Mom. I Need a New Brother!

Sunday was a rare day when everyone was home for dinner. Alison had the week end off, Rachel home from school, Sydney didn't have to leave for work until later, Mike, Lucas and Eli were home too.

These are hilariously fun times. Alison and I were talking later that no one will ever believe or truly understand when we try to relay the conversations that take place around the table. You just can't make these things up or do justice to the circumstances.

One such conversation from Sunday; Lucas (with the straightest face and he was serious) announces, "Mom. I need a new brother." I thought maybe I'd missed an altercation between him and Eli. Eli seemed to be delving into his fourth piece of roast beef and with a mouth full I didn't think he could earn banishment from the family. Lucas went on to explain, "I need a new brother then there would be three boys and three girls. Its not fair, more girls than boys." I guess he thought he'd even the playing field.

As a side note Sydney almost gave herself whiplash shaking her head no. I think she thinks the ratio of boys to girls is just fine.

Mom. You can have my flowers.

What mother doesn't love to get flowers from her son?

All is not as it may appear in this statement. We were walking to the Yukon after a successful (somewhat sad for the other side) baseball game. We finally quit keeping score. Lucas and Eli both had a great game, hits, scores, stealing. It was a good day for Pickle athletics.

The flowers Lucas was offering me? Sunflower seeds. No. Not fresh from the package. The chewed up gunck aftermath. Thanks for the thought Lucas but this mom would probably prefer roses, carnations or dandelions.

Fishing in the Zoo?

It's that time of year where schools are trying to get in their class field trips before summer break.

Eli's class trip was to the Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha.

He was so excited. I figured I'd hear all about lions, tigers, penguins and hippos. We did hear a story about the apes throwing "icky stuff" (use your imagination). The favorite and most talked about animal in the zoo.......the much maligned and totally under appreciated......catfish.

We heard about the size, color, whiskers, eyes. How it swims, where it swims and once again how big it was. His listening skills must have been at high performance. At the very end of his story he asked, "When you take me to zoo, I'll take my fishing pole and catch him and you will cook him." Apparently we need to work on the concept of a zoo and then make sure the fishing pole stays at home.

Ingredients

Well since my last post from the "salt mines", the saga (see previous post) has continued all week. Every time the boys sit down to a table it is to demand the ingredient list for each food item......I gave up at day 2 and told them flat out....."I don't know how much sodium is in that!"

So last Tuesday when we were coming back from a late baseball game we decided to swing through McDonald's and treat the boys and one of their teammates who rode with us to ice cream cones.

Why I didn't catch the train of thought...I don't know. One minute we are talking about the game, the next I'm being asked what makes ice cream. I'm used to answering questions all day long....it's the only excuse....or extreme fatigue and baseball game dimentia.....I rattled off the ingredients or as many as I could remember. Cream, sugar, vanilla, ice, eggs, salt...."oops".

You would have thought that I'd ran over the dog, backed up ran over their bikes, turned around and mowed over the trampoline, by the volume of screams from the backseat. Lucas was sure that he'd never be able to eat ice cream again, Eli was mad because I'd not told them it contained salt earlier so they could have known and the poor friend with us was rendered comatose by the unexpected behavior, concern and screaming. He wasn't quite sure why the boys cared about salt in the ice cream and I just didn't have any more explanations in me.

Needless to say they didn't turn down the salt laced, ice cream cones so perhaps we've come to terms with it and will not be quite so worried about sodium and the food it's in....or at least until they are older adults watching their sodium and blood pressure and I'm long gone and their doctors can deal with the explanations.

Salt of the Earth

You know when you are trying to teach your child a healthy eating lesson that you will only achieve success about 30% of the time if you are lucky. I was not lucky and this particular lesson landed squarely in the 70% unsuccessful bracket.

At lunch on Mother's Day, I was trying to explain to Lucas and Eli (and Mike) why they do not need to put extra salt on everything particularly when they haven't even tasted the food first.

Of course, we had the mandatory question of, "but why?" So I said, "because it's not good for your heart." Now while this isn't an in depth explanation, I'm just not up to explain high blood pressure and multiple other health issues......it's Mother's Day......I was giving myself a break....or so I thought.

Lucas' mouth dropped open, chicken half way in his mouth and he shouts, "WHAT! You not tell me this before? You always feed me salt! You not tell me it make me die! My heart will BLOW UP! I've been here a long time and you not tell me this!" Ok. None of those things were in my initial explanation and no we do not have a salt block on our table at mealtime.

Can you tell that one of our boys has a flare for the dramatic and if he knew what a blood pressure cuff was used for he'd insist on monitoring his. In the brief time since this health alert, Lucas is now the overseer of the salt shaker. If I'd known he would restrict Mike's salt intake, I'd have mentioned the heart blow up earlier.

Big Sister Has Reentered the House

Well Rachel has arrived home from college for summer break. Actually, she's been home for about a week. I'm not sure who is experiencing more culture shock.....her or her brothers.

Lucas and Eli have come to the conclusion, even though this is her second summer break since they've arrived home, that she must be having a hard time in college as she keeps coming back. Rachel, on the other hand, wonders which is harder, the Junior year of college or moving home for the summer and readjusting to two high energy brothers.

Most of the time it goes pretty well....some of the time.....it's a lot of very loud "discussions" also known as Lucas and Eli feeling the need to instruct her on EVERYTHING. If nothing else it let's Rachel have first hand experience on elementary aged kids and their assorted behaviors...good things for a future elementary/special ed teacher to possess.

Tonight at suppertime, Eli looks across the table at Rachel and informs her that when she is old he will take care of her.....when she dies he will cry. But she will be 89 years old so it will be ok. I'm sure Rachel was thrilled to know that he would miss her by that point but somewhat disturbed that he has the year of her death planned out. What can I say little boys like to talk about gross things, make strange sounds and occasionally plan things far in advance. Wonder what's in store for Mike and I.

The Eggs They Are A'Hatching

Easter is quickly approaching and I'm scrambling to get all the pieces together. Last year....I remember last years' Easter....egg dying.....well they had fun.

