Cowboy Cars

Our town is small.  One stop light and no fast food.  I know.  Small.  Driving through town itself takes 90 seconds at most.  Traffic is slow so there is always time to look at everything and everyone....that may add 15 seconds to your travel time.

That is unless your child (Eli) screams, "Look at the cowboy car!" thus causing you to give yourself whiplash.  Then there is the mom mind confusion that ensues as I try to figure out what on earth is a cowboy car.  Do you know?

This is a common test whenever we are in the car.  Let's see how many kinds of cars mom does not know the name of.  Their favorites are Mustangs, Cameros and Corvettes.  Yes.  I do know these.  Not a cowboy car....have you figured it out yet?

It was the sheriff's car with the emblem on the door.  Just like a cowboy sheriff wears according to Eli.

Who'd You Vote For?

Voting is today.  If I should have forgotten after the million calls from campaign workers and the fliers overflowing the mailbox, I have 2 very verbal, opinionated sons, who are adamant about the voting process.  They are excited. 

I have to confess.  I just really want all the ads, calls and mail to stop.  Yes it's an important process.  Yes I will vote.  Yes I've decided.  I just want to not be told, reminded, cajoled, lied to and harassed by the process 24 hours a day.

The boys are all excited about who is voting for whom.  They even asked their principal who he voted for...sorry Mr. Makey.  They want to make sure that they can come with me to vote after school.  

Four years from now the boys will be 16 and 15 the next time elections are held.  I wonder if they will be as involved, excited and hopeful as they are today.  They have a very high appreciation of America, it's opportunities and they value each and every freedom they have.  I wonder if the rest of us truly place such high value on the million reasons we should vote, should appreciate America and should have an opinion.  Vote, have an opinion and follow through.

Speak Correctly

We don't have to remind the boys of this quite as much as we used to.  What we have taking place in the house is a reversal.  Forbid if one of the native English speakers forms a sentence wrong or uses a word incorrectly or flat out says the wrong word.

Eli, the speach profectionist, is on the case or the case of the errant speaker.  I used to try to explain that people sometimes use the wrong words and it is impolite to correct people especially those older than him.  Unfortunately, he is headed for a debate career.  His argument.....you correct me all the time, I learn English the right way, you should use it the right way, how else am I suppose to learn.  Ok.  Well.  Guess we all will be watching our words and if he happens to correct one of you out there, we ask that you understand how much he values getting the words right.

Mickey Mouse It Was Not

We live on a farm in Iowa, Midwest views, Midwest critters.  It's not uncommon at this time of year to have at least one (I delude myself to think there is only one) cold mouse make it's way inside with the intention of setting up house.

This time we apparently didn't detect our visitor quite as quickly and so when he met his demise he was extremely "healthy".  Gross, yuck and ick!

I came home from school this week to the very unwelcoming smell of something dead.  With the superior help of my two brave sons we emptied the  cupboards and went on a rodent hunt.  We found it.  Ewwww!

Eli (because he was the only remaining soul to take on the task - Luke and I provided support from the other side of the house) extracted the remains and disposed of the unwelcome guest.  

Reason 9547 that it's good to have brave men in the house.

Which Child Gets The Consequence

Adults mess up, kids mess up.  Sometimes both at the same time.  I arrived to pick the boys up at after-school care to hear a report that one of "your" boys said a naughty word.

Hmmmm. Ok.  My question, "which boy?"  I thought it was a normal question.  Then I looked at this wonderful lady's face, she has taken care of so many children in our community and is a real blessing in control and patience with so many in her care, but at that moment the look on her face was priceless....no clue.  Confirmed by her reply, "I don't know."  

I soooo wanted to laugh (inappropriate I know).  Luckily the offending child confessed and was accurately identified.

Going To Find The Kids

I've written previously about trips to and from school and about all the hilarious, mind blowing, sibling tattling and self outing that goes on within the 2 mile stretch between school and home.

With the sun rising later and later, I take the boys to school in the dark these days.  This morning as we are approaching the school driveway Eli spots a school bus heading out on it's route with all it's lights on (probably while he noticed it today and not previously).

Also to explain further, Lucas and Eli's favorite sport these days, is to impart to one another how much smarter they are than the other.  In Eli's most superior, know-it-all voice.  He says, "Oh look.  The school bus is going to go find all the kids."  The next 30 seconds of conversation was Lucas trying to get Eli to understand that a bus has a route and the kids are picked up at the same place all the time and that the bus doesn't "find" kids.

Eli's response....."so!"  If I'd only known one small word could stop the bickering so effectively.  We are talking dead silence all the way into the school building.  Not mad silence, just an acceptance to the end of the discussion.  So for all the parents out there...remember this powerful (and mature) word to end all arguments...."so".

Dealing With A Dictator and Military Law Motherhood

Some days with kids you have sunshine, cooperation and utter obedience....oh wait that was a dream.  Seriously, we don't generally have running battles of willfulness.  Occasionally...yes.  More so in the last two days...definitely.

I will blame it on weather, my late overtime this week, basketball practise in full swing, 2 days off of school and a sister moving home for a week between apartment moves.  It surely could not be my wonderful sons have decided to test their mother at every turn, statement or sneeze.

This morning apparently marked the end of the patient mother (stop laughing!) and thus began the dictatorship of mom.  You've probably experienced from your own parent or been that parent.  The one who says, "Ok this stops now."  No more arguing with the dictator, questioning every move or direction, no more debating if what the dictator says makes sense to the masses.  Free will and choices are not known until such time as these behaviors cease (or there is an overthrow of dictator at which time military law, also known as dad, will step in).

I'm really taking a hard look at the 3 males in this household and wondering how on earth they have survived this long. They should never be left to their own devices.  Anarchy seems to be their version of a happy home right up until they disagree with one another and then it's civil war.  I don't mind questions done in a respectful manner (not megaphone volume) I can even handle the brief argument with a sibling (as long as someone is making sense - yep there isn't a lot of sense in boy arguments, just saying).

The boys have tested the boundaries and found out they are patrolled by a mom who may let them stretch the perimeter but will have a say when enough is enough.  Today is enough. 

