Blow My Whistle

You know when your child has a new toy or a new skill and they really, really want to show you how wonderful that toy or skill is?

In the middle of cooking for our New Year's Eve party and in the middle of the boys "supposedly" cleaning their room I hear, "Mom, come look at my whistle!" Okay I was a little distracted but it did cross my mind as there was no way on this earth that I had purchased or had they received a whistle.....come on I'm not that deaf or senile yet.

I walked into their bedroom and he says, "Look I can blow my whistle." He then proceeded to show me that he had learned to whistle. Thank goodness God provided little boys so many avenues to make noise with their bodies! :)

Potatoesssss

This was the "educational" (argument) debate between Lucas and Eli at supper time. I'd fixed fried potatoes with supper and after their second helping they started in on if there is one potato there is no "s", more than one potato has an "s" on the end. Eli in his unexpected and wholly inaccurate knowledge continued to explain to all of us that if there are 3 potato the word has 3 "s" and so on.

Lucas than takes up the volume by yelling, "huh uh!" Back and forth they went until Eli looks at me (why am I the chosen referee - Mike is sitting right there!) and says, "Mom, I right, yes?" Lucas yells, "Mom, he no know what he's talking about!"

Well there was a whole lot of correction that should have probably taken place in those exchanges but I cut my losses and told Eli that in this case Lucas was right.....his response....."Oh man! Come on!"

Separation Anxiety From Everyone

Sorry to all for dropping the ball on posting. I decided I was going to have to cut back in order to make all ends meet at Christmas time. I'll have to work on getting some holiday pictures posted soon.

I thought I'd post this quickly as I've just returned from retrieving Lucas from his first overnight at a friends' house. Ok, I know the kid is almost 11 but this is a big first for all of us. The first time he has spent a night away from Eli. The first time he went to a non relatives' home without any of us. The first time he was totally on his own to communicate with people who had not been around him much. The first time he had to mind his manners and remember the lessons he's learned. Guess what? The kid did amazing! His friends' mom was very impressed with his manners and how he knew that he wasn't allowed to watch certain videos. Yeah!

Unfortunately the rest of us didn't survive his foray into independence as well. I nearly had a panic attack after I dropped him off, I had to call Lynn and have her tell me it would be ok. Eli was even less thrilled when he finally got it through his head that Lucas would not be coming home at bedtime. He kept asking if I was sure. At 9:00 he asked if he could sleep with us....again a big step as he had never slept anywhere without Lucas. Alison called later in the evening and found out that Lucas was at his friends. She totally forgot to talk about what she called for because she was stressing also asking if I was sure. Our friend, Chris, called and she too did several checks to see if we'd heard anything.....she called this morning too. What can I say these boys have a whole lot of people stressing on their behalf and a few of us need to loosen the strings. Luckily, Lucas and Eli are very good at stretching into new territory.

I think we are all taking a nap this afternoon. Lucas informs me that he didn't sleep last night....he kind of looks like it, I didn't sleep well....Eli spins like a top in his sleep when he wasn't patting my arm to wake me up and check to see if I was OK!

Mike was talking this morning. He said, "Did you ever think a year ago that either one of the boys would reach this point where Lucas was brave enough to voluntarily handle new situations for an extended time and Eli would be able to handle his world on his own without Lucas?" Now if their family and friends can handle it....that is the question!

Growed Up!

Have you ever been in a store and saw a toy that you had as a child? Then bought the said item for your child because you thought you'd pass the fun you had down to your "precious" little one?

Retro toys are in and Mike discovered a blast from the past. He brought Lucas and Eli a packet of "Amazing Expanding Pets". Do you remember those little, clear capsules you put in hot water and watch them dissolve until the animal shaped sponge is revealed? What can I say, things like that were fascinating in the late 60's.

I'm not quite sure what Lucas and Eli thought was going to come out but I know for the 5 minutes it took for the sponges to "magically" appear, Eli kept running to the counter hollering, "Is it growed up?"......repeatedly......loudly.......oh yeah......repeatedly.

Clue #1: Don't buy your child a gift that requires patience, especially at Christmas time.
Clue #2: Don't give said child the gift at night time.
Clue #3: Don't forget to explain that they shouldn't pull the capsule apart in an effort to shorten the "amazingly" long time the "amazing" pet capsule takes to dissolve....it's not pretty.

Let Me Tell You...

When I started writing this blog, I asked the girls if it was okay to include them in posts. They were a little "gun shy" of what I might write (where is the trust?)

All three of our girls have been wonderful when it has come to accepting, encouraging, defending when needed and teasing their brothers over this past 14 months. We are extremely proud of the way they've each met the challenges and changes.

Sydney, as the only sister still living at home full time, has probably had the most changes to her daily life. She is the one who willingly drives them to and from school, she goes to their sporting events, she babysits with them for an hour each day after school, she lets them commandeer the tv, she listens as they talk non stop through supper and listens to the increased volume of our house.

It's quite a change from what she may have thought her life was going to be like the last 2 years before she heads for college. She can get aggravated with her brothers, never doubt that, but she also is one of the first to acknowledge and work to find answers for them when needed. She will defend them, teach them and play with them.

We are very aware and extremely proud of her willingness to help, that allows for me to continue working, the boys to have a consistent person to meet some of the daily tasks. I'm also sure there are times when she dreams of the quiet before boys, not tripping over remote control cars and not having to take turns for the bathroom.

So even though I don't write a lot about any of our three wonderful daughters, they are truly gracious young women who have expanded their lives and hearts to include two rambunctious, hilarious, at time irritating little brothers. They've expanded their lives and hearts and that is a gift that this set of parents will have forever.

