People Ask The Most Amazing Things

Mike and I are somewhat used to being asked amazing, thoughtful, outlandish and heartfelt questions about Lucas and Eli's adoption.  We've had a lot of practice in the past 4 years of answering, not answering, deciphering the motivation behind questions and being amazed at people's overall interest...good and bad.

For the most part Lucas and Eli don't generally experience questions from adults, there have been a few but not many and generally with one of us there to direct or deflect as necessary.  Their friends are another matter.  

Usually they come home from school and tell us questions they were asked and how they answered and then check to see if they answered the question accurately or will talk about things that the question may have started them thinking about.  We've not had that many chances to hear these questions from their friends.  Generally when friends come to play it's about playing not question and answer time.

Recently on the way to a movie we were able to glimpse a picture of the kinds of questions they are asked by friends.  It let us hear what other kids are thinking and wondering about the boys' lives....let's face it kids have their own thought process and when any of you figure it out please let the rest of us know.

This particular friend of Lucas is very bright, inquisitive and a sponge for knowledge.  He's just curious not malicious. Totally out of no where,  Mike and I hear him say from the back seat, "Lucas did you have a dad in the Philippines?"  "You lived in an orphanage right?  What's that gotta be like?"

We listened to how Lucas chose to answer, not answer and talk about the pieces he was comfortable with.  Later after we got home, he wanted to know if he answered "right".  I told him there isn't any right or wrong just what he wanted to share and what he wanted to keep private.  I asked him again if it was ok for me to continue sharing as much as I do.  His answer slays me, "Yep.  You do it, you talk a lot and I don't like to say that many words."

We all know that the early life experiences of Lucas and Eli and that of their friends have little to nothing in common.  It will be interesting to see at what point if ever their friends have their curiosity and questions met and we experience less questions of what was and more what is.  Time will tell.

The Big Words

Frustration.  I can't even begin to estimate the amount of frustration Lucas and Eli experience in the course of a day.  Eli takes his frustrations in stride most of the time.  He shrugs and says he will learn, whatever the subject is, later.  Lucas blurts his challenges at random and spontaneous times.

One night this week after baseball practice, he plopped on the couch beside me and with a huge sigh said, "How do you learn the words?  You know the big ones.  Did you go to kindergarten and they told you all the words and you remembered them?  I didn't go to kindergarten here so I didn't get those big words told to me.  Where do you get them?"

Wow.  I asked if there was a particular word he'd heard or was it a matter of not having a word for what he was trying to say.  Nope.  He said he just got to thinking and he decided that "we all" must have learned every word we know in kindergarten.

Eli, ever the supportive brother, chimed in, "Dude.  Just go with it, make it up, it all sounds funny when we say it any way."  After I stopped the inappropriate parental laughing, I explained that everyone has to learn little words and then over a long time we all learn bigger and more complex words.  

What did I receive in response to my improvised English lesson?   "Huh."  Guess Lucas is staying with the little words as they express what he thinks pretty clearly.

Disney Here We Come

We are planning a huge family vacation this summer, to Disney World.  It's quite a trip for us as getting our family all there in a timely fashion is an undertaking in logistics.  Mike and I are driving with Lucas and Eli.  Thought it would let them see the country between Iowa and Florida.  The girls and their friends are flying, of course not on the same flights as that would be too easy. 

We've wanted to take the boys for some time but also wanted to make sure that they were better equipped to handle the hectic schedule, chaos and crowds.  They are better prepared, we....will never be totally prepared.

The trip is supposed to consist of 4 days of Disney, a beach day and an air boat trip in the Everglades.  We tried to delay telling the boys about the trip because they are now wound beyond all reason.  The next 2+ months will not go fast enough for them, it has even eclipsed Eli's plans for his birthday.

We have also tried to explain how long the trip is..2 1/2 days...that we are all confined in a car for however long it takes.  They've had two other road trips, 18 hours to New Mexico and 7 hours to the Black Hills in South Dakota.  They also do not understand that we won't be close enough in Florida to visit our relatives in New Mexico.....no maps do not help thus the road trip to hopefully give them an idea of the size of the United States.

I'm sure I'll bore the blog world with more vacation trivia as we get closer to leaving...sorry about that.  I have just found it to be another aspect of the boys' learning curve.  Distance, space and time are very hard things to get them to understand unless they physically experience it.  Unfortunately they both get car sick so I'm thinking the physical aspect will be all too real.

Learning About Their Adoption Story From Friends

By the previous posts you've probably gathered that we've been talking a lot about adoption with the boys.  Periodically one or the other will come up with questions or go through phases when remembering is very important to them as they worry about forgetting their lives before adoption.

This past weekend our talks took an unprecedented turn.  Lucas came up to me and asked if our church helped to adopt us.  We've talked about this a lot.  They know that our church family as well as others were vital in bringing them home, from the very start without our community and church they would most definitely not be here in our family today.  So I once again waited and wondered where this conversation was headed.

Didn't have to wait long.  Luke said one of his friends told him that she knew about him before he ever knew any of us.  That she got to see pictures of him in church before he saw pictures of his new family and that she helped bring him home.

I asked if he thought she knew what she was talking about.  His wise response?  "Yep.  I know she did and the church people too but it's really weird that she knew me first cause I'm older and older people are supposed to know things first.  Right?  Cause your old and you know stuff I don't know.  So that's just the way it's supposed to be.  Old people know stuff."  

I asked what he thought old was.  "You know mom like 35."  Made this old mom feel slightly better but we did go on to talk about how even some of the small kids from church remember when we were all working hard to bring them home.  That even small kids have the ability and understanding to affect the world around them.

Alternate Views on Adoption Through The Eyes Of Lucas and Eli (Short Version)

Before we start let me (hopefully) stop any negative comments by saying the boys have a pretty good grasp of adoption, theirs in particular.  I will say they bring laughter and light to a lot of conversations that we, as adults, tend to over think and complicate.

Take the "adoption" of our dog Jack.  They began comparing their adoption story to Jack's adoption, more important to them was to find how many types of things they could find in common.  Ok, as a mom I was slightly appalled.  I tried to redirect the conversation as my "adult" mind thought to be acceptable.  

That was right up until Lucas said, "Mom.  There's nothing wrong with saying us and Jack are adopted...we are.  Except this time we got to be in the family when he was adopted cause we weren't when you and dad adopted the last time."  

Eli's perspective?  "Mom.  It's only fair we got to be part of adopting Jack...except this was a lot easier.  I didn't get so tired from flying home from the Philippines,  we just had to drive to town."

I told you it was adoption...the short version.

Wake Up Call

You know those Saturday mornings when a parent (delusional parent) dreams of sleeping in a little later, enjoying a relaxing cup of coffee and just having a lazy morning?   Yep, I still have those dreams....just not the reality.