Just Checking

On Monday and Tuesday of this week I had to work late due to parent/teacher conferences.  I made it home in time to see the boys heading for bed.  This usually means there is a lot of information that they JUST HAVE TO SAY to me before they hit the sack.

Last night Lucas gets as close as possible and whispers..."Mom.  You and Dad are both coming right?"  Ok after a 13 hour day my mom abilities to fill in the missing information was not up to standards, so I said, "Going to where?"    With a heavy, put upon sigh he said, "You know you have to do the parent thingy."  Huh? Thingy? He then proceeds to enlighten me on the schedule for Eli and his conferences.  If you would come to our house you would see the conference schedules boldly displayed on the frig....we don't forget these easily.  

After assuring him that yes we were going. Then came the question of:  "Are you both going?"  Answering yes again and asking if there was something special he wanted us to cover with his teacher his response was, "No.  Just checking.  You know it's your job to talk to my teacher, that's why it's parent/teacher conferences.  Just checking to make sure you know."

Yes dear, after having children for the past 27 years and 22 of those having children in school, I do know my responsibilities for conferences.  And by the way it's not a job it's called parenting.  :)

Look How Far He's Come

For those who have followed the boys' story these past few years, you may have figured out that school, teachers and education in general was not a positive experience for Eli.  Within the first week of meeting Eli we quickly figured out his early educational reports drastically underestimated his abilities and determination.

With the extreme efforts of our school and teachers both Eli and Lucas continue to pass those early reports and are racing to meet up with their peer levels.  They aren't there yet but when we see one of them create and accomplish tasks like the one in the photo we are so very grateful for those teachers who have taken the time to educate themselves, learn new methods of teaching an ELL student and basically caring enough to go the extra mile.

When Eli came home he didn't know what a state was, what a river was, a country (other than the Philippines) or a mountain.  He couldn't have put a 20 piece puzzle together, forget that this one is 500 pieces.  If you can't tell how proud we are of him by this post, take a look at his smile and see how proud he is of himself.  He's smart, he's determined and most of all confident.  He can achieve, he can succeed, he can!

Mom! They're Still Talking!

Last night the boys (intermittently) watched the presidential debate.  They are really interested in the whole process and are quite concerned about happens if the president loses (they used to think he died) and are totally freaked out by Romney's looks.....whatever.

They had to go to bed before the debate ended and after getting ready for school this a.m. Eli turned on the t.v.  As I attempted to apply eyeliner, I hear him scream, "M...O...M..!"  well the eyeliner was now on my forehead...I went to the living room expecting blood at the least....Nope just Eli screaming at the t.v.  "Mom!  They're Still Talking!  They talked all night and are still argueing, they must be really mad!"

So at 6:30 we had a social studies lesson in politics, debate vs. fight and tv replays also discussed why it is not a good thing to scream at your mother first thing in the morning.

Headache Free Day At Last!

Today Lucas had his first day of school without a headache since his concussion.  Granted it was a 1/2 day but still it was a success and now he can go back full time.  Now, for the big test....basketball practice starts this week.....would it embarrass my child if I made him wear hockey gear onto the court?

Greet, Meet and Pray

On Saturday, Mike was called into work which meant Lucas and Eli were forced to endure grocery shopping with a surprise "your clothes are 2 inches too short" shopping trip with me.  Clothes were bought in record time and we may have enough groceries for the week.....unless they decide to continue the growth spurt they are both participating in, then food will only last until Tuesday.

As a side treat to cooperation we met Alison and her boyfriend Mark for lunch.  This is the first time Mark and the boys have met.  I wasn't sure how this would go, sometimes when meeting new people some strange alien possesses their bodies and it can be disaster.  They did great.  You can tell Mark has siblings and just rolled with the punches.  Yes.  There were a few punches....not literally....as in Lucas deciding to interrogate the poor guy.  Mark took it in stride.  Eli chose the "I will study you but not actually speak directly to you"  approach.

When we arrived at the restaurant, Mark and Alison were already seated so the boys only saw Mark from that angle until we got up to leave.  Alison is 5 foot even, the boys greatest thrill lately is that they look both her and Sydney in the eye.  Well they have a way to go with Mark.  You should have seen their faces when he stood......all 6 foot 5 inches.

As we were leaving the restaurant, Lucas is begging to be as tall as Mark.   I mean literally begging.  At one point and just to get him into the car and to stop idolizing (and I'm sure embarrassing) Mark, he asked, "Mom!  How'd he get so tall?"  I went with the standard, "that's how God made him".  Mistake.  For the remainder of our shopping and in the car, I would hear, "God.  Please.  I want to be tall like Mark!"  "God.  Please make me tall, you made Mark tall, me too!"  "God!  You can do it!"  I'm sure God enjoyed the pep talk and support but this may be one of those times when his answer is no, unless this growth spurt doesn't slow down.

85 Year Old Bones

One of the things we knew when we first brought the boys home was that their early life nutrition was not good.  Their joints are not good, they are severely double jointed, in places that I didn't even know there were joints and I have never seen toes look like theirs.

Their appearance reminds me of my grandparents arthritic joints at 85 years of age.  They look like they hurt.  They both say they don't (right now).  I can remember popping my knuckles when I was younger and thinking how could this possibly hurt later.....well to pop a knuckle now just about makes me cry.....I can't imagine their hands and feet and knees when they are 85.  I can hope that advances in medicine will give them some relief when they need it.  I can also hope that they stop torturing me by walking up to me to bend their fingers backwards, sideways and popping miscellaneous body pieces.....no meds for that....just a mom growl.

School Can Make a Body Tired

Today Lucas was able to return for a half day of school.  He made it through without a headache but hit the couch when he got home.  Wouldn't you know the first day back would include drum lessons.  Ouch on a non-concussed brain.   Monday and Tuesday we try full days with no recess or p.e. then if all goes well he can be turned loose.

I think I will be rewording that to him though.....play is fine, running your head into anything is prohibited until I'm too senile to know.

