please disregard the fact that he has little judgement on the go cart. Faster the better and if he clips a few things on the way by...it's what you are suppose to do.

I have managed to curtail his back seat driving when I'm behind the wheel but he's managed to get his fix of bossing someone's driving and that would be the other people on the road.

We were headed to a baseball game and his instructions, to the "challenged driver" in front of us, went something like this...

"He is not driving right. He is all over road! He's not suppose to drive in MIDDLE! He's on the left, he's on the right. Why is he putting his brake lights on all the time. He drove off the
road! He not know how to drive! He's on wrong side, this is no passing, the sign says no passing. There is no car to pass...he's on the wrong side. URGHH! He not good driver, he needs to stop."

So. Lessons for all of us here. Never drive to a game following a challenged driver, with Eli in the back seat you will be deaf and also have to pull over as you are now laughing too hard to drive yourself. Also if you or anyone you know should come across a driving instructor in about 15 years by the name of Eli Pickle.....take a bus.

Dude! Be QUIET!

I wish I could figure out a way to record the conversations the boys' have between themselves....they'd probably sue me later in life.

I was sitting in the kitchen and they were playing in their room. Mom's will understand this, you know your kids are talking but you aren't tuned 100% into their conversation unless you hear that certain voice tone that warns of imminent issues? Yep. That one.

I'm noticing laughing and the ridiculous sounds only boys playing Spider Man vs. Iron Man can make. Then I hear Eli say, "Dude! Be QUIET! Stop talking!" and then silence. I waited for the explosion from Lucas. Nothing. Then Eli continues, "Dude (I don't know who taught him this word, I'd like to visit with them) you should use your brain! What? Don't you know English? Stop making so much noise!"

At this point I've decided I'm having an auditory hallucination. Eli is telling someone else to be quiet, use his brain and stop making noise? Eli who could compete with a stadium full of people for noise and pure chaos? And then to have him recognize that the volume was getting out of control? I think someone switched kids on me.

After several minutes of quiet....something that does not happen.....guess who finally broke the quiet.......me. I couldn't stand it. I had to know what the problem was that could initiate such absolute quiet.

Eli's take on the situation? "Mom. Lucas talk too much. He should be more quiet. Why does he have to talk all the time? (facing Lucas he says) "DUDE, you make my head hurt!"

My mature, motherly response. I burst out laughing. Are you kidding me. This coming from the kid who can bring on migraines and down planes with his volume. I did manage to drink an entire cup of coffee before Eli got over his need for quiet and the decibels once again reached the heavens.

How did Lucas handle this directive from Eli? I think he was in shock because he wasn't upset or mad. He just sat there, looking at Eli as if he didn't recognize him either.

Part of the Game

If you have kids in sports you probably prepare yourself for the occasional injury. I brace myself at each ball game.....I did this to the girls with piano contests...you never know when the piano bench could spontaneously combust :) I'm not a good, take it as it comes sports parent. Lucas pitches and plays 3rd base. Eli is playing up a grade level and plays 2nd base and center field.

It's amazing how much faster the throwing is and how much harder they hit this year over last. I anticipate the baseball plowing into them as each teams' pitchers try to perfect their aim. So far Lucas has been hit twice, Eli's shirt has skid marks from a pitch today and so far they've both walked away each game.

Unfortunately I didn't really contemplate the damage that could be wreaked by my kids on others. Now I'm having guilty parent thoughts (like I could have done anything to change these unfortunate events.) Lucas hit a line drive this past week and for some reason the other teams' pitcher took a dive for it, it hit the back of his hand and busted it. Oh my! Then in today's game Eli, who came out swinging for all he was worth, drove a foul ball right into a car's windshield and let's just say those people had to drive home with their heads half way out the side window. Yikes! This season can't end fast enough.....we have a game tonight.....let's hope everyone and their property goes home safely.

Big Sister Tattling

Mike and I came home Friday to find the following on the computer. It's written by Sydney, aka frustrated, big sister brother sitter. It made us laugh .... and also pay her $20.00 to attend the Renaissance Fair for her hard work.

Posting from Sydney ~
I thought only parents had selected hearing; this thought process of mine was proven wrong Friday afternoon. While I was watching my brothers, there would come times for them to do chores. This entails them having to listen to me…which has never been a favorite thing of theirs, as is, I am a woman. I would find myself saying, multiple times, “Boys, it’s time to take out the trash.” Then that quickly turned to, “Boys, PLEASE take the trash out.” And not long after that, “Boys, take the trash out now, or I’ll have to call dad.” Eventually, on their own time, they would do it. This went on, and the day tended to stretch itself out as the boys like to test me. I believe Eli found the spot that really makes me tick when, at 11:00 am, he appeared before me and stated, “Make me a swammich.” Yes, he wanted a sandwich, I’m sure because they’d just finished with swimming lessons, but that is NOT the way to ask for one from his big sister who doesn’t have patience with chauvinistic men. These incidences occurred all day, and the noise level kept rising, until...it happened. For the very first time, my brothers responded to me the first time when I said, almost at a whisper, “Do you want a chip?” It made me laugh to myself, and made the entire day worth it. Selective hearing is amazing; I almost wish I could acquire it.

Mom posts ~ I hate to tell Sydney this but she developed and perfected selective listening at the age of 3. She's now just meeting her match :)

Mom. I Don't Feel Good

Another new area of difference between parenting boys and parenting girls....at least ours. Boys are just sick without the drama.

Both our boys still haven't gotten used to riding in cars, lets just say major car sickness unless we use Dramamine and then it's the same as if I'd hit them with a brick.

Because of all the road closures in our area due to flooding we are having to take a lot of windy, hilly back roads in order to travel anywhere. This is not good for the travel challenged.

Eli made it a whole 48 miles today before the dreaded, "Mom, I don't feel good." and in true boy style grabbed our travel trash can and urped. Once done he grabbed a bottle of water, swished and that was it. It made me think back to road trips when the girls were younger, one of the three inevitably got sick. The difference was the aftermath. The crying, whining and general "I don't feel good so therefore you will understand my level of misery" that everyone was subjected to.

I'm not saying that the girls didn't feel good and I too whine when sick (think I know where they acquired their whining skills) but Lucas and Eli just take it, deal with it and move on. Good for them, pretty sure that the females of the family will never surpass them in this area.

Solutions for Boredom

1. Eli (big time - naughtiness seems to be his solution)


2. Lucas (watching his brother get into trouble is his solution)


3. Mom (determined to not let boredom or boys win)

It has rained for the past two days and being enclosed in a house with a 10 and 11 year old will give new dimensions to my ability to create distractions. Last night I threw in the towel, it was that or get out the duct tape. I threw in the mom towel and told dad it was his show.