Giving Back

These days, our evening conversations revolve around Christmas, Christmas programs, Christmas gifts, Santa, how Santa gets in the house, how he will find our tree because I put it in the family room instead of by the fireplace, etc.....

This past week-end Lucas was talking about Christmas in the Philippines and in Zamboanga at the orphanage. He explained what they would receive as gifts and from whom, what happened to those gifts and which children received what.

He sat still for a little while and then asked if he could send his bike to the orphanage because they only had one for the kids to share and from his description it didn't have a seat and one of the pedals was missing.

I explained that while we couldn't actually send his bike to the kids but that we could check to see if we could make a donation, he got the most concentrated face. I asked if he thought that it would be okay to do something like that. His answer was kind of sad. He thought maybe we should send them a little toy but then to buy "big" food because there wasn't always enough and even though you can't play with food that would be better to give because stomach aches aren't fun......well poo.

Singing for Whom?

Wednesday evening was the Christmas concert for the boys. Just before leaving for the concert, we asked if they knew their songs (this year they have the tune if not all the actual words.)

Lucas starts into his grades' songs - at full volume - thanks for the preview.
Eli simply states, "I am singing for the Tooth Fairy."

Hmmm.....do you know the song? Yep, All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth. He is now convinced that the Tooth Fairy and Santa work together. I just knew Santa had to have more help than elves!

What Language Do You Speak?

Last night was a guys and girls night out for supper courtesy of some lingering gift cards. Sydney and I went to meet Alison in Omaha for supper and some shopping. Mike braved discount night at a local chicken place with Lucas and Eli.

Apparently, Eli's talking streak continued throughout supper and on the way home in the car, apparently, Mike was having trouble keeping up with the subject and couldn't understand one of the words Eli kept saying over and over. Finally, Eli looked at him and says, "What language do you speak? I speak ENGLISH!" Ok, yes, it was a little on the lippy side but hilarious!

Divorce, Death and Adoption

Bet that title had some of you wondering. It's something that crossed my mind this morning on the way to work. It's amazing how much can fly through your brain in a quiet 15 minute commute.

I was thinking about all the changes that our family has gone through this last year. The boys arrived home during the holidays last year, Mike's grandmother passed away and a whole multitude of other life changing events have taken place.

I can remember a friend talking about the changes in her circle of friends and family after the death of her husband. Many of those close to her began to feel uncomfortable and drifted away. The same thing occurred in family situations where she noticed a feeling of isolation. Other friends have mentioned this after a divorce. People that have been friends as couples are no longer moving in the same circles and eventually lose touch.

This "phenomenon" is also seen by many when they adopt. I guess I was counting my blessings on the friends that we are lucky to have. Those core group of friendships remain in place and for the most part, those friends who were raising children when our girls were growing up are still hanging with us as the boys have come into our family. Mike and I are truly grateful to these wonderful people who haven't shied away from a change to the structure of our friendship and are sharing themselves with us. They are truly an awesome bunch of people.

Eli's Memories

Of the two boys, Lucas is usually the one who talks about the Philippines, the people, the orphanage and their friends there. Eli doesn't like to talk about any of it. We've not pushed. Usually he listens to Lucas and nods his head with a couple details coming out. We take our ques from them as to what questions we ask.

Mike and I are still trying to figure out the trigger for tonight's conversation at supper. Eli was making quick work of his chicken when he stopped, looked up and started talking about waiting for his mom and dad, he stopped pointed at us and said "that's you," then talked about being told we were coming and the plane rides from Zamboanga to Manila and then to HIS home, again he stopped to say, "this home, my home." He talked about his auntie's letting him buy candy for the airplane trip to Manila and then sleeping at the hotel and on the plane home with us. He even talked about what he had to eat in the restaurants the week we spent in Manila. He had me worried that he'd actually start naming the restaurants.

It was amazing the detail he came up with. He literally has not talked about a lot of those things for the past year but they were sitting inside until he was ready to let them resurface. I was really happy to finally start hearing those memories from him. For the most part they were things we had learned through Lucas but to hear Eli put a voice to them himself was huge.

I am totally flabbergasted by both Lucas and Eli, not only are they moving forward with learning all that their new lives bring along but they are also learning to look at, process and hopefully put to rest some of their earlier experiences and realize that there were good times in the past and it's okay to talk about them. Doesn't matter how many times we say it's ok to talk about things until they are ready it's not going to happen, whether it takes a year or a life time, I think we all will be learning for years to come.

Mom! I Need...

.....costume for God. Hmmm! Well since this is Lucas' statement at lunch on Sunday after church, I assumed it was Christmas service related and not a direct request from on high.

It took some questioning and finally Sydney was able to figure out that what he meant was he needs a shepard's robe. I think we probably need to check with the Sunday School teacher as his description to her was, "I watching sheep." I do believe he's headed for disappointment as the sheep in question are not actually present.

Dad Gave Me......

Imagine if you will Tweety Bird on helium....got the picture?.....got the sound?

That is what greeted me at the door on Friday after work. I arrived home to find Mike (home early) and in charge of snack time. Usually Sydney handles this and is very, very schooled in what snacks will do what to which brother and, shall we say, their activity level. Mike unfortunately doesn't possess, retain or understand the residual affects of sugar overload. No, he really does know but sometimes slackens the reigns.

Eli greeted me with, "Mom,mom,mom dad made popcorn, we put sugar on it. It's really, really, really good. Do you want some, you can have some, I have some, it's really, really, REALLY GOOD!" I slowly turn to my husband, who is obliviously doctoring up his own popcorn.....no it wasn't actual sugar but close enough, it was Kettle Corn flavoring....not much difference. Thank goodness it's basketball practice night for Eli. I just feel sorry for the kids on the team that had to keep up with "Tweety Bird" and his Kettle Corn enhanced speed.

