Explaining a Cemetery

Did you ever watch a movie and just watch it? No explaining, no thinking, no brain waves firing? Yep, we used to do that too. Watch a movie, just to watch.

These days when we watch with the boys, the movie does not end when the credits roll. You do not passively sit and watch any part of the movie, every corner of that screen is analyzed, every piece of the background action is absorbed.

It really makes it hard to pick a show that will work for entertainment as most lead to a lot of stress for the boys and stress for the parents. I think the pause and rewind button on our remote is worn out.

School was dismissed early due to weather today and mid afternoon I decided we needed a little noise relief and put in a movie. We actually made it a good distance into it before I had to stop and explain something. I think we restarted the movie after a half hour talk. The question.....what is that place? It was Arlington National Cemetery. The boys know what a cemetery is, what grave markers are. They had not seen a military funeral or the very obvious military markers of Arlington.

Lucas and Eli asked why they were all the same, where it was at, who was buried there, if we knew anyone buried there, does everyone in a war go there, do they put the flag in the grave, how many markers are there in the cemetery and so many other things that I can't even remember. The thing that amazes me is that the view of Arlington was way in the background, not a major feature of the show.

Can you imagine watching a show and pulling that much detail from the picture. No wonder videos are so overwhelming to them. Next time you sit down to watch tv or a movie try this experiment, don't look at the foreground of the picture, look way in the back. Try it for 5 minutes. It will give you great insight into the mind of someone who is processing every piece of data they can lay their minds to. And for those of you who meet up with Lucas and Eli on a daily basis.....just because they may not see what's in front of them, they may be seeing what is out of your vision.

Customize a free slideshow design

Canadian, Norwegian, Southern Filipino?

I cannot even begin to imagine where Eli has come up with his latest accent/slang terminology.

While it's hilarious to listen to when he's yahing this and that and throwing in a deep southern accent, it is extremely hard to figure out what he's saying. It just slips through once in awhile but where is it coming from?

You would think he's been watching weird shows on tv or something. After four days of this "accent" I must say I'm ready for him to develop our flat, Midwest tone, it's a little hard on the ears not to mention the brain.

A First at Age 11

Tomorrow Lucas will be 11 years old. His 2nd birthday with us. It kind of feels like we are celebrating 2 things at once. An adoptive parent is usually hyper aware that there are conflicts with chronological and developmental ages for their kids. But I have to confess that sometimes things can still make it by us and we are surprised about a reaction until it hits us that, "oh yah, this is another first." Makes me have a "duh" moment as a parent.

Lucas was so excited to have his first "friends" birthday party. We went to a movie and pizza. He had so much fun but was in his worry frame of mind, where he found it hard to relax because he was concerned about what was next. By the end though he had that fun thing down. You can tell by the picture.....or maybe that was when the sugar and caffeine hit.

Adam and Eve

Today is proving to be one of those hectic days where parents need to clone themselves.

Sydney is off to district group speech contest (without parents) :( and Lucas is having his first birthday party with friends from school. He turns 11 on Tuesday but he's taking some friends to the movies and pizza today. As we've come to learn in the past year, boys are a totally different species and combine that with movie, candy, soda and pizza........let me say Mike, Rachel and myself are on party duty. I can't believe I used to take the girls and a whole car full of their friends by myself.....guess I've gotten smart, scared or old....take your pick.

Anyway, Sydney is part of a duo performing a speech depicting Adam and Eve in conversation with God before and after the "apple". The catch is they are reversed roles, Sydney portrays Adam and Parker is Eve....give credit to a 16 year old guy who has it together enough to do this! Yes this is the bragging part, they are absolutely hilarious. (Side note - we just learned they received a 1 rating and will be going to state!)

Sydney and Parker have put a lot of hours into this performance. Practicing at home, at school, at church. This morning at the breakfast table the boys realized Sydney wasn't here and asked when she left (7:00 a.m.) and we told them what she was doing.

Well, no one can say that these two don't pay attention and retain what is going on in their environment. Eli pops up with, "Weeelll, Hello Adam." Lucas follows with, "Weeellll Helllooo Eve!" And proceeded to keep us in stitches with their interpretations of Sydney and Parker and Adam and Eve.

Now. I'm just hoping tomorrow at Sunday School, these two portrayals don't appear to enlighten the entire Sunday School room, the teachers will be wondering what on Earth we're telling them.

No Touchy!

Okay. Maybe a little of his sisters' OCD where food placement is concerned has rubbed off on Eli. Tonight at supper, I was putting the much despised vegetables on his plate and he frantically starts building a bridge between the corn and his beans and wieners, screaming, "No touchy, mom! Corn only here."


I had to put the corn exactly where he designated, while ensuring him that there would be no rogue kernels of corn trying to invade his beans and wieners. One thing about a kid who doesn't like his food touching.....he ate the corn fast so it couldn't get out of control and he did it without complaining that he didn't like it. You may also notice (as I'm sure our girls did) that I did not disclose which or how many of them seem to have this OCD fetish of no food touching. Their mom is smart!

He's Pink

When I get home from work, almost every day, Lucas has something that he wants me to explain to him. Usually it's something from school, about friends or missed social cues. His brain must be so tired at the end of a day, I can't imagine.

One of the things he thought was a total mystery was that one of his best friends' face turns red when he laughs. According to Lucas, his friend laughs a lot. Okay after we talked about skin color and blushing and all that it entails, he looks at me and asks, "but he's okay?" Poor kid probably thought his friend had an incurable skin issue.