They can't wait for a repeat performance. I had the day off from school today so I boiled the eggs to use for dyeing. Again, did I mention they can't wait. I've explained the eggs have to cool and we won't dye them until late afternoon.

Regardless of this, Eli checks the cooling eggs every 10 minutes. I was throwing some laundry in when I hear a screech from the kitchen. Ok. It wasn't the noise that tells you someone has just sliced off an appendage but still required checking.

Eli met me in the doorway to tell me the eggs were hatching! I was pretty confident this was not the case as they'd just been boiled for 10 minutes. He thought the 2 eggs that had cracked while cooling were in deed going to produce baby chickens. Yep. That was not a fun explanation.

Who's In Charge?

If you were to ask Lucas and Eli that question you would probably hear, "Is Dad home?" Yep, for some reason they have once again developed the impression that Sydney and myself are incapable (as we are female) of taking care of "things" when Mike is away. He was at a church board meeting last night and you would have thought he shipped off to Siberia. I heard, "We go to bed at 8:30." "We need to feed the dogs." "We need to shut the machine shed door." "We take showers now." Are you catching on to a repetitive word in these sentences. One might think that they were simply reminding themselves of their chores......nope. That "WE" is translated into Mom and Sydney. They thought they could sit on the couch reading their books and direct the homestead in Dad's absence. All the aforementioned tasks were completed by the appropriate people.....did you have a doubt as to who was in charge....the boys don't either.....anymore.

The Art of Selective Male Hearing and It's Limitations

It's a well known phenomenon of the males of the human species (at least by the female humans) that they acquire, develop and claim an auditory anomaly not developed (girls keep it real) by females.......selective hearing. Mike is so very proud of both his sons as they are practicing and developing this wonderful male skill at a high rate of speed. I can say something (anything really) and then I have to say it at least 3 more times before either Lucas or Eli acknowledge that I've spoken. Especially true if it's something they don't want to hear. Tonight I was teasing Lucas about his bedtime and that he misread the clock and that it was actually his bedtime. He was in the other room when I made the comment. He shot out of his room, looked at the clock and said, "No! It's 7:30 not 8:30." I said, "Wow. Lucas, why did I only have to say that once and you heard me the first time?" His answer, "Because. You are my mom, I have to listen to you." Hmmmm, wonder who I am all those other times I'm speaking and repeating and repeating.....

Who Were They?

I've been blessed to be in communication with several families who are adopting or have adopted older children from both the Philippines and China as well as the US. This support system is so valuable and trusted in a sort of weird way.

These wonderful families are here in the States, in Canada and Europe. I have never met these people or their children. I will probably never meet them. The internet sure does have the ability to shrink and expand our worlds' at the same time.

The network of "safe" people as I call them are pretty impressive people. Some of the questions that come up in adoptive parenting are not always easily understood in the same context by other parents. Things are not always as they may first appear. I can never tell these supportive people thank you enough.

One of the big things that Lucas is dealing with right now are memories and perceptions of his life in the Philippines. Who each of the people he knew were and how they were connected to him. Some of the "FUN" activities that he was allowed to do, he is now realizing were not always in his best interest. This has been a major sorting endeavor for all of us. A lot of it is a patchwork of information we received through documents and our adoption agency. What and who he remembers are through the eyes of a child who is now starting to realize that those memories aren't probably 100% reliable.

It's a tough struggle that I can only equate to the moment we adults first realize that our parents are actually human with all the faults and foibles of one. That the "favorite" aunt that watched you while mom or dad worked was in fact the baby sitter and got paid to do so. How we as adults look back and see in a new 20/20 view the realities of some of our own memories.

So to all of you out there, near and far, adoptive and biological parents, old friends and new thank you for letting us benefit from your experiences and for the listening ears. Your special to our family.

Battle at Sunday School

Who knew when sending your child off to Sunday School that they would return in a less than "pristine" condition. Yes we have experienced errant glue, glitter, the accidental cut of clothing and various markers, paint and ink stains. They are kids.

Unfortunately this morning Eli learned a tough rule in God's house. The streets of heaven are paved with gold and His house has heavy doors. Someone of the short stature opened a door into Eli's face. He has a wonderous bruise line that came real close to splitting his eye brow for what would probably be the 3rd time in his life. Maybe we should insist he wears his batting helmet to church? The picture doesn't do it justice to the bruise line but he wanted his picture with the story:)

Sunday School lesson for today: "Thou shall not walk too close to doors, lest they bust you in the face." Amen

Mohawk's Are Not For These Kids.....

thank goodness! This is one mom who did not, would not and will not ever have my kids sporting this particular fashion. Oh I'm fully aware that at some point and age I will be vetoed but for now I like to pretend I'm in control. At some point they will probably have longer hair than their standard trim but it's a ways down the road and further into my senility. Eli and Lucas have been infatuated with having Mohawks since they saw their first one in the airport on the way home from the Philippines. It was one of the first things Eli would pantomime wanting. This mom could play real dumb, unfortunately in this instance they learned the cuts' name and frequently tortured me (I'm the cheap person who cuts their hair nearly every week) with requests for the beloved Mohawk. We've let their hair grow for the past 3 weeks to see who would give in first.....depending on your view point the challenge ended tonight. With baseball and soccer season upon us they had to have hair cuts. So Eli was the first to go under the shears. I don't know why but I gave him a Mohawk. He had no clue until Mike came in and noticed what I was doing. Let's just say, Mike had been playing Switzerland on the Mohawk debate (good cop vs. mom cop) until he was faced with the reality. His reaction gave Eli a clue that something was not normal on his head. He ran to the mirror to look at the much anticipated locks.....yep.....he was mortified and demanded that it be removed IMMEDIATELY! His words, "I don't like it!" I didn't have to be asked twice. Lucas too opted to not mention the much requested style. He thought that he'd stick with the usual. Ha! Chalk one up for mom!

Changing Tastes

I know. You will be surprised.....another story from the gastronomic area.