It's a Matter of Perspective

Last year at this time and temperature we never worried too much about the boys keeping their winter clothes on here at home or at school. Winter weather was definitely not their favorite. Well a year later they've become acclimated and have decided they don't need their coats, gloves or hats.

Okay, they are not dumb. They know they will get cold. They know it won't feel good when they warm up. But as Lucas very precisely and seriously explained to me last night, "I cannot play basketball with gloves. I cannot make baskets. I NEED to make baskets. Where are gloves that I can play basketball?" Well considering the windchill this week has been barely above zero, silly mom that I am, put their heavier gloves out for them to wear to school.

Lucas went to the glove drawer and pulled out the $1.00/Walmart knit gloves and proclaimed that they were the much needed basketball gloves....oh they also needed to be black. Hmmmm.....whatever gets him through recess without frostbite. I'll give him another week and see which pair of gloves he's wearing.

What Can Santa Bring You?

I am always amazed by the hilarious conversations and statements that come out of Eli's mouth. Last night we were sitting, watching one of the billion Christmas specials and Mike asked the boys what they wanted Santa to bring them.

Number one I was totally shocked that Mike opened that flood gate at bedtime. I think he probably fell and hit his head or something.....

Lucas had to ponder as he is still under the belief that he can only ask for one thing and he has to chose wisely. Eli ( who is enthralled with our friends' 17 year old son who is an avid hunter) pipes up with...."I want a gun. I will shoot deer. ...... . I will shoot penguins!" Ummm, no we weren't watching the Penguins of Madagascar and it's been months since we went to the zoo, I have no clue where that came from....maybe he hit his head too?

That's Fantastic!

While I was cooking supper last night Mike was having the boys read their books to him in the living room. Let me tell you the amount of time it takes to read a book these days is definitely shortening.

Later during supper we were talking about the stories and how much both of their reading is improving. I said, "Do you remember last year when you didn't know how to read the words? You are becoming really good readers."

Well apparently my estimation of their greatness was not "good" enough. Eli pops up and informs me, "No Mom! It is a...m...a...z...i...n...g! We amazing readers!" I'd say the confidence level and enthusiasm for school are on the upswing.

Lucas' Disgust

I have fallen short, once again and not for the last time in Lucas' eyes. I threw away some "very important" papers! Or at least in his eyes they were VERY important. What were they and why were they important?

They were school work that should have been signed and returned to school per his teachers' directions. We scoured the house last night looking for them but I'm pretty confident they went into the trash during the holiday clean up. You should have seen the look of disgust he gave me. I'd have taken a picture but I'm also confident he'd have thrown a fit.

Even after promising to email the teacher...which I actually remembered to do.....it still took a while for him to come to terms with the fact that I can no longer be trusted with his all important school papers. It was a good lesson to learn, perhaps he should apply this knowledge, that when mom starting cleaning you'd best have your things picked up....can we say.... toys!

Soap Box Post - Beware

For those out there that have read this blog or talked with me, you know that I will probably discuss almost anything as long as Mike and I feel it to be constructive and a non issue for our family now or in the future.

Recently a few individuals have commented on whether we feel we are spoiling the boys. As I could address this topic to infinity and never affect those that feel an obligation to manage others' parenting I will say this:

1. We parent the way we feel is best for all 5 of our children and meet their individual needs. Those outside the family are not aware of those needs and are not in a position to sit in judgement. Nor do we need to explain each and every issue we deal with...good, bad or otherwise.

2. Boys and girls do have different needs. Guess what? We are around children ALL the time and our kids don't behave better or worse than any other child. If we must compare our kids with others they actually have less material possessions than their peers.

3. This is very specific to the boys....they did grow up for the 5+ years in an orphanage, they did not have personal possessions, they did not learn how to take care of such things (they did not have it to take care of). They are learning what owning and caring for things entails.
While we don't intend or purposely try to compensate by buying them loads of things it probably does seem like they have a lot or get a lot. But think of it this way, when you are 9 and 10 years old, living in a different home, family, culture, a different climate, a different country you need to have the tools/toys/clothes to adapt to that new life. As parents we will do and provide whatever our family needs in order for our kids to be happy and well adjusted.

For those out there that provide each of us with non-judgmental emotional support....thank you. We can never let you know how much it is needed and appreciated. For those that still need to learn to check their "good intentions and advice", please take a moment and review your own choices and whether you are living in an isolating, judgemental bubble that hinders you from enjoying people around you. We don't claim to have every answer to every question and issue, we do claim that our kids are loved and we will choose to love them, discipline them, provide for their necessities and spoil them as we choose.

From the beginning of our adoption we have tried to be very open with those who have a genuine interest either in the adoption process or in our adoption in particular. Yes, with such openess we "invite" those with negativity access, it doesn't mean we are going to let that negativity dictate to us. We choose to share quite a bit, sometimes more than is always comfortable, in an effort to educate and to ease Lucas' and Eli's transition here at home. No parent, biological or adoptive, has every answer. No child, biological or adoptive is perfect, without mistakes learning and growth don't occur. What we can offer to those with questions is support, encouragement and a listening heart. That's what I'm striving for and for those who choose to express their negative opinions....perhaps you are the spoiled individuals.

Underwear Food

This evening Mike and I took all the kids and Sydney's boyfriend to a restaurant for supper. As a side note I don't think we should be allowed in public for numerous reasons. Those exact reasons are yours to imagine.