The Rock

At dinner time Sydney and Eli sit next to one another at the table. To say we are trying to reinstill some mealtime manners is an understatement. Unfortunately for those of us teaching, we get tired of repeating. Sydney being one of these unfortunate, overworked manner teachers.

Tonight she stopped talking and started in with glaring at her littlest brother in the hopes he would miraculously acquire the ability to read her thoughts. Her errors with this method were not realizing that he is:

1. a male
2. a brother who loves to irritate his sister

in short her method was less than effective until her glare apparently cracked Eli's steely resolve at which point he turned to me and said, "Mom! Me need rock right here." Then he proceeded to show that he wanted a large rock between the two of them. I thought it could possibly be effective from both their view points......Mike said no.

Did You Know?

Did you know that when it snows it is not just frozen water crystals?

In the eyes of two boys who were too fascinated last year to think beyond snow balls, snow men and forts, this year they see ice cream cones, snow tears (flakes), ice tears (sleet),ice caves like the "laskians" have (interpreted to be people from Alaska), snow blowers (no not the machine, wind blowing snow around)and the lists go on and on. So do the interpretations until we figure out which part of the snow we're talking about.

Unfortunately, right now, we have a lot of snow examples for them to broaden their horizons. Gotta love January in Iowa!

Milk?

It has been a lesson in "espionage" parenting to make sure the boys get enough calcium in their diets. For over a year we've tried a lot of different items. We finally mastered cheese (Lucas' new favorite food, after of course the not to be outdone chicken) and yogurt on a limited basis.

I think Eli may have been experiencing cabin fever, snow storm dementia or hit his head but last night he came into the kitchen, tapped me on the arm and said, "I need some milk." I'm pretty sure the kid thinks I'm a little slow on the uptake, usually he just flabbergasts me to the point I'm temporarily incapacitated. I said, "Are you sure?" Why, why would I ask him that and not just give it to him? Maybe he's right, I am a little slow. He, got this look on his face that pretty much said, "wow, I'm going to have to draw her a picture." "Yes, Mom! I want to drink milk."

I poured him a glass and watched him chug it. I was sincerely hoping we wouldn't have a return visit. He handed the glass to me, smiled and went back to playing. I don't know what inspired the sudden "need" to drink milk but hey it worked and outside of the kid continuing to talk to me as if I'm the one learning English I'm all for it.

Snow Day Part Two

I have supper in the oven and have issued the no more outside directive to the boys. It continues to snow....yipppeee....I've learned my lesson, no more wishing for snow days or at least until late February.

The last trip back inside Eli yells from the doorway, "MOM! Hot up my clothes!" His clothes were soaked, he was soaked and he thought I should dump it all into the dryer so he could go back out. Not happening. Although ..... if I hide in the dryer, could they find me?

9 Inches of Insanity and Growing

Ok. I admit it. I committed one of the cardinal sins of parenting. I wished for a snow day. For those of you sitting at home with your cooped up children, I apologize. I should have been much more specific and wished the snow day was for the school I work at and not my kids school. Five hours, 9 inches of snow and accumulating and I am going to stick someones head in a snow drift. I can say this without remorse as the head may very well be my own.

Our first half of this day brought a wake up call from Eli at 6:45 because he just knew we overslept and were late for school. Followed this up with a demand for waffles and eggs.....yep that didn't work out well, three trips to "play outside" resulting in 3 soaked snow pants, 4 sets of mittens and a lost hat, the topper to these outside excursions was the discovery, resuscitation and unfortunately ultimate death of a sparrow.......(the girls just never had the need to pick up dead or nearly so things and bring them inside). We are now deaf from hearing, "I'm hungry!", "I'm bored!" "Can I (fill in the blank and say it a billion times). I did mention the snow drift was looking inviting right?

I Liked Him Better When He Didn't Talk

No that is not a statement from any parental figure in our household.

It is, however, Lucas' sentiments expressed at the dinner table when Eli was holding up his end of the conversations and very diligently expressing himself. In the middle of the verbal barrage, Lucas turned to me and said, "I liked him better when he didn't talk in the Philippines! He talks all the time now."

After I was done choking, I had to explain that it was ok for Eli to talk and maybe he just had a lot of talking to catch up on. Not that the explanation appeased Lucas (I know it didn't slow Eli down) as he turned back to his meal, I heard Lucas mumbling, "talk, talk, talk, he still talks too much."

Outside of Lucas and probably a few teachers the rest of the world should be glad and prepared that he's found his voice, the kid is smart, funny and has the most interesting insights. Hopefully he's bright enough to ease up so Lucas doesn't try to put a muzzle on him.

Put K Not C

"Mom! Put K not C....I read it......it should be K not C!" What? This is the breakfast time announcement, pronouncement or disgusted with the English language tirade I experienced from Eli this morning.

He had finished breakfast and was putting his coat and mittens on to go outside and feed the dogs. He was reading the words on his new gloves.....as he is very proud of reading and being able to figure words out on signs, clothing, cars, whatever. This morning the gloves were under scrutiny. They have a guitar with the word ROCK on them. Thus, his long winded, very loud explanation of why it should have just a K, why did it have a C, the C doesn't do anything and that it shouldn't be there.

1. I did not have my coffee yet
2. I did mention this is all shouted at high decibel
3. He would not let it go
4. I did NOT have my coffee yet
5. I got him different gloves

There are just some things that you can not explain to an outraged, nine year old on the verge of some sort of nuclear meltdown over the utter lack of common sense in the English language...especially early in the morning without MY COFFEE!