Not complaining because in exchange for missing out on this particular dream, Mike and I are treated to dancing, singing and yelling in the kitchen from Eli.  His favorite morning song?  "I'M HUNGRY, I'M HUNGRY!"  I feed the dogs, now it's MY TURN!"  or variations of this theme.

One of the discussions Mike and I had when we were talking about adopting at our ages with the girls almost on their own, centered around what were we planning for the next 25 years.  As I sit in my kitchen this morning listening to "full volume Eli" I did not contemplate this particular activity.  Still glad we didn't miss out on it even though we occasionally reminisce about sleeping in.

You Explain It, I Can't

American humor is one of the hardest things to explain to Lucas and Eli.  First you have to get by the language frustrations, then you have the concrete thinking of English Language Learners and you have to discuss humor, teasing and where the boundaries are to no longer humorous but bordering on bullying.  Yep, it's not easy.

There are some days the one or both of the boys come home and have to ask about something someone said or did that they didn't understand.  It's hard sometimes trying to judge the context in which the original conversation or action took place.  Sometimes humor is humor but there are times when it's necessary to explain that just because the other kid was laughing doesn't mean it was funny.

Tonight Lucas came home from baseball practice saying that a team mate tried to take his new batting helmet.  They each had identical helmets....old mother experience...I put Lucas' name in his.  Apparently, the other boys' helmet was older and I'm not sure if he was teasing Lucas or if he was serious he argued that the new one was his.  Lucas is very, very protective of anything that is new and solely his but he is also the youngest on the team and conscious of not rocking the boat.  

Long story short, Lucas came home with his helmet but was really confused, "Mom?  Was he kidding me or not?"  I didn't have the answer.....again.  I don't want him to be taken advantage of but not leery of people.  Humor is not easy to explain....bad humor is worse.....teasing impossible.  Think I've found another missing chapter to the adoption books.....Explaining the Unexplainable.

Because I Said No

You know you have reached the low point in a conversation with your child when the only thing you have left to say is, "because I said no."   Lucas and Eli are both master bargainers and don't take no for an answer easily, not out of disrespect, it's the challenge.  I think I'll take them to flea market sales this summer....that would be an experience for sure.

Tonight the bargaining was over whether or not "the boys...include my husband in this" could have permission to sell the go cart....and buy a dirt bike.  The go cart was a huge concession for me.  It has roll bars, motor cut off, speed controlled (by the parent) and seat belts...I mentioned the roll bars right?  Dirt bikes possess none of these therefore my vote is NO DIRT BIKE at this point in time.  Much more skill, judgement and SKILL followed by more good judgement needed.

I told Lucas that he didn't know how to ride a dirt bike. He informed me that it's his Dad's fault (remember the good judgement requirement?  Not shown here as he threw the parent in his corner under the bus) as Mike won't let him drive his motorcycle...a full sized Kawasaki 1700 Nomad thus proving the child has no concept  of what he'd be dealing with even in a much smaller version.  This conversation continued until I hear the words, "because I said no" come out of my mouth.  Apparently not something he could bargain or argue with cause I got a humph and he went to tell Eli how they would have to "get along" with the go cart until mom stopped being scared.  Wonder when that exactly is scheduled to happen....probably the same time the good judgement arrives.

Mom's Sick With Lots Of Help

Mondays are tough, tougher when you feel cruddy.  I survived work, came home, my head met a pillow with a chaser of Tylenol.  It was a glorious time.....for approximately 10 minutes.  That's when my worry wart helpers arrived or at least realized mom was out of commission.....they hit the panic button.

Every 5 minutes either Eli or Lucas would appear in front of me, wake me up, ask if I was ok or needed something.  Now please understand that I really appreciate all the love and care and concern.....after the fact.  All I could think of at the time was that if they didn't leave for baseball practice soon, my head was going to explode.

A two hour rest after I achieved quiet and solitude helped somewhat.  Being under the weather definitely limits the boys arguing....again much appreciated.  Before going to bed Eli asked, "Are you better now? Cause you should be cause I need you to feel better.  Good night."  Guess I'm better.

Easter At Grandma's

My dad died in September 2001.  Alison was 16, Rachel 9 and Sydney was 7.  At the time I very vividly remember thinking (with me being the youngest in my family) that my kids would not get the opportunity or privilege to grow up knowing their grandparents in the same way that my nieces and nephews did.  

My dad was not the most politically correct, educated or sophisticated man.  He had an 8th grade education, raised 5 kids, farmed his entire life.  Born in 1915 he saw a lot in his life.  Good and bad.  I also know that grandkids meant the world to him..

He never got to meet Lucas and Eli.  We had never discussed adoption during his life.  I often think (usually when the boys are cracking jokes or speaking the blunt truth) that he would have had a blast with them.

One of the special things that Lucas and Eli missed out on was going to Grandma Plummer's house for holidays.  She has been in a nursing home since before they came home from the Philippines.  It doesn't phase them in the least.  They listen to the girls' stories of grandma's house and seem to file it away in the drawer with "things that happened before they arrived".

Mom is no longer able to come to our homes so we bring pieces of home and holidays to her as much as possible.  As I watched all our kids gather around her for this photo I couldn't help but think of dad.  It's moments like these that bring him close and even though he's not in the picture he's smiling as big as his grandkids.

She's Impressed "The Brothers"

I once again had a post forming in my mind of Easter preparations....they were interrupted by a life moment. Imagine that.

We finally had everything under control in the kitchen on Saturday, Eli was getting cleaned up to go to a birthday party, Lucas was on dog walking patrol and Rachel and Sydney were finally free to go about their day (having been chained to the kitchen for cooking duty :)

A person knows they have a performing arts college student in your home when everyone and I mean everyone (I apologize to the surrounding community) can hear her screams as if she has just sustained a compound fracture.

No there were no limbs severed, blood or fight involved.  It was Sydney spotting the smallest field mouse on the planet....thus the ear shattering screams.  Mike ran in from outside, by the time Rachel and I made it to the top of the stairs, Lucas and Eli had it all in hand....literally.

Then we hear, "don't worry Syd, we'll get it, jeesh!"  "see look Eli catched it"  "jeesh Syd, it's just a tiny mouse".  After Sydney's heart reentered her chest and the rest of us were able to hear better and Eli had washed his hands (by mom demand) he (on his way out the door to the party) says,  "Wow! Syd, that was a good scream, I've never heard ANYTHING like that before."

All I could think was my dad would have been so impressed by Eli's ability to catch a mouse with his bare hands cause I'm pretty sure he heard me scream like that a few times and would have appreciated a kid who could take care of the problem instead of screaming down the house.

Someone Thinks You're Special

On Thursday of this week Lucas and Eli's school held "grandparent's day".  Usually Mike's parents are able to attend but this year they are out of town so big sister Alison and her boyfriend Mark along with Aunt Gail did the honors.

