Well today was yet another snow/wind/ice (I'm not even sure) day off of school for the kids. Unfortunately I work for a neighboring school district who did not cancel.
I was really fortunate not to have to work outside the house when the girls were little so I never had to experience going to work and leaving the kids behind. It's not like I had to find a sitter, Sydney is a great built-in sitter. (one we are very conscious of not using unless necessary - listening to their ate' is not always high on the boys' lists of things to do - more like "let's see how irritated we can make her!") Mike was also working from home today. So no big deal right? Nope, I felt like dirt ALL day. Major case of guilt.
I remember one of my friends saying that she felt so guilty taking her recently adopted daughter to daycare. While I totally sympathized I can say I just didn't get it. You spend all this time waiting and then you have this brief time together and then wham - back into the rat race.
I have to say I felt guilty taking a 3 month leave at the time and now I'm so grateful that I did cause I probably wouldn't have lasted.
Mike brought the boys down later this afternoon to visit the office and get out of the house (probably to save his and Sydney's sanity too). The guilt didn't stop as they were getting ready to leave Lucas said, "you come home now Mom!" I explained I'd be home in an hour. Not good enough - "No you come now, no work, home." I have to say he has gotten very good at the application of said guilt. I need to be very aware of that but he has the ability to put on a face that would make the most die-hard workaholic chuck his job.
All survived the day, hopefully there is school tomorrow for all of us. I'm thinking that even with all the books we read before the boys came home that there is a really big hole in the information for after you bring your kids home.
I think all working moms feel enormous guilt from time to time (or all the time!). I took a nearly two year leave when I adopted Lily and a three year leave when I adopted Becky. Doesn't make it any better. Lily knows how to play the guilt card like a champion. A few weeks ago she was sobbing because I am "the only mommmy who has never volunteered in (her) class." Untrue, I'm sure, but still...In fact, two months ago my district was going to lay off 69 teachers mid year. It didn't happen, but last month Lily informed me that she wished I'd lost my job so I could stay home with her. Yikes...that was like a punch in the gut. Hang in there.
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