The boys' ordered a pizza to share. That should have been a pretty safe food choice.....if you believe that you've not experienced dining with Eli. Food is never boring when he is around. I about choked on my steak when Eli announced to every table within 20 feet of us, "Look underwear!" I gave myself whiplash looking at him and there to my amazement and his credit he has created a perfect set of briefs from his pizza slice. It was definitely a proud moment for the entire family.....only surpassed as he shoved the "fruit of the loom" in his mouth.

Mom, Where Were You?

In the past I've written about the instances where one or the other of the boys will start a conversation mid thought and it's our job to catch up and figure out the topic. Tonight, I caught the conversation okay, I just didn't have an answer that did the question justice.

Lucas was sitting with me watching tv (Dancing With the Stars - meets his need to dance like Michael Jackson - what can I say MJ was a huge star in the Philippines). Lucas started in with the question, "Mom, last year you always watch this?" I told him yes. He then very seriously turned to me and asked, "Last year me in Philippines, where were you? You here and me in Philippines, why you not there with me?" Talk about the loaded question of the day....nope he won question of the week.

Neither of the boys have ever seemed real interested in the story behind their adoptions or how the whole process came about. They will ask pieces here and there, they will ask if what they remember is "really real" but to question what was happening here in our family and what they were experiencing at the same time in the Philippines is definitely a new deeper level of thinking.

It will be interesting to see if this is the basis for Lucas' latest "quiet" period. The last few weeks he's kind of been in a holding pattern in school, at home and socially. Usually it means he's trying to process everything that's going on or there is something he's pondering. I suppose if I were him I'd wonder why it took a long time for Eli and himself to have their family. I'm just glad that we are able to have such neat little boys for sons......even if we didn't get there quite as quickly as we'd all wish.

The Gift of Silence

Tonight Mike decided that he and the boys would go birthday shopping for me. I can say shopping....not high on any of the threesomes list.

With expected groaning and moaning from the 10 and under bracket, Mike informs me as they shuffle forth into shopping that my gift from him is this evening full of silence.

What am I doing? Cleaning for Thanksgiving, in blessed peace and it's actually staying clean for the next 2 hours! Whoopee!

All I Want For Christmas

I know, I know, Thanksgiving is still coming and already the talk of Christmas is here. Actually if you look in the stores and listen to tv we've been in the Christmas season for two months.

Today Alison did us the supreme pleasure of asking the boys what they would like for Christmas. Good for her, she's planning and budgeting....bad for us because now it's on the boys' radar.

So after a day of listing the complete inventory of Toys R Us, Eli came over to me right before bedtime and said, "Mom, I know what I have for Christmas." I thought he'd used the wrong word in the sentence. I thought he meant what he wanted. Nope. I recieved my extra special birthday/early Christmas gift. When asked what he had, he said, "I got my mom." Hoping all of you out there have an extra special holiday season and have your own extra special moments. This one pretty much made mine a great one!

Eli at Eighty

Yes, Eli continues to amuse and bemuse us. Friday was the day that I (in my apparent declining mental state) took both boys, Rachel and Sydney to the doctors where we had the Divine (translate that to excruciating) experience of flu shots, flu mists, 3 injections and a pre-op physical for Rachel. All parties involved survived with only one child (Eli) needing to be hog tied to receive his portion of this experience.

Needless to say upon arriving back at the vehicle I threw 2 headphones at the boys, slapped in a dvd and the girls and I rode in much needed silence for the hour trip home. The only times that the golden silence was interrupted was when Eli, who really does sound like a deaf old man, would burst out with commentary on the movie....totally not realizing everyone can hear him.

When I noticed that I began hearing the dvd (without the use of headphones) that the boys had control of the volume, so I turned it back to a level that didn't cause auditory damage. Eli in a totally disgusted, old man voice....."I can not see, I can not hear, I can not LISTEN!" I'm pretty sure I won't be here when Eli is 80 years old but I have experienced his old man disgust.

Mom - You Brain Good?

Once again I've given Lucas reason (at least in his mind) to doubt my intellect. My birthday is coming up next week and for some unknown reason my age became a topic last night. Now Lucas has designated himself the keeper of every one's age. He's very good at it.

During the course of this conversation and the other 5 going on at the same time, I became momentarily confused as to which question I was answering. Eli asked how old I would be on my birthday. I said 49. Wow did that not go over well with Mike or Lucas.....don't know what Mike's hang up with his wife being 49 is but luckily I don't have to figure it out as Lucas was quick to inform me that I will be 48. Oops, it's lucky I didn't say 59 Mike could have had a stroke.

Then after Lucas straightened out my muddled thinking he turned and asked, "Mom. You brain good?" Now I suppose I will be subjected to daily brain inspections.

What Happens When a Dam is at Flood Stage

I've spoken with several people about the boys' "quiet times" in an effort to explain to those who notice that they seem to learn in sporadic rates. They will absorb everything, reading, math, English, social interactions. While they may not master it at least they are invested and excited to try new things.

We are learning through repeated phases that when they have absorbed as much as their brains and emotions will allow they become quiet. Their speech will regress several months and they are very quiet at home. It usually lasts a week or a little more and then they climb back on the cross country track to learning.

For me, one of the hardest things to explain and have people understand, is that on the outside surface the boys can appear very much as the average 9 and 10 year old American boys. This is happening more and more especially as their English expands and their accents are decreasing. The surface of their growth is very deceiving to what lies beneath and the struggles they may be having.