Not everyone is able to bring grandparents so it's evolved into "special person's day".  Aunt Gail went with Lucas' class and Mark and Alison went with Eli's.  As usual it was hard to get much information out of either Luke or Eli until everyone was on the way to bed that night.  Then they had a lot of stories.

Alison on the other hand started talking the minute we all got home.  I was a little worried what she and Mark might encounter at school, if you've never been in an elementary school as anything but a student it could potentially have the makings of overload, miscommunication, total and complete honesty from the mouths of kids and general organized chaos.  Not an environment that most 27 year olds will volunteer for.

Alison learned many things from Eli's friends and even more from her littlest brother.  Below is a couple photos from the afternoon.  The special part is the letter that Eli wrote to her.  Hope you can read it.  When it's important to Eli he is a man of few words.   But how he wields those words can hit you right in the heart.

The letter reads:  Dear Sister,  Thank you for coming to Grandparent's Day.  The three best things I love about you are going shopping with you and going with me.  I love you sister, Love Eli
Sentiment doesn't come easily for Eli...you have to earn his trust and then wait.....for a long time which just makes it that much better when you receive such pronouncements.

I think the third thing he mentions is that she's dating Mark whom both Lucas and Eli worship for his height and basketball skills....and the fact he's pretty nice to their sister.

Lou Gehrig's Life As Told By Eli

Baseball season has begun....yeah...YEAH!  Lucas and Eli will once again have practices every night.  Our practice free time frame?   3 nights, one of which was Sunday with no practice to rush off to.  This year it looks like we have two designated pitchers, on two different teams.  We've had one injury so far (Luke bruised up his forearm....lesson learned, pitchers have to move).  

We watched a movie with a sports announcer as one of the characters.  Afterwards as we were picking up and putting everything away, Eli starts to tell us all his knowledge of the famous baseball player Lou Gehrig.  The kid was a total fountain of knowledge concerning everything about the man.  If he were giving an oral book report he'd have achieved an A+.  

I know it would have received such high marks because I had to go check some of the facts Eli was telling us.  Granted, most of what I know about the man came from an old black and white movie but Eli was correct even on the most obscure things.

Now we get to the part where I messed up as a mom....I know, again.  I wanted to know where he learned all these facts and try to figure out how we could apply whatever method was used to other areas of his education.....guess what answer I got?   A hand wave over his shoulder, a shrug and a grunt.  Don't think I'll be learning any more specifics about the matter.

Are You Sure?

Sometimes a mom can make a mistake.  Never will a child forget when mom makes the mistake.  Ever.  I truly believe that if children would direct this memory skill to educational materials they would all be brilliant.
Unfortunately this skill is solely held for the purpose of reminding parents that we are fallible.

Most of the time I like working in a different school district than the one our kids attend.  One of the major drawbacks to it is that the two district calendars don't always coincide.  This week I'm off a day earlier and they have a day off after I return to work.

On Monday we go over the schedule for the week, practices, early outs, doctors, etc.  This Monday I messed up and told Lucas and Eli they didn't have school on Thursday, on Tuesday I had to tell them I had it mixed up and yes they did have school...oops sorry!  They have not forgotten nor forgiven my mistake to the tune of telling me about it numerous times a morning, afternoon and night.

As I headed out the door this morning, Eli was still saying, "Mom.  You know we have to go to school Thursday, right?"  I said yes that's right.  His immediate response, "You're sure right, cause you know you messed up."  Thanks son.  You have a good day and turn your long memory into a positive thing.

Your Room Is Right There!

We have a new member to the family.  This one has 4 legs, a tail and long floppy ears and is seriously in adoration of Eli....his name is Jack.  He is a long haired dachshund and is five years old.  Did I mention that Eli is his main bud.....really mean it.

Jack is kennel trained although not his favorite place as Eli does not fit in there with him.  Eli thinks Jack is pretty special too...up to a point.   Jack loves Eli's bedroom also.  Eli is fussy about what and who comes into his room, it's his and he will tell you.  He tells Jack a lot.  Jack does not care.

As I was doing laundry and getting supper on the stove, I noticed Eli making several passes through the room with Jack trailing after him I knew some serious, one sided talking was going on.  Finally, after the fourth or fifth trip by me on the way to Jack's kennel I hear, "Jack!  Dude!  This is your room, that is my room, don't you speak English,  this is yours, that is mine.  Mom!  What language does Jack talk?"

So tonight after getting everyone in bed, you may wonder where  Jack ended up?  On the floor under Eli's bed with his nose sticking out with Eli's hand on top of Jack's head.  I had to wish it wasn't so dark in there it would have made a cute picture.  Oh well, I'll leave you with this one we took when we got home from the Humane Society....got to think the dog was happy with his new home.

What's Your Accent Sound Like

I have to admit that I don't hear the boys' accents anymore.  I think I stopped noticing it 3 months into their being home.  I realize it when I notice other people "listening" closely to them.

As we were all talking at the supper table (yes, simultaneously and loudly) I catch an unfamiliar voice.  I had to stop for a second to locate the voice.  It was Lucas speaking to Eli......in a British accent.....perfectly.  Weird to hear that voice coming out of his mouth.  After investigating we found out that he also copies Spanish, French and a little German.

Eli especially found it to be strange as he was arguing with him that he should stop because that is "not the voice he came with".  Guess I wasn't alone in thinking Lucas should sound like the Lucas we know.

Holt Omaha Gala and Auction 2013

This year the Holt Gala and Auction in Omaha will benefit special needs adoption and the Philippines.  As part of the Philippine program when the boys were adopted I can't say enough good things about the support we received from everyone on the staff and on the ground in the Philippines.

If you read back during that time when we working hard to get the boys home, we had our share of struggle, impatience, forces of nature and a battle with Delta airlines.  But hindsight is 20/20 and I know that there were many people working hard to bring the boys home and most importantly God cleared obstacles at a record pace throughout.

By request we sent in the first photo we saw of Lucas and Eli and the most recent one taken this week-end.  How time flies on this side of adoption and drags excruciatingly slow at the beginning.

When I'm Tired Of Explaining

Sometimes I get stuck on a post.  I try and try to write about something else and it isn't what's on my mind.  No matter how many other pieces I try to write I just erase it because it's not what is in my head.

A couple different times over this past week, Mike and I have been in situations where we needed to share/explain some or all of the boys' life stories to this point in order to help meet their needs in different areas.  

Some for educational reasons, some for those wanting adoption information to help with their decisions and some for updates.  It's part of life as we know it.  When we decided to be as open as we are with our journey and after discussing things with Lucas and Eli and having their seal of approval to share, that we do most of the time without a second thought and most times don't mind.

Then there are the times when I think if I have to explain this or that one more time I'm going to snap.  Neither Mike nor I, ever have a problem sharing when it comes to pro adoption conversations or supporting other parents walking a similar road as we do.