ELL Frustrations

It seems like we take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back some weeks when it comes to the boys learning to read. Eli has come so far from a year ago. He started out with no English and no reading or writing, no school experience for the most part. Lucas had schooling, had to learn English also and to read and write in English. So I need to tell myself that even when we have a tough night with reading books and homework they have achieved more in a year than some kids (and grown ups) do in a much longer time frame.

I also need to kick myself in the butt when I'm frustrated with constantly explaining and reexplaining that "no they aren't where their AMERICAN peers are with the school work. No, we've been told, by people who are very knowledgeable, that it will take SIX years, not six months before we should expect that. There are no miraculous infusions of knowledge." It is in the gutter, sweat, tears and a few unpleasant thoughts directed at random individuals, warfare!

And then......the sun shines. Eli sitting at the table with one of his two nightly reading books, telling us how to pronounce "ing" at the end of his words. How to find the start and the end of a book.....yes that has to be learned also. It's Lucas reading something (not necessarily a school book) and coming to us to tell us what he knows about it. Guess what? His knowledge wasn't contained within the reading material and he was correct. It's Rachel sitting at the table and working with Lucas to help him make it through those school reading books that are kicking his butt.

So at the end of this rant I've learned I need to notice the sun more and let the cloudy parts go knowing that the sun is on the other side and we are truly having more sunny weather all the time.

Work Order

Today was the first day back to school for the kids after Christmas break. The school I work for starts up tomorrow.

Eli was excited to talk about his day, Lucas wanted to know what "my" school had for lunch. I reminded them that I didn't have school today.

With total disgust for their slacker mom, Eli informs me, "Mom, You go to school. No more stay home." Ok, Mr. Boss Man. I think he thought I skipped school. Back to the work trenches for everyone tomorrow :)

Dealing

We do a lot of that at our house when it comes to the boys' previous life experiences and memories.

A person wouldn't think that with there only being a year difference in their ages that their memories and experiences would be so varied. Some of it is that Lucas is much more verbal and can express things better. Eli is becoming more willing to talk about his earlier years but he is a very in the moment kid.

One of the "dealing" situations we run into is when the boys bring up an experience from the Philippines and what they think they saw and what probably was happening are two very different things. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot and I do mean a lot of things that they tell us about in great detail that no kid should witness but thank goodness as of yet they've not pieced the truth of these experiences together.

Other times, there are things we have to point out the truth of what was happening for safety sake. For instance, today Lucas was telling us he could "hold" fire in his hands because he saw a man do it in the Philippines. Okay....much discussion and detective work along with a whole lot of fill in the blank led us to the conclusion that they'd gone to a circus/magic show where he saw this performed. Now our next "dealing" session is getting him to understand it was a trick and not something he can do. Sometimes I'd like to get a hold of those who exposed these kids to so much and didn't bother to provide the guidance and explanations for the experience.

Our safety issues, when the boys first arrived, dealt with crossing streets, strangers, allergic reactions and them getting lost. Now it's moved up a level to constantly explaining real and make believe. I feel bad when they are enjoying a show or whatever and we have to point out that it's make believe so they don't actually try it themselves. It dims the child like wonder in their eyes and feels like you've just revealed secrets of Santa and the Tooth Fairy.

Close Encounter

How do you know when your child may have indulged in too much soda over the holidays?

Well, for Eli it was simple. All five of our kids were home tonight for supper, movies and down time before we all start back to school and work.

I (yes, I was the one who contributed to the delinquency of soda at night) poured pop into Eli's glass and didn't think much about it until the girls started hysterically laughing. Eli apparently was very excited to see the foam at the top of his glass as he thought it meant he'd have a full glass.

Bending over the top of his glass and the closer the foam came to the rim, the quieter his chant of, "closer, closer, closer, YES!" He did deflate a little as the foam receded but was still pleased that he'd gotten the soda to begin with. I, on the other hand, reconfirmed that as a parent, if you give your hyper child pop at night, you deserve whatever you get!

Blow My Whistle

You know when your child has a new toy or a new skill and they really, really want to show you how wonderful that toy or skill is?

In the middle of cooking for our New Year's Eve party and in the middle of the boys "supposedly" cleaning their room I hear, "Mom, come look at my whistle!" Okay I was a little distracted but it did cross my mind as there was no way on this earth that I had purchased or had they received a whistle.....come on I'm not that deaf or senile yet.

I walked into their bedroom and he says, "Look I can blow my whistle." He then proceeded to show me that he had learned to whistle. Thank goodness God provided little boys so many avenues to make noise with their bodies! :)

Potatoesssss

This was the "educational" (argument) debate between Lucas and Eli at supper time. I'd fixed fried potatoes with supper and after their second helping they started in on if there is one potato there is no "s", more than one potato has an "s" on the end. Eli in his unexpected and wholly inaccurate knowledge continued to explain to all of us that if there are 3 potato the word has 3 "s" and so on.

Lucas than takes up the volume by yelling, "huh uh!" Back and forth they went until Eli looks at me (why am I the chosen referee - Mike is sitting right there!) and says, "Mom, I right, yes?" Lucas yells, "Mom, he no know what he's talking about!"

Well there was a whole lot of correction that should have probably taken place in those exchanges but I cut my losses and told Eli that in this case Lucas was right.....his response....."Oh man! Come on!"

Separation Anxiety From Everyone

Sorry to all for dropping the ball on posting. I decided I was going to have to cut back in order to make all ends meet at Christmas time. I'll have to work on getting some holiday pictures posted soon.