I want someone out there to explain why it is that when dad comes on the scene of the mouthy, ornery, disobedient behaviors, they vanish....the behaviors not the children. And then the pint sized cherubs manage to convince the father figure that mom is crazy, they are perfect angels.

I don't care if it's raining tomorrow, they will go outside even if it's to take a rain shower. They always tell me that's how they took showers in the Philippines. I'm thinking it wasn't so much to get clean as it was to give the Ate's a break.

Iowa Rednecks

Father and sons bonding. What do you envision when you think about it? Playing catch, working on projects together...nice pictures, right?

On Monday evening we were once again relegated to our basement where a nasty thunderstorm with hail and possible tornado sent us...without electricity. As we sat there in the dark watching radar on our cell phones and the boys playing video games by candle light, a mom can learn a lot about her sons' daytime activities.....some of which the "oh so guilty father" would just as soon not be brought up.

You see, Mike, Lucas and Eli disappeared that afternoon to pickup some things from town...or so I thought. I knew they were gone a long time but they are after all guys, easily distracted. Apparently while they were picking up things they also helped to move some things that are going to be used at church camp.....toilets. Eli is telling me all about how they put them in the back of the pickup, how heavy they were and that they weren't dirty....for which I was grateful. Then Lucas says, "We saw Aunt Debbie. We waved to her cause she could see us. We ride in the back of pickup." Ok. Mike, Lucas and Eli know that this is not my idea of safety even though almost every kid in this farming community has done and continues to do so. But before we could once again have this discussion, Lucas continued..."It's ok mom. We sit on the toilets. We didn't stand up." WHAT! Yes. In their fathers' redneck mind, this was hilarious. Our boys riding in the back of a pickup, in the open, sitting on toilets.

Lucas and Eli continued to rave about how comfortable they were to sit on, blah, blah, blah. Until they realized that all three of their sisters were stunned silent and I did not have a pleasant look on my face, Mike was studying the floor intently. The boys finally stopped the story of the "glorious, public toilet ride" and figured out maybe we should talk about other things.....

Don't Snort the Pepper

Tasting things to Eli is about as important as sniffing them...not quite...he smells everything. Food, toys, the dogs, his brother, his shoes.....we'll call him an eccentric smeller or just a little strange in regards to odors.

Anyway, at lunch on Sunday, he asked for the salt and pepper. He decided that the pepper was the most interesting thing on the table. "Is it spicy, is it hot, does it smell." It did have something to do with the pepper shaker shape as it was just too tempting to resist but he had to smell it......resulting in the pepper shaker being emptied and sanitized and him with a snoot full of pepper. Another smelly lesson learned.

What I Learned At Swim Lessons

This morning was day 1 of swim lessons for Lucas and Eli. It was day 1...they did fine but this isn't about what they learned as much as what I learned.

As many of you know, you take your kids to swim lessons, some moms stay and watch, some drop and run for 30 minutes of peace. Today I stuck around as we (Lucas and Eli) seem to be experiencing a high degree of not listening....didn't want the high school swim instructor frustrated on day 1...we'll wait til day 3.

Let me start by saying we live in a small, Midwestern town. From the beginning of our adoption journey our community has been supportive, helpful and understanding. The boys arenot the only internationally adopted kids in town. As a whole it's been a very positive place for the boys.

As can be found anywhere there are those pockets of less than accepting individuals. Most of the time this hasn't been a problem...actually the hardest part in dealing with people of "diminished social awareness" is determining if it's honest interest, ignorance or prejudice. Unfortunately, having to deal with the last on the first day of swim lessons (early in the a.m., with no coffee) is probably not the best time for me to "educate" someone...fortunately I didn't have to, the educator proved to be the 6 year old girl of the offender.

This person, whom I didn't recognize, was sitting behind me and had also seen me walk in with the boys...so I would think she'd been able to connect the dots...maybe she did and it was part of her "issue". About half way though lessons I hear her start questioning about who the boys are, "where did they come from" (not in a nice way), what race they were.....now understand I'm cleaning up the language of these questions....a lot.

I'd reached my decaffeinated level of patience and started to turn to introduce myself and my boys when I hear this little girl say, "Mom, that is Lucas and Eli. They are from here, they didn't use to be. They used to be from a far away place, I think it's called Flipins (she tried but couldn't quite get it out)...They are really nice, Lucas helped me find my room. Eli is nice to me. Lucas is bigger, Eli is the littler one. They are nice, you can say hi to them. They didn't used to have a mommy and daddy they came here and now they do, they are from America now." Then she ran off to play with some other kids.

My hope is that mom learned a lesson today...yes I know it's not that easy. But better yet is that I learned a lesson. After nearly 19 months of living in our community the boys have made a mark, established themselves by their actions towards others and have "defenders" of all ages and we aren't the only ones who will help them to fit into our community. They are things a parent may know in the backs of our minds but sometimes you have to be sitting pool side while someone else takes up the battle and helps you to remember to be grateful for your home town, warts and all.

The Art of M&M's

During some point in this past week-end house cleaning extravaganza, I found it necessary to encourage (ok bribe) Lucas and Eli to keep moving.

In a fit of cleaning fume induced dementia, I gave them snacks of M & M's and Diet Coke. We were out of everything else... no root beer, sprite, juice....milk was not going to cut it and they'd inhaled all the fruit the day before. I cracked under the pressure ok?

The first sign that I was entering the vortex of no return was when the boys are sitting at the table counting how many M&M's they each have....11 for Lucas, 12 for Eli...oops! Then I sat there and watched Lucas consume his treat as a normal, starving (because that's what I'd been hearing for 20 minutes) boy....he wolfed. I thought, again from the vortex, great we can get back to the chores.....and then I tuned into Eli.

Eli does nothing without complete and surprising results. Apparently M&M's fall into a category of their own. First he counted them, then he sorted them by color, then he subdivided them into the number of pieces for each color, then he equalized the colors by eating the offending extra pieces....did I mention this entire event was done while simultaneously needling Lucas that he indeed had one more M&M then him.

I give credit to Lucas, he didn't rise to the bait. He simply looked down his nose at Eli and said, "So what I ate my candy, you are still counting it." And so the vortex entered the next level.

Equality in Housework

Well. Yesterday was the first day home for myself on summer break. Yesterday was the first day of the boys' RE-education in the equality of housework. Boys need to know how to clean and not expect others (their mom, sisters or future wives) to do it for them.

In the hectic last few weeks, I've slacked off having them do their chores. I can't (or won't) make that mistake again.