The conversations that sap my patience are those of people who ask and really have no intention of either listening or absorbing the information.  Realistically I know that not everyone has the same investment in my kids or adoption that we do.  Usually I'm pretty good at reading a person's intent for asking unless like this past week, I'm exhausted.  These are the week's that I really hope we don't run into too many situations where it's necessary to explain life as we know it.

I'm worried about someone approaching that will genuinely have an interest or reason for the questions they ask and I just don't have it in me to do their interest justice.

I've been asked several times what is the question that throws you most.  It would be that of explaining what does institutional behavior look like.  Until 4 years ago I didn't even know that such a thing existed let alone what it means or could potentially look like.  It has such a broad range that differs from child to child, situation to situation and can appear at the strangest times.

Someone looking at either of our sons at any given time will think they "see" one thing and we are all too aware that it could actually be something else that they are experiencing.  

Here's a question I absolutely detest:  "When do you think they will be over it?"  WHAT?  No seriously, people say this.  Unbelievable.  These are the questions I pray don't appear when I'm exhausted, it wouldn't be a teaching moment, it would be a tirade.

If you couldn't tell by reading to the end of this post on exhaustion and it's impatience...I'm tired, I'm frustrated and I need to stop the pity party and hop back on the bus for educating those around our sons to hopefully smooth the path for them and hopefully open the hearts of others to adoption.

If you should ever run into an adoptive parent who customarily, openly shares and answers questions, that for a brief period of time, snaps, shortens an answer or doesn't answer at all, please try to understand they may just need a little break before moving forward again. 

Adoptive parenting is one of the most joyful, hardest, confusing, interesting and sincerely blessed journeys a parent can make.  It is also exhausting and invigorating at the same time and at the end of the day it really doesn't matter how tired I am, what counts is the two sons that are sleeping in their rooms and that they no longer wake with nightmares, they do get into mischief "just like other boys" and no longer fear we won't love them if they aren't "perfect".  That's all that matters...now we move forward again.

Warm Weather Needs To Make An Appearance

We may only have a week of March left to go but our corner of Iowa feels like it's early December.  Negative wind chills and more snow predicted.  Urgghh!  Unless you are Lucas and Eli.....the more snow the better.

I need for it to warm up quickly.  Last night when I told the boys to lay out their clothes for school today, we had to go through several pairs of jeans and veto more than one shirt to find something.  Everything is either too small or has holes in the knees.

Both guys are experiencing another growth spurt and shorts would be a lot easier to manage (and less expensive).  We've also had to explain to slow down as their feet have out paced their  ability to control them.  Huh, there is another thing warm weather has going for it.....no shoes required.  Suppose I could talk Mike into moving to a warmer climate?

An Adoptive Parents Eyes Tell Their Story

I am an avid reader of adoption blogs, from adoptees, their families, from all countries.  It's a connection to a world that not many of our closest friends belong to.  I learn so much from these generous people on line.  The trials and triumphs, the love and the struggles.

I can look back over this blog and especially the pictures (I need to post pics more I know, thanks for the reminder Teri) and see the fear and absolute weariness on Lucas and Eli's faces at the start of our journey home and I can see the evolution to the outrageously loud and active boys today.  I see weariness in our eyes from a nerve wracking trip and months and months of hurdles.

Today I was reading a post from a family in China who are meeting their 3rd and 4th adopted kiddos.  And while their story is so wonderful and exciting to view from afar, the pictures tell a story that no words can do justice.

Their blog allows for readers to view the pics and stories from their 1st and 2nd adoptions.  For some reason today it wasn't the photos of the children that captured my attention it was those of mom and dad.  The first adoption shows excitement, fear, weariness, awe, uncertainty and love.  The second were more relaxed pics but still that unknown showed through.  With this journey to numbers 3 and 4 what I see is two parents who are experienced, less nervous, in love with their newest children and faces full of light.  It's the light that struck me most.

The light in their eyes tells me that they truly understand (as us newbies don't really get at the time) that these two precious treasures are about to discover such a world of love in their new family and that as their parents they are in for more joy than can be expressed.  Yes, they know there are rough roads ahead, yes they know they won't always have the answers and yes they know that it is all worth it.

When you first start down this road of unknowns it can be frightening and frustrating.  When you have your children in your arms for the first time it is so overwhelming I think, for us anyway, you are in shock and it takes everything you have to just make it back home.

I'm in awe of those parents who travel the adoption road multiple times.  That light shining out of their faces is the light that will lead the way to orphans becoming family members.  It's a light that God gave them to shine to the world and leads the way to bringing His children home.  Do you have that light inside you?  You might want to start the conversation.

Finger of Difference... Bullying

Bullying.  You've heard the word and know the concept, I'm sure.  It has become the "It" topic in today's society, especially schools.  I'm so disgusted when society latches onto a cause and drills it into every one's collective brains to the point that people become anesthetized to the issue and contributes to peoples' belief that the problem is so huge that no one single person can make a difference.

I'm struggling with this right now as I would really (and very inappropriately and illegally) like to ring the necks of some of my children's classmates.   You know that each child is different.  They each handle conflict differently, some deal with it head on and in the face of the perpetrators (Eli) and then others are more timid and every comment and action goes straight to the heart (Lucas).

This last year Lucas has a particularly nasty set of girls and a couple boys at school that have realized the vulnerability and latched onto making his life cruddy off and on.  This teasing and bullying and ridicule have not reared every day until recently not every week.  

Kids are mean.  They (including my own) have the ability to be nasty little creatures when the mood strikes.  Don't criticize the statement think back to when you were little....yep I bet you can name at least 3 kids who were horrible to you or maybe you realize you were that mean little kid.

Up until this last incident we've been, hopefully, giving him the tools to deal with bullying.  Now the bullying has turned in to racial remarks.  Bullying is bullying but when the tone turns racial that is a whole new ballgame and one we are a little at a loss on how to combat.  Yes teachers and school are aware and doing everything they can but really?

Lucas has lived a life that these little "monsters" could not even fathom nor survive.  They are fortunate to have led such a sheltered life that they have no concept of hardship and perseverance.   If they could experience 24 hours in the life that our kids walked, they would come out the other side a different and better person.  

When it comes to the racial side of this whole thing, I am amazed that some of the worst is coming from kids that are Asian themselves and adopted.  I suppose that if they point the finger of difference away from themselves and towards someone else that gets the heat off of them.

Living in a small community that overall has been extremely supportive these past 3 1/2 years, through our adoption process to bringing the boys home to their adjustment into their new lives, it is really hard for me to let this type of harassment rear it's ugly head.  Harassment and bullying are ugly anywhere.  The people whether they are adult or young, do not deserve to have the kind of power that overshadows the good people in life.