I thought I'd post this quickly as I've just returned from retrieving Lucas from his first overnight at a friends' house. Ok, I know the kid is almost 11 but this is a big first for all of us. The first time he has spent a night away from Eli. The first time he went to a non relatives' home without any of us. The first time he was totally on his own to communicate with people who had not been around him much. The first time he had to mind his manners and remember the lessons he's learned. Guess what? The kid did amazing! His friends' mom was very impressed with his manners and how he knew that he wasn't allowed to watch certain videos. Yeah!

Unfortunately the rest of us didn't survive his foray into independence as well. I nearly had a panic attack after I dropped him off, I had to call Lynn and have her tell me it would be ok. Eli was even less thrilled when he finally got it through his head that Lucas would not be coming home at bedtime. He kept asking if I was sure. At 9:00 he asked if he could sleep with us....again a big step as he had never slept anywhere without Lucas. Alison called later in the evening and found out that Lucas was at his friends. She totally forgot to talk about what she called for because she was stressing also asking if I was sure. Our friend, Chris, called and she too did several checks to see if we'd heard anything.....she called this morning too. What can I say these boys have a whole lot of people stressing on their behalf and a few of us need to loosen the strings. Luckily, Lucas and Eli are very good at stretching into new territory.

I think we are all taking a nap this afternoon. Lucas informs me that he didn't sleep last night....he kind of looks like it, I didn't sleep well....Eli spins like a top in his sleep when he wasn't patting my arm to wake me up and check to see if I was OK!

Mike was talking this morning. He said, "Did you ever think a year ago that either one of the boys would reach this point where Lucas was brave enough to voluntarily handle new situations for an extended time and Eli would be able to handle his world on his own without Lucas?" Now if their family and friends can handle it....that is the question!

Growed Up!

Have you ever been in a store and saw a toy that you had as a child? Then bought the said item for your child because you thought you'd pass the fun you had down to your "precious" little one?

Retro toys are in and Mike discovered a blast from the past. He brought Lucas and Eli a packet of "Amazing Expanding Pets". Do you remember those little, clear capsules you put in hot water and watch them dissolve until the animal shaped sponge is revealed? What can I say, things like that were fascinating in the late 60's.

I'm not quite sure what Lucas and Eli thought was going to come out but I know for the 5 minutes it took for the sponges to "magically" appear, Eli kept running to the counter hollering, "Is it growed up?"......repeatedly......loudly.......oh yeah......repeatedly.

Clue #1: Don't buy your child a gift that requires patience, especially at Christmas time.
Clue #2: Don't give said child the gift at night time.
Clue #3: Don't forget to explain that they shouldn't pull the capsule apart in an effort to shorten the "amazingly" long time the "amazing" pet capsule takes to dissolve....it's not pretty.

Let Me Tell You...

When I started writing this blog, I asked the girls if it was okay to include them in posts. They were a little "gun shy" of what I might write (where is the trust?)

All three of our girls have been wonderful when it has come to accepting, encouraging, defending when needed and teasing their brothers over this past 14 months. We are extremely proud of the way they've each met the challenges and changes.

Sydney, as the only sister still living at home full time, has probably had the most changes to her daily life. She is the one who willingly drives them to and from school, she goes to their sporting events, she babysits with them for an hour each day after school, she lets them commandeer the tv, she listens as they talk non stop through supper and listens to the increased volume of our house.

It's quite a change from what she may have thought her life was going to be like the last 2 years before she heads for college. She can get aggravated with her brothers, never doubt that, but she also is one of the first to acknowledge and work to find answers for them when needed. She will defend them, teach them and play with them.

We are very aware and extremely proud of her willingness to help, that allows for me to continue working, the boys to have a consistent person to meet some of the daily tasks. I'm also sure there are times when she dreams of the quiet before boys, not tripping over remote control cars and not having to take turns for the bathroom.

So even though I don't write a lot about any of our three wonderful daughters, they are truly gracious young women who have expanded their lives and hearts to include two rambunctious, hilarious, at time irritating little brothers. They've expanded their lives and hearts and that is a gift that this set of parents will have forever.

Giving Back

These days, our evening conversations revolve around Christmas, Christmas programs, Christmas gifts, Santa, how Santa gets in the house, how he will find our tree because I put it in the family room instead of by the fireplace, etc.....

This past week-end Lucas was talking about Christmas in the Philippines and in Zamboanga at the orphanage. He explained what they would receive as gifts and from whom, what happened to those gifts and which children received what.

He sat still for a little while and then asked if he could send his bike to the orphanage because they only had one for the kids to share and from his description it didn't have a seat and one of the pedals was missing.

I explained that while we couldn't actually send his bike to the kids but that we could check to see if we could make a donation, he got the most concentrated face. I asked if he thought that it would be okay to do something like that. His answer was kind of sad. He thought maybe we should send them a little toy but then to buy "big" food because there wasn't always enough and even though you can't play with food that would be better to give because stomach aches aren't fun......well poo.

Singing for Whom?

Wednesday evening was the Christmas concert for the boys. Just before leaving for the concert, we asked if they knew their songs (this year they have the tune if not all the actual words.)

Lucas starts into his grades' songs - at full volume - thanks for the preview.
Eli simply states, "I am singing for the Tooth Fairy."

Hmmm.....do you know the song? Yep, All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth. He is now convinced that the Tooth Fairy and Santa work together. I just knew Santa had to have more help than elves!