Well It's Not a Broken Bone

I just always thought it would be a broken arm or leg.  The way the boys go at everything 110%, that's what I thought.  It's not.  It's a concussion.  Lucas fell and hit his head while out helping with harvest.   The doctor said he will be okay but for the next 2 days, no activity, no school and then on Friday we are to try a 1/2 day of school if he is headache and dizzy free.

When we took him into the doctor I really thought his nose was broken but no that seems to be okay but a lovely shade of purple and green.  He failed the exam when the doc had to shut off the lights because of his photosensitivity and then he couldn't walk a straight line.  Those results led to more tests and then her turning to us and saying he has a concussion.  

He thought he'd get medicine and go about his usual day...when she started explaining restrictions his brain interpreted her to say he can never play sports or go to school or play video games or watch tv.....ever.  The last two sent him over the edge.  It took a whole lot of fast talking to curb the panic attack he had.

He's resting today with sunglasses on in the house even though I've made it as dim as possible.   Explaining a concussion to him is not easy, I'm quite sure he thinks his brain is going to ooze out.  It probably feels like it.  

As the doctor is winding up the visit, she paused to read the front of his shirt which until that moment I did not realize he'd worn.  Take a look at the saying......yep that's us.....observant all the way.



Boys Are Hard On A Mom's Ego

Tough skin is a necessity some days.  I need to start having at least a couple of cups of coffee before the 2 minute ride from our house to dropping the boys off at school.  It is amazing how many conversations/confessions can occur in a 2 minute span.

Most days the revelations are directed at their brother but a mom can learn a lot by listening.  Not so today.  Today Lucas looks at me and says, "What smells?"  Huh?  I'm sniffing and thinking about all the possibilities that two boys could bring into the answer.  Then he continues,  "Oh it's you."  Ouch!  What!  He very adamantly does not like my new perfume....and no I only put a little on and did not bathe in it.  Usually he's the son to tell me that I look nice or whatever...not today....today it was Mom you smell....then I had to drop them at school and drive to work wondering if the perfume,that I really like, is that bad.  My coworkers assure me it is just fine, so Filipino boy with the amazing smeller will just have to tough it out and I will have to drive to school with the windows down until I grow a thicker skin.

Into the West

Trying to explain America and it's history to someone who has no frame of reference is hard.  It's hard for us as parents, hard for the teachers and hard for the boys.

Starting out 3 years ago we started from ground zero.  We had to describe, explain and show rivers, creeks, states, cities, towns, countries, continents, oceans, islands.  We had to explain various ethnic and cultural groups (still working on that big time).  So much of what Mike and I grew up taking for granted or just absorbing as kids taught us about America and the world before we ever got to a formal education.

Lucas and Eli had to sort of start in the middle and learn from both directions.  Their peers knew about general geographic features, western and colonial history, American holidays, various wars and famous Americans.  I challenge you to stop and think.....what things did you know concerning American history before you entered school?  Did you watch westerns, did you know some basics about presidents, did you know about Indians, cowboys, slavery, the Civil War?

We worked for the last 3 years introducing pieces but it's hard to cram that much information into a coherent easily explainable (let me tell you I can't explain the reasoning behind a lot of history and the most popular question from Lucas and Eli is why?)

Over the past several weeks we started recording and watching an old tv mini series, "Into the West".  It covers so much history, in two hour increments it's amazing.  Some of it's a little tough to watch, some of it causes the boys to really question a lot of things and presses Mike and I to further the discussion.  I wish we'd found the series a little sooner.  It could have introduced them to so much that they've questioned. 

Their questions can make us squirm, you just can't explain certain policies, conflicts, prejudices and government policies.
I can say that in some respects their views of America have been changed.  A lot of information has been brought to light and opened up discussions with them that we may not have touched on for years.  We were struggling to explain prejudices to them, they've run into several situations that have caused us to really press their awareness of people's prejudices and possible actions.

They are visual learners for sure and if you are traveling a similar path here in the U.S. you may look into the movie.  You may want to watch ahead so you are prepared for possible questions and scenes.  Like I said it's made us think and made them just a little more American and a little wiser to choices of a nation.

When Mom Is Away....

the male members of the family (dad included) decide they will go to the neighbors and partake in he man activities as noted in the picture below.  I'm assured that all had great fun, no one was injured and they had a bar-b-que afterwards.  Can you guess what the boys want for Christmas....yep it is soooo not happening.

You Want Them To Learn But.....

There are times, usually at the most embarrassing of times, that you wish they hadn't learned to say or spell a particular word in English.  With knowledge comes power, words especially the knotty ones, can be amazingly hilarious to Lucas and Eli. 

Early on as they were learning English sometimes words that weren't knotty sounded that way because all the sounds weren't formed.  Now they have most sounds so they had to find a "new" way to "get away" with the knotty ones.  What better way than spelling them.  Still knotty, still get in trouble but for whatever 11 and 12 year old boys' minds believe they are absolutely the most hilarious things in the universe and totally worth getting in trouble.

Driving down the highway today Lucas turns to me and says (with a warning grin) "Mom, I'm thinking of a word (giggle, giggle) that starts with b and has two tt's and only one other letter, what is it."  I, being well aware and not senile enough to be bated said, "Lucas" he continued to giggle and said, "Come on mom!  The missing letter is u.  Do you know what the word is?"  Yes son I do.  Then screaming full voice he tells me, "BUTT!!!!"  Why is that funny to a kid?  He laughed at himself for 2 minutes at the end of which I said, "Wow!  Mrs. Killpack would be proud.  Do you think we should ask if she'd add it to your spelling list next week?"  Oh my did I hit the panic button, nothing right now is more important and apparently powerful for him, than not being embarrassed in front of his teacher.  Now I'm hoping he doesn't decide that would be a good idea and surprise the teacher with his new word.

Answering the Questions

If you look at the post time at the bottom you will see it's the middle of the night.  Yes insomnia...the kind your kid gives you.  It never fails to amaze me how Lucas can systematically blow you away with a remark or question out of the blue.  This passed week has held many instances.