Last night we had chicken lasagna, corn, french bread and lettuce salad. Not a hugely original meal but as we are sitting there, the boys are both saying how much they like it. Then I really took a look at their plates. There was not one thing on it that they would have touched with a ten foot pole a little over a year ago.

Forget lasagna (too many things touching) - Forget corn (hadn't seen it, didn't trust it), Forget bread and butter (butter took forever to introduce) and lettuce with dressing? (We've finally upgraded to using not only Ranch but French dressing). For dessert we had strawberry shortcake.

I remember back in April of last year on a trip home from New Mexico. We stopped at a restaurant to eat and tried to get Eli to eat strawberries. Not sure what he thought they were but there was absolutely no chance they were going to be eaten.

Last night he had to go get a larger spoon so he could eat faster. In between bites it was, "Mom! These are good! They are STRAWBERRIES!" Guess they are expanding more than their vocabulary.

Tornado Coverage

I sincerely hope that those reading have a sense of humor cause if you can work past this next story as being on the dangerous side ....... it's funny!

This past week, Midwest spring weather arrived with a bang, literally. We had a near miss by a tornado and hail this size of golf balls. I was working at school that evening when the storm rolled in (my Yukon looks a little on the rough side). The town I work in is 8 miles from our house and was hit first. Mike was at home with the kids (later I found out that he had a couple extras as our neighbor kids were there).

When I called and told him to watch the weather that a tornado and hail were headed that direction his response was typical of most guys. "Really, it's not doing anything here. There's nothing on the tv." In his defense the storm blew out of no where with no warning time. It happens a lot and for the most part most people don't move to shelter until you are sure. Duh - I know. Midwesterners!

When I arrived home, I was greeted by Lucas and Rachel telling me that I needed to explain tornado warnings and going to the basement to Eli. Ok. I have. We were actually in the basement for another tornado last summer. So I asked what the problem was.

Apparently, when Mike decided everyone needed to be in the basement, he told the kids to "go to the bathroom". It's the central room in the basement with no windows and has a heavy door. We've practiced and talked about this. Mike took care of some things upstairs and then went to the basement only to find that Eli was not there. They looked for him but couldn't get him to answer. Where was he? In the upstairs bathroom "going to the bathroom" as Mike instructed with the door closed. Mike finally located him and everything turned out fine.

Poor kid received so much sibling teasing this week-end that I'm pretty sure this won't happen again. Mike learned to not be anything but extremely specific with directions. The use of more words is better than brief instruction. The last words Eli had on the matter....."Mom, Dad said go to bathroom! I had to poop! I went to bathroom! Everybody hollering ELI! I had to POOP! Dad not say right thing!"

Red Face

Family and friends know that the boys are funny. They love knock knock jokes (they never make sense) but laugh at their own wit. They can mimic, mime, act and generally keep us all in stitches.

Unfortunately, they don't always understand other peoples' humor. Teasing is something that they are picking up. Tonight we were finishing supper around 6:30. Eli looks up at the clock and tells Lucas that it is not time for bed yet......bedtime is a big, dreaded expectation every night, they don't argue or have a problem with it, just that they are positive that we are mistaken as parents to not allow them a 10:00 bedtime.

When Eli was commenting on the time, I looked up and said, "Oh! Sorry guys, I forgot. The clock is wrong. It's really 8:30 (bedtime). You need to hurry through your showers." The looks are their faces and the absolute silence was spectacular. It had to be at least a 30 second pause, I began to worry that we were headed for a melt down. Eli finally got it, Lucas looked at me and yelled, "Mom! You kidding me? My face got red, me get all sweaty!" Ok. Maybe I'll have to find something else to tease about as joking about bedtime seems to bring on some sort of hot flash for Lucas.

Sisterly Dissertion

This morning at 4:00 a.m. Sydney officially deserted us for her school trip to Washington D.C. If you ask the boys they think she specifically deserted them.....or more specifically their ride to and from school.

Don't get me wrong. The realization that their daily schedules would change this week while she is gone came after they sat with their mouths hanging open when we told them she was going on a trip. I figured they'd ask if they could go too but instead wanted to know if she was coming back. The mom in me chooses to think they were worried about her and would miss her, the practical, realistic (not pessimistic) mom figures they were more concerned with the logistics of their daily lives and how long before they could take over her room.

I have a feeling that when Sydney returns late Friday, sleep deprived and SLEEP DEPRIVED! it will be a very loud and frequent readjustment to reality. Oh the joy!

Mom's Need a Break

Do you fellow mothers out there agree? I thought so. Especially when you have been gifted, by one of your children, the wonderful experience of a nasty sinus and chest cold. This gift does not, however, come with any measure of patience, tolerance for loud noises or the ability of speech.

I had a voice this a.m., now not so much. I had patience at 8:00 a.m., now at 10:00 p.m. not so much. I had a slight headache at noon now I'm pretty sure there is a tuba being played inside my head.

Why, you may ask, haven't I packed it in and gone to bed. Not that our two little, precious, germ sharing sons are still awake....no it would be the 9 teenagers in the family room having a movie night and fun. It all sounded like a nice evening for the kids when Sydney asked....of course that was when the cold medicine was working....now not so much. They are all great kids and having a blast which makes it that much easier to leave Mike in charge and head for bed.....did I forget to mention something? Mike is in the middle of the kitchen floor trying to replace our 17 year old dishwasher, that decided today would be the day it needed a permanent break. No I can't be much help, having a head cold with blurry eyes and bi-focals does not make me line anything up straight. Going to take a mom break now....hope I don't end up on the patio with the dishwasher!

What Did You Learn Today?

The kids and I (minus Rachel, who is away at college) took Mike out for a birthday supper this evening. Alison was torturing....ummm talking to Eli and asked him what he learned at school. As is the norm, he shrugs his shoulders and says, "I don't know." Yes he does but you must go through this ritual every time you ask him a question. He finally, nods his head and says, "I learned the math."