It took over 2 hours this morning to "offer instructive assistance" to Lucas and Eli in the need to keep their room and the rest of the house clean and how that is achieved. Now neither one of these male life forms are incapable of reaching this goal. As a matter of fact when they first arrived home they were meticulous. With the addition of a billion toys and clothes and the same small room they can't afford to be messy....for my sanity and their possessions.

We were really good about limiting toys and things when they came home. It lasted 6 months at best. As they get bigger, their toys get bigger....unfortunately their room does not. In the mess of gutting their entire room and starting over (10 trash bags full) I expressed my displeasure in having found wrappers, trash, broken toys, dirty socks and things that I still haven't identified where upon Lucas informs me, "Mom. I very good at cleaning in Philippines." Ok. What happened? He explained, "I not have anything to pick up so my bed always clean." Well crud. I managed to dig myself out of that landmine and pulled up my mommy britches and still made them keep going....even if it was with a little more patience.

Now if you are thinking 2 hours is not bad for such a feat, please let me tell you the 2 hours I mentioned was just reminding them who was in charge and that yes the house was getting cleaned with the help of everyone. It actually took 8 hours of hard work from the entire family. Like I said I won't be making that mistake again.

Attachment

No this post isn't about how the boys are adjusting to family or community. It's not about how attached they are to their go cart or baseball. It's about their attachment to their clothing. All their clothing. From skin level out....mom's you know what I'm talking about.

Lucas and Eli have both been growing by leaps and bounds. Usually I can weed out the clothes that are too small around the waist with little fuss on their parts (they don't like to be squeezed) unfortunately this doesn't include those articles that are too short.

Eli especially has a great attachment to his jeans. I came home from work to find him in the rattiest, shortest pair of jeans you can visualize. Holes in both knees and the rear end and hitting him at mid calf. Luckily he didn't go away from home today. Mike wanted to take them to a movie and even he knew those jeans weren't going off the place. When he told Eli to change and put that pair of jeans in the trash you would have thought he said, "go shoot the dog."

Where did the jeans end up? After the guys left for a movie I extracted them from Eli's newest hiding place for all valuable things and they will not be making a reappearance. Before anyone feels too badly for him, I did tell him and then showed him that he has plenty of jeans (without the holes and shortened version). He was ok with it as long as he didn't have to actually put them in the trash can. Now. My next question lurking in the back of my mom brain....is he really that attached to his stuff or is he beginning to develop the kid mentality of it is easier to hide things than pick them up. Time will tell.

Road Trip Pictures

Last week-end we took an overnight road trip to Missouri. The boys went along, not because they were thrilled about being in a car for a total of 19 hours (dvd players in cars...how did we survive before?) They went with Mike and I so that their sisters could have a brother break.

Rachel and Sydney have been doing tag team babysitting for us as I finish up these last 3 weeks of school. The girls do the babysitting, I think Lucas and Eli tag team antagonize their sisters. Little do they realize Mom is off work starting Thursday and their shenanigans will cease....I wish!

Anyway here are a couple photos from the road.

Bread...the Dreaded Enemy

That is once again Eli's gastronomic proclamation. I thought we'd passed his phase of all things bread related. Apparently I was wrong.

He didn't like bread when he first arrived home but that gradually faded away in those first six months. Now, after 19 months, he has once again decided bread is the enemy. If he only knew the meatloaf we had last night contained bread crumbs I'm pretty sure he'd have gone hungry.

Eli deciding to be bread deficient is not the end of all things. It's just highly irregular for our Midwestern brains and my limited culinary skills. This farm girl raised on meat, potatoes and bread can't understand what there is to not like but Eli is very good at letting us all know that there is something very wrong with eating bread. Lucas just thinks it's more for him and he finds great delight in telling Eli when something contains bread in disguise. Now Eli practically dissects his meals to make sure there isn't any bread surprises.

That Is Not Correct!

One of the first couple questions we get about the boys is how their English is coming along. It always takes me a second to think...huh? Most of the time I don't hear their accents or have trouble understanding. We think they are doing remarkably well and a whole lot better than we'd be doing if the situations were reversed.

Lucas and Eli on the other hand have a very definite and loud opinion on one anothers' English. Each think they know English better than the other. Last night, Eli was correcting Lucas on a phrasing for a question he was trying to ask. It's those times of "superior brotherly knowledge" that their English is the clearest and most accurate. It is also one of the gauges we use to how well they really can speak and understand English. Eli was in rare form shouting, "That is not correct! You should say......." Unfortunately he attempted to correct his sisters' English....oops tactical error!

Blogging is Tough Work

I've been hearing from more than a few of you out there about why I don't blog like I used to. It's not from lack of material that's for sure. Some days this crew can give you enough ideas to fill an encyclopedia.

It's more to do with indecision. There are about a thousand different things I'd like to write about....you should read some of the posts I come up with in the car. Aren't we always brilliant when no one is around to be a witness. Unfortunately when I hit the door, my computer time is minimal if it exists at all. I will try to do better as this blog has been a wonderful link to family and friends...some of which I only meet on the internet.

I'm on summer break in a few days so that should help. Now if I can make my mind on which pictures to upload.

Bad Idea

A fact of parenting: siblings tease each other. A fact of parenting learned over time: siblings NEVER quit teasing each other.

All the kids are home right now. Alison is camping here due to flooding in western Iowa and roads and interstate closings. She lives about 25 miles from work but since the road between her place and work is closed for the foreseeable future she's bunking with us.

All the kids tease one another but when you add Alison into the mix the teasing is amped up....tremendously. One of the things they tease Sydney about was that Rachel and Alison told her (at the bus stop so I plead complete ignorance at the time) that we were returning her to the "Sydney store." Sydney totally believed the story and waited at the driveway for the store to pick her up.....yes, there was punishment for the two offenders when this was discovered.

The boys are familiar with this story because Sydney will have the last say in this story even 13 years later. Last night we went out for supper and the usual teasing was going on except with a twist.... Eli was getting the better of Alison. Those knowing Alison also know that to try to keep up with her verbally is a feat. She, in her somewhat bewildered state having not experienced this challenge fell back on an old standby. She threatened to have the Eli Store come for him.

Eli, never missing a beat, told her...."That's not a good idea. I don't think so." and then he continued to pester her to death. Alison had to concede defeat, Rachel was mysteriously silent and Sydney was laughing at finally witnessing retribution.....Lucas was smart he remained under the radar and was busy gaining knowledge of what irks which sibling for what I'm sure will be future ammunition.

"It's My Birthday!"

This was the battle cry from Eli for much of this past week-end. Yes, it was indeed his 10th birthday on Saturday but due to baseball games and graduations we had his party on Sunday. He totally thought that was about the coolest birthday ever.

