Being Wanted

How does a parent, biological or adoptive, explain to their child why they were wanted? Some of you may have encountered this question and probably have found a very good way of explaining. So far we continue to search out more and more ways to explain this to Lucas and Eli.

I've been wondering for several days what it is that Lucas is so heavily thinking about. Last night it was him saying that he's home, that gave me a clue. Sunday after lunch he came up to me and said, "Thanks mom." I thought it was for lunch. But then he continued on with, "I have a family. In the Philippines I did not have a family. I didn't have anyone to sit with when I ate. Now I have my family and we all sit together. I love my family. You came to Philippines to get me so I could come here and have a family, right?"

So with my hands full of dirty dishes and a messed up kitchen I was left trying to find yet another way to explain the logistics of his adoption. One of the things that stumps us quite often is not being able to use the word adoption in our explanations. We can use it but it means absolutely nothing to them. Adoption was something that was not explained to them before we met. It's not a concept that was ever introduced. Lucas and Eli knew they would be coming to live with a new family in America but had no true understanding that they would be members of that family or what a family actually was.

They have over the course of the last two years learned in baby steps what being in a family is like. In the same respect they are learning what they missed out on during their time in an orphanage. It's a double edged sword. A whole lot of whys and very few concrete answers that make sense to their eleven and ten year old minds.

I guess that what we are all learning is that the words really don't mean a whole lot. It is the consistent, day in day out, year after year living that will explain some of the questions. Other questions will have to evolve as we all increase our understanding of each other. In between times there will probably be more answers given over dirty dishes, messy rooms and meals and probably a whole lot more heavy thinking.