The best example is to imagine a dam with water behind it. At certain times of the year the water level and pressure is fairly consistent and manageable. As spring melt and heavy rain occurs those water levels and pressure build. The dam can withstand the additional load but at a certain point that pressure must be relieved or the damage to the dam's structure is compromised.

Lucas and Eli are very much like a dam with the pressure of learning and knowledge building up and then the flood gates have to release that pressure, then their brains go under maintenance/repair and then their brains are ready for new information to build.

Their flood stages are occurring less frequently and maintenance/repair are becoming quicker but those flood gates do get a work out.

A Year In the Making

Customize your own slideshow design

Mom Needs a Boss

and Lucas has decided he's it.....it's not working well for him. We go through these "misguided bossing phases" periodically.

He generally limits his bossing to Eli, except Eli has now found that he doesn't have to listen to Lord Lucas and talks back - needed to happen and I'm glad he started standing up for himself but I'm surprised it hasn't come to blows.

When I can objectively step back and realize Lucas' bossing is coming from frustration at least I can see a pattern. He does this when he's overloaded and feels out of control. Too many things entering his brain so we notice his speech slowing down and words coming harder then I am treated to the "bossy" side of our eldest son. Did I mention it doesn't work out well for him.

This morning, Mike and I were talking in the kitchen, I said something and then changed my mind. Lucas needed to "guide" me by saying that I had said something different. How did I ever survive? Then he said I would be late for work that I needed to hurry up.....why go to work apparently my boss came to me.

Explain Joyful

Constant explanation for words is a constant these days and this past year. I, at times, wonder if I'll ever be able to speak a complete sentence without stopping and explaining at least one word. I especially have these moments when at school and I'm talking with a student. I'll say something and then immediately launch into an explanation or another way of saying something. I'm sure quite a few kids wonder what's "wrong" with Mrs. Pickle that she says everything 3 ways.

Tonight for some reason Eli said, "What is joyful?"....I don't know maybe starting to practice Christmas songs with this word at church? Anyway, I took a breath to explain and before I could Lucas said, "It means bigger than happy, best ever feeling." Well...ok Mr. Webster....I was glad to hear him with an explanation but have to admit I was at a loss because I didn't need to explain anything. Whoa to moms when their kids start to take those steps away.

I Don't Remember Visayan and That's Not My Grandma

We knew it was happening but it's a little sad to realize that the boys are now to the point that they remember only two words in Visayan which is the dialect they spoke in the Philippines.

Lucas was in the middle of a conversation and suddenly said, "I don't remember Visayan. I know English." He sat there a second and continued on. Later I asked him if that worried him (he is a worrier) and he said no because no one knows it here, not even Eli. Kind of sad. We had hoped maybe (and naively) that because they had each other to speak Visayan with that perhaps they'd retain some. Eli hasn't had much since spring. The more English they acquire the less they have of their native language.

A lot of people would say what's the big deal with that? It just seems like it's one more piece of their past that is gone, one more piece of their heritage that is changed. We, as adults, knew this would most likely be the case but you can still hope.

What surprises me the most is that Lucas doesn't seem to be concerned. It used to freak him out when he couldn't come up with the Visayan or Tagalog word for something. This time it was different in that he was "okay" with knowing he doesn't remember. I don't know if he just is more comfortable with his knowledge of English, that he knows he can communicate or if it's become comfortable enough here that he feels it's ok to let go.

His other revelation that night was to say that he now knows that his foster mom in Manila was not his "real" grandma (lola) because his real grandmas are Grandma Ruth and Grandma Dona Mae they are HIS family. This was a gigantic step because family relationships have probably been one of the toughest things to explain to the boys. Progress is not without sacrifices.

Some Things A Mom Doesn't Want to Know...

Particularly when Dad takes the boys to the corn field to ride in the combine with their new idol, Gene, and during what I'm assuming was some sort of "guy talk/farming break" Lucas decides to high tail it through the corn field in pursuit of a "cat".

Ummm, we are in Iowa, rural Iowa, it was dark and Lucas has yet to figure out the difference between cats. They are all cats in his eyes. It doesn't matter if they are domestic, feral, raccoons, bobcat or my personal favorite, the skunk.

Lucas assures me it was orange and after some sort of stand off the "cat" ran off and he went back to the "grown-ups".

Did I forget to mention that this kid is customarily scared of the dark? At least from the inside of a well lit house but drop him into a dark cornfield at night and he's Mr. Brave. All I know is if he meets up with the skunk he and his Dad will be sleeping in the dark.....outside.

Kids Book Brain Saturation

I had a good laugh as I headed off to work this morning. Eli was sitting at the table eating breakfast and I see him grab his book bag from the chair and as I head down the hallway I hear, "Daddy! I READ NOW! I READ THIS BOOK NOW! You listen." Yes the capital letters apply because he was very adamant and loud. I didn't need to wake Lucas and Sydney as Eli is the breakfast alarm clock.

It didn't matter that we'd read those books (repeatedly) over the week-end, he is so excited that he's reading on his own that we READ till we memorize every one of them. No wonder Mike and I feel like there isn't any more room left in our brains....they are full of kids books!

What a Week

It has definitely been a full week...try as I might I just couldn't get to posting. We started the week with finalizing the boys' adoption in court on Monday (that's a post by itself). Then Eli's fall basketball practices started - Lucas really wants to play but unfortunately there isn't a coach available for his age group. Then to top off a hectic week Sydney had two matinees, a dress rehearsal and two performances of the high school play. I'm sure I missed something in all that.

Needless to say on this Sunday morning we are all moving very slow. Good thing the time changed today. I finally got the boys convinced to go eat breakfast. They were both sitting beside me at the computer looking at pictures from our trip to pick them up in the Philippines.