I am hard pressed to remember any kid who enjoyed himself more and was so absolutely thrilled that people knew about his birthday and came to his party. Somewhere in the 2 day celebrations he did revise his battle cry to encompass, "It's MY birthday and it's everything I want!"

This involved gifts, playing, eating, bossing his siblings (which was more successful with some than others) and water sliding. Even though I found and heard myself pulling him off the edge of no return several times I was in awe of the absolute joy on his face. Happy Birthday Eli - hope you always have all you want!

Mom. I Need a New Brother!

Sunday was a rare day when everyone was home for dinner. Alison had the week end off, Rachel home from school, Sydney didn't have to leave for work until later, Mike, Lucas and Eli were home too.

These are hilariously fun times. Alison and I were talking later that no one will ever believe or truly understand when we try to relay the conversations that take place around the table. You just can't make these things up or do justice to the circumstances.

One such conversation from Sunday; Lucas (with the straightest face and he was serious) announces, "Mom. I need a new brother." I thought maybe I'd missed an altercation between him and Eli. Eli seemed to be delving into his fourth piece of roast beef and with a mouth full I didn't think he could earn banishment from the family. Lucas went on to explain, "I need a new brother then there would be three boys and three girls. Its not fair, more girls than boys." I guess he thought he'd even the playing field.

As a side note Sydney almost gave herself whiplash shaking her head no. I think she thinks the ratio of boys to girls is just fine.

Mom. You can have my flowers.

What mother doesn't love to get flowers from her son?

All is not as it may appear in this statement. We were walking to the Yukon after a successful (somewhat sad for the other side) baseball game. We finally quit keeping score. Lucas and Eli both had a great game, hits, scores, stealing. It was a good day for Pickle athletics.

The flowers Lucas was offering me? Sunflower seeds. No. Not fresh from the package. The chewed up gunck aftermath. Thanks for the thought Lucas but this mom would probably prefer roses, carnations or dandelions.

Fishing in the Zoo?

It's that time of year where schools are trying to get in their class field trips before summer break.

Eli's class trip was to the Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha.

He was so excited. I figured I'd hear all about lions, tigers, penguins and hippos. We did hear a story about the apes throwing "icky stuff" (use your imagination). The favorite and most talked about animal in the zoo.......the much maligned and totally under appreciated......catfish.

We heard about the size, color, whiskers, eyes. How it swims, where it swims and once again how big it was. His listening skills must have been at high performance. At the very end of his story he asked, "When you take me to zoo, I'll take my fishing pole and catch him and you will cook him." Apparently we need to work on the concept of a zoo and then make sure the fishing pole stays at home.

Ingredients

Well since my last post from the "salt mines", the saga (see previous post) has continued all week. Every time the boys sit down to a table it is to demand the ingredient list for each food item......I gave up at day 2 and told them flat out....."I don't know how much sodium is in that!"

So last Tuesday when we were coming back from a late baseball game we decided to swing through McDonald's and treat the boys and one of their teammates who rode with us to ice cream cones.

Why I didn't catch the train of thought...I don't know. One minute we are talking about the game, the next I'm being asked what makes ice cream. I'm used to answering questions all day long....it's the only excuse....or extreme fatigue and baseball game dimentia.....I rattled off the ingredients or as many as I could remember. Cream, sugar, vanilla, ice, eggs, salt...."oops".

You would have thought that I'd ran over the dog, backed up ran over their bikes, turned around and mowed over the trampoline, by the volume of screams from the backseat. Lucas was sure that he'd never be able to eat ice cream again, Eli was mad because I'd not told them it contained salt earlier so they could have known and the poor friend with us was rendered comatose by the unexpected behavior, concern and screaming. He wasn't quite sure why the boys cared about salt in the ice cream and I just didn't have any more explanations in me.

Needless to say they didn't turn down the salt laced, ice cream cones so perhaps we've come to terms with it and will not be quite so worried about sodium and the food it's in....or at least until they are older adults watching their sodium and blood pressure and I'm long gone and their doctors can deal with the explanations.

Salt of the Earth

You know when you are trying to teach your child a healthy eating lesson that you will only achieve success about 30% of the time if you are lucky. I was not lucky and this particular lesson landed squarely in the 70% unsuccessful bracket.

At lunch on Mother's Day, I was trying to explain to Lucas and Eli (and Mike) why they do not need to put extra salt on everything particularly when they haven't even tasted the food first.

Of course, we had the mandatory question of, "but why?" So I said, "because it's not good for your heart." Now while this isn't an in depth explanation, I'm just not up to explain high blood pressure and multiple other health issues......it's Mother's Day......I was giving myself a break....or so I thought.

Lucas' mouth dropped open, chicken half way in his mouth and he shouts, "WHAT! You not tell me this before? You always feed me salt! You not tell me it make me die! My heart will BLOW UP! I've been here a long time and you not tell me this!" Ok. None of those things were in my initial explanation and no we do not have a salt block on our table at mealtime.

Can you tell that one of our boys has a flare for the dramatic and if he knew what a blood pressure cuff was used for he'd insist on monitoring his. In the brief time since this health alert, Lucas is now the overseer of the salt shaker. If I'd known he would restrict Mike's salt intake, I'd have mentioned the heart blow up earlier.

Big Sister Has Reentered the House

Well Rachel has arrived home from college for summer break. Actually, she's been home for about a week. I'm not sure who is experiencing more culture shock.....her or her brothers.

Lucas and Eli have come to the conclusion, even though this is her second summer break since they've arrived home, that she must be having a hard time in college as she keeps coming back. Rachel, on the other hand, wonders which is harder, the Junior year of college or moving home for the summer and readjusting to two high energy brothers.

Most of the time it goes pretty well....some of the time.....it's a lot of very loud "discussions" also known as Lucas and Eli feeling the need to instruct her on EVERYTHING. If nothing else it let's Rachel have first hand experience on elementary aged kids and their assorted behaviors...good things for a future elementary/special ed teacher to possess.

Tonight at suppertime, Eli looks across the table at Rachel and informs her that when she is old he will take care of her.....when she dies he will cry. But she will be 89 years old so it will be ok. I'm sure Rachel was thrilled to know that he would miss her by that point but somewhat disturbed that he has the year of her death planned out. What can I say little boys like to talk about gross things, make strange sounds and occasionally plan things far in advance. Wonder what's in store for Mike and I.

The Eggs They Are A'Hatching

Easter is quickly approaching and I'm scrambling to get all the pieces together. Last year....I remember last years' Easter....egg dying.....well they had fun.