What Language Do You Speak?

Last night was a guys and girls night out for supper courtesy of some lingering gift cards. Sydney and I went to meet Alison in Omaha for supper and some shopping. Mike braved discount night at a local chicken place with Lucas and Eli.

Apparently, Eli's talking streak continued throughout supper and on the way home in the car, apparently, Mike was having trouble keeping up with the subject and couldn't understand one of the words Eli kept saying over and over. Finally, Eli looked at him and says, "What language do you speak? I speak ENGLISH!" Ok, yes, it was a little on the lippy side but hilarious!

Divorce, Death and Adoption

Bet that title had some of you wondering. It's something that crossed my mind this morning on the way to work. It's amazing how much can fly through your brain in a quiet 15 minute commute.

I was thinking about all the changes that our family has gone through this last year. The boys arrived home during the holidays last year, Mike's grandmother passed away and a whole multitude of other life changing events have taken place.

I can remember a friend talking about the changes in her circle of friends and family after the death of her husband. Many of those close to her began to feel uncomfortable and drifted away. The same thing occurred in family situations where she noticed a feeling of isolation. Other friends have mentioned this after a divorce. People that have been friends as couples are no longer moving in the same circles and eventually lose touch.

This "phenomenon" is also seen by many when they adopt. I guess I was counting my blessings on the friends that we are lucky to have. Those core group of friendships remain in place and for the most part, those friends who were raising children when our girls were growing up are still hanging with us as the boys have come into our family. Mike and I are truly grateful to these wonderful people who haven't shied away from a change to the structure of our friendship and are sharing themselves with us. They are truly an awesome bunch of people.

Eli's Memories

Of the two boys, Lucas is usually the one who talks about the Philippines, the people, the orphanage and their friends there. Eli doesn't like to talk about any of it. We've not pushed. Usually he listens to Lucas and nods his head with a couple details coming out. We take our ques from them as to what questions we ask.

Mike and I are still trying to figure out the trigger for tonight's conversation at supper. Eli was making quick work of his chicken when he stopped, looked up and started talking about waiting for his mom and dad, he stopped pointed at us and said "that's you," then talked about being told we were coming and the plane rides from Zamboanga to Manila and then to HIS home, again he stopped to say, "this home, my home." He talked about his auntie's letting him buy candy for the airplane trip to Manila and then sleeping at the hotel and on the plane home with us. He even talked about what he had to eat in the restaurants the week we spent in Manila. He had me worried that he'd actually start naming the restaurants.

It was amazing the detail he came up with. He literally has not talked about a lot of those things for the past year but they were sitting inside until he was ready to let them resurface. I was really happy to finally start hearing those memories from him. For the most part they were things we had learned through Lucas but to hear Eli put a voice to them himself was huge.

I am totally flabbergasted by both Lucas and Eli, not only are they moving forward with learning all that their new lives bring along but they are also learning to look at, process and hopefully put to rest some of their earlier experiences and realize that there were good times in the past and it's okay to talk about them. Doesn't matter how many times we say it's ok to talk about things until they are ready it's not going to happen, whether it takes a year or a life time, I think we all will be learning for years to come.

Mom! I Need...

.....costume for God. Hmmm! Well since this is Lucas' statement at lunch on Sunday after church, I assumed it was Christmas service related and not a direct request from on high.

It took some questioning and finally Sydney was able to figure out that what he meant was he needs a shepard's robe. I think we probably need to check with the Sunday School teacher as his description to her was, "I watching sheep." I do believe he's headed for disappointment as the sheep in question are not actually present.

Dad Gave Me......

Imagine if you will Tweety Bird on helium....got the picture?.....got the sound?

That is what greeted me at the door on Friday after work. I arrived home to find Mike (home early) and in charge of snack time. Usually Sydney handles this and is very, very schooled in what snacks will do what to which brother and, shall we say, their activity level. Mike unfortunately doesn't possess, retain or understand the residual affects of sugar overload. No, he really does know but sometimes slackens the reigns.

Eli greeted me with, "Mom,mom,mom dad made popcorn, we put sugar on it. It's really, really, really good. Do you want some, you can have some, I have some, it's really, really, REALLY GOOD!" I slowly turn to my husband, who is obliviously doctoring up his own popcorn.....no it wasn't actual sugar but close enough, it was Kettle Corn flavoring....not much difference. Thank goodness it's basketball practice night for Eli. I just feel sorry for the kids on the team that had to keep up with "Tweety Bird" and his Kettle Corn enhanced speed.

It's a Matter of Perspective

Last year at this time and temperature we never worried too much about the boys keeping their winter clothes on here at home or at school. Winter weather was definitely not their favorite. Well a year later they've become acclimated and have decided they don't need their coats, gloves or hats.

Okay, they are not dumb. They know they will get cold. They know it won't feel good when they warm up. But as Lucas very precisely and seriously explained to me last night, "I cannot play basketball with gloves. I cannot make baskets. I NEED to make baskets. Where are gloves that I can play basketball?" Well considering the windchill this week has been barely above zero, silly mom that I am, put their heavier gloves out for them to wear to school.

Lucas went to the glove drawer and pulled out the $1.00/Walmart knit gloves and proclaimed that they were the much needed basketball gloves....oh they also needed to be black. Hmmmm.....whatever gets him through recess without frostbite. I'll give him another week and see which pair of gloves he's wearing.

What Can Santa Bring You?