Lucas, not to be outdone, asks if she wants to know what he learned. He informs us and half the people at Olive Garden that he learned "the plural". I was intrigued and asked him what plural meant. He once again thinks I must need to go back to school because he pats my arm and says, "Mom. It means more than one. Like mouse, plural is meese." Well he's got the concept. He also learned that singular is for one. He explained this by loudly proclaiming MOUSE is singular. Unfortunately I'm thinking the only thing that the people around us at Olive Garden heard was the word mouse. Use your imagination for the looks we got.

Civil War

No the boys are not fighting one another.....right now. We were watching a tv program on the civil war, Abraham Lincoln and slavery. Nothing graphic but for whatever reason Abraham Lincoln is the one president that the boys recognize and are interested in.

We were about 1/2 way through the program when Lucas finally understood it was a war, fought between Americans. He had to know every aspect of the who, what, where and most importantly the why.

He learned as much as I could explain ten different ways. I will gladly explain English words, spellings, family life, friendships, school projects, girls, social norms.....whatever.....I just don't want to have to explain war. It can be necessary, justified, not justified, whatever but it will never make sense to a child which I suppose should offer us some hope for the future.

Time Change = "No FAIR Bedtimes"

Ok. I made a mistake. I asked everyone at the supper table to help me remember to turn the clocks ahead Saturday night. Big mistake when you have two short people who have been demanding a later bedtime for two weeks.

Eli had a brief moment where he thought he'd earn an extra hour instead of lose one. Upon the unfortunate realization it was the exact opposite, I'm sure some of you may have heard him, "MOM! That's not fair! Don't do that! Why you do that? NO!"

We tried to explain the time change.....which by the way is unexplainable....to anyone even those who have lived here their entire lives. Sydney's statement...."Look, we didn't just start doing this to mess with your bedtime." Did I mention she's been at state speech contest since 6:00 a.m. and her patience for two time challenged brothers was non existent. Bedtime was a little rough.

Conversations with Your Sister

Our middle daughter, Rachel, is attending college 2 1/2 hours away from home. She is an elementary ed/special education student. Her week-end visits are not restful for her.....at all. She is the sister that Lucas and Eli treat with great deference and in return expect complete and utter servitude and unending playtime (I'm aware that doesn't make sense ~ it's the way they roll).

Sydney is their anchoring sister. She's here day in and day out, they know her moods, likes, dislikes, friends, boyfriend (Parker we are so grateful you like to laugh). She is their school transportation, "boss" when we aren't home and generally the sister they are most likely to bicker with and not listen to until she comes unhinged...... because that's what brother's do.

Alison is their sister of "idol" proportions......(Alison do NOT let that go to your head!). She is the sister that they are awed by (Eli loves to see what her hair color will be week to week), she is the one they are, shall we say. intimidated by. When she brings out her RN voice they listen up. It's similar to a mom voice but I think they aren't quite sure if she's carrying a syringe as back up :) She has never threatened this, they definitely respect the nurse side. When she speaks they listen for the most part and think that because she has her own place she is the absolute goal to achieve. From day one Lucas has said he wants to be a doctor because Alison is a nurse. Not sure if it's his view that nurses are female and doctors are male or he thinks he would finally get to boss Alison....not even then buddy!

But I digress. Eli is very aware that Rachel is on her way to becoming a teacher, therefore, in his book just short of Alison's "idol" status. He wants her to read, to listen to him read and pretty much impress her with how smart he is. Saturday she took them into the library to check out books....that's another whole story.

As he waited to go, he wanted a snack, I gave him a banana. As he's eating it he says, "Hey, Mom. Does banana have sugar?" Ok. Can you tell we really, REALLY watch how much sugar he gets? This is a pretty standard question for him these days. He knows things don't go well on sugar overload. I said, "It has potassium, that's good for you." I asked if he could say that word. He said no but then Rachel asked him to repeat it that was a different story, no need to impress the mom anymore.

I don't know why but English words that he has learned since coming home don't have an accent. It's probably a very well proven fact of English language learners but when listening to an accented conversation suddenly change to a non accent for one or two words is interesting. The word potassium was a little hard to get him to try but when it came out it was clear, with all the sounds. It was also accompanied by a huge grin for his sister, to let her know she should be adequately impressed. To make sure she stayed in awe of his abilities, he's been practicing this word......a lot!

What's For Breakfast

On Saturday mornings, if we aren't all going 20 different directions, Mike and the boys make breakfast. The women of the household appreciate this but are sometimes "worried" as to what we will be eating.

This mornings' menu was monkey bread (basically cinnamon, sugar and butter baked over biscuits). No way nutritional but yummy. Lucas and Eli had not had them before this morning.

As Sydney was off to state speech contest, it was just Rachel and myself left to enjoy their creation.

Rachel came out of her bedroom and Lucas asked if she wanted orange juice, hot chocolate or coffee. Her reply was, "what are we having for breakfast?" Lucas looked at the oven where the monkey bread was baking and said, "I don't know it stinky good though."

I'm not thinking he has a career as a food critic.

It's Black, It's White...No It's Bickering Brothers!

I know, I know....for those that gave me dire warnings about boys and their, shall we say, unique perspectives, noises, need for physical contact and the billion other things that make boys - boys.

I'm choosing to blame the current level of bickering, shoving and all around disgruntlement that Lucas and Eli have towards one another, on spring weather. It could be hormonal, it could be brotherly irritations, it could be that they are actually independent, functioning, opinionated, irritated and somewhat irrational 9 and 11 year olds. I choose to think it's spring.

Spring conjures up pleasant feelings. There is an end to spring thus a hopeful end to the bickering. Spring marks the end of cold enforced togetherness. Spring weather gives me hope that I won't be turned in for child endangerment when I tell them to take the bickering outside. I've never been so grateful to live in the country where they can go burn off energy and get space from one another.

Girls are often given a bad wrap for being hormonal...HA! I used to feel sorry for Mike because he was trapped for a lot of years with 4 females in the house.....now I feel sorry for his mom for all the years she was trapped with 3 males in the house and the only females she could account for were a cow and female dog to even things out!

Uneven Sibling Issues

Sibling adoptions are a challenge unto themselves....or so they are in our world. I wouldn't want to change them or anything like that. It's just that sometimes it's really a challenge to keep pace with the issues being dealt with by each one of the boys.