Last night 20 minutes until bedtime we were winding up watching a tv show.  A commercial was on and it showed a highway in China.  He turned to me and said, "I used to live close to China."  He's fascinated by all things and people Chinese.  He has been for as long as we've known him.  He continued, " Do you want to go see China?"  I said yes that is somewhere that I'd like to visit.  Lucas,  "Why didn't we go see China when you came to get me in the Philippines it was right there?  Cause it was expensive?"  I said yes it would have been more money and really wasn't the time as we had to come directly back to the United States.  "why?" was the next question.

I said (not really thinking this out) that we had to come directly back because we needed to finalize the adoption and to do that we had to come home....hmmmm thinking, thinking and then he sat up straight and said,  "But we're adopted that's all done right?"  I said yes, no more paperwork.  Then he sat back and said,  "whew I don't ever have to leave."  Nope buddy you don't have to leave....that why it's 2:30  in the morning and mom is wondering what else you are thinking about.

Filipino Chicken Recipe

Having the usual problems with Blogger.  Sorry for those who were mid recipe and it disappeared.  I used coconut for our recipe and it was fantastic.  Hope you enjoy and that this post publishes right this time.

8 chicken thighs (about 2 pounds)
1 T. cooking oil and olive oil
1/3 c. water
1/4 cup white vinegar
1/4 cup soy sauce
2 bay leaves
1 t. bottled minced garlic or 2 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 t. pepper
2 T. sliced fresh red chili pepper or 1/4 c. toasted shredded
         coconut (optional)

1.  Remove skin from chicken. In a 10 inch skillet brown chicken thighs on all sides in hot oil. Drain off fat.
2.  Add water, vinegar, soy sauce, bay leaves, garlic and pepper to skillet; stir gently.  Bring to boiling; reduce heat. Cover and simmer for 30-35 minutes or until chicken is tender and no longer pink. Transfer chicken to a platter; keep warm.
3.  Bring liquid in skillet to boiling; boil, uncovered for 3-5 minutes or until reduced to about 1/2 cup. Skill off fat. Remove and discard bay leaves. Drizzle juices over chicken. Sprinkle with chili pepper or coconut if desired.  Makes 4 servings.

Not All Presidents Are On Money

and neither are they all dead.  Eli watching tv and unfortunately watching all the billion political ads suddenly sits up and says, "It's just so sad."  Of course I'm thinking, yes it's sad we are subjected to nasty politics and phone calls and billboards.....(you get the idea of where my brain went).  That is not where his brain was.

I asked him what he meant and his response was pretty eye opening as to what he's been working on in school and what ground still needs to be covered.  He said, "It is so sad that the president will die."  What?  Yep he thinks that President Obama is dieing and that's why there is an election.  That was a good 30 minutes of conversation that probably didn't do our governmental system justice and I'm also confident that I've confused the child beyond repair.  At least he now understands that presidents don't necessarily die at the end of their term or during elections.

Only The Sister Knows For Sure

Lucas and Eli went to a birthday party this past week-end.  They had a great time but as most "great" things and boys it involved full contact sports.  Lucas came home a little banged up and complaining that his wrist hurt.  I looked it over and did the ice pack and "you'll be ok" route of distraction.  He really was alright and had a full range of motion and no swelling....didn't stop him from playing video games (I'm just saying).

All the kids were home for supper on Sunday and he complained again.  I said, "Ok let me see it."  His reply?  "No.  Alison will look at it.  She knows.  She's the doctor."  Ummm no buddy she's a nurse and I think you will be fine.  I've just been relegated to band aids and aspirin.  Since Alison lives an hour away from us he may want to rethink this plan.

Who Said Girls Argue More?

Adjustment 978 to having boys in the house as opposed to girls.  Girls get a bad wrap for being the more vocal of our species.  Whoever made that generalization needs to meet the two young males in our household.  They are one continuous, loud, irrational argument in progress 24/7.

It doesn't matter what the subject.  They don't even have to be in the same room.  They just scream the argument from room to room.  Not fighting just taking two opposing sides to everything.  Most of the time they don't even think about what it is they really believe about the subject, it's just necessary to be on the opposite side as their brother.

They may try to argue with a sister, not as much as they used to (that didn't work out well for either of their male egos).  The thing that truly amazes me?  They never finish an argument.  Nothing is resolved.  The end does not matter.  It's simply that act or art, depending on your view point, of the argument itself.  I think the girls are amazed that there are now members of their family who can effectively talk more than them.  Their names?  Lucas and Eli

Chicken of the Philippines

Friday night I thought I would try out a new recipe I had found on line for Filipino Chicken.  I have tried over the past 3 years to cook Filipino recipes but have only hit on a few that the boys recognize.  We quickly learned that even though these particular foods were authentic to the Philippines the boys did not have the opportunity to enjoy them.  They simply had the barest of staples.

Except for chicken.  Chicken is the absolute best no matter what according to Lucas and Eli.  It's really hard to mess it up in their book.  This particular recipe called for soy sauce (another of their loves) bay leaves, vinegar and toasted coconut.  Fairly simple and all ingredients my Midwestern cooking skills could handle.  It was a success, at least once they tasted it.  Apparently it did not look quite the way they thought it should.  We had to refer back to the picture several times before they tried it (ok we've had a few experiments that went a little off but come on it smelled wonderful!).

Final verdict?  There are 2 pieces left only because I made them keep some for their sisters to try.  It had to be one of the quietest meals to date as they were shoveling it in their mouths.  Who knew?

Hey! I Know That!

We took Lucas to school for a band instrument demonstration.  Our school starts the students that are interested in band in fifth grade.  What else would any fifth grade boy want to play but the drums.  After convincing his dad that drums were a musical instrument, he got his practice kit.

The kit includes a drum pad and bells both.  They teach all the kids to read music not just rythym (much to Lucas' dismay during the presentation).  We took the kit home and he systematically took everything out of the case and much to his astonishment he pulled the bells from the bottom of the case.