I am always amazed by the hilarious conversations and statements that come out of Eli's mouth. Last night we were sitting, watching one of the billion Christmas specials and Mike asked the boys what they wanted Santa to bring them.

Number one I was totally shocked that Mike opened that flood gate at bedtime. I think he probably fell and hit his head or something.....

Lucas had to ponder as he is still under the belief that he can only ask for one thing and he has to chose wisely. Eli ( who is enthralled with our friends' 17 year old son who is an avid hunter) pipes up with...."I want a gun. I will shoot deer. ...... . I will shoot penguins!" Ummm, no we weren't watching the Penguins of Madagascar and it's been months since we went to the zoo, I have no clue where that came from....maybe he hit his head too?

That's Fantastic!

While I was cooking supper last night Mike was having the boys read their books to him in the living room. Let me tell you the amount of time it takes to read a book these days is definitely shortening.

Later during supper we were talking about the stories and how much both of their reading is improving. I said, "Do you remember last year when you didn't know how to read the words? You are becoming really good readers."

Well apparently my estimation of their greatness was not "good" enough. Eli pops up and informs me, "No Mom! It is a...m...a...z...i...n...g! We amazing readers!" I'd say the confidence level and enthusiasm for school are on the upswing.

Lucas' Disgust

I have fallen short, once again and not for the last time in Lucas' eyes. I threw away some "very important" papers! Or at least in his eyes they were VERY important. What were they and why were they important?

They were school work that should have been signed and returned to school per his teachers' directions. We scoured the house last night looking for them but I'm pretty confident they went into the trash during the holiday clean up. You should have seen the look of disgust he gave me. I'd have taken a picture but I'm also confident he'd have thrown a fit.

Even after promising to email the teacher...which I actually remembered to do.....it still took a while for him to come to terms with the fact that I can no longer be trusted with his all important school papers. It was a good lesson to learn, perhaps he should apply this knowledge, that when mom starting cleaning you'd best have your things picked up....can we say.... toys!

Soap Box Post - Beware

For those out there that have read this blog or talked with me, you know that I will probably discuss almost anything as long as Mike and I feel it to be constructive and a non issue for our family now or in the future.

Recently a few individuals have commented on whether we feel we are spoiling the boys. As I could address this topic to infinity and never affect those that feel an obligation to manage others' parenting I will say this:

1. We parent the way we feel is best for all 5 of our children and meet their individual needs. Those outside the family are not aware of those needs and are not in a position to sit in judgement. Nor do we need to explain each and every issue we deal with...good, bad or otherwise.

2. Boys and girls do have different needs. Guess what? We are around children ALL the time and our kids don't behave better or worse than any other child. If we must compare our kids with others they actually have less material possessions than their peers.

3. This is very specific to the boys....they did grow up for the 5+ years in an orphanage, they did not have personal possessions, they did not learn how to take care of such things (they did not have it to take care of). They are learning what owning and caring for things entails.
While we don't intend or purposely try to compensate by buying them loads of things it probably does seem like they have a lot or get a lot. But think of it this way, when you are 9 and 10 years old, living in a different home, family, culture, a different climate, a different country you need to have the tools/toys/clothes to adapt to that new life. As parents we will do and provide whatever our family needs in order for our kids to be happy and well adjusted.

For those out there that provide each of us with non-judgmental emotional support....thank you. We can never let you know how much it is needed and appreciated. For those that still need to learn to check their "good intentions and advice", please take a moment and review your own choices and whether you are living in an isolating, judgemental bubble that hinders you from enjoying people around you. We don't claim to have every answer to every question and issue, we do claim that our kids are loved and we will choose to love them, discipline them, provide for their necessities and spoil them as we choose.

From the beginning of our adoption we have tried to be very open with those who have a genuine interest either in the adoption process or in our adoption in particular. Yes, with such openess we "invite" those with negativity access, it doesn't mean we are going to let that negativity dictate to us. We choose to share quite a bit, sometimes more than is always comfortable, in an effort to educate and to ease Lucas' and Eli's transition here at home. No parent, biological or adoptive, has every answer. No child, biological or adoptive is perfect, without mistakes learning and growth don't occur. What we can offer to those with questions is support, encouragement and a listening heart. That's what I'm striving for and for those who choose to express their negative opinions....perhaps you are the spoiled individuals.

Underwear Food

This evening Mike and I took all the kids and Sydney's boyfriend to a restaurant for supper. As a side note I don't think we should be allowed in public for numerous reasons. Those exact reasons are yours to imagine.

The boys' ordered a pizza to share. That should have been a pretty safe food choice.....if you believe that you've not experienced dining with Eli. Food is never boring when he is around. I about choked on my steak when Eli announced to every table within 20 feet of us, "Look underwear!" I gave myself whiplash looking at him and there to my amazement and his credit he has created a perfect set of briefs from his pizza slice. It was definitely a proud moment for the entire family.....only surpassed as he shoved the "fruit of the loom" in his mouth.

Mom, Where Were You?

In the past I've written about the instances where one or the other of the boys will start a conversation mid thought and it's our job to catch up and figure out the topic. Tonight, I caught the conversation okay, I just didn't have an answer that did the question justice.

Lucas was sitting with me watching tv (Dancing With the Stars - meets his need to dance like Michael Jackson - what can I say MJ was a huge star in the Philippines). Lucas started in with the question, "Mom, last year you always watch this?" I told him yes. He then very seriously turned to me and asked, "Last year me in Philippines, where were you? You here and me in Philippines, why you not there with me?" Talk about the loaded question of the day....nope he won question of the week.