It's really interesting to pull those pictures out every once in awhile. I look at them and see how much the boys have both changed, I see two very weary kids and I see their personalities that I didn't know at the time.

The boys' perception of the pictures, places and people in the pictures were a little different this time than the last time we looked at them. They recognized the places and the things we were doing in the pictures like they usually do but this time their frame of reference was from inside our family circle as opposed to times before when they referred to the two of them and us separately.

I thought it was interesting that this time through they were very interested in looking at the pictures of the trip home and from the airport in Omaha when we arrived home. They went through those pictures looking at the people and talking about what they remembered from that day. Lucas looked at a photo of him and my mom and said, "Grandma Dona Mae gave me candy! She know I like chocolate!" Guess it goes to show....my mom knew that if you treat your family (especially the grandkids) that impression lasts a long time and always brings a smile.

Free slideshow design customized with Smilebox

Eli's Word of the Day

Eli has added a new word to his vocabulary. This a.m. Mike walked by the boys' room and checked to see that they were up and moving. Not only were they awake but dressed and playing.

Mike told Eli he looked dapper. His response, "What this dapper?" Mike told him nice, looks good, handsome. You have to give 3 descriptions for a word - it's their unwritten rule. Eli pondered this new word. His judgment, "Dapper......good word.....I like it!" Of course he does, any word saying he's looking fine goes into the keeper pile.

Dad I Want a Jesus Beard

Eli announced this at suppertime. He does not simply want a beard like Mike's. He apparently wants a full beard that is very, very long and I believe he's determined it should be white. If he can't have the white he will take a beard like Jesus had.

Don't ponder too long on this whole grooming decision, you will just have a headache trying to fit yourself inside a 9 year old boys' mind. Last week he wanted to be bald.

Costumes and Overload

Last night Mike and I must have had some sort of simultaneous masochistic fit. We took the boys Halloween costume shopping, in Omaha on the Wednesday before Halloween - and to top it off we arrived right along with a hundred other misguided parents and there overwrought children.

I knew when Eli's eyes bugged out and rolled around in the sockets that the over stimulation was over the top. Normally this store would have been avoided like the plague but none of my costume ideas met with their approval so in we went to a Halloween nightmare.

Wall to wall people, volume on high and the final nail in the coffin.....I made them try on the costume.....they weren't cheap and there are no returns, I'm cheap....enough said.

The laughter occurred as we were checking out and the cashier asked if the boys were twins, before I could say anything, Lucas whipped around, totally affronted and said, "we not TWINS, we BROTHERS!" Well.....ok......we left and went directly to eat. Low blood sugar was not our shopping friend.

Late Night Brings Extra Hugs

Anyone who works in a school system probably knows that parent-teacher conference nights mean overtime and later nights arriving home dog tired. (Yes - school secretaries do work their fannies off!).

This week we have two back to back nights of this wonderful experience, so Mike and the kids are on their own for supper and the evening.

It was nice last night when I finally dragged myself through the door to be greeted by Eli and Lucas running down the hall (a little scary cause they were in full out tackle mode) screaming, "Mom, you came home, long day at work - you tired?" and then began the rundown of their day spanning 60 seconds, of tag-team, non-stop, high volume boy speak. Then I was led to the couch and with each one under an arm they asked how my day was....and guess what? they actually listened and asked questions. Nice way to end a day where all I did was have people talk at me.

Again, I'm reminded of the little guys who came home a year ago who really didn't like to be cuddled and were very self reliant/self oriented, they don't exist so much anymore, I wonder what a year from now will bring.

How Many Times Can You Reschedule?

Well if you are our local court system and you are finalizing adoptions you can reschedule how many times and whenever you want.

We found out Friday that our finalization that was to occur today is now scheduled for next Monday, November 1.

Hopefully the 3rd time is the charm. After explaining and re-explaining to the boys, I'm not saying anything until Monday a.m. just in case, they are still asking if they have to have injections from the judge. Nope but I will need a tranquilizer if this on again, off again keeps going.

Something Eli Won't Ever Eat!

I've written previously about our meal time conversations and the fact that since the testosterone level has increased so has the gross table conversations. The girls and I try to curb this as much as possible (Mike I think just enjoys it).

Don't ask how (I never can quite figure it out) or why this subject came up. For some reason Lucas began talking to Mike about a "new, wonderful mouse trap" (humane) he saw advertised on tv and how it worked.

Mike being the farm boy from way back, began to explain that the old fashioned, tried and true, squish and gore trap works just fine. I tried, I really did, to stop this descriptive conversation, the girls were turning green and the spaghetti wasn't looking so good anymore. So, using my mom voice, I said, "Eating!"

I looked over to see Eli, with a fork full of spaghetti half way to his mouth, bug his eyes out, drop his mouth open and with the absolute most appalled voice ever say, "WHAT! EAT MICE!" Then he dropped the fork and began examining the spaghetti sauce. Good thing there wasn't meat in it or I'm not sure what would have happened. It took some convincing but finally Rachel had him assured we only eat beef, pork and chicken. He then appalled us by saying, "we eat cat too, it's ok." Not in this lifetime...not with this cook.

Little Brothers May Be Handy....

especially when an older sister gets hurt at school. That was Sydney's realization after she was injured during a pep rally dance Friday afternoon. I don't mean to embarrass her further (let's face it she biffed it in front of the whole school) she took a spill when the group entered the rally. Luckily she was inside a bag and no one knew for sure, at the time, who it was. A few discerning ones probably wondered about her limping and hopping later on.