Where do we go from here?  We go to school.  We draw the line.  We become "unpopular"  We stand with our kids to meet the harassment where it originates.  We walk the road that leads to our kids futures, if not free of harassment, the road that has the guardrails and guide posts on how to deal with the less then enlightened people that cross the road.

Blog Interrupted

Sorry for the lack of posting, work interrupted all our lives these past two days with late conference nights at school.  I always find it amusing that the "guys" Mike, Lucas and Eli do remarkably well the first night when I work late, the second night I believe the scavengers possess them and it's a free for all.

The kitchen is all cleaned up after supper, everyone has been through the shower, homework done and clothes out for next day.  Great and appreciated.  

The second day the kitchen looks like the cupboards and refrigerator exploded, everyone is on a couch, computer or video game, the shower is bone dry and homework is out on the table but not done and forget about preparing for the next day, it's survival of the fittest and Mike looks like he's been run over by a truck. 
Amazingly hilarious.  

I have a goal that given a few more years (ten) they will be able to make it through both conference nights with flying colors.

Just For The Girls

Yesterday was a "glorious" day as designated by Eli.  Why was Saturday, March 9, 2013 so gloriously worth a special notice?  

It was the day the Eli's basketball team won a 2 day tournament.  First place for kids who have had a really long season but still love to play.  Soon enough we will be switching into baseball mode.

Saturday's victory was also tremendous because each player received their own trophy and the team won a large one that will go into the elementary school trophy case.  This is truly why Eli was so excited.

As we were walking to the parking lot after the games he shouted, "YES!  We got a trophy and it will be at school and ALL the girls will see it!"  Really?  Oh yes.  He stated it frequently on the ride home.  He would be talking over all the plays and shots and fouls and in the middle would come, "and all the girls will see the trophy!"

Think he's a little preoccupied with girls?  Teenage years are quickly approaching.  Urghhh!

I Wish

Nothing like an hour road trip for bored kids to make up games.  Loud and annoying games.  Games with out any explainable or reasonable rules, no official start and stop.  Just goofy antics.

Tonight's game was deemed "I Wish".  It consisted of an hour (let me reiterate) an HOUR of back and forth between the boys of telling their wishes.  While this was very enlightening as we learned a lot of things Luke and Eli wish for....it was an hour of one upmanship interrupted by arguing and noises.

But in case we didn't have our fill we have the opportunity for another hour road trip as Eli is involved in a basketball tournament.  I feel a little guilty as we are happy Lucas is feeling well enough to go along but wow! They didn't even have a chance to play the Ipod.  Guess it wasn't all bad.

He's Found His Voice

Finally about 3:30 Thursday afternoon Lucas woke up, sat up, said he was hungry and proceeded to eat and eat and eat.  There were 2 quart bottles of Gatorade consumed at which point I said enough.

Then he talked as if he hadn't talked in 4 days.....he hadn't.  He has a lot to say, have to admit I may have stopped listening after hour 2.

I think Eli was beginning to think he was going to have to find a new argument partner.  That dilemma is solved. 

After a couple of hours of sitting vertical, eating, fluids and talking.  Lucas is once again asleep and snoring.  At least this sleep looks restful unlike this past week.

Doctor wants him home another day...Lucas was quite appalled to realize that he's missed an entire week of school.  Thank you to all who have checked on him and us this past week. 

When The Brother Gets Concerned

This is Lucas' 4th day out of school, yesterday the doctor finally diagnosed him with influenza.  How very disgusted I am with our doctor's office right now is another story.  Since there is an outbreak of 3 different illnesses right now I'd think those would be the 3 they'd look closely at....even when we tell them that three of the kids sitting close to him at school have these illnesses......but what does a mom know, right?

The kid is absolutely wiped out.  He sleeps the majority of the time, his fever spikes at 103 and then drops to 101.  It's hard because neither he nor Eli complain when they don't feel good.  This above anything tells me how sick he is.

This morning I drove Eli into school.  He was overly quiet.  As we pulled into the parking lot at school he looks over and says, "Mom.  I don't like it when Lucas is sick and he is really sick this time.  Will he have to go stay somewhere else for a long time?"  Huh?

As we were sitting in the drop off line, I scrambled to figure it out.  He was talking about Lucas going to the hospital.  They both refer to it as "that place."  He had several hospital stays when he was in the Philippines.  I told Eli that no the doctor said he'd just need to stay home from school and we'd take care of him, he said, "I don't think so, he probably should go to that place so he feels better cause he's not doing so good.  I don't think that doctor knows much."  He slammed the car door and off he ran to the school building.

So begins another day of medication, temperature taking, fluid pushing and a whole lot of wishing that I'd been more forceful on Sunday and Tuesday so we could have started Tamiflu and maybe gotten him over the hump sooner.

Call Of Nature

We had another quiet night at home last night.  Thank goodness no sports practices as the March winds are blowing full force and I just didn't want to go back out.

After supper we had a family movie night and boys being boys what did they pick?  An old war movie.  Now when I say we have family movie night it really translates to we put a movie in the dvd player and then we play "parents answer a million questions about every topic that is not in any way related to anything in the movie."

Somewhere about 1/2 way through this movie Eli pops up in front of my face (literally) and says, "Mom.  Where do they go to the bathroom?"  (The soldiers were hiding in a cave).  I said outside.  Now this really should not have been a shocker as more than one time I've yelled from the back door that we do not go to the restroom outside even if we live in the country.

Apparently I was wrong.  Eli then screeched.....in my face, "WHAT?  GROSS!  They don't have any toilet paper!  What do they use?"  Whereupon the all knowing brother, Lucas, says, "Dude!  They use leaves!"  Eli's face.... priceless.  So I have no idea what happened during those lost 20 minutes of the movie because we had to go through why Mike will have to show the boys what poison ivy and nettles look like because I can pretty much guarantee there will be an experiment when it finally warms up in Iowa.

Learning a 13 Year Old Medical History

The lack of a good medical history on the boys is frustrating on a good day.  You know going into international adoption that it's great if you get anything in the way of medical history and then if you do luck out with some information, it might not always be accurate.

Eli appears to be the one who was healthy from the start and still is.  Outside of a bean in his ear at the age of 4, falls (multiple) from bunk beds requiring stitches and the usual boy things, he's good to go.  Lucas is the one we worry about.

He seems to have had every childhood illness that you can imagine.  Add to that he has had multiple bouts of pneumonia from the age of 4-8.  Thank goodness he's been relatively healthy since coming home (outside of the baseball he took to the face last summer).  This winter has been a tough one it seems like the flu bugs and the strep throats and yes even a case of mumps has been hitting our area hard.

We watched and waited, no fever, a cough and sore throat.  Wouldn't you know it, Sunday morning he spiked a fever and can't speak above a whisper and sounds like a barking seal.  Complaining that his chest hurts.  We don't have an Emergi Care Center close so Mike  packed him up and took him the hour trip into Omaha.  At the end of the day we were waiting to hear back from a strep test but doctor thinks its a virus.