They can't wait for a repeat performance. I had the day off from school today so I boiled the eggs to use for dyeing. Again, did I mention they can't wait. I've explained the eggs have to cool and we won't dye them until late afternoon.

Regardless of this, Eli checks the cooling eggs every 10 minutes. I was throwing some laundry in when I hear a screech from the kitchen. Ok. It wasn't the noise that tells you someone has just sliced off an appendage but still required checking.

Eli met me in the doorway to tell me the eggs were hatching! I was pretty confident this was not the case as they'd just been boiled for 10 minutes. He thought the 2 eggs that had cracked while cooling were in deed going to produce baby chickens. Yep. That was not a fun explanation.

Who's In Charge?

If you were to ask Lucas and Eli that question you would probably hear, "Is Dad home?" Yep, for some reason they have once again developed the impression that Sydney and myself are incapable (as we are female) of taking care of "things" when Mike is away. He was at a church board meeting last night and you would have thought he shipped off to Siberia. I heard, "We go to bed at 8:30." "We need to feed the dogs." "We need to shut the machine shed door." "We take showers now." Are you catching on to a repetitive word in these sentences. One might think that they were simply reminding themselves of their chores......nope. That "WE" is translated into Mom and Sydney. They thought they could sit on the couch reading their books and direct the homestead in Dad's absence. All the aforementioned tasks were completed by the appropriate people.....did you have a doubt as to who was in charge....the boys don't either.....anymore.

The Art of Selective Male Hearing and It's Limitations

It's a well known phenomenon of the males of the human species (at least by the female humans) that they acquire, develop and claim an auditory anomaly not developed (girls keep it real) by females.......selective hearing. Mike is so very proud of both his sons as they are practicing and developing this wonderful male skill at a high rate of speed. I can say something (anything really) and then I have to say it at least 3 more times before either Lucas or Eli acknowledge that I've spoken. Especially true if it's something they don't want to hear. Tonight I was teasing Lucas about his bedtime and that he misread the clock and that it was actually his bedtime. He was in the other room when I made the comment. He shot out of his room, looked at the clock and said, "No! It's 7:30 not 8:30." I said, "Wow. Lucas, why did I only have to say that once and you heard me the first time?" His answer, "Because. You are my mom, I have to listen to you." Hmmmm, wonder who I am all those other times I'm speaking and repeating and repeating.....

Who Were They?

I've been blessed to be in communication with several families who are adopting or have adopted older children from both the Philippines and China as well as the US. This support system is so valuable and trusted in a sort of weird way.

These wonderful families are here in the States, in Canada and Europe. I have never met these people or their children. I will probably never meet them. The internet sure does have the ability to shrink and expand our worlds' at the same time.

The network of "safe" people as I call them are pretty impressive people. Some of the questions that come up in adoptive parenting are not always easily understood in the same context by other parents. Things are not always as they may first appear. I can never tell these supportive people thank you enough.

One of the big things that Lucas is dealing with right now are memories and perceptions of his life in the Philippines. Who each of the people he knew were and how they were connected to him. Some of the "FUN" activities that he was allowed to do, he is now realizing were not always in his best interest. This has been a major sorting endeavor for all of us. A lot of it is a patchwork of information we received through documents and our adoption agency. What and who he remembers are through the eyes of a child who is now starting to realize that those memories aren't probably 100% reliable.

It's a tough struggle that I can only equate to the moment we adults first realize that our parents are actually human with all the faults and foibles of one. That the "favorite" aunt that watched you while mom or dad worked was in fact the baby sitter and got paid to do so. How we as adults look back and see in a new 20/20 view the realities of some of our own memories.

So to all of you out there, near and far, adoptive and biological parents, old friends and new thank you for letting us benefit from your experiences and for the listening ears. Your special to our family.

Battle at Sunday School

Who knew when sending your child off to Sunday School that they would return in a less than "pristine" condition. Yes we have experienced errant glue, glitter, the accidental cut of clothing and various markers, paint and ink stains. They are kids.

Unfortunately this morning Eli learned a tough rule in God's house. The streets of heaven are paved with gold and His house has heavy doors. Someone of the short stature opened a door into Eli's face. He has a wonderous bruise line that came real close to splitting his eye brow for what would probably be the 3rd time in his life. Maybe we should insist he wears his batting helmet to church? The picture doesn't do it justice to the bruise line but he wanted his picture with the story:)

Sunday School lesson for today: "Thou shall not walk too close to doors, lest they bust you in the face." Amen

Mohawk's Are Not For These Kids.....

thank goodness! This is one mom who did not, would not and will not ever have my kids sporting this particular fashion. Oh I'm fully aware that at some point and age I will be vetoed but for now I like to pretend I'm in control. At some point they will probably have longer hair than their standard trim but it's a ways down the road and further into my senility. Eli and Lucas have been infatuated with having Mohawks since they saw their first one in the airport on the way home from the Philippines. It was one of the first things Eli would pantomime wanting. This mom could play real dumb, unfortunately in this instance they learned the cuts' name and frequently tortured me (I'm the cheap person who cuts their hair nearly every week) with requests for the beloved Mohawk. We've let their hair grow for the past 3 weeks to see who would give in first.....depending on your view point the challenge ended tonight. With baseball and soccer season upon us they had to have hair cuts. So Eli was the first to go under the shears. I don't know why but I gave him a Mohawk. He had no clue until Mike came in and noticed what I was doing. Let's just say, Mike had been playing Switzerland on the Mohawk debate (good cop vs. mom cop) until he was faced with the reality. His reaction gave Eli a clue that something was not normal on his head. He ran to the mirror to look at the much anticipated locks.....yep.....he was mortified and demanded that it be removed IMMEDIATELY! His words, "I don't like it!" I didn't have to be asked twice. Lucas too opted to not mention the much requested style. He thought that he'd stick with the usual. Ha! Chalk one up for mom!

Changing Tastes

I know. You will be surprised.....another story from the gastronomic area.

Last night we had chicken lasagna, corn, french bread and lettuce salad. Not a hugely original meal but as we are sitting there, the boys are both saying how much they like it. Then I really took a look at their plates. There was not one thing on it that they would have touched with a ten foot pole a little over a year ago.

Forget lasagna (too many things touching) - Forget corn (hadn't seen it, didn't trust it), Forget bread and butter (butter took forever to introduce) and lettuce with dressing? (We've finally upgraded to using not only Ranch but French dressing). For dessert we had strawberry shortcake.

I remember back in April of last year on a trip home from New Mexico. We stopped at a restaurant to eat and tried to get Eli to eat strawberries. Not sure what he thought they were but there was absolutely no chance they were going to be eaten.