He must have gotten distracted during the presentation because he had no idea they were in there.  If I'd only known to have the camera ready.  He saw those bells and his face absolutely lit up.  He said,  "Hey!  I know these!  I did this before!"  and then he proceeded to start playing us songs and telling us each of the note names as well as telling us that he used to play it for "those one people" from the orphanage.  He doesn't know the names of the songs but it was so cool to see and hear something that he remembers that he didn't even know he knew until he saw that bell set.  So there he was playing away in the livingroom while yelling at Eli to remember this song and that song.  So totally worth the evening of screeching horns and banging drums at the demonstration.  Today memories were a good thing.

Reading, I Love It!

When Eli came home from the Philippines he had never experienced a consistent level of schooling.  It was definitely not the place he enjoyed.  In the beginning we wondered if he'd even remain in the building.  Much to our relief and the schools he stayed and he is thriving.  This kid is far from the "below average" student that was in his paperwork.  

Recently he has discovered the world of reading.  Of course this would have come about after his teacher and I had a discussion about his reading goals, the reading program our school uses for all students and my overwhelming  lack of support for this program.  Basically, I told his teacher that my goal for him was to come out of elementary loving to read and comprehending it.  This did not happen with any of our 3 daughters, mainly I believe, because of this reading program.  The teacher was very accepting (educators have opinions that they can't always express) of my views and we came up with an alternate method.

Four days later and two books read, he has to have books pried out of his hands and is constantly walking around saying, "reading, I love it!"  He's not necessarily saying it to us or anyone in particular more to himself because I think he is just as awed as we are.   He can't get enough of it.  Now we hear about the Titanic, comic books, islands and so many other things that I would think his brain would be tired....mine is but it is such a terrific tired who cares the boy loves reading!

Oh Man!

Our days are busy.  They are packed with field trips, class projects, spelling tests, reading (a new love of Eli's....more on that later) and work.  We don't stop until it's time to go to bed.  Yes I have more grey hair than I did 3 years ago...who doesn't.  

But when I hear the following words come out of Eli's mouth before bedtime...I could have a head of grey hair and it will be ok.  Mike was out of town last night for a class.  He's not gone overnight very often.  

I had the boys in bed for the night with the lights out.  Sitting in the living room, I hear Eli say to himself, "Oh Man!  I miss Dad."  Oh. My. Heart.   I know it has been nearly 3 years since we brought the boys home but you can not imagine what it has taken to get to this point with both the boys.  All I can say is "Oh Man!  Am I glad they are here!"

We Almost Missed It

You know those lazy, rainy mornings where you just lie in bed and listen to it rain?  Or you lie in bed and go back to sleep?  I was so enjoying the morning - until I realized it wasn' t Saturday.  It was Thursday.  You know.... work, school, life.  Oops!

I jumped out of bed and hit the hallway at a run.  Eli stepped out of his bedroom door and grabbed me around the waist.  "Good Morning!  I think we forgot to get up."  Yep buddy we sure did.  He continued with, "I don't think we should do that again we almost missed the day!"  You'd think with 3 alarm clocks and 4 people that one of us could ensure we don't miss the day....there is just some mornings that encourage us to "miss the day."

Do You Know What Today Is?

That is the opening question from the boys when I got home from school.  I knew they were in a serious frame of mind by the looks on their faces.

I said, "Well yes I do, do you know about something that happened today?"  Eli said, "It was very sad.  They shouldn't have done that."  Lucas said, "We weren't here, I was a baby in the Philippines but "they" shouldn't have killed all those people."

They both went on to talk about the specifics of 9/11.  I was amazed how much they were able to absorb and process from the conversations at school.  I probably wouldn't have been able to give them the essentials and then let them form an opinion.  Needless to say, "they" shouldn't have done that and even though our children may not have been more than infants they can appreciate the bravery, sacrifice and sheer wrongness of such senseless brutality.

Do You Want To Learn It? Well You Should.

Thus is the conversation of Eli speaking to Lucas.  From the sound effects behind me, I know exactly what it is that Eli has deemed necessary for Lucas and his survival of the next few minutes.

Guess what it is?  Well here is some more comments...Lucas, "Wow who teached you that?"  Eli, "I just know." (Wrong I had just spent 30 minutes teaching him)  Eli, "You have to hold your tongue like this."  (Ok my family has a trait of sticking out our tongues when we are in extreme concentration - guess it's rubbed off).   Lucas,  "That sounds like a fart!"  Eli, "Dude!  Come on this is SWEET!"

Guess what it is yet?  Shuffling cards and learning to bridge them.  Pretty sure I've won cool mother points tonight!

No! That Is NOT a Pet

and it never will be as long as I'm the mom.  What is this wonderful, recently found, lovingly put into a carrier (ice cream container) "I had one in the Philippines" pet?    A field mouse.

YUCK!  Two days of Eli begging to keep his friend and many sneak attempts to get it into his bedroom, I think it has remained outside....it better have or he will need to figure out how to stuff his mattress into the dog house....not happening no matter how many Filippino mice he's had previously.

A Moment to Stop Your Heart

You know those moments, as a parent, when you see your child in a situation that is nerve wracking (piano contest - my least favorite event as the girls will tell you) or the moment you hear the noise of the lawn mower hitting something and stopping....you run around the house to find your youngest son on the ground beside the mower with his arm wedged under it?

I think my heart exploded.  Poor kid was just trying to clean something out from under the shut off, no blade spinning mower.  None of those things registered to my mom brain.  Kid on ground, under mower and me screaming my head off.  Way to go mom!  He was perfectly in control of the situation, he's been mowing for over a year, he knows safety precautions....again not registering with mom brain.  He was also uninjured until I hollered and then he raised up and cut his finger.  Is winter here yet?  I think snow shoveling is safer for both of us!

Little Drummer Boy

He's not so little any more but a drummer in the making for sure.  Lucas and his classmates are starting into band.  Probably 1/2 of who join will not make it through high school graduation as band members but for right now he is so proud to have this gift from a close friend.  Mike brought home new drum sticks last night and he gave us a little sample of things to come.  No lessons yet...just ear plugs.