He spent a miserable Monday on the couch, didn't even bother to beg for video games or tv.  The mom's one sure fire method of knowing the kid is seriously sick.

Reading and Road Trips

I suppose it's one of those mom moments.  Do you remember when your child crawled for the first time, first word, walked or the first day of school?  For some reason with each of our kids my "remembering moments" are different for each one.

I remember when our oldest daughter was in the car and for the first time read a business sign...it was McDonald's...but she did read it.

Yesterday I wrote about Eli's trip to the grocery store....the tale didn't stop there.  He read all the way home, EVERY road sign, EVERY billboard, EVERY business.

Don't get me wrong, he's reading, GREAT! But we live an hour from the grocery store...an hour of reading is GREAT!  An hour of sign reading is less so.

I'm so glad that he can read all these things that he hasn't practiced sounding out.  He's come so far.  But there are down sides to this (I remember this part from Alison too) once they can read all these wonderful ads and store signage, they want to go to all these new and wonderful places.  Which leads to, "Mom! Can I, can we, look at that!, there's one there, and so on."

I thought it was bad when Alison could spot a McDonald's sign a mile away but this may be worse.  Now it's Game Stop, Sport's Authority, Family Fun Center and the China Buffet.  He even has his route planned and tells me that we can go to all of them in just ONE day.  Wonder if we could plan it for a day when the signs all read CLOSED?

Stock Boy at the Grocery Store

I've learned my lesson.  I've learned it several times over.  I did not intend to spend my grocery shopping in the presence of the three males in the household.  My car broke down on the way to the store, Mike and the boys had to pick me up and as the store is some distance from our home we went to pick up groceries.  

This is where Mike and  I thought to divide and conquer.  Eli and I would pick up groceries while Mike and Lucas took care of the other errands.  Next time I volunteer for errand duty.

One on one time with Eli is an eye opening, hilarious and at times frustrating, not necessarily, things that work well during grocery shopping in a large city store.  I thought (goofy I know) that I'd keep him busy reading the shopping list and marking off items.

I have a few OCD issues myself so I recognize them in our youngest son and he fully embraces this part of his nature as well.  Two OCD people should not be allowed to shop together.  My list is typed, it's organized by aisle and when in the proper hands works wonders for getting through the store as quickly as possible.  This is where the problems began.

I organize it by aisle not in the EXACT order the items appear in that aisle, I'm not that good.  Eli,being in charge of the list, was insistent that all items be picked up in order and was totally out of sorts when I would find a sale item in a totally different spot or .....wait for it.....picked up something not on the list.

After the first 5 aisles of battling his mom on the correct order in which things must be chosen, he moved on to rearranging things in the cart to "fit" better.  This did not necessarily take into consideration if the item was breakable or squishable.  Once I found the eggs under the milk and laundry soap I "convinced" him to leave the cart alone.  We were not making it through the store quickly that's for sure.

The last 3 aisles were going really quickly until I had to back track to where Eli had stopped to "fix" the shelves.  He was lining up the cans and boxes to the front of shelving and turning the labels to the front.  His explanation?  "People are messy."

We made it to the check out and I count myself and the cashier lucky that he didn't try to tell her how to scan the items and place them in the sacks.  

The best thing about this shopping experience?  With Eli in charge of the list I did come home with every single item on the list.  I also brought home a head ache....free of charge.

Lock Down Equals PTSD Risk

Unfortunately in our world practicing for the unthinkable is necessary in a lot of places....especially schools.  As a school secretary I get to see the other side of these drills and know how vital they can be if there is a need to go into a lock down at school.

As a parent of two sons who have been on the front lines to some pretty horrendous actions of nasty people, thieves breaking into the orphanage, soldiers searching around and in the orphanage for "bad" people and many more incidents, I dread lock down drills at school.

Eli has moved past a lot of his triggers for Post Traumatic Stress.  Lucas still struggles with crowds, trigger words and these drills.  Thank goodness once again the school and teachers are aware and prepare him as much as possible.  We talk about the drills at home...a lot.  They can still bring on nightmares and "quiet" periods.  

We've thought about not having him present during these drills but they could save his life.  It's a hard balance for everyone.  Tonight we talked some more.  Lucas told me he still sees the "bad men" from the orphanage days but they don't make him feel like holding his breath so much.  I'll take that as a good sign that he's put some distance between then and now.

Where Do You Start and Stop

These past couple of week's we've been reading back through the blog to find dates, names, time frames and   everyday stories in order to complete school work and answer questions.  I am so glad we started this blog when we did.  I didn't think I'd keep it up and as I don't want to jinx myself who knows how long it goes on. Some days and or weeks there is a lot to say and others....not so much.  

As Lucas worked through his speech project, his teacher and us too, have used it as a tool to help him reconstruct the last 3 years and prior to coming home.  

What I'd like to say and hopefully encourage anyone out there that is starting to talk about, slugging their way through the paperwork, in the heartbreaking waiting parts or the traveling or already home part of adoption to seriously think about keeping a blog.

I was never good with the girls' baby books...sorry girls.  This I seem to be able to keep up with...usually.  I think it has also been a great tool for the boys.  They look through it and read parts of it and will come back to it or see a picture from 3 years ago and ask a question from that time that they may not have had the words or understanding to ask at the time.

This hodge podge,rambling blog has turned out to be a tool for them that I didn't realize it could be when we started it at the beginning of our journey.

I'd also like to say that, yes I know people are freaked out about sharing too much and yes there are crazy, nasty people out there but I also will share with you that I have met, spoken with, answered questions from and had the unexplainable privilege of meeting some amazing people around the world.  The connection adoption holds for so many is not something I realized when we started out to adopt our sons.  

If you open yourselves up, you will run the risk of dealing with the nasty people but I can also tell you that for me, the sound of joy in someones email or the phone call I get from someone I've never met letting me know that their "call" finally came to travel is so beyond compare, that the negative side is put into perspective.

It can also help me.  At those times when I want to pull my hair out and wonder if we really know what we are doing, I will go back reread something we may have struggled with and it lets me know that we managed to get over that hurdle, we'll get over the next too.

Think about a blog, think about sharing yourself with others, the good, the bad and the ugly and you just may find that what you receive in return is beyond your imagination.

Celebrating and Retaliating

When there are brothers and sisters involved anything goes....at least in this family.  There is teasing, arguing, teasing, rough housing, teasing....and A LOT of teasing.

Today is Rachel's 22nd birthday and we had a family/friend birthday party for her before she headed back to college yesterday.  We were missing Alison but as she was in Las Vegas with friends I'm sure she will forgive us for celebrating without her.  Her dog was present so I guess that was her rep.