Needless to say she couldn't drive herself or the boys home, our wonderful neighbor, who happens to work at school, drove them home (I wonder when it would have occurred for them to call me?) She informs me, "Mom it didn't hurt at first, I couldn't feel my leg!"

When I came in from work, Lucas had taken pretty good care of her - which translates - he didn't leave her in the middle of the driveway. She even complemented him that he helped her get her leg propped up and iced. I haven't discovered what Eli was doing during this time probably checking her room out to see how his stuff would look in it. Have I mentioned they are sometimes a little mercenary?

Sydney appreciated the help but I'm pretty sure she will crawl down the stairs to protect her territory. She may be down but crutches can help influence the territorial boundaries!

Laryngitis Anyone?

On this coming Monday we will be going to court for our adoption finalization. I was digging through the boys' church clothes to see what would be appropriate....wouldn't you know it....the last growth spurt put the dress pants over their ankles and dress shirts half way to their elbows. We decided we'd buy them their first suits (before I hear everyone groan, "what little boy wants to wear a suit!") they love to dress up and look good...no, really!

I just couldn't get real enthused to drag them into a department store to try them on. So after a couple of attempts, the suits, shirts and ties are bought and pressed, ready to be put on Monday.

We've been talking about what this means, what a judge is, what court is, where it is, who will be there....again the billion questions and answers. I came home to this question today, "Mom! Judge give me injection?" Ummmm - I don't have a clue where that one came from. Lord only knows what they may ask the judge. Is it wrong to hope for dual laryngitis?

We'll be sure to post suit and hearing pictures after the big day.

Thank You For Teaching Me

This is what Lucas said to me tonight. What was I teaching him? Not his spelling and vocabulary words, not his science. We weren't working on English words or reading a book.
We were putting laundry away. I'd spent a lot of time cleaning out dresser drawers these past few days. I'd gotten the boys' clothes separated into their individual drawers (for what seems like the hundredth time). I showed them which drawers are theirs, where the shirts go, where the jeans go, etc.

Ok, ok I fully admit to being a little compulsive but in my defense they love to choose their clothes and when they can't find them it just leads to very loud routine and yes it does give me a headache by 8:30 at night.....so thus the OCD dressers.

As Lucas was leaving the bedroom after our little drawer etiquette lesson, he stopped and turned around and gave me a hug and said, "Thank you for teaching me." So I will continue my slightly obsessive orderliness and maybe someday a daughter in law will appreciate the effort too, I know I didn't have a headache after choosing clothes and my heart was a little lighter.

A Good Meter of Progress

This past several days I've been decluttering the boys' room. Throwing out broken toys, cleaning up after messes I'm quite sure I don't want to know their origins and generally getting ready for the winter months of inside confinement (yuck!)


One of the things I was cleaning out was their book shelves. I threw out colored up, torn up color books, old magazines they were done with, etc.


In the sorting I came to realize a lot of their books were given to or bought before the boys' came home last year. I started stacking the books that they've outgrown. They tell me that they are baby books or are too easy (which I made them prove to me). Some were basic books with pictures and words that helped them name everyday objects.


When all was done and sorted, I was amazed and pleased to see how many they've gone through. I was also amused at which of the "baby" books made it back onto their bookshelf. Anything containing tractors, super heroes or animals. Sometimes progress is hard to measure day to day but this "clean up" helped to show us how far we have indeed come.

The Boy Has To Learn

Eli just needs some wisdom. Not the academic kind (he's getting more excited to learn new things everyday) not the social kind (he seems to make friends easily) he needs wisdom to survive his sisters.....especially Rachel.

He's comfortable with Rachel, it's probably why he feels so free to say whatever comes into his head to her. Unfortunately he either needs a mute button or a discretionary pause meter. I'm am ever so grateful that she is extremely patient and loves kids (thus being an elementary ed major) because I'm pretty sure most other 19 year old girls would introduce Master Eli to the wrath that is a teenage girl.

This past week-end, at lunch, Eli is eating away (not much interrupts this process....which come to think of it probably gives him thinking time to come up with his sisterly sass) he looks over at Rachel, nods his head wisely (you judge if that was true) and says, "Rachel, where your boyfriend?" She said, "I don't have one." "Yes, you do, where he at?" He knew exactly what he was doing, the grin was a give away.....you see when the boys first came home she was dating someone, they parted ways at the beginning of the year. She probably didn't appreciate the reminder. He didn't take the hint. Finally she said, "I don't know Eli, where is your girlfriend?" He just grins, shoes her away with his hand and says, "school". Ummm now I'm concerned.

Lucas' View on Football Victory

We live in Iowa. A lot of our family are University of Iowa fans. Not just fly by night, when the going is good fans but die hard, sit in the rain, travel 8 hours for home game fans. Lucas and Eli were given Iowa shirts by my sister when they arrived home last year. Now while they are stilling learning what the game is all about, they know the mascot (by sight apparently) for the university.

I was cooking supper this week-end when Lucas ran into the kitchen to excitedly tell me, "The yellow bird won!" I, being the "non sports mom" took a little bit to understand that he was talking about Iowa Hawkeyes winning. At least he didn't think Big Bird played football.

Don't Call Your Sister a Moose

What can anyone say. Eli called his sister a moose. Not that he knows what a moose is but it was in a story that he has memorized from school.

His memorization skills are amazing....his discretion and discernment need some help.

He was reciting the story where an animal is confused and thinks all these other animals may be a moose. Each animal answers, I'm not a moose, I am a (fill in blank).

At the end of his story, he looks over at Rachel and says, "Rachel, you a weird looking moose!" He was oh so hilariously pleased with himself. I think he is very lucky that his sister has a sense of humor and likes him.