Child Care Guilt

I'm still playing catch up on all those posts that I wanted to write during our hectic summer and start to school.
I remembered this one as I dropped the boys at our before/after school daycare program.

Once again I realize how spoiled we were when the girls were little as I was able to be a stay at home mom and was there to take them to school and be home when they were done for the day.  SPOILED!  For anyone out there who has the luxury please know you and your kids are fortunate.

We planned for the boys to attend the school child care program when Sydney went to college.  She has graciously and sometime reluctantly provided chauffeur and chaperon duty since the boys came home 3 years ago.  On August 15 that came to an end and we all experienced our first daycare situation from a non family member.  

How did it go?  The boys left me in the dust at the doorway, off to play with friends.  As I drove out of the parking lot I felt like I had just put them back into the orphanage.  Irrational, I know.  Not the same at all, I know.  Mom guilt big time!  Needless to say 2 1/2 weeks later, they are still thrilled to go everyday.  As for my guilt, lessened a lot but still that little bit of sadness as I head to work.  Eli's view of the whole thing?  "Mom!  I am fine, go to work, I will be here.  Goodbye!"

Boom, Boom, Boom!

No that's not the sound of the latest musical instrument added to the household (although Mike and Lucas did just leave the house to pick up a snare drum from the boys' honorary Godmother...thanks a bunch Lynn!).  The latest sonic anomaly to hit our house and the neighborhood is the dueling set of stereos the boys unearthed today.

Lucas inherited his from his sisters as they left for college.  This didn't worry me so much as his room is downstairs and fairly well soundproofed (ha!).  Eli who was feeling a little left out of the music world and has developed a new appreciation of all music as long as it's earsplitting, turned his mournful little face in my direction and that of my unused kitchen cd/radio and therefore acquired his stereo system.

Then they decided that it would be a good idea to start their own collection of cd's.  Guess what is more excruciating than the Lego aisle of Target.....the cd aisles of Target.  Couple that with their total lack of knowledge about who sings what and what is appropriate music in their parents view vs. their friends and you have 30 minutes that will never be put back into my day.

Arriving home both boys went to their respective rooms, put in the cds and proceeded to chase the dog out of the house, their dad into a coma and me wondering why I thought it was important for them to learn an appreciation of music.  One good point....they didn't argue with each other this afternoon and by evening they were both deaf to the point that they ignored one another.

We're Still Here

We are still here.  Thank you to all the readers, friends and family who've asked if we dropped off the face of the Earth.  We have not.  Just a summer of hectic activity that has left little time to blog.  Two daughters headed off to college, two boys adjusting to being the only kids at home and having the one sister who has been at home with them, move to college has caused a lot of anxiety for them.  We are back, we are in a routine (ha!) and hopefully posting will resume.  Thanks to all of you who have emailed and called to see what's up....friends near and far are a treasure.

Mom...How Much Did I Cost?

Surprises with Eli never stop coming.  Especially when driving with him by myself.  I have come to realize that on any solo journey with him I am most likely going to hit the brakes or nearly run off the road....I'm just saying, "People...if you see a black SUV hang back, it could be us."

We were so close to making it all the way home last night without one of his deep thought provoking, soul touching, make your heart hurt comments....we didn't make it.  Looking back it was probably 3-4 minutes of silence leading up to this, I should have keyed in. 

He pivoted his head toward me from the passenger seat and said, "Hey Mom."  We have been trying to break this habit of starting out everything with Hey....so I zeroed in and said, "There is no hey in front of my name."  Undeterred he replied, "Hey Mom, how much did I cost in the Philippines?  I mean how much did you have to buy me for?"

So for the next 5 miles I had to explain the cost to governments, the cost of paperwork, the cost of travel and no we did not buy him or Lucas.  No I cannot take the simple explanations to him....he is tenacious when he is serious.....let me clue you he was serious.  I'm not sure how this one popped into his mind.  I asked if he'd heard someone talking, he says no but from the quiet after my answers I'm guessing someone (adult or kid) said something.  I asked later if he had other questions about his adoption his answer, "Not now but I will."  Please oh please may they be somewhere other than a motor vehicle.

This What They Said About Raising Boys

This week has been a little rough for Lucas in the sport of baseball.  On Monday night he took a chest hit from a wild pitch, knocked the wind out of him but in usual fashion he kept going, iced it over night but he is absolutely convinced that his heart is "beeping" funny.


Then at last night's game he took a ball to the mouth, adding insult to injury, the ball was thrown in warm up between innings by a team mate.  This one put him down on the ground which let me tell you takes a lot to knock him down and more to keep him there.  Accident but bloody and scared us, the coaches and umpires.  A couple loose teeth that tightened back up over night, a split lip and a couple impressive holes in his lips from the teeth and a whole lot of swelling. His viewpoint after viewing the damage a couple hours later?  "Oh crap that hurt!"


I have to say that when we told people we were adopting boys into our daughters only household, I received so much teasing about whether or not I really thought I could handle the "world of boys".  Needless to say, those remarks are forever going through my head when some boy thing happens.  I hear my adult nephew talking about how his mom embarrassed him when he was injured in basketball by going out to check on him....that was going through my head last night as I'm looking at the coaches helping Lucas off the field.  I sat as Mike went to the dugout, then another mom headed over with more ice, then my sister (who was the offending mom to have dared go out on the court for her injured son) says that maybe I should check it out....I sat...for awhile....Mike gave me a couple updates and then I decided too bad he has a mom and he can just live with the embarrassment of having mom in his face...his bloody, swelling, misshapen face.  


Do you know what he mumbled at me when I said I wanted to look in his mouth? ......"No mom.  You don't want to look.  You don't like teeth!"  (I don't do wiggly teeth or pulling them...yuck!)  Well I put my big girl mommy pants on and said I could handle it.  We both survived the embarrassment and the grossness.  So for all those who thought I couldn't handle the "boy stuff"...ha I did and then I did what I wanted.  I probably will embarrass our boys but that's probably something they will just have to get used to, it comes with the territory.