One of the big issues to be talked about and learned about and talked about.....and did I mention talked about, is helping your internationally adopted child retain their culture and birth heritage. It's an important part of their lives and through adoption becomes a part of ours. Unfortunately only one of the boys is interested at all in talking or learning about anything concerning their Filipino heritage. Our other son wants nothing to do with anything about his past. It's sad that he feels this way right now....but it does present a challenge when trying to incorporate the culture of the Philippines and interests of one and not pushing it on the other until he's interested.

Our biggest concern in this area was whether we'd find ways to help the boys retain their culture, now it's shifted more to how to let one explore and grow and let one come to terms with his choices and to not let resentment between the two grow for those choices.

100% and Proud

For those of you that have been reading this blog for awhile, you know that Eli is our youngest. He also had a lot of preconceived, negative notions about education. It had always been a struggle, with little success and with even less positive reinforcement.

A lot can change in 15 months. We still have moments where he struggles and I'm quite positive that his patience and attention are short but he's excited to learn......that to us is huge....and apparently to him.

He met me at the door the other night. When I say met me at the door, translate this into I couldn't get the door open because he was standing on the other side of it waving a paper and screaming, "I got 100!"

When I wedged myself into the house, the famed test paper was shoved up my nose. He was dancing full tilt in the hallway singing some happy song about getting 100% on his spelling test. Then he stopped short, turned around and asked me if 100% makes him smart. To think this kid was every made to feel dumb is unbelievable. His creativity and ability to figure out how things work show he has so many talents. Now if we can just build on his academic confidence!

Likin' America

We have a lot of conversations with Lucas about the Philippines and America. He is starting to ask more and more questions. Then and now. There and here. Orphanage and home. Sometimes these are really long lengthy talks and others are fly by questions.

The other day while I was making lunch, he appeared at my elbow, grabbed me around the middle and said, "Mom, America good. I like it." He then grabbed his book off the counter, went into his room and started reading it.

While this particular comment didn't require much from me at the time, outside of listening, it did leave me standing there wondering what on Earth brought that revelation about.

Sunday we had all the kids at home for dinner. He found it very important to tell "his" story about the Philippines to Alison. Alison was a little lost as to why he was directing the story at her but we later came to the conclusion that he had not actually told her in his own words about his life before the orphanage, during and when we came to pick up the boys. I guess it was another step in their sibling relationship. Theirs' is probably the one with the most transitions. Alison is oldest, Lucas was oldest. Alison has her own place and so we generally see her once or twice a week, so their time together is broken up.

So all around I'm thinking he's found a lot of things and people he thinks are pretty neat about America.

Sometimes You Make a Wrong Call

Well. I know I'm not alone. Parents in general mess up in dozens of ways every day. Sometimes....when your child announces they don't "feel good" a certain, undisclosed parent, will do a bare bones diagnosis and say...."Oh, I think you are ok. Let's try school and see how it goes." Yeah! Everyone heads out the door for the day.

Then that night, your child says, "I hurt here (pointing to his throat). Hmmm....ok. Said throat is a little red, typical cold symptoms develop (I'll spare you the descriptions) so said, unnamed Mom breaks out the cold meds and cold symptoms are alleviated.....Ummmm nope.

This morning Lucas' throat was nasty. Mike made a doctor's appointment. Once again, we are a little "sceptical" of driving 60 miles to the doctor in order to be told it's a virus, nothing to do but wait. Yep....not this time.

Lucas has bacterial pneumonia. Say it...go ahead...I have....BAD CALL MOM! He's on antibiotics and should be feeling better soon. I wonder how long it will take until I can read his ques. He kept saying he was ok......translation: I don't want you to take me to the doctor. When he points to his throat it could mean his chest. Pretty sure if he understood about mom guilt and that he possesses the ability to get most anything out of this inadequate parent......at least until the mom guilt wares off.

Knock, Knock.....

They've discovered (attempting) to tell jokes. Yep....some are better than others. Most of the time what happens around the joke telling is funnier. Here's the conversation last night:

Eli: "Knock, Knock."

Lucas: "Who's there?"

Eli: "Snow"

Lucas: "Snow who?"

Eli: "Mom says it's going to snow Saturday!"

Lucas: "WHAT! Mom! NO MORE SNOW!

There is no more humor in Iowa, in March, at least when it comes to snow.

Writing an Apology....Another First

Can I just start by saying, "Wow! I am totally in awe of Eli and his enormous growth these past 15 months. I'm equally in awe of Lucas but for a range of things different from Eli.

Eli is....well.....not his brother. Surprised? We aren't. We live with them. No two siblings are the same but sometimes it's easy to blur the lines and expect the similar accomplishments, growth, you name it. I have a new respect of parents with twins.

I've written a little about Eli's experiences before arriving home. To say the least he was not a "favorite" of care givers. He does not tolerate anything or anyone he feels is a waste of time. From the referal information, to doctors evaluations to school.....he simply did not have a positive start with the adult world. He didn't go to school for the majority of his life in the Philippines. He did not trust adults and only relied on Lucas. He's not lazy or stupid. He's actually shockingly intelligent. Talk with him, you'll find out, don't talk down to him, he'll dump you in the pile with the others who have treated him poorly. Trust me, you'll be in a pile of personalities that you'd be embarrassed to associate with.

If a person were to look at his transition from arrival home until now, and if you could possibly understand all the areas in which he has had to adapt; language, family life, education, emotionally and behaviorally, coping mechanisms needing adjustments, to developing a new, evolved relationship with Lucas. It's a miracle that the scared, angry, grieving kid from last January is now a little boy who will cuddle up to me when I'm sick on the couch, put his arm around me and pat my head to see if I'm ok, who willingly does chores, who cleans up his room and now feels remorse over broken toys (even if it's an accident). He has also learned what an apology is and some ways to make an apology. He wanted to send his teacher an apology for not doing his best. Fifteen months ago he wouldn't have cared who or what a teacher was or comprehend the need.