Last night he had to go get a larger spoon so he could eat faster. In between bites it was, "Mom! These are good! They are STRAWBERRIES!" Guess they are expanding more than their vocabulary.

Tornado Coverage

I sincerely hope that those reading have a sense of humor cause if you can work past this next story as being on the dangerous side ....... it's funny!

This past week, Midwest spring weather arrived with a bang, literally. We had a near miss by a tornado and hail this size of golf balls. I was working at school that evening when the storm rolled in (my Yukon looks a little on the rough side). The town I work in is 8 miles from our house and was hit first. Mike was at home with the kids (later I found out that he had a couple extras as our neighbor kids were there).

When I called and told him to watch the weather that a tornado and hail were headed that direction his response was typical of most guys. "Really, it's not doing anything here. There's nothing on the tv." In his defense the storm blew out of no where with no warning time. It happens a lot and for the most part most people don't move to shelter until you are sure. Duh - I know. Midwesterners!

When I arrived home, I was greeted by Lucas and Rachel telling me that I needed to explain tornado warnings and going to the basement to Eli. Ok. I have. We were actually in the basement for another tornado last summer. So I asked what the problem was.

Apparently, when Mike decided everyone needed to be in the basement, he told the kids to "go to the bathroom". It's the central room in the basement with no windows and has a heavy door. We've practiced and talked about this. Mike took care of some things upstairs and then went to the basement only to find that Eli was not there. They looked for him but couldn't get him to answer. Where was he? In the upstairs bathroom "going to the bathroom" as Mike instructed with the door closed. Mike finally located him and everything turned out fine.

Poor kid received so much sibling teasing this week-end that I'm pretty sure this won't happen again. Mike learned to not be anything but extremely specific with directions. The use of more words is better than brief instruction. The last words Eli had on the matter....."Mom, Dad said go to bathroom! I had to poop! I went to bathroom! Everybody hollering ELI! I had to POOP! Dad not say right thing!"

Red Face

Family and friends know that the boys are funny. They love knock knock jokes (they never make sense) but laugh at their own wit. They can mimic, mime, act and generally keep us all in stitches.

Unfortunately, they don't always understand other peoples' humor. Teasing is something that they are picking up. Tonight we were finishing supper around 6:30. Eli looks up at the clock and tells Lucas that it is not time for bed yet......bedtime is a big, dreaded expectation every night, they don't argue or have a problem with it, just that they are positive that we are mistaken as parents to not allow them a 10:00 bedtime.

When Eli was commenting on the time, I looked up and said, "Oh! Sorry guys, I forgot. The clock is wrong. It's really 8:30 (bedtime). You need to hurry through your showers." The looks are their faces and the absolute silence was spectacular. It had to be at least a 30 second pause, I began to worry that we were headed for a melt down. Eli finally got it, Lucas looked at me and yelled, "Mom! You kidding me? My face got red, me get all sweaty!" Ok. Maybe I'll have to find something else to tease about as joking about bedtime seems to bring on some sort of hot flash for Lucas.

Sisterly Dissertion

This morning at 4:00 a.m. Sydney officially deserted us for her school trip to Washington D.C. If you ask the boys they think she specifically deserted them.....or more specifically their ride to and from school.

Don't get me wrong. The realization that their daily schedules would change this week while she is gone came after they sat with their mouths hanging open when we told them she was going on a trip. I figured they'd ask if they could go too but instead wanted to know if she was coming back. The mom in me chooses to think they were worried about her and would miss her, the practical, realistic (not pessimistic) mom figures they were more concerned with the logistics of their daily lives and how long before they could take over her room.

I have a feeling that when Sydney returns late Friday, sleep deprived and SLEEP DEPRIVED! it will be a very loud and frequent readjustment to reality. Oh the joy!

Mom's Need a Break

Do you fellow mothers out there agree? I thought so. Especially when you have been gifted, by one of your children, the wonderful experience of a nasty sinus and chest cold. This gift does not, however, come with any measure of patience, tolerance for loud noises or the ability of speech.

I had a voice this a.m., now not so much. I had patience at 8:00 a.m., now at 10:00 p.m. not so much. I had a slight headache at noon now I'm pretty sure there is a tuba being played inside my head.

Why, you may ask, haven't I packed it in and gone to bed. Not that our two little, precious, germ sharing sons are still awake....no it would be the 9 teenagers in the family room having a movie night and fun. It all sounded like a nice evening for the kids when Sydney asked....of course that was when the cold medicine was working....now not so much. They are all great kids and having a blast which makes it that much easier to leave Mike in charge and head for bed.....did I forget to mention something? Mike is in the middle of the kitchen floor trying to replace our 17 year old dishwasher, that decided today would be the day it needed a permanent break. No I can't be much help, having a head cold with blurry eyes and bi-focals does not make me line anything up straight. Going to take a mom break now....hope I don't end up on the patio with the dishwasher!

What Did You Learn Today?

The kids and I (minus Rachel, who is away at college) took Mike out for a birthday supper this evening. Alison was torturing....ummm talking to Eli and asked him what he learned at school. As is the norm, he shrugs his shoulders and says, "I don't know." Yes he does but you must go through this ritual every time you ask him a question. He finally, nods his head and says, "I learned the math."

Lucas, not to be outdone, asks if she wants to know what he learned. He informs us and half the people at Olive Garden that he learned "the plural". I was intrigued and asked him what plural meant. He once again thinks I must need to go back to school because he pats my arm and says, "Mom. It means more than one. Like mouse, plural is meese." Well he's got the concept. He also learned that singular is for one. He explained this by loudly proclaiming MOUSE is singular. Unfortunately I'm thinking the only thing that the people around us at Olive Garden heard was the word mouse. Use your imagination for the looks we got.

Civil War

No the boys are not fighting one another.....right now. We were watching a tv program on the civil war, Abraham Lincoln and slavery. Nothing graphic but for whatever reason Abraham Lincoln is the one president that the boys recognize and are interested in.

We were about 1/2 way through the program when Lucas finally understood it was a war, fought between Americans. He had to know every aspect of the who, what, where and most importantly the why.

He learned as much as I could explain ten different ways. I will gladly explain English words, spellings, family life, friendships, school projects, girls, social norms.....whatever.....I just don't want to have to explain war. It can be necessary, justified, not justified, whatever but it will never make sense to a child which I suppose should offer us some hope for the future.

Time Change = "No FAIR Bedtimes"

Ok. I made a mistake. I asked everyone at the supper table to help me remember to turn the clocks ahead Saturday night. Big mistake when you have two short people who have been demanding a later bedtime for two weeks.