Eli's 11th Birthday

Create a digital collage

"When I First Came Home"

This past holiday week-end was slow for us.  We didn't have the usual week-end ballgames, sleep overs or huge meals.  We simply relaxed.  With relaxation came a lot of conversations.  One in particular, with Lucas, really made me rethink how fast time is going by and how the ground we have covered still needs to be talked about.

Lucas and Eli were talking with us at supper about the Philippines and their friends.  These conversations have gradually tapered off and only pop up when a memory is triggered.  I suppose it's a little bit like how they've acquired English and lost a lot of their native dialect.  The specialist said as their brains become filled with more and more English and current memories they would, not necessarily take the place of, but push back and file those earlier experiences and knowledge in their "lower file drawer" and those files would be accessed less and less.  It's definitely true for Luke and Eli.

For some reason Lucas began talking about the first and second day they were home.  I can not believe how vivid that memory is for both of them.  Once they started talking I could remember the things they did but to hear about how they felt those first days when they knew 3 words of English and couldn't tell us what they needed or how they were feeling, how scared they were to go anywhere because they didn't understand if they would be back, they were scared to go in the car because they didn't know how long we were going to be away from home.  They even talked about how they thought our dog was a werewolf dog because she was so big.  Scared, scared, scared was the overwhelming theme. 

This isn't a surprise to us.  I'd have been terrified in their shoes.  At the time we all tried so hard to communicate and ease their fears but fell short.  To have them to be able to verbally express to us those feelings, even after 2 1/2 years really is amazing.  Because even though it took 2 1/2 years they did get to express those initial feelings and we did eventually get to have our questions of those first few days, weeks and months answered.  We wondered at the time if we would ever really know but now we do, now we tackle the rest of the "firsts".

Child. Remove Thy Foot

It finally happened this afternoon in the parking lot of our grocery store.  Eli realized he had said something and very accurately placed his foot in his mouth.  It's a milestone.  Most times Eli is in your face honest, blunt and rarely if ever means to insult or hurt anyone but with straight forwardness comes the very real possibility of coming off that way.

Today's statement that he actually caught himself and tried valiantly to remove his foot and back the conversation up?
I came out of the grocery store to find that Mike, Lucas and Eli had taken the Yukon for a much needed car wash.  I said, "Thanks guys for washing the Yukon, I appreciate it."

Eli from the backseat pipes up, "We didn't wash it.  The old man did."  Dead silence ensued as I was valiantly trying not to laugh as it would be inappropriate to refer to their dad as the old man....I lost the battle.  Eli, realizing what he said, sputtered,  "NO! NO! I not mean old man dad, I mean the REALLY old man at the car wash!"

Older Child Adoption and Mentors

This past week I had the opportunity to speak with a perspective adoptive parent as part of a mentoring program through our former agency and now hers.  We've done this several times over the past year or so and it always amazes me what memories these phone conversations bring, how they make us stop to realize all the changes since we were at this stage in adoption and how very different the boys are now from the two little guys we brought home from the Philippines.


Usually these conversations follow a certain path with questions and concerns and telling how our journey was and continues to be today.  Mentoring definately gives as much as you give.  This particular conversation brought back a lot of those initial doubts, questions and concerns that were thrown in our path.  Some our own but not necessarily. The doubts that were "offered" by family, friends, professionals, were the ones that are hard to reconcile.


As I was speaking with this mom, who happens to be an experienced adoptive parent, I was watching Lucas warm up on the baseball field.  It made me wish that all those doubters, all those "well-intentioned" people, all those in the boys early lives could see him at that moment, team member, confident (cocky) 12 year old, who is growing more comfortable with himself and his new world, enough so that he can grin on home plate before slugging it into center field.  I wish they could see Eli, the kid who was a "touch me not" when we met, meeting me at the door for a hug and talking on and on about his day.   How far they have come, how far we as parents have grown and stumbled and learned, how far our family has expanded....not even describable.


Yes, mentors should give realistic views on life with an older adoptive child.  Absolutely.  I also believe mentors have as much responsibility to give the positive as the problems encountered.  I remembered just wanting to talk to someone who could shed some positive into our early adoption journey.  You can read and hear a lot about the negative issues supposedly in an attempt to "make sure" you know what you are getting into....hey I'm all for being as prepared and realistic as possible, just pull back long enough to see the huge milestones, the little milestones and all the smiles that are encountered too.  Be a mentor, be a support, be realistic, be a parent who sees the huge and the little successes and then go give your own kids a huge hug, stop long enough to see the smile at home plate and enjoy this huge gift you've all been given.

Brotherly Wisdom Number 1429

Eli to Sydney, "Syd. Do you like coffee?"
Sydney, "Not really."
Eli, "you ever drink some coffee?"
Sydney, "I've tasted it."
Eli, "Hmm.  You drink to much of it that's why you are so short!"  Thus rolling on the floor hysterically laughing at his latest and greatest bit of "wisdom".  Sydney calls it "brotherly self humor".

Sydney is 5 foot and both Lucas and Eli's main goal right now is to pass their shortest sister and/or torture her about her height challenges.  Mike graciously explained to the boys that they weren't allowed to drink coffee and in true dad impatience with the billion questions of why not told them that it would stunt their growth.  Thus Eli's wisdom of the contributing factor in Sydney's case.

Work Like Never Before

That is Eli's estimation of how much work he and Lucas are helping to get ready for Sydney's graduation reception.  They have mowed, trimmed, weeded, planted, painted, picked up and generally had to lay low at times.....not all were done without complaint...but are done.


The motivation to keep them going....assurances that, "Yes you can eat a lot at the party."

After All This Time

When reading all those books on adoption and taking classes on adoption and talking to adoptive parents, one of the recurring subjects is that change of any kind can be very stressful for adopted kids.  

Our house is all about change, our lives are in perpetual motion and more changes are on the way.  Lucas and Eli are holding on by their fingernails and nothing we do seems to slow things down for them.

This year the boys are on separate baseball teams which equates to double the practices, double the games.  We are getting ready for Sydney's graduation in less than 2 weeks equates to painting, cleaning, out side spruce up and did I mention MORE cleaning?  Sydney is visiting the college she is attending in the fall, the family has visited which drove the idea home to everyone that Sydney is leaving the nest.