Neither of the boys have ever seemed real interested in the story behind their adoptions or how the whole process came about. They will ask pieces here and there, they will ask if what they remember is "really real" but to question what was happening here in our family and what they were experiencing at the same time in the Philippines is definitely a new deeper level of thinking.

It will be interesting to see if this is the basis for Lucas' latest "quiet" period. The last few weeks he's kind of been in a holding pattern in school, at home and socially. Usually it means he's trying to process everything that's going on or there is something he's pondering. I suppose if I were him I'd wonder why it took a long time for Eli and himself to have their family. I'm just glad that we are able to have such neat little boys for sons......even if we didn't get there quite as quickly as we'd all wish.

The Gift of Silence

Tonight Mike decided that he and the boys would go birthday shopping for me. I can say shopping....not high on any of the threesomes list.

With expected groaning and moaning from the 10 and under bracket, Mike informs me as they shuffle forth into shopping that my gift from him is this evening full of silence.

What am I doing? Cleaning for Thanksgiving, in blessed peace and it's actually staying clean for the next 2 hours! Whoopee!

All I Want For Christmas

I know, I know, Thanksgiving is still coming and already the talk of Christmas is here. Actually if you look in the stores and listen to tv we've been in the Christmas season for two months.

Today Alison did us the supreme pleasure of asking the boys what they would like for Christmas. Good for her, she's planning and budgeting....bad for us because now it's on the boys' radar.

So after a day of listing the complete inventory of Toys R Us, Eli came over to me right before bedtime and said, "Mom, I know what I have for Christmas." I thought he'd used the wrong word in the sentence. I thought he meant what he wanted. Nope. I recieved my extra special birthday/early Christmas gift. When asked what he had, he said, "I got my mom." Hoping all of you out there have an extra special holiday season and have your own extra special moments. This one pretty much made mine a great one!

Eli at Eighty

Yes, Eli continues to amuse and bemuse us. Friday was the day that I (in my apparent declining mental state) took both boys, Rachel and Sydney to the doctors where we had the Divine (translate that to excruciating) experience of flu shots, flu mists, 3 injections and a pre-op physical for Rachel. All parties involved survived with only one child (Eli) needing to be hog tied to receive his portion of this experience.

Needless to say upon arriving back at the vehicle I threw 2 headphones at the boys, slapped in a dvd and the girls and I rode in much needed silence for the hour trip home. The only times that the golden silence was interrupted was when Eli, who really does sound like a deaf old man, would burst out with commentary on the movie....totally not realizing everyone can hear him.

When I noticed that I began hearing the dvd (without the use of headphones) that the boys had control of the volume, so I turned it back to a level that didn't cause auditory damage. Eli in a totally disgusted, old man voice....."I can not see, I can not hear, I can not LISTEN!" I'm pretty sure I won't be here when Eli is 80 years old but I have experienced his old man disgust.

Mom - You Brain Good?

Once again I've given Lucas reason (at least in his mind) to doubt my intellect. My birthday is coming up next week and for some unknown reason my age became a topic last night. Now Lucas has designated himself the keeper of every one's age. He's very good at it.

During the course of this conversation and the other 5 going on at the same time, I became momentarily confused as to which question I was answering. Eli asked how old I would be on my birthday. I said 49. Wow did that not go over well with Mike or Lucas.....don't know what Mike's hang up with his wife being 49 is but luckily I don't have to figure it out as Lucas was quick to inform me that I will be 48. Oops, it's lucky I didn't say 59 Mike could have had a stroke.

Then after Lucas straightened out my muddled thinking he turned and asked, "Mom. You brain good?" Now I suppose I will be subjected to daily brain inspections.

What Happens When a Dam is at Flood Stage

I've spoken with several people about the boys' "quiet times" in an effort to explain to those who notice that they seem to learn in sporadic rates. They will absorb everything, reading, math, English, social interactions. While they may not master it at least they are invested and excited to try new things.

We are learning through repeated phases that when they have absorbed as much as their brains and emotions will allow they become quiet. Their speech will regress several months and they are very quiet at home. It usually lasts a week or a little more and then they climb back on the cross country track to learning.

For me, one of the hardest things to explain and have people understand, is that on the outside surface the boys can appear very much as the average 9 and 10 year old American boys. This is happening more and more especially as their English expands and their accents are decreasing. The surface of their growth is very deceiving to what lies beneath and the struggles they may be having.

The best example is to imagine a dam with water behind it. At certain times of the year the water level and pressure is fairly consistent and manageable. As spring melt and heavy rain occurs those water levels and pressure build. The dam can withstand the additional load but at a certain point that pressure must be relieved or the damage to the dam's structure is compromised.

Lucas and Eli are very much like a dam with the pressure of learning and knowledge building up and then the flood gates have to release that pressure, then their brains go under maintenance/repair and then their brains are ready for new information to build.

Their flood stages are occurring less frequently and maintenance/repair are becoming quicker but those flood gates do get a work out.

A Year In the Making

Customize your own slideshow design

Mom Needs a Boss

and Lucas has decided he's it.....it's not working well for him. We go through these "misguided bossing phases" periodically.

He generally limits his bossing to Eli, except Eli has now found that he doesn't have to listen to Lord Lucas and talks back - needed to happen and I'm glad he started standing up for himself but I'm surprised it hasn't come to blows.

When I can objectively step back and realize Lucas' bossing is coming from frustration at least I can see a pattern. He does this when he's overloaded and feels out of control. Too many things entering his brain so we notice his speech slowing down and words coming harder then I am treated to the "bossy" side of our eldest son. Did I mention it doesn't work out well for him.