Eli had a brief moment where he thought he'd earn an extra hour instead of lose one. Upon the unfortunate realization it was the exact opposite, I'm sure some of you may have heard him, "MOM! That's not fair! Don't do that! Why you do that? NO!"

We tried to explain the time change.....which by the way is unexplainable....to anyone even those who have lived here their entire lives. Sydney's statement...."Look, we didn't just start doing this to mess with your bedtime." Did I mention she's been at state speech contest since 6:00 a.m. and her patience for two time challenged brothers was non existent. Bedtime was a little rough.

Conversations with Your Sister

Our middle daughter, Rachel, is attending college 2 1/2 hours away from home. She is an elementary ed/special education student. Her week-end visits are not restful for her.....at all. She is the sister that Lucas and Eli treat with great deference and in return expect complete and utter servitude and unending playtime (I'm aware that doesn't make sense ~ it's the way they roll).

Sydney is their anchoring sister. She's here day in and day out, they know her moods, likes, dislikes, friends, boyfriend (Parker we are so grateful you like to laugh). She is their school transportation, "boss" when we aren't home and generally the sister they are most likely to bicker with and not listen to until she comes unhinged...... because that's what brother's do.

Alison is their sister of "idol" proportions......(Alison do NOT let that go to your head!). She is the sister that they are awed by (Eli loves to see what her hair color will be week to week), she is the one they are, shall we say. intimidated by. When she brings out her RN voice they listen up. It's similar to a mom voice but I think they aren't quite sure if she's carrying a syringe as back up :) She has never threatened this, they definitely respect the nurse side. When she speaks they listen for the most part and think that because she has her own place she is the absolute goal to achieve. From day one Lucas has said he wants to be a doctor because Alison is a nurse. Not sure if it's his view that nurses are female and doctors are male or he thinks he would finally get to boss Alison....not even then buddy!

But I digress. Eli is very aware that Rachel is on her way to becoming a teacher, therefore, in his book just short of Alison's "idol" status. He wants her to read, to listen to him read and pretty much impress her with how smart he is. Saturday she took them into the library to check out books....that's another whole story.

As he waited to go, he wanted a snack, I gave him a banana. As he's eating it he says, "Hey, Mom. Does banana have sugar?" Ok. Can you tell we really, REALLY watch how much sugar he gets? This is a pretty standard question for him these days. He knows things don't go well on sugar overload. I said, "It has potassium, that's good for you." I asked if he could say that word. He said no but then Rachel asked him to repeat it that was a different story, no need to impress the mom anymore.

I don't know why but English words that he has learned since coming home don't have an accent. It's probably a very well proven fact of English language learners but when listening to an accented conversation suddenly change to a non accent for one or two words is interesting. The word potassium was a little hard to get him to try but when it came out it was clear, with all the sounds. It was also accompanied by a huge grin for his sister, to let her know she should be adequately impressed. To make sure she stayed in awe of his abilities, he's been practicing this word......a lot!

What's For Breakfast

On Saturday mornings, if we aren't all going 20 different directions, Mike and the boys make breakfast. The women of the household appreciate this but are sometimes "worried" as to what we will be eating.

This mornings' menu was monkey bread (basically cinnamon, sugar and butter baked over biscuits). No way nutritional but yummy. Lucas and Eli had not had them before this morning.

As Sydney was off to state speech contest, it was just Rachel and myself left to enjoy their creation.

Rachel came out of her bedroom and Lucas asked if she wanted orange juice, hot chocolate or coffee. Her reply was, "what are we having for breakfast?" Lucas looked at the oven where the monkey bread was baking and said, "I don't know it stinky good though."

I'm not thinking he has a career as a food critic.

It's Black, It's White...No It's Bickering Brothers!

I know, I know....for those that gave me dire warnings about boys and their, shall we say, unique perspectives, noises, need for physical contact and the billion other things that make boys - boys.

I'm choosing to blame the current level of bickering, shoving and all around disgruntlement that Lucas and Eli have towards one another, on spring weather. It could be hormonal, it could be brotherly irritations, it could be that they are actually independent, functioning, opinionated, irritated and somewhat irrational 9 and 11 year olds. I choose to think it's spring.

Spring conjures up pleasant feelings. There is an end to spring thus a hopeful end to the bickering. Spring marks the end of cold enforced togetherness. Spring weather gives me hope that I won't be turned in for child endangerment when I tell them to take the bickering outside. I've never been so grateful to live in the country where they can go burn off energy and get space from one another.

Girls are often given a bad wrap for being hormonal...HA! I used to feel sorry for Mike because he was trapped for a lot of years with 4 females in the house.....now I feel sorry for his mom for all the years she was trapped with 3 males in the house and the only females she could account for were a cow and female dog to even things out!

Uneven Sibling Issues

Sibling adoptions are a challenge unto themselves....or so they are in our world. I wouldn't want to change them or anything like that. It's just that sometimes it's really a challenge to keep pace with the issues being dealt with by each one of the boys.

One of the big issues to be talked about and learned about and talked about.....and did I mention talked about, is helping your internationally adopted child retain their culture and birth heritage. It's an important part of their lives and through adoption becomes a part of ours. Unfortunately only one of the boys is interested at all in talking or learning about anything concerning their Filipino heritage. Our other son wants nothing to do with anything about his past. It's sad that he feels this way right now....but it does present a challenge when trying to incorporate the culture of the Philippines and interests of one and not pushing it on the other until he's interested.

Our biggest concern in this area was whether we'd find ways to help the boys retain their culture, now it's shifted more to how to let one explore and grow and let one come to terms with his choices and to not let resentment between the two grow for those choices.

100% and Proud

For those of you that have been reading this blog for awhile, you know that Eli is our youngest. He also had a lot of preconceived, negative notions about education. It had always been a struggle, with little success and with even less positive reinforcement.

A lot can change in 15 months. We still have moments where he struggles and I'm quite positive that his patience and attention are short but he's excited to learn......that to us is huge....and apparently to him.

He met me at the door the other night. When I say met me at the door, translate this into I couldn't get the door open because he was standing on the other side of it waving a paper and screaming, "I got 100!"

When I wedged myself into the house, the famed test paper was shoved up my nose. He was dancing full tilt in the hallway singing some happy song about getting 100% on his spelling test. Then he stopped short, turned around and asked me if 100% makes him smart. To think this kid was every made to feel dumb is unbelievable. His creativity and ability to figure out how things work show he has so many talents. Now if we can just build on his academic confidence!

Likin' America

We have a lot of conversations with Lucas about the Philippines and America. He is starting to ask more and more questions. Then and now. There and here. Orphanage and home. Sometimes these are really long lengthy talks and others are fly by questions.