I also find myself extremely short on patience in the area of explanations. I have talked myself blue trying to explain the background of children from institutions and the life time amount of baggage that comes along. It's not to say that this excuses or gets them a free pass with people, I believe that people and the boys are better off with information than with operating blindly. I don't expect others to automatically know institutional behaviors (let me clue you it's a whole area of development that is not widely known, especially in the United States). My frustration comes with repeated need to "fight the fight" with the same individuals who were never expected to have to "know" these issues but who are now knee deep in them. I get that they did not "ask for this new learning curve." I want to childishly tell them, "Well the boys didn't ask to be abandoned and orphaned. They didn't ask to be adopted into a different country and language. No matter how they were explained the changes that would be happening, no 8 and 9 year old is going to "get it" just like the new people in their lives could not possibly imagine how many zillion areas of early child development they have not experienced and are still learning. Just because you have a, now, 9 and 10 year old in front of you, does not mean you are experiencing the behaviors, attitudes and abilities of a 9 or 10 year old child raised in the United States from birth. Deal with it. They've come so far, they will go further, they will be more than anyone right now can imagine. Again, this mom, wants to say, "Adjust yourselves people because this is not nor ever will be "done". When you are told by people who know that this is years worth of learning.....they mean it.....and when you find yourself on the receiving end of an apology from either of our sons.....don't take it lightly......they truly mean it and take it to heart.

Can you tell I'm proud of them and Momma Bear is sharpening some claws.

Oh My Back!

Ok....something to consider when adopting "older" kids..... the size of your children when they decide they want to be held, cuddled and carried and the age of your back.

Don't get me wrong, I'm willing to do traction if necessary (and I think it may be) but I just wish I had advanced warning or some kind of "carry me" radar.

Eli will be 10 in June. He may look quite compact but let me tell you the U.S./Iowa feeding program he's been on for the past 18 months have made that little body into a heavily (strong on the heavy) weight program for this mom.

No matter when these surprise hugs, running jumps to be held occur they momentarily stun me (good thing cause the stun blocks the back spasms). He absolutely, under no circumstances wanted to be touched when he arrived home. I remember being so thrilled when we graduated to holding hands. I have a confession to make though, we had to teach him what being carried around was about. He didn't know to hold on, didn't know to wrap his legs, didn't know he could relax. Now he's got it mastered as he climbs up our bodies and leans over backwards, laughing hysterically.

Now please excuse me as I reach for the Aleve and and ice pack....Happy Hugging Everyone:)

I'm Funny

We've noticed over the last few weeks how each of the boys' humor is expanding. Eli is always a goof ball but doesn't really understand jokes. Lucas takes almost everything seriously and waits to see if others find something funny. Part of it is language, part of it is probably not wanting to "get it wrong".

These last few weeks have really changed in this area. Knock, knock jokes are amazingly funny to them......we think so too even if it's the same one repeated 20 billion times. They laugh at jokes on tv and unfortunately they've learned to laugh hilariously at one another and their sisters, either of which usually ends badly.

Today Lucas came into the kitchen and said, "Mom, I'm funny. I wasn't funny in Philippines, I didn't know jokes, I'm funny here, I like jokes and laugh." With that he turned around and went back in his room to play. Here's to the goof ball and the knock, knock jokes and the arguments from teasing....whatever it takes to bring the laughter.

Thank You Mom

We drove to the car dealership tonight to pick up Mike's new company car. Typical of Iowa weather in February.....it wasn't a pleasant evening. It has been warmer these last few days, with lots of melting snow.....which brings fog....a lot of fog and with it comes mist. Yeah!

Mike said it had to be about the worst weather he'd ever pick a new car up in. Add to it that by the time we started to the dealership 40 miles away it was dark. Yeah again!

The boys were really excited to go along and to be "first" to ride in a NEW car. Mike drove it across the street to the gas station and then decided I should drive cause he'd been driving all day. Yeah! Again! (You got the part about the fog, mist and pitch black, can't see 15 feet in front of you conditions?)

We made it 2/3's of the way home and came up on a deer beside the road which resulted in the sudden need to apply the brakes. The deer stood still and we made it by without incident. Then we hear Eli from the back seat, "Thank You Mom! for not hitting the deer. It would be bad and dead." Yep, pretty sure Dad nor his company would have appreciated the introduction to Bambi. It did serve as a lesson to the shorter family members that there is a reason Mom preaches the seat belt rule. I am also pretty sure Lucas is looking into litigation on whiplash.

Super Nanny ~ Ultimate Warrior

Apparently and without our realizing it the boys have a new hero. It is Jo Frost, better known as Super Nanny on t.v.

The boys, especially Lucas, are convinced she is the ultimate in making "naughty, really mean kids" behave. They also are convinced that she will show up at our house if they misbehave. Now I'm not sure but their views are comparable to the boogy man and Captain America (with a British accent - they are also convinced she doesn't speak English) all rolled into this one woman.

We discovered their awe of her tonight when they thought her tv show was on (Charlie Brown was instead and that apparently eased the disappointment). They have seen her program a whole 2 times but it was enough to convince them that we should never ask her to come to our house and they promise to be very, very good. It's almost better than saying Santa is watching!

Half Time Shower

Well Mike is trying. And trying. And trying. To explain football and more importantly the Super Bowl to the boys. Lucas is much more interested, Eli would be more interested if it was a combination WWF/MMA and Kung Fu Panda. Let's say it lasts a little longer than his attention span.

I, being shall we say, not at all interested chose to read a book uninterrupted with sporadic laundry duty. On one of my laundry room trips I met up with Eli who is exalting his choice to take a shower.....it's 7:00?

I said, "why are you taking a shower, aren't you watching football with Dad and Lucas?" He had to give me his "my mom is so lame" look and said, " Mom, it's half time, I STINK!" Hmmm. There must have been some highly physical snack eating during the first half......I'm going back to my book, hope he gets out of the shower before the game is over.

Rights of Hand Me Downs

Apparently Eli is aware of some sort of rights to hand me downs that we have never encountered before. Either that or he just really wants his brothers' things....clothes more than toys.