This morning, Mike and I were talking in the kitchen, I said something and then changed my mind. Lucas needed to "guide" me by saying that I had said something different. How did I ever survive? Then he said I would be late for work that I needed to hurry up.....why go to work apparently my boss came to me.

Explain Joyful

Constant explanation for words is a constant these days and this past year. I, at times, wonder if I'll ever be able to speak a complete sentence without stopping and explaining at least one word. I especially have these moments when at school and I'm talking with a student. I'll say something and then immediately launch into an explanation or another way of saying something. I'm sure quite a few kids wonder what's "wrong" with Mrs. Pickle that she says everything 3 ways.

Tonight for some reason Eli said, "What is joyful?"....I don't know maybe starting to practice Christmas songs with this word at church? Anyway, I took a breath to explain and before I could Lucas said, "It means bigger than happy, best ever feeling." Well...ok Mr. Webster....I was glad to hear him with an explanation but have to admit I was at a loss because I didn't need to explain anything. Whoa to moms when their kids start to take those steps away.

I Don't Remember Visayan and That's Not My Grandma

We knew it was happening but it's a little sad to realize that the boys are now to the point that they remember only two words in Visayan which is the dialect they spoke in the Philippines.

Lucas was in the middle of a conversation and suddenly said, "I don't remember Visayan. I know English." He sat there a second and continued on. Later I asked him if that worried him (he is a worrier) and he said no because no one knows it here, not even Eli. Kind of sad. We had hoped maybe (and naively) that because they had each other to speak Visayan with that perhaps they'd retain some. Eli hasn't had much since spring. The more English they acquire the less they have of their native language.

A lot of people would say what's the big deal with that? It just seems like it's one more piece of their past that is gone, one more piece of their heritage that is changed. We, as adults, knew this would most likely be the case but you can still hope.

What surprises me the most is that Lucas doesn't seem to be concerned. It used to freak him out when he couldn't come up with the Visayan or Tagalog word for something. This time it was different in that he was "okay" with knowing he doesn't remember. I don't know if he just is more comfortable with his knowledge of English, that he knows he can communicate or if it's become comfortable enough here that he feels it's ok to let go.

His other revelation that night was to say that he now knows that his foster mom in Manila was not his "real" grandma (lola) because his real grandmas are Grandma Ruth and Grandma Dona Mae they are HIS family. This was a gigantic step because family relationships have probably been one of the toughest things to explain to the boys. Progress is not without sacrifices.

Some Things A Mom Doesn't Want to Know...

Particularly when Dad takes the boys to the corn field to ride in the combine with their new idol, Gene, and during what I'm assuming was some sort of "guy talk/farming break" Lucas decides to high tail it through the corn field in pursuit of a "cat".

Ummm, we are in Iowa, rural Iowa, it was dark and Lucas has yet to figure out the difference between cats. They are all cats in his eyes. It doesn't matter if they are domestic, feral, raccoons, bobcat or my personal favorite, the skunk.

Lucas assures me it was orange and after some sort of stand off the "cat" ran off and he went back to the "grown-ups".

Did I forget to mention that this kid is customarily scared of the dark? At least from the inside of a well lit house but drop him into a dark cornfield at night and he's Mr. Brave. All I know is if he meets up with the skunk he and his Dad will be sleeping in the dark.....outside.

Kids Book Brain Saturation

I had a good laugh as I headed off to work this morning. Eli was sitting at the table eating breakfast and I see him grab his book bag from the chair and as I head down the hallway I hear, "Daddy! I READ NOW! I READ THIS BOOK NOW! You listen." Yes the capital letters apply because he was very adamant and loud. I didn't need to wake Lucas and Sydney as Eli is the breakfast alarm clock.

It didn't matter that we'd read those books (repeatedly) over the week-end, he is so excited that he's reading on his own that we READ till we memorize every one of them. No wonder Mike and I feel like there isn't any more room left in our brains....they are full of kids books!

What a Week

It has definitely been a full week...try as I might I just couldn't get to posting. We started the week with finalizing the boys' adoption in court on Monday (that's a post by itself). Then Eli's fall basketball practices started - Lucas really wants to play but unfortunately there isn't a coach available for his age group. Then to top off a hectic week Sydney had two matinees, a dress rehearsal and two performances of the high school play. I'm sure I missed something in all that.

Needless to say on this Sunday morning we are all moving very slow. Good thing the time changed today. I finally got the boys convinced to go eat breakfast. They were both sitting beside me at the computer looking at pictures from our trip to pick them up in the Philippines.

It's really interesting to pull those pictures out every once in awhile. I look at them and see how much the boys have both changed, I see two very weary kids and I see their personalities that I didn't know at the time.

The boys' perception of the pictures, places and people in the pictures were a little different this time than the last time we looked at them. They recognized the places and the things we were doing in the pictures like they usually do but this time their frame of reference was from inside our family circle as opposed to times before when they referred to the two of them and us separately.

I thought it was interesting that this time through they were very interested in looking at the pictures of the trip home and from the airport in Omaha when we arrived home. They went through those pictures looking at the people and talking about what they remembered from that day. Lucas looked at a photo of him and my mom and said, "Grandma Dona Mae gave me candy! She know I like chocolate!" Guess it goes to show....my mom knew that if you treat your family (especially the grandkids) that impression lasts a long time and always brings a smile.

Free slideshow design customized with Smilebox