The other day while I was making lunch, he appeared at my elbow, grabbed me around the middle and said, "Mom, America good. I like it." He then grabbed his book off the counter, went into his room and started reading it.

While this particular comment didn't require much from me at the time, outside of listening, it did leave me standing there wondering what on Earth brought that revelation about.

Sunday we had all the kids at home for dinner. He found it very important to tell "his" story about the Philippines to Alison. Alison was a little lost as to why he was directing the story at her but we later came to the conclusion that he had not actually told her in his own words about his life before the orphanage, during and when we came to pick up the boys. I guess it was another step in their sibling relationship. Theirs' is probably the one with the most transitions. Alison is oldest, Lucas was oldest. Alison has her own place and so we generally see her once or twice a week, so their time together is broken up.

So all around I'm thinking he's found a lot of things and people he thinks are pretty neat about America.

Sometimes You Make a Wrong Call

Well. I know I'm not alone. Parents in general mess up in dozens of ways every day. Sometimes....when your child announces they don't "feel good" a certain, undisclosed parent, will do a bare bones diagnosis and say...."Oh, I think you are ok. Let's try school and see how it goes." Yeah! Everyone heads out the door for the day.

Then that night, your child says, "I hurt here (pointing to his throat). Hmmm....ok. Said throat is a little red, typical cold symptoms develop (I'll spare you the descriptions) so said, unnamed Mom breaks out the cold meds and cold symptoms are alleviated.....Ummmm nope.

This morning Lucas' throat was nasty. Mike made a doctor's appointment. Once again, we are a little "sceptical" of driving 60 miles to the doctor in order to be told it's a virus, nothing to do but wait. Yep....not this time.

Lucas has bacterial pneumonia. Say it...go ahead...I have....BAD CALL MOM! He's on antibiotics and should be feeling better soon. I wonder how long it will take until I can read his ques. He kept saying he was ok......translation: I don't want you to take me to the doctor. When he points to his throat it could mean his chest. Pretty sure if he understood about mom guilt and that he possesses the ability to get most anything out of this inadequate parent......at least until the mom guilt wares off.

Knock, Knock.....

They've discovered (attempting) to tell jokes. Yep....some are better than others. Most of the time what happens around the joke telling is funnier. Here's the conversation last night:

Eli: "Knock, Knock."

Lucas: "Who's there?"

Eli: "Snow"

Lucas: "Snow who?"

Eli: "Mom says it's going to snow Saturday!"

Lucas: "WHAT! Mom! NO MORE SNOW!

There is no more humor in Iowa, in March, at least when it comes to snow.

Writing an Apology....Another First

Can I just start by saying, "Wow! I am totally in awe of Eli and his enormous growth these past 15 months. I'm equally in awe of Lucas but for a range of things different from Eli.

Eli is....well.....not his brother. Surprised? We aren't. We live with them. No two siblings are the same but sometimes it's easy to blur the lines and expect the similar accomplishments, growth, you name it. I have a new respect of parents with twins.

I've written a little about Eli's experiences before arriving home. To say the least he was not a "favorite" of care givers. He does not tolerate anything or anyone he feels is a waste of time. From the referal information, to doctors evaluations to school.....he simply did not have a positive start with the adult world. He didn't go to school for the majority of his life in the Philippines. He did not trust adults and only relied on Lucas. He's not lazy or stupid. He's actually shockingly intelligent. Talk with him, you'll find out, don't talk down to him, he'll dump you in the pile with the others who have treated him poorly. Trust me, you'll be in a pile of personalities that you'd be embarrassed to associate with.

If a person were to look at his transition from arrival home until now, and if you could possibly understand all the areas in which he has had to adapt; language, family life, education, emotionally and behaviorally, coping mechanisms needing adjustments, to developing a new, evolved relationship with Lucas. It's a miracle that the scared, angry, grieving kid from last January is now a little boy who will cuddle up to me when I'm sick on the couch, put his arm around me and pat my head to see if I'm ok, who willingly does chores, who cleans up his room and now feels remorse over broken toys (even if it's an accident). He has also learned what an apology is and some ways to make an apology. He wanted to send his teacher an apology for not doing his best. Fifteen months ago he wouldn't have cared who or what a teacher was or comprehend the need.

I also find myself extremely short on patience in the area of explanations. I have talked myself blue trying to explain the background of children from institutions and the life time amount of baggage that comes along. It's not to say that this excuses or gets them a free pass with people, I believe that people and the boys are better off with information than with operating blindly. I don't expect others to automatically know institutional behaviors (let me clue you it's a whole area of development that is not widely known, especially in the United States). My frustration comes with repeated need to "fight the fight" with the same individuals who were never expected to have to "know" these issues but who are now knee deep in them. I get that they did not "ask for this new learning curve." I want to childishly tell them, "Well the boys didn't ask to be abandoned and orphaned. They didn't ask to be adopted into a different country and language. No matter how they were explained the changes that would be happening, no 8 and 9 year old is going to "get it" just like the new people in their lives could not possibly imagine how many zillion areas of early child development they have not experienced and are still learning. Just because you have a, now, 9 and 10 year old in front of you, does not mean you are experiencing the behaviors, attitudes and abilities of a 9 or 10 year old child raised in the United States from birth. Deal with it. They've come so far, they will go further, they will be more than anyone right now can imagine. Again, this mom, wants to say, "Adjust yourselves people because this is not nor ever will be "done". When you are told by people who know that this is years worth of learning.....they mean it.....and when you find yourself on the receiving end of an apology from either of our sons.....don't take it lightly......they truly mean it and take it to heart.

Can you tell I'm proud of them and Momma Bear is sharpening some claws.

Oh My Back!

Ok....something to consider when adopting "older" kids..... the size of your children when they decide they want to be held, cuddled and carried and the age of your back.

Don't get me wrong, I'm willing to do traction if necessary (and I think it may be) but I just wish I had advanced warning or some kind of "carry me" radar.

Eli will be 10 in June. He may look quite compact but let me tell you the U.S./Iowa feeding program he's been on for the past 18 months have made that little body into a heavily (strong on the heavy) weight program for this mom.

No matter when these surprise hugs, running jumps to be held occur they momentarily stun me (good thing cause the stun blocks the back spasms). He absolutely, under no circumstances wanted to be touched when he arrived home. I remember being so thrilled when we graduated to holding hands. I have a confession to make though, we had to teach him what being carried around was about. He didn't know to hold on, didn't know to wrap his legs, didn't know he could relax. Now he's got it mastered as he climbs up our bodies and leans over backwards, laughing hysterically.

Now please excuse me as I reach for the Aleve and and ice pack....Happy Hugging Everyone:)