I managed one semi good pic but as the "brothers" weren't cooperating real well the "sisters" thought they would manage them for the remaining photo ops.  The bottom was the last picture after that decision...not because the boys quit...I did, I wasn't up to the task.

Happy Birthday Rachel ~ Hope you enjoy a wonderful day!

Lecture Fall Out

Can you relate to a particular parental "moment" that went the wrong direction?  After 28 years of such moments they can still amaze me as to how off course and who the teaching opportunity affects.

Teaching manners is a big deal around here.  I can not handle chomping, chewing with a mouth open, gulping, interrupting or lack of respect for others.  I'm death on it.  In the course of this week-end there has been a lot of manners and the lack of them on display.

I had to laugh when I overheard a conversation in the kitchen over the last glass of lemonade.   It went something like this:  

• Do you want that glass of lemonade?
• I don't know do you?
• If you want it, go ahead.
• No, no you may have it.
• No.  It's ok.  I don't need it.  You have it.
• No. You may have it.
• I'm fine, I don't mind if you take it.
• No, no, I want you to have it.

This was not a conversation between Lucas and Eli but between Eli and Dad.  The extent and duration (I didn't put it all in here) was amazing.  The glass of lemonade, you may ask......still sitting in the middle of the counter for me to clean up.  Males.

Explanation Please

We have had a return to winter weather this past few days, lots of snow, wind and no school for anyone.  It's hard to tell who enjoys snow days off from school more, the kids or the adults who work at a school.  

It was not my intention to do much but enjoy the time off...yes I was strike.  But in the interest of self preservation and survival, I did periodically expect a little help with chores.  Play a little, do a chore usually works well.....until I discover the stock pile of dirty clothes that two certain sons have been creating behind their beds and on the closet floor.  So my laundry that I thought was done...was not...it is now and not by me.

What is it with kids?  It's not just the guys that do this I remember this as and issue with the girls.  Mom asks, "do you have your dirty clothes in the laundry room?"  Kid replies, "yes, yep, ya".  They do not!  The clothes hamper is 2 feet away but the floor is the chosen spot and once it hits the floor it becomes invisible and forgotten to them.

I wash it, they should get it to the laundry, right?  What are we doing on the 2nd snow day?  Vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, dusting, baking and......LAUNDRY!

Speech Contest and My Story

Hi.  My name is Lucas.  Mom is letting me write on this page for the first time.  Here is a rough draft of my speech for contest.  I hope you like it, it tells some things about me.

My name is Lucas and I was born and lived in the Philippines until I was adopted three years ago.

When I lived in the Philippines my name was Lowie Liguid.  I was raised in an orphanage in Zamboanga City on the island of Mindanao.

My birth language was Tagalog.  I also spoke a dialect called Visayan.  I did not know any English until three years ago.  I began learning English when I was told that my brother and I were going to be adopted.

My life in the orphanage was very hard.  The children who live there have to work hard around the orphanage.  When I turned seven I had many jobs such as kitchen chores, cleaning, helping feed the babies and laundry.  

There are many children who live in the orphanage and some were mean to me.  When I would walk to school sometimes other kids would pick on me.

The food we would eat in the orphanage is different from what we have here in America.  Sometimes I miss having the food I ate in the Philippines but I have more food now and it is good too.

When I learned that I was going to have a family in America I was excited and scared.   I am glad I know how to work hard because learning a new language and learning what it is like to live with a dad and mom and sisters is not easy for me.

I started school two weeks after I came to America.  It was very confusing.  The school is very different and has many different rules.  I was very lucky that the other kids helped me and the teachers too.  I was scared at my American school because in the Philippines if I did something wrong at school I would have to hold out my hand and the teacher would hit it with a stick.  I did not know if that was a rule in America, I was glad that it is not.

There were so many new things to learn when I came home.  I have had to learn English by listening to other people.  They taught me the names of things at home and at school.  Sometimes I think they might get tired of having to say things over and over to me so that I understand.

 I have had to learn to be a part of a family with people that I had never met.  It was scary in the Philippines because I only had my brother at the orphanage.

I also wanted to make friends here in America but I don’t always understand them.    My friends teach me so many things each day but I don’t think they know how much.  They teach me games, rules, how to be a friend but also how to speak and understand English.

I began preparing to learn English while still in the Philippines but the hard work really began with an 18 hour trip from Manila, to Tokyo, to Minneapolis and then to Omaha.  My teachers, parents and other friends have helped to teach me how to speak English but to also read and write this hard language.

I am not the only English language learner in our school.  In America 1 out of 10 students in a class room is an English language learner.   Learning to speak, understand, read and write English is so important to me.  It let’s me be a part of my new home and gives me the chance to grow up to be the best possible person I can be.

That is Lucas' rough draft.  He and his teacher are still working to whittle it down a little as it does run over the time allotted.  It's hard to cram 13 years into 5 minutes.  Overall the project I knew was coming and dreading has gone pretty well.  We will see how he handles a crowd listening to him, he doesn't like people to pay too close attention to his speaking as he's very aware that he doesn't sound or speak like others.  No matter how it turns out or even if he flat out refuses and his grade suffers it's ok.  He's learned a lot through the project and we are happy that he tackled it.

Speech Contest

Lucas' 5th grade classmates will be holding a speech contest in a few weeks.  The speech topic is, Someone Who Has Overcome Something in Their Life.  With the help of his teachers and some guidance from us, his topic is himself and his journey in learning English.

His classroom teacher has helped him form an outline and explained, rewritten and explained a lot.  He was very scared...still is to speak in front of people but once he understood that he would be talking about a subject he knows, himself, he has gotten more comfortable.

Last night, we sat down together and went over the outline, his assignment last night was the rough draft.

He could tell me what it was that he wanted to say and then we'd work at putting it into a complete sentence.  Sometimes his structure isn't always correct and he doesn't want to be embarrassed.

Out of his rough draft he has a rough 7 minute speech.  He says a lot about himself but I know there was a lot more he wanted to say.  He doesn't quite grasp the time limit concept.....he has stuff to say.  With his permission I will post his speech tomorrow for you all to read.  Perhaps it will be simplistic to some but to others you'll see a little bit of his journey through his eyes.

Death is Different

This has been a hard winter for our family and friends.  We have lost more than a few loved ones over this season.  It's hard to grasp the death of those we love even as an adult who understands the promise of meeting them again in heaven.  Loss is painful for those left behind.

We have always involved our children in the process of death, funerals and burials.  I firmly believe if you lessen the fear of the unknown and answer the questions when asked you can eventually ease a child or anyone through this difficult time.

We have taken Lucas and Eli to a few funerals and prayer services of those they have known. Their great grandmother, neighbors and close friend. Yes, they were slightly scared but with the help of a wonderful, small town, funeral director who did not shy away from the questions (we took them separately and the funeral director volunteered to be there to answer any thing they may ask, there was a lot and I learned stuff too).