A New Found Marvel

It goes by the name of Hy-Vee. Lucas went clothes and grocery shopping with Mike and I today. Without his brother. Eli got to stay home with Rachel and Sydney (he helped them dye Sydneys' hair - she's lucky she has any left and he's probably lucky they didn't decide he should have red hair.)

After surviving Red Lobster, Sam's Club and Target we headed for the last of our needed groceries at Hy-Vee. I learned a very valuable $ lesson early on - the boys (and Mike) don't usually go to the grocery store with me. Too much over stimulation for the boys, too much temptation for Mike.

As we are walking into the store, Lucas is on his usual 10,000th question when he stops in the doorway and asks what we are buying here. I said groceries, food. His mouth dropped open and he asks, "We don't have any food at home?" The look alone gave me the clue that this concept of no food had really struck a nerve. I told him we do have food at home but we have to come to the grocery store to replace what we eat.

We had stopped taking the boys to the grocery store when it was a complete and total melt down from too many choices, too much noise and too many explanations. This time with being able to take Lucas one on one it went much better. But he honestly had no clue that since he's been home, where our food came from. It was just there, in someways probably like the orphanage. He never saw the purchasing side of groceries or where that food came from.

Several good things happened from the trip, he didn't complain all the way through the store, he helped carry groceries inside without complaint and wanted to be sure that we got them put away. Hy-Vee changed his view of the food chain.....can't imagine what he'd think if I had the energy to put in a garden.....he'd probably think I was making him eat dirt.

Definition for Scared

After a week of Lucas using the word scared in his conversations with me, I may finally understand what he is trying to say.

He's told me he's scared in the lunch line, scared at recess, scared at a restaurant, scared to talk fast in English. The first couple things involved school, so the paranoid mom in me thought we may have a bully issue. Then the scared at the restaurant threw me as it was not a new place to him. Then he was talking last night about English being scary.

I've tried to get more information on why he would be scared or afraid - I always got a look like, "what are you talking about?" He would usually tell me, "no, scared."

For whatever reason it finally came to me that he doesn't mean scared or scary, he means confused but didn't have that word in his vocabulary. When I asked if scary meant he doesn't understand what to do, he said, "Yes! Scared." I asked if he felt scared when he doesn't understand something and again I received the "my mom is ridiculous look" and he said, "me not afraid, me have to learn more! Obviously I'm the one who needs to brush up on all the possible meanings to English words and then place them into a 10 year old boys' thesaurus.

Tickle Fight

I just want it known that I REALLY don't like to be tickled. The boys don't like to be restricted in their movement, it can send them into a freak out fast. Needless to say we've respected this "no tickle guideline" for the past 11 months.

Unfortunately for me, hilarious for them last night they breached the rule. Sitting quietly on the couch after supper, I see Lucas on my left and Eli sidling up to my right and the next thing I know is I have two boys on top of me squealing like little girls and tickling me crazy. Oh did I mention I'm just the tiniest bit claustrophobic? Trying to hold me down is not a wise choice.

Yep pretty sure I impressed them in my ability to extract myself from the bottom of the pile and then impress upon them that Mom will tickle back and does have the ability to sit on both of them at one time. Yep....I did it.....nope I'm not feeling bad at all.

With Knowledge Comes......

a greater understanding of what the boys have been thinking about this past year. Their language development continues to progress in fits and starts but something we've noticed, particularly this past week, is that the words they are choosing in conversation are getting more complex.

There are questions that they have begun asking recently about a whole realm of things that have occurred in the past year. Why, how, who, relationships, fears, jokes, etc.

I have to say that this is probably one of the positive things that older child adoption carries with it especially since they had almost non-existent English a year ago. Now we are able to fill in the missing information for them as well as have our questions answered for what was going through their heads this past year. I'm sure this will eventually lead to filling in the questions of their life in the Philippines of which we have very few answers.

For everyone who has "survived" my constant use of a camera. We go back and look at those pictures, the boys remember each of the situations but ask questions outside the frame of the shot. They are filling in the missing pieces, much in the same way they fill in their missing English knowledge.

Sitting around in the evening after supper, showers and study time, I'm amazed at what or better yet how they are learning to pose questions and speak in English. Sometimes when we are modeling correct English, in what seems to be every other sentence, we frequently feel, "are we making any progress." And then we find ourselves in the middle of a fairly complex conversation with one or the other of the boys and it's the wake up moment that says, yes the work (theirs and ours) is taking hold.

Sometimes its hard to see the forest for the trees or in this case to hear the accomplishments they have achieved. The forest of their knowledge is growing and for anyone who may think they speak with a heavy accent or aren't able to understand the occasional word, I say look back to a year ago, when Lucas and Eli couldn't understand any of us at all and you could understand only 1 in 10 of their English words. Miracle Grow has nothing on Lucas and Eli.

Fire Proof

This past week was National Fire Prevention Week. The local volunteer fire departments came to the elementary schools and taught the kids about fire prevention and escape.

Tonight at supper we were "educated" in the proper procedures and techniques from Lucas and Eli. As I'm sitting there listening to everything they learned I'm amazed at how much of it they understood and could repeat back. From going under smoke; stop, drop, roll; feeling doors for heat; covering their mouth; to go out an outside door if it is clear; to wait for the firemen outside and not go back in the house; to how to break a window safely to get out. Now I have to admit that last one gave me some concern.

The topper to the discussion was Lucas looking at me (again as if I must surely be limited in my brain functions) and saying, "Mom, you know this? I show you. You not know." I most surely do not know how Mike and I have been able to survive without the boys' expertise in life issues :)