Soap Box Post - Beware

For those out there that have read this blog or talked with me, you know that I will probably discuss almost anything as long as Mike and I feel it to be constructive and a non issue for our family now or in the future.

Recently a few individuals have commented on whether we feel we are spoiling the boys. As I could address this topic to infinity and never affect those that feel an obligation to manage others' parenting I will say this:

1. We parent the way we feel is best for all 5 of our children and meet their individual needs. Those outside the family are not aware of those needs and are not in a position to sit in judgement. Nor do we need to explain each and every issue we deal with...good, bad or otherwise.

2. Boys and girls do have different needs. Guess what? We are around children ALL the time and our kids don't behave better or worse than any other child. If we must compare our kids with others they actually have less material possessions than their peers.

3. This is very specific to the boys....they did grow up for the 5+ years in an orphanage, they did not have personal possessions, they did not learn how to take care of such things (they did not have it to take care of). They are learning what owning and caring for things entails.
While we don't intend or purposely try to compensate by buying them loads of things it probably does seem like they have a lot or get a lot. But think of it this way, when you are 9 and 10 years old, living in a different home, family, culture, a different climate, a different country you need to have the tools/toys/clothes to adapt to that new life. As parents we will do and provide whatever our family needs in order for our kids to be happy and well adjusted.

For those out there that provide each of us with non-judgmental emotional support....thank you. We can never let you know how much it is needed and appreciated. For those that still need to learn to check their "good intentions and advice", please take a moment and review your own choices and whether you are living in an isolating, judgemental bubble that hinders you from enjoying people around you. We don't claim to have every answer to every question and issue, we do claim that our kids are loved and we will choose to love them, discipline them, provide for their necessities and spoil them as we choose.

From the beginning of our adoption we have tried to be very open with those who have a genuine interest either in the adoption process or in our adoption in particular. Yes, with such openess we "invite" those with negativity access, it doesn't mean we are going to let that negativity dictate to us. We choose to share quite a bit, sometimes more than is always comfortable, in an effort to educate and to ease Lucas' and Eli's transition here at home. No parent, biological or adoptive, has every answer. No child, biological or adoptive is perfect, without mistakes learning and growth don't occur. What we can offer to those with questions is support, encouragement and a listening heart. That's what I'm striving for and for those who choose to express their negative opinions....perhaps you are the spoiled individuals.