Change is not a welcome visitor with a lot of people but for Lucas and Eli it boils down to loss.  They are losing the normal that has taken root in the last 2 1/2 years.  They are losing the every day contact with the sister that has been here nearly every day since they came home.  They are losing the consistency of each other on their baseball teams. 

For us it's a little like watching a rubber band stretch and you wonder if it will hold or when it will break.  I also know that these stretches in their abilities to cope are how they continue to grow.  If I take a really good look at the squabbles, the out and out brother fights, the back talk and the general orneriness...they are doing better than 2 1/2 years ago...not even in the same ball park.  We just have to keep reminding ourselves and others that even though they have been home a few years there are still issues, new and old, that occur, there are things that will most likely always cause them to stumble and trip but they don't actually fall down or apart as often but it does happen, sometimes with fireworks and atomic explosions and the rest of us just need to deal....even after all this time,  They both make the effort each and every day to learn coping skills and a different way of handling their emotions and probably examine their motivations and feelings more than most of us...even after all this time they continue to educate us.

Urggh!

This post had absolutely nothing to do about the boys or adoption or anything other than a mini rant on my part about the changes that are occurring with BLOGGER.  I wonder if the "techie" people who think it's hilarious to mess with us out here on the other side of the computer have a clue as to what they are doing or are simply changing things to justify a job. 

I can handle change, really I can....stop laughing.  I handle change when change makes life easier, improves the overall picture of whatever but tech people "improving" need the guidance of a non-tech person to say, hey if it ain't  broke don't fix it.

BLOGGER has managed to update their site to the point of non use, it's difficult to navigate and for those blogging it's kind of utilitarian on this side of the blog.  Very institutional.  Not high tech, plain yuck.  I live with a tech person (sorry Mike) and he's not always right the first time either,  BLOGGER you need to go back to the drawing board and maybe come out from behind your "big idea people" and ask the people who use your product....don't fix it if it ain't broken.  There.  Done with my rant.  Thanks for the therapy and now I will go forward and relearn this site so that once I have, Blogger can change it again.

All God's Creatures

This past week-end has been a little rough on the boys. We are massively cleaning and painting in preparation for Sydney's high school graduation. Lots of changes plus it drives home the idea that Sydney will be leaving home for college and they don't do well with change. Rachel was already living at college when Lucas and Eli came home from the Philippines.

As you can probably guess their stress level is high, my stress level is high...never a thing that should occur at the same time....ever. We've experienced a high amount of time outs, pouting, fit throwing, crying and general all out warfare....no not from me but it was close.

This morning we ran down to see my mom for a little bit and on the way home the boys were still in a (shall we say) contemplative stage....you make up your own details. As we were driving out of town on our way home some crazed robins decided to fly out in front of us. From the back seat we hear Eli say, "Dad. You must not hit the birds, they are God's birds, he made them, do not hit them. Do not run over any of God's animals." This was said in a very serious tone which coming from Eli doesn't happen often. Then Mike received a 2 minute lecture on what was made by God and what Mike was not allowed to run over in case he was overcome by mayhem.

Oh but that did not end our Godly talk. We were then subjected to both Lucas and Eli's definitions, descriptions and categorization of.....heaven and hell. What type of people go there and when. Needless to say Mike and I probably weren't the most "adult" about the conversation. I don't understand where they get this stuff, is it boys or just these two?

Needless to say after safeguarding Gods' creatures from Mike's careless driving they are (for the moment) happily helping with the preparations. Hope there isn't a squirrel out in the yard that needs saving!

A Wonderful Lady Who Will Be Missed

I know that title sounds like someone has died. No. No one has died in the true sense but it sure feels like a death of sorts. Two and a half years ago we were on our way to finishing our home study and traveling to bring the boys home. At that time we were working with the local school and a wonderful English Language Learning consultant.

Mary, the consultant, holds a doctorate and probably more degrees than a thermometer but more importantly she has a passion for kids who are undertaking an overwhelming task of learning English. She not only cares for the kids but for the families. To sit across a table from her and listen to her speak about the brain of an ELL student, their learning hurdles, their native language and the steps a child will take on the journey to English is humbling to say the least. It is an experience that I could wish for any internationally adoptive family.

This devoted lady learned recently that at the end of this school year she will no longer have her current job, serving ELL students and their families. Our legislature here in Iowa, in their infinite (not) wisdom and total understanding (not at all) has decided that this is an area to cut the educational budget.

At a time when law makers are making derogatory noises about our education system and teachers, they choose to cut a dedicated, professional person from the herd. You may argue that these lawmakers did not personally single out Mary, I disagree. I think that the legislature cut the employment area that has the least likely chance for backlash. Struggling families who are concentrating on their child's needs or who themselves are trying to master the American culture and English language are not constituents that they are too worried about.

As a true educational professional, Mary has chosen to take the high road with grace. Before leaving she is speaking to, training and providing materials to as many of the local teachers, school offices and families as possible. Even though she is leaving us, she has left us with a wealth of knowledge and most importantly a piece of her heart. We wish you all the best in the future, Mary, thank you for helping our specialized families.

I Think He Missed Her

Our youngest daughter, Sydney, went to St. Louis last week-end for a choir/band school trip. She left at 4:00 a.m. Friday and returned Sunday around midnight.

Lucas and Sydney's bedrooms are downstairs and we figured that he may not like going to sleep downstairs by himself but he was convinced he could do it and who are we to contridict him...what do parents know?

Friday night he finally sacked out at 10:30, Saturday about 11:00 and Sunday because we promised Sydney would be home when he woke up he finally went to sleep at normal time.

Last night Sydney came up to us and asked, "Did Luke miss me?" I laughed and said, "You could say that." She said she wondered because he apparently checked on her location and what she was going to do next....all day....before school, after school, before supper, after supper, while she was studying. It was a little out of character as he's in the "I'm too cool for a big sister" phase for the last 2 months. I do believe he missed her....yep it won't last.