This morning I told the boys to go get their Sunday School clothes out and get dressed. Eli brought out a shirt to make sure it was all right to wear. As I'm looking at this shirt, I'm thinking I don't think that's his shirt. Lucas, always 10 steps ahead, hollers, "HEY! That's my shirt!"

Eli, in his advanced wisdom of such things, tells us, "No. You are 11. I am 9. You have this shirt when you were 9. It's mine now, I am 9." Well. All righty then. Eli did learn a lesson that apparently supercedes the hand me down rule......it's his brothers' rule of it's mine until I tell you differently and because I'm 11 I will enforce this rule.

Brothers!

Called to the Principal's Office

That is what we heard on Friday afternoon when Lucas was digging through his bag for something the principal gave him to show us.

Okay. No matter how old you get no one hears the words, "called to the Principal's office" and doesn't experience that momentary panic and think what did I do? Parents not only have a flash back to their school days but have the new wonder of thinking what did my kid do? This all takes place in the brain in a millisecond but it happens.

As the picture shows he had a wonderful trip to the principal for his award on his scholastic improvement. It's a big deal (I mean that seriously) and he hasn't let us forget it (I mean that seriously.

When You Are Old....

This evening we were watching a news program on aging parents. It contained an interview with adult children of elderly parents and the situations they find themselves handling for their parents.

Lucas and Eli conducted their usual running conversations of who, what, why and as the story progressed they became quite intense as to why the "old" dad and mom needed to be taken care of. They just couldn't get their brain around that.

We finally gave them the example of my mom who is in an assisted living apartment and needs help from all of the family sometimes. Man....did the light bulbs switch on.

Eli's concern, "are you old?" My response, "not that old yet." (probably getting there faster than I'd like).

Lucas' take on this ...... "Mom, when you old I take care of you, you take care of me now." Eli nodded his head, with great wisdom, agreeing that this would be the best course to take for Mike and my twilight years.

Now you may wonder how this differs from conversations we've had with the girls on this subject. Their take....Alison says she knows a really good nursing home....Rachel says, ummm nope and Sydney digs a really good hole. The differences in kids :)

Explaining a Cemetery

Did you ever watch a movie and just watch it? No explaining, no thinking, no brain waves firing? Yep, we used to do that too. Watch a movie, just to watch.

These days when we watch with the boys, the movie does not end when the credits roll. You do not passively sit and watch any part of the movie, every corner of that screen is analyzed, every piece of the background action is absorbed.

It really makes it hard to pick a show that will work for entertainment as most lead to a lot of stress for the boys and stress for the parents. I think the pause and rewind button on our remote is worn out.

School was dismissed early due to weather today and mid afternoon I decided we needed a little noise relief and put in a movie. We actually made it a good distance into it before I had to stop and explain something. I think we restarted the movie after a half hour talk. The question.....what is that place? It was Arlington National Cemetery. The boys know what a cemetery is, what grave markers are. They had not seen a military funeral or the very obvious military markers of Arlington.

Lucas and Eli asked why they were all the same, where it was at, who was buried there, if we knew anyone buried there, does everyone in a war go there, do they put the flag in the grave, how many markers are there in the cemetery and so many other things that I can't even remember. The thing that amazes me is that the view of Arlington was way in the background, not a major feature of the show.

Can you imagine watching a show and pulling that much detail from the picture. No wonder videos are so overwhelming to them. Next time you sit down to watch tv or a movie try this experiment, don't look at the foreground of the picture, look way in the back. Try it for 5 minutes. It will give you great insight into the mind of someone who is processing every piece of data they can lay their minds to. And for those of you who meet up with Lucas and Eli on a daily basis.....just because they may not see what's in front of them, they may be seeing what is out of your vision.

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Canadian, Norwegian, Southern Filipino?

I cannot even begin to imagine where Eli has come up with his latest accent/slang terminology.

While it's hilarious to listen to when he's yahing this and that and throwing in a deep southern accent, it is extremely hard to figure out what he's saying. It just slips through once in awhile but where is it coming from?

You would think he's been watching weird shows on tv or something. After four days of this "accent" I must say I'm ready for him to develop our flat, Midwest tone, it's a little hard on the ears not to mention the brain.

A First at Age 11

Tomorrow Lucas will be 11 years old. His 2nd birthday with us. It kind of feels like we are celebrating 2 things at once. An adoptive parent is usually hyper aware that there are conflicts with chronological and developmental ages for their kids. But I have to confess that sometimes things can still make it by us and we are surprised about a reaction until it hits us that, "oh yah, this is another first." Makes me have a "duh" moment as a parent.

Lucas was so excited to have his first "friends" birthday party. We went to a movie and pizza. He had so much fun but was in his worry frame of mind, where he found it hard to relax because he was concerned about what was next. By the end though he had that fun thing down. You can tell by the picture.....or maybe that was when the sugar and caffeine hit.

Adam and Eve

Today is proving to be one of those hectic days where parents need to clone themselves.

Sydney is off to district group speech contest (without parents) :( and Lucas is having his first birthday party with friends from school. He turns 11 on Tuesday but he's taking some friends to the movies and pizza today. As we've come to learn in the past year, boys are a totally different species and combine that with movie, candy, soda and pizza........let me say Mike, Rachel and myself are on party duty. I can't believe I used to take the girls and a whole car full of their friends by myself.....guess I've gotten smart, scared or old....take your pick.

Anyway, Sydney is part of a duo performing a speech depicting Adam and Eve in conversation with God before and after the "apple". The catch is they are reversed roles, Sydney portrays Adam and Parker is Eve....give credit to a 16 year old guy who has it together enough to do this! Yes this is the bragging part, they are absolutely hilarious. (Side note - we just learned they received a 1 rating and will be going to state!)

Sydney and Parker have put a lot of hours into this performance. Practicing at home, at school, at church. This morning at the breakfast table the boys realized Sydney wasn't here and asked when she left (7:00 a.m.) and we told them what she was doing.