The boys have absorbed, processed and asked a thousand questions.  It's good as long as I have the answers.  When I can't give absolutes than we talk over the unknown and usually they put their own brand on the answer.  Nothing too far off base, just a childs' point of view.

This week we were present to honor the life of a wonderful man who always took an interest in the boys and has been a presence in Mike and my lives for most of them.  I think the one question that came up this time vs. previous times was the comparison of ages of all the people that Lucas and Eli know.  They were putting everyone in chronological order as that is their perception of who dies first.

What struck me about this particular conversation and explanation was that I can vividly remember having this same conversation with my mom and sisters when I was their age.  I remember where, when and who was there.  I think it was the turning point where I first realized that life and death is not something that is a certainty....I remember how scary that was as a kid.

As we were working through all the questions this week Eli gave his insight on death.  He said, "Mom, dead is different.  It doesn't have rules that make sense.  I will have to think about this some more, I'll have to figure it out."  There are just some things that do not have a concrete enough answers for a child.  Parents will have to allow for the "figuring it out" phase.

Flying Solo

Last night Lucas was invited to spend an overnight at a friend's and go play laser tag with his family.  Eli was designated as the parental chaperon for Mike and I.  He was less than enthusiastic to be flying solo with the parents.  Let's just say, having both your parents' undivided attention is less than thrilling for any kid.

If you were to ask him about his night, he would probably have you convinced that he had no fun at all.  Forget the video games, the tv watching or other playing....he had no fun!  He doesn't do well (at least in his own mind) flying solo with the parents. 

I couldn't bring myself to shatter his bubble further by letting him know that when Lucas heads off to college he will be "stuck" with old folks for a year by himself before he goes to college.  Then I will need to explain that as the youngest in my family, I was at home, solo, with my parents for 7 years after my older sister left home....so while I may understand his "no fun" problem, I probably will point out his one year survival compared to seven doesn't compare.  Motherly understanding and compassion are sometimes at odds.

Wrestling Via Daddy Daycare

A mini break in the school schedule has meant that Mike took a couple of vacation days and conducted "Daddy Daycare" also known as "the guys of the house have run amok".  My house will take an all week-end cleaning to catch up but they have had fun.

I have many pieces of evidence to attest to that as demonstrated by the picture below.  This is one of the many Filipino wrestling moves that Lucas was practicing with his dad...in the livingroom, by the china cabinet.    I was not amused but they sure were.

How Is It Possible?

We (I really mean me) have been working on one particular habit that the boys' have, that is sure to drive me into the crazy house....chomping their food.  Let me just say that chomping food is a pet peeve of mine...by anyone.

At first I thought it was because they were hungry and wanted to eat as much as possible, as fast as possible.  Then I thought it could be developmental as they didn't learn to eat solids on target.  Then I thought I should probably get over it as it wasn't improving, then I rethought that and decided someone was in grave danger of bodily injury if we didn't master silent chewing (or at least quieter).

I just can't figure out how it is possible to chomp with their mouths closed.  At one point I thought they were dislocating their jaws to make that much noise.  Who knew applesauce made noise?  How about rice?  It ALL makes noise.  I haven't given up....much as they want me to but I am looking into noise canceling headphones.

Exhaustion By Valentines

This is a short school week for our kids.  Their school Valentine's party is on Tuesday so Sunday afternoon we worked on Valentine cards for their classmates.  When I say worked on please translate that to "boy speak" meaning they wrote their friends name, signed their name and added a piece of candy.  Not as fun as the past couple years where they humored me and put a little effort into it.  Those days are over.

Apparently, the stress and work load were too much for Lucas.  He spent roughly 45 minutes on the task and then went to sleep on the couch at 5:00 and didn't wake up until 7:15 this morning.  Yes.  I did check on him, no he didn't appear ill.  The only thing I can contribute this "coma" to was the Valentine cards.

Footnote:  I'm home today from work and I am waiting for that call from school saying, "Mrs. Pickle, Lucas appears to be sick."

The Story of Me

One of the things that an adoptive parent reads about in adoption books is about when your child comes to a certain point in school where assignments may be given such as family trees, family history or tracing the child's development from birth.  For many adoptive kids...it's not possible to fill in the same "brackets" due to lack of knowledge concerning their background.

Let me start by saying I'm so grateful that our first experience into this area is with a Lucas' teacher and our friend, Lynn.  Lynn has been with us every step of the journey, she advocated for the boys before we knew them. 

Lucas' class is participating in a speech contest.  Everyone does a 3-5 minute speech, subject this year is, "someone who has overcome obstacles."  After a lot of debate on the adult side of things, taking into consideration his language development and understanding of the process itself, he decided he would talk about his life as an orphan, adoptive son and a student learning a new culture and language.  Did I mention it's 3-5 minutes, I can't tell his story that fast.

So we are traveling down memory lane, reestablishing old knowledge and feelings, clarifying a lot from what his perception was to the facts.  The remarkable thing in talking with him is that he truly doesn't see what an overwhelming path he has traveled.  The bits and pieces of struggles, yes, but not the whole picture.  That not everyone has had to struggle as much and fought as hard as he has to be where he is now.  Things that you or I may view as difficult he just accepts as a normal part of his life.

I can't wait to see and hear the end product of this assignment.  We are all learning a lot, school doesn't always just educate the student but those that are touched by that student.

Our Newest Activist

Late last fall I wrote of an incident at a local Walmart where we had an "encounter" with a Walmart employee that had an issue with Lucas and Eli.  To bring you up to speed we initially thought it was because she saw 2 preteen boys, she quickly shed light that it wasn't just boys but racially different boys from her preferred customers.  It was ugly, we took care of it and received appropriate apologies.

It's one of those learning experiences that the boys ....and us really took to heart.  Yesterday after a trip into the city, where diversity is much more the norm, Lucas brought up the Walmart issue.  We rehashed it, talked about what to do, what not to do and safety.

At the end of the discussion, Eli decided to bestow his thoughts,  "Well I don't care.  It's not right! It's just not good and not right and it shouldn't be that way.  I don't treat them bad.  They are wrong! They should know that's wrong, I'll tell them."  I'm sure he will as the entire restaurant we were in now knows his stand on the subject.

Last Female Standing

Last night during the Super Bowl football game, as I sat in the upstairs living room, enjoying a mushy movie, by myself, I had the epiphany that I am the only female left in the house on a regular basis and the only sane person of either gender.

How did I come to this wonderful realization?  Let me tell you.  It was as I turned up the volume on my movie for the fifth time and realized it was over 1/2 way to the max.  No I'm not that deaf.  The volume of cheering, screaming, shouting and grunts coming from the family room which was taken over by the majority, male population of our house, was responsible for my shutting off my movie, grabbing a book and shutting myself in the bedroom.

I may be the only female left standing in our house right now but I'm also the only person not seriously depressed today because their team lost.