Well, no one can say that these two don't pay attention and retain what is going on in their environment. Eli pops up with, "Weeelll, Hello Adam." Lucas follows with, "Weeellll Helllooo Eve!" And proceeded to keep us in stitches with their interpretations of Sydney and Parker and Adam and Eve.

Now. I'm just hoping tomorrow at Sunday School, these two portrayals don't appear to enlighten the entire Sunday School room, the teachers will be wondering what on Earth we're telling them.

No Touchy!

Okay. Maybe a little of his sisters' OCD where food placement is concerned has rubbed off on Eli. Tonight at supper, I was putting the much despised vegetables on his plate and he frantically starts building a bridge between the corn and his beans and wieners, screaming, "No touchy, mom! Corn only here."


I had to put the corn exactly where he designated, while ensuring him that there would be no rogue kernels of corn trying to invade his beans and wieners. One thing about a kid who doesn't like his food touching.....he ate the corn fast so it couldn't get out of control and he did it without complaining that he didn't like it. You may also notice (as I'm sure our girls did) that I did not disclose which or how many of them seem to have this OCD fetish of no food touching. Their mom is smart!

He's Pink

When I get home from work, almost every day, Lucas has something that he wants me to explain to him. Usually it's something from school, about friends or missed social cues. His brain must be so tired at the end of a day, I can't imagine.

One of the things he thought was a total mystery was that one of his best friends' face turns red when he laughs. According to Lucas, his friend laughs a lot. Okay after we talked about skin color and blushing and all that it entails, he looks at me and asks, "but he's okay?" Poor kid probably thought his friend had an incurable skin issue.

The Rock

At dinner time Sydney and Eli sit next to one another at the table. To say we are trying to reinstill some mealtime manners is an understatement. Unfortunately for those of us teaching, we get tired of repeating. Sydney being one of these unfortunate, overworked manner teachers.

Tonight she stopped talking and started in with glaring at her littlest brother in the hopes he would miraculously acquire the ability to read her thoughts. Her errors with this method were not realizing that he is:

1. a male
2. a brother who loves to irritate his sister

in short her method was less than effective until her glare apparently cracked Eli's steely resolve at which point he turned to me and said, "Mom! Me need rock right here." Then he proceeded to show that he wanted a large rock between the two of them. I thought it could possibly be effective from both their view points......Mike said no.

Did You Know?

Did you know that when it snows it is not just frozen water crystals?

In the eyes of two boys who were too fascinated last year to think beyond snow balls, snow men and forts, this year they see ice cream cones, snow tears (flakes), ice tears (sleet),ice caves like the "laskians" have (interpreted to be people from Alaska), snow blowers (no not the machine, wind blowing snow around)and the lists go on and on. So do the interpretations until we figure out which part of the snow we're talking about.

Unfortunately, right now, we have a lot of snow examples for them to broaden their horizons. Gotta love January in Iowa!

Milk?

It has been a lesson in "espionage" parenting to make sure the boys get enough calcium in their diets. For over a year we've tried a lot of different items. We finally mastered cheese (Lucas' new favorite food, after of course the not to be outdone chicken) and yogurt on a limited basis.

I think Eli may have been experiencing cabin fever, snow storm dementia or hit his head but last night he came into the kitchen, tapped me on the arm and said, "I need some milk." I'm pretty sure the kid thinks I'm a little slow on the uptake, usually he just flabbergasts me to the point I'm temporarily incapacitated. I said, "Are you sure?" Why, why would I ask him that and not just give it to him? Maybe he's right, I am a little slow. He, got this look on his face that pretty much said, "wow, I'm going to have to draw her a picture." "Yes, Mom! I want to drink milk."

I poured him a glass and watched him chug it. I was sincerely hoping we wouldn't have a return visit. He handed the glass to me, smiled and went back to playing. I don't know what inspired the sudden "need" to drink milk but hey it worked and outside of the kid continuing to talk to me as if I'm the one learning English I'm all for it.

Snow Day Part Two

I have supper in the oven and have issued the no more outside directive to the boys. It continues to snow....yipppeee....I've learned my lesson, no more wishing for snow days or at least until late February.

The last trip back inside Eli yells from the doorway, "MOM! Hot up my clothes!" His clothes were soaked, he was soaked and he thought I should dump it all into the dryer so he could go back out. Not happening. Although ..... if I hide in the dryer, could they find me?

9 Inches of Insanity and Growing

Ok. I admit it. I committed one of the cardinal sins of parenting. I wished for a snow day. For those of you sitting at home with your cooped up children, I apologize. I should have been much more specific and wished the snow day was for the school I work at and not my kids school. Five hours, 9 inches of snow and accumulating and I am going to stick someones head in a snow drift. I can say this without remorse as the head may very well be my own.

Our first half of this day brought a wake up call from Eli at 6:45 because he just knew we overslept and were late for school. Followed this up with a demand for waffles and eggs.....yep that didn't work out well, three trips to "play outside" resulting in 3 soaked snow pants, 4 sets of mittens and a lost hat, the topper to these outside excursions was the discovery, resuscitation and unfortunately ultimate death of a sparrow.......(the girls just never had the need to pick up dead or nearly so things and bring them inside). We are now deaf from hearing, "I'm hungry!", "I'm bored!" "Can I (fill in the blank and say it a billion times). I did mention the snow drift was looking inviting right?

I Liked Him Better When He Didn't Talk

No that is not a statement from any parental figure in our household.

It is, however, Lucas' sentiments expressed at the dinner table when Eli was holding up his end of the conversations and very diligently expressing himself. In the middle of the verbal barrage, Lucas turned to me and said, "I liked him better when he didn't talk in the Philippines! He talks all the time now."

After I was done choking, I had to explain that it was ok for Eli to talk and maybe he just had a lot of talking to catch up on. Not that the explanation appeased Lucas (I know it didn't slow Eli down) as he turned back to his meal, I heard Lucas mumbling, "talk, talk, talk, he still talks too much."

Outside of Lucas and probably a few teachers the rest of the world should be glad and prepared that he's found his voice, the kid is smart, funny and has the most interesting insights. Hopefully he's bright enough to ease up so Lucas doesn't try to put a